Wildfire
by AbsolutelyWilde
Summary: (Originally published as Teenage Dream) When Sebastian assaults Sam in a reckless rage, everyone assumes it was because of a lost victory...but what if there's more to it? Sebastian's life is slowly being turned upside down, causing him to re-evaluate everything he's ever known. Blaine takes it upon himself to help the young Warbler, but how do you help someone who has lost it all?
1. Chapter 1

_**Summary: (Originally published as 'Teenage Dream') When Sebastian assaults Sam in a reckless rage, everyone assumes it was because of a lost victory...but what if there's more to it? Sebastian's life is slowly being turned upside down, causing him to re-evaluate everything he's ever known. Blaine takes it upon himself to help the young Warbler, but how do you help someone who is literally losing everything?**_

 **A/N: Hey, guys! So this isn't technically a new story, it was originally published on the site under the name** _ **Teenage Dream**_ **. And even though my writing skills back then were rather cringe-worthy, the story meant too much to me to just forget about. So along with republishing this one, I will also re-write and publish the sequel!**

 **For first time readers, I do apologise if you find the plot/dialogue tacky, unrealistic or childish. I was only 14 when I first started writing this. But I beg you to bear with the story, as it does get better later on.**

 **With that being said, I really hope you guys enjoy and feel free to let me know what you thought!**

 _ **Chapter 1**_

 **Prologue**

Everyone was waiting anxiously for the news. They were all gathered in the auditorium, Blaine, Sam, Tina, Artie, Wade, Brittany, Sugar, Joe, Marley, Jake, Kitty and Ryder. Some were pacing, and others were tapping their feet, but they were all restless. And they had good reason to be, they were about to hear possibly the most important news of the year. The minute Finn walked into the room, everyone was on their feet and holding their breath. He stared each and every one of them in the eye before a grin spread across his face, "its official, New Directions will be allowed to compete at Regionals!"

He hadn't even completed his sentence before everyone started cheering; Jake put his arms around Marley and Ryder, Sugar jumped on Artie's lap, Brittany kissed Sam, Tina hugged Blaine, Marley took Wade's hand, and Kitty threw her arms around Joe. Blaine and Tina ran up to Finn, grabbed his arms, and brought him to the rest of the group. Then one by one they all hugged Finn and thanked him for getting them this far. The grin was plastered across his face the entire time...never in his life had he felt more proud.

 **Blaine's POV**

I couldn't remember ever being this nervous. My arms were shaking, and my heart was beating twice as fast as usual. I couldn't even eat that morning, I was too afraid that I might puke. Which was probably a real possibility.

Even though I knew why I was this nervous, I didn't quite understand it. I hadn't seen Kurt since Christmas, and now he was coming down to Lima for the long weekend (well, weekend for everyone but the New Directions, since today was the only day that Sue didn't have auditorium booked, meaning we had it for the whole day, and Finn wanted to take advantage of that). I knew the reason that he was coming down was to visit his dad, but he also wanted to see his brother, so Finn had offered to let Kurt come watch for the day. Kurt had agreed.

By the time I arrived at school, my stomach had tied itself into knots that would probably never come loose. _Maybe I should just call in sick or something?_ I considered. I honestly didn't feel like I could face Kurt, it hurt too much every time I looked at him. When I went to New York for Christmas, I couldn't allow myself to feel nervous or cowardly, because my friendship with the man I loved was at stake, but now that we had rekindled that friendship, it all just seemed too hard. I wish I were braver, I wish I could just walk in there and pretend I never did what I did, but it just wasn't in me; the guilt still ate away at me, and seeing him would only make it worse.

"Hey, Blaine! You coming or what?" Sam knocked on my window. I shook my head. He looked at me for a few seconds, then walked around the car and got into the passenger seat. "What's up?"

I tried to open my mouth to respond, but no words came out.

"Is it Kurt?" He asked.

I nodded.

"I thought you two were friends again." Sam frowned.

"We are, but-but it's hard." I swallowed.

"What's hard? Seeing him again?"

"Yeah. And being reminded that it was my fault we broke up, being reminded that I hurt the one person I loved most in the world." I felt the tears stinging my eyes, and this frustrated me since I was so sick of crying.

"Dude, we've been through this before, we all make mistakes. We all go through break-ups...and yeah, sometimes it's our fault, but that doesn't mean it wasn't supposed to end. If you believe that you two are meant for each other, then it'll work out that way." He shrugged.

"I used to believe that too...but now I'm not so sure."

"Blaine, snap out of it! We just found out that we get to go to Regionals! _Regionals_ , man! This is the last chance we're going to get, so join me, and make the best of it."

I looked at Sam for the first time since he'd climbed into my car. And that was enough to bring a smile to my face. He had no idea how smart he really was.

"You're right, let's do this."

"See, that's what I wanna see!" Sam grinned and jumped out of the car. I had to run to catch up with him.

"Where's Brittany?" I wondered out loud.

"She's already inside, something about finding Lord Tubbington's hidden stash." He frowned, which made me chuckle.

"There you are!" I heard Tina say from behind me, and turned around.

"Hey, Tina. Where you looking for us?"

"Yeah, I was looking for you. I was starting to think that you had ditched us." She said accusingly.

"He was considering it." Sam offered.

"I knew it!" Tina exclaimed.

"Okay, calm down. So maybe I wasn't too excited about coming today, but actually ditching didn't occur to me." Well it had, but they didn't need to know that. I could tell by the way she raised her eyebrow that she didn't believe me anyway. I grasped for a change of subject, "You were looking for me?"

"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, you know, with Kurt coming and all." She admitted.

"I am now." I nodded, smiling. I knew that doing this would be a lot easier with friends like these.

"Let's go!" Sam put his left arm around my shoulder, and his right around Tina's, then forced us to move forward. Even though I knew it shouldn't, his arm on my shoulder made me feel a lot better. Which is why it wasn't quite so hard to walk into the auditorium, arm-in-arm with my two best friends (not including Kurt).

"There you three are!" Finn sighed as soon as he saw us. But I didn't care, all I saw was Kurt standing right next to him. I gulped. This was harder than I thought. I stopped in my tracks. Luckily, we were far enough away from everyone else so that they wouldn't notice, but Sam definitely did.

"C'mon man." He said gently and forcefully at the same time. When I still didn't move, he started using his arm around me as leverage to get me to move. He half dragged me until we were within eye-shot of everyone, forcing me to start walking normally.

Finn was looking at us with a strange expression, but he didn't ask any questions, just told us to get on stage. We did as we were told, and as soon as we climbed the last step, Sam let go of me and Tina, and walked over to Brittany to take his place. Tina and I then took up our positions as well, and I was doing everything in my power to not look at my ex-boyfriend.

"Okay, from the top everyone." Finn said.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

 **Sam's POV**

After rehearsing the same song 7 times, Finn decided it was time for a break, and sent us to the Cafeteria to scavenge any food that was available. I was very grateful for this opportunity, mainly because I was starving, but also because I could feel the tension between Blaine and Kurt, and it kind of made things awkward for everyone...well, maybe not everyone, since I think I was the only one Blaine had told about him cheating. But still, it made things awkward for me and Blaine and Kurt. Either way, I was one of the first people to get out of the auditorium, beaten only by Blaine whose shoulders were still slumped.

"Cheer up, bro!" I punched his arm. He just gave me a meek smile, and mumbled something about being sorry. I gave up, and went to go talk to Brittany instead. When I saw that she too looked glum, I started suspecting that there was something in the water.

"Why so sad?" I asked, putting my arm around her.

"They arrested Lord Tubbington again. I'll have to sell my laptop to get the money to bail him out."

"He got arrested again?" I blinked.

"Yeah. I think I have to go, please tell Finn that I had family matters to attend to." She kissed my cheek, then left. I frowned, trying to figure out what had just happened, then gave up and headed back down the hall toward the Cafeteria, taking the time to sneak a glance into our old choir room.

It made me realise how fast things were changing; I mean, three months ago, Brittany and I were just friends, Mr. Schue was still in charge of the Glee club, and we were all waiting anxiously for Sectionals. Sometimes it scared me how fast time was moving. I was graduating this year, and that scared the hell out of me, not that I would ever admit it.

As I turned my back on the choir room door, I felt a pair of hands grab me from behind and throw me on the floor. I landed with a loud thud that completely knocked the air out of me. I gasped, and looked up to see who had attacked me...it was the Warbler, Sebastian.

"It was you. They told me it was you." He said with a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

"What the hell is the matter with you?! Get away from me!" I yelled, scrambling to my feet.

"Tell me! Was it you?" He persisted.

"What are you doing here?" I frowned, very confused.

"Answer the question." He said angrily.

"Was it me what? I don't understand what you're talking about."

"Was it you who told everyone about the steroids?" His eyes remained narrow.

"Uh, kinda. It was me who figured it out, and it was also me who went to Finn about it." I didn't want to tell him about Blaine, since it had been me who had brought Blaine into it in the first place.

As soon as I got the last word out, his fist collided with the side of my face, a force that sent me back to the floor. This time it was my head that broke the fall. My vision started to blur, and everything went darker. I felt like I was completely and utterly weightless.

Then consciousness returned to me, and all I felt was a massive headache. I opened my eyes to see that Sebastian had knelt down next to me, "Did that hurt? Huh? Did it?" He sounded like a maniac. I wondered if he really was this crazy, or if it was just the drugs affecting him.

"Get away from me." I said slowly.

"Or what?" Sebastian pressed.

I couldn't hold it any longer, I jumped up and tackled him, knocking him onto his back, this time it was his head that collided with the floor. He was bucking underneath me, but it wasn't doing much good; I had, after all, done wrestling at my old school.

"You better say you're sorry, or I swear I'll-" I didn't have time to finish my sentence before he interrupted me, "You'll what? There's nothing else you can do to me. There's nothing else you can take away from me. I've lost it all...because of _you_!" As he said the last word, he somehow gained the momentum to throw me over, gaining the fight advantage.

He moved quickly, and sat down on my chest, whilst driving his knees into my arms, pinning them to my sides. I knew it was coming before I felt the impact. This time his fist collided with my left eye, causing me to make a sound that was somewhere between a muffled scream and a groan. Then I felt another jolt of pain go through me, this one originating from my nose. I opened my eyes just as I saw the third one coming, at which point I moved to turn my head, causing him to make contact with my ear. My vision went black again for a few seconds.

By the time I regained my ability to see, I was getting very sick and tired of this maniac beating on me, so I gathered up all my energy and put it together as I turned my body, and threw him off me. He didn't have time to blink before I rolled him onto his chest, and grabbed his arms to pin them behind his back. Sebastian must have had a weak neck, since this was the second time that his head hit the floor with a swinging force. I heard a terrible noise that sounded way too much like a crack. I thought that I had knocked him out, so I didn't expect him to tilt his head backwards and head-butt me. My already injured nose was not too happy about that.

I growled, and lunged for him, my right fist automatically swinging backwards; I finally landed a punch. I would have liked it to have been in the face, but he tilted his body back, causing my fist to strike his ribs. He screamed through gritted teeth.

"What the hell?!" I turned, and saw Blaine standing in the doorway looking a mixture of confused and disgusted. When neither of us said anything, Blaine walked over to where we were both half-sitting, half-crouching on the floor, and held his hand out to me. I took it, but felt unsteady when I got on my feet; my head's collision with the tiled floor must have been pretty serious. Blaine noticed my unsteady-ness, and used his arm to steady me by putting it around my ribs. Blaine then turned his attention to Sebastian, and he did not look happy. "Get up. Now."

Sebastian glared at him, but got to his feet anyway. Blaine then got out his phone, and started typing frantically. I tried to read what he was writing, but my headache got worse when I tried to focus, so I just gave up.

A minute later, Jake and Ryder came running in. They both seemed as shocked and horrified as Blaine had, but they were doing a better job of disguising it.

"Where's Finn?" Blaine asked them.

"He and his brother already left." Ryder replied, not looking at all at Blaine, but switching between me and Sebastian.

"What? Why?"

"He just said he was cutting the rehearsing short. He didn't say why."

"Damn. Okay, we're on our own then, we need to get Sam to a hospital immediately." Blaine's face had gone white, and I wasn't sure why.

"Dude, no way. I'm not going to a freakin' hospital." I looked at him like he was crazy.

"Sam, not only is your face covered in blood, but the back of your head is bleeding as well. And the fact that you can barely stand tells me that you might have a serious concussion." Blaine argued.

"I don't care, I'm not going."

"Sam, you're being unreasonable and stubborn!"

"You don't get it, Blaine, I can't afford to go to a hospital! My parents don't have medical aid. There's nothing I can do." I pushed him away from me. My balance had come back to me.

"Use mine." I had almost forgotten that Sebastian was still here until he spoke.

"What?" I asked?

"Use my medical aid. It'll cover everything."

Everyone, including me, stared at him. Why would he beat me up, then offer to pay for me to go to the hospital?

"Look, it's my fault he needs the damn hospital, so would you just take him there already?" Sebastian snapped.

"We'll take him." Jake offered. Ryder nodded his agreement.

"No, I don't want his stupid medical aid." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Sam, listen to me, you need to go to the hospital. I trusted you once before when you stopped me from making a big mistake; now I'm asking you to please trust _me_." Blaine pleaded. I sighed. I knew he was right, he had after all given me a chance to prove to him that he belonged at McKinley, it was only fair that I return the favor.

"Fine." I mumbled. Blaine's face regained some of its colour.

Sebastian gave Jake a card and told him to give that to the hospital, and everything will be free. I had taken one step forward, when severe dizziness hit me, and I fell forward. Lucky for me, Blaine had been standing right next to, so he caught me before I hit the ground. I wanted to get back on my feet and thank him, but I couldn't open my mouth, and I couldn't move my legs.

I heard Blaine saying my name, and I was vaguely aware of Ryder and Jake crowding around me. I felt something underneath my back, meaning that they must have put me down on the floor. After a few seconds, I just saw black...


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

 **Blaine's POV**

"Sam, wake up. Sam! Sam!" It was no use, he just wasn't coming to.

"We have no choice, we need to get him to the hospital _now_!" Ryder urged.

"But didn't I hear somewhere that you're not supposed to move someone when they're unconscious?" Jake frowned.

"Isn't that just for spinal injuries?" Ryder replied.

"Yeah, I-I think so. Maybe we should call an ambulance?" My heart was racing, and I felt sick, I kept wondering if he was going to go into a coma.

"Yes, let's do that." Jake nodded.

"But what if they don't get here soon enough?" Ryder wanted to know.

"Dammit, this is all your fault!" I shouted at Sebastian. He didn't say anything, just stood there looking like he was going to throw up.

"We need to decide what we're going to do, and we need to do it fast!" I could hear the panic in Ryder's voice.

"I vote we take him to the hospital." I said.

"I agree with Blaine." Jake nodded.

"We can use my car. But what about him?" Ryder gestured to Sebastian.

"You two take Sam, I'll deal with him." Was my response.

"Jake, take his legs." Ryder ordered, and lifted Sam by his shoulders. After telling Sebastian to stay put, I followed the guys outside and opened Ryder's car's backseat door; gently, they pushed Sam onto it. He was still out cold, and I was still freaking out. My nerves were going crazy, and I was pretty sure I was white as a ghost. If I hadn't been so worried, I would probably have assaulted Sebastian myself. Even if I didn't know exactly what had happened, I knew that it hadn't been Sam's fault.

I have to admit that I had my doubts when I told him to stay in the choir room, but when I returned, Sebastian was still standing in the exact same spot he had been before I had left.

"Start talking. Now." I didn't even bother to disguise the venom in my voice. When he didn't say anything, I repeated myself, raising my voice slightly. Still, he remained quiet.

I walked over to him and looked him right in the eye, "I knew you were a lot of things, but pathetic wasn't one of them."

"What do you want from me?" His voice was barely more than a whisper.

"I want you to tell me what happened! I want you to say you're sorry!" I yelled. He didn't even blink.

"I'm sorry. Does that make it better? Because I'm willing to bet that it doesn't. What you really want from me is to turn back time and stop myself from ever doing this. That, I'm afraid, I cannot do."

"And what if you could? Would you?" I narrowed my eyes, waiting for his answer.

"Of course I would."

"Really? Because this kind of thing keeps happening around you, doesn't it? First my eye, then David, and now this!"

"Would you please stop screaming? It's not going to solve anything."

"No, I won't stop screaming! I'm worried, I'm scared, and you disgust me!"

"I already said I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? You just put Sam in the hospital for no reason whatsoever, and you're sorry?" I was fuming.

"I'm not a maniac, Blaine, I did what I did for a reason. Granted, not the best way to approach things, but I swear to you, it wasn't without cause."

"Oh, you think you have a valid reason for assaulting him? Well I would love to hear this. But I warn you, you better watch what you say next." My jaw was clenched, and my hands were rolled into fists.

"Oh please, you don't care about my reasoning. Nothing I say will matter to you. You're angry, and not thinking straight."

"Says the psycho who just put someone in the hospital!" I knew that I had to calm down, if I got any more worked up, I might seriously punch him. Which would be fun, but it certainly wouldn't solve anything. For the first time since I had walked into the choir room, Sebastian moved. He had barely taken a second step when I grabbed his arm, "Where are you going?"

"I need to sit down."

"No. You don't get to sit down." I had no reason for refusing his desire to sit, but I felt spiteful. He sighed, but didn't try to move again. I found this strange since he wasn't really the type of person to just accept orders, but I wasn't going to question it if it worked in my favor.

"Why are you still here, Blaine? Why aren't you at the hospital with your friends?"

"Because I wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself before I reported you to the police, but you're right, I'm just wasting my time. I think I'll just go to the police right now." The truth was I had never planned on going to the police, that decision was up to Sam, but it bothered me immensely that Sebastian would just go around attacking people like that. I needed to know what had fuelled this assault.

"Fine, I don't care. The prison inmates couldn't possibly be worse than my father." He shrugged.

"You don't get it, do you? You could just have potentially messed your life up, and for what? Huh? Revenge? Is that it?" I shook my head.

"No, Blaine, you're the one that doesn't get it. I have nothing to mess up anymore, my life is over. I have nothing left to lose." His voice had gone back to a whisper.

"Because you got stripped of your Sectionals trophy? Because the Warblers got some bad publicity? You don't have any real problems, you're just a spoiled brat."

"I can't stop you from believing what you want." Sebastian look bored. He actually looked bored! I realised that I was accomplishing absolutely nothing by wasting my time on him. Time that could be better spent at the hospital with Sam.

"You know what? Screw you. I'm out of here. And the second that Sam mentions the words 'pressing' and 'charges', I'm personally coming to fetch you." I turned around and left.

 ****...****

It took me forever to convince the lady at the front desk that I was Sam's brother (she wouldn't let non-family members into his room), but I finally managed it and practically ran to the room number she had given me. My heart was beating so fast, I was afraid that I might start hyperventilating, but I couldn't risk slowing down. I finally stopped right in front of the door. I didn't want to just barge in, so I knocked first; the door was opened by Ryder.

"We were just wondering where you were." He moved out of the way so that I could come in.

"Blaine, there you are." Sam grinned at me. I couldn't believe it. He was awake and smiling. It felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted from my shoulders.

"Hey. You're awake." I did my best to conceal how overly relieved I was.

"Yeah, it was just a concussion. Not even a serious one." He shrugged.

"Where's Jake?" I asked Ryder.

"He's talking to the doctor. Making up some story about Sam being injured in a football accident."

"What happened to the Warbler?" Sam wanted to know.

"Nothing, yet. But what's going to happen to him, that depends on you." I said, taking a seat next to the hospital bed. Ryder followed suit on the other side of Sam's bed.

"What do you mean?" The former stripper frowned at me.

"I'm asking if you want to press charges against Sebastian for assault."

Sam blinked at me, it was obviously something he hadn't considered. He then turned his head and looked at his feet, I could tell he was thinking hard about this. Looking at Sam's blue eye, bruised cheek, and the bandage around his head, I was really hoping the answer would be a yes.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

 **Sam's POV**

"I honestly don't know, man." I sighed. Ryder and Jake had left already, but Blaine had refused to leave until visiting hours were over. The doctor had said that he wanted to keep me overnight just in case, so I was stuck in this stupid hospital bed for another 18 hours.

"The logical thing to do would be to report him to the police."

"Maybe, but it wouldn't feel right." I shrugged.

"Why not? He did assault you." I could tell that Blaine was struggling to see my point of view of this whole situation.

"Yeah, but it's more complicated than that."

"I'm sorry, it's your decision, and I shouldn't be trying to convince you of what to decide." Blaine rubbed his eyes, and for the first time I noticed that he looked tired. He probably hadn't slept well last night because he'd been nervous about seeing Kurt today.

"Dude, I think you need to go home and sleep. You kinda look like crap."

"I probably do," he chuckled, "but I don't want to leave you alone."

"I'll be fine, I think I might sleep as well, just to past the time until tomorrow morning. Being in the hospital sucks." I groaned.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. But then you have to pick me up tomorrow, I don't really wanna tell Brittany about this. Oh, and you gotta buy me breakfast, I don't think I'll be able to digest the food in this place. When they say hospital food is bad, they're not kidding." Just the thought made me feel sick.

Blaine laughed at the expression on my face, "Sure. What time should I be here?"

"Around dusk." I yawned.

"Don't you mean dawn?"

"I thought that's what I said." I blinked.

"I'll see you at 8, Sam." He grinned, and got out of his chair.

"Come on, that's way too late." I groaned again.

"It's also a Saturday." Blaine said as he walked out.

"Blaine, come back!" I yelled after him. He just lifted his right arm above his head as a wave. I sighed, and mentally prepared myself for a night of absolute boredom.

 ****...****

By 8 O' Clock that night, I was so bored that I had actually stooped as low as reading fashion magazines! And fashion didn't even make sense to me…well actually, a lot of things don't make sense to me, like how they make animation, but fashion especially didn't make sense to me. That was part of the reason I got along with Blaine better than with Kurt, because Blaine and I could be bros, but me and Kurt didn't really have anything in common. Don't get me wrong, I liked him and all, but we'd never had anything to talk about. But even having Kurt to talk to right now would be better than no one…actually having _anyone_ to talk to would be better than no one.

While I was contemplating how appealing it would be to smother myself with my pillow, I heard a knock at the door, and saw someone I should have been more surprised to see, Sebastian Warbler. I knew that Warbler wasn't his last name, but since I couldn't remember what it was, I decided to go with what Brittany always called Blaine.

"You don't look surprised to see me." Sebastian noted. He didn't take more than a few steps into the room.

"That's _'cause_ I'm not." I shrugged.

"I see. Well, since you're so smart, tell me why I'm here." He wore a very serious expression, something I wasn't used to seeing on the sarcastic Dalton student.

"I never claimed to be smart. Or read minds, which is apparently what you want me to do."

"Not read my mind, read my intentions. If you could guess that I would be here, then certainly you must have guessed why." I wasn't sure if it was my imagination, but he looked really pale. Like vampire pale.

I thought about what he said, and I realised that he was right; I did have my suspicions as to why he was here,

"You came to say you're sorry," I tried to read his face and see if I was on the right track, but his mask was impenetrable. Wow, I didn't even realise I knew what that word meant.

"Go on." He said simply.

"And maybe you even regret that you took things so far, but that doesn't mean you would do it any differently if you could turn back time. You were angry, and that was enhanced by the steroids, so it was hard for you to control your temper, harder than usual. Which I guess is saying something, since I'm pretty sure that you struggle with it under normal circumstances. You don't like it when you don't get what you want, and you hate it even more when you know that what you want will never be yours. Am I wrong yet?" I was almost as surprised as Sebastian looked, that I had known all of that. And that I had been able to say such a long sentence. He didn't answer; he just kept staring at me with that unreadable expression. I took his silence as a sign to continue.

"I also believe that you're not really angry at me, but at Hunter…and maybe even yourself for letting him convince you to take the injections. So, if you're capable of it, you feel bad that I was the one you took your anger out on. And if you didn't feel bad before, you do now, because it's obvious that I'm not mad at you either. I should be, man I should be, but I'm not. And you want to know why I'm not mad?"

For the first time since Sebastian had walked in, did he look away from me, and instead focus on the floor. This was the last sign I needed. I continued, "I'm not mad because I know that it makes you feel like crap. You wish I were angry, that way I could yell or sue or press charges, and it would make you feel like we're even, like you'd been punished for what you did. But I'm not letting you off that easily; I want you to feel the consequences, just for once. So that you know what it's like for the rest of us. So that you know what it's like for everyone else on this earth who's made a big mistake. It's not only bad people who do things they regret." I spoke slowly and clearly so that every word could be emphasized; I was hoping my words would sink in. And it almost appeared as if it was working, because when Sebastian looked up again, I could have sworn that his eyes were brighter than usual.

He looked me in the eye, then said, "Then I have a question for you, Sam Evans…do you think I deserve it?"

I didn't have to ask what he was referring to, because I knew he was asking if he deserved the consequences of doing those drugs and getting disqualified from Sectionals. What I didn't know, was whether or not I thought he did. After a minute of thinking this through, I realized that I did believe he deserved it. Every single part of it, the bad that would come from his mistake, and the good that would come from the bad.

"Yes, Sebastian, I do believe you deserve it. All of it."

"Good. Then it's settled." He said so softly, it was almost as if he was speaking to himself.

"What's settled?"

"We are. Goodbye Sam." Sebastian gave me a slight nod of his head, then walked out of the door.

"Bye." I said to an empty room. The only good thing this whole exchange with Sebastian had brought me, was that I was finally tired. Maybe I'll actually be able to get some sleep.

Turns out I was wrong. I barely slept at all that whole night. I couldn't stop thinking about my conversation with Sebastian; something was bugging me. And no matter how many times I went over and over everything that had been said, I still couldn't figure out what it was. It was driving me crazy! Somewhere around 3 am I decided to stop worrying about it, that I was just imagining things. But that didn't work either, I fell asleep for 30 minutes, then woke up even more troubled than before.

It was already light outside, and I was still tossing and turning in my hospital bed. I was almost as bothered by the fact that this was bothering me so much as I was by the actual thing itself. Why do I care so much about something said by Sebastian Warbler? Right now I should be counting down the minutes until Blaine arrives to take me to breakfast, not caring about some dude who was stupid and desperate enough to take drugs to ensure that they would win. And he thought things between us was settled now; I'm not the type to hold grudges or anything, but the guy didn't even officially apologise, so in my opinion things were far from settled. What does that even mean? 'Settled'? Hmmm. I replayed the last part of our conversation, where he asked if he deserved it, then I said yes. No, I said all of it. All of it. Deserve all of it. Consequences. Deserve the consequences. All the consequences. Then it's settled. Oh no.

I moved faster than ever before, and reached for my cellphone on the table next to me. Blaine's phone was ringing within 30 seconds.

"Sam? Why are you calling me at 6:15 in the morning?" He moaned, obviously still half-asleep.

"Blaine, you have to listen to me; Sebastian is going to try and kill himself."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

 **Blaine's POV**

I was very relieved that the entrance door to Dalton Academy was unlocked at 6:55 in the morning. Sam and I ran at full speed until we reached the dormitory building. I still wasn't 100% sure that I believed Sebastian wanted to commit suicide, but since Sam looked so certain, and since I knew that I hadn't believed him last time when he told me the Warblers were cheating, I had pretty much no choice but to trust him on this one. I had raced to pick him up from the hospital, and then sped down here to Westerville. I just hoped we didn't make absolute fools of ourselves.

"Which one is his?" Sam asked when we stopped to catch our breath.

"I have no idea." I ran my fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and thought desperately what to do now...how would we ever know which is his dorm room?

I had an idea. " _I_ might not know which one belongs to Sebastian, but I do know someone who will." I ran to find the door I was looking for, then stopped when I found it. Let's just hope that he hadn't transferred rooms. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Sam and were completely silent as we waited for a response. The door swung open to reveal a 17-year old Warbler with dishevelled blonde hair.

"Blaine? What are you doing here?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.

"No time to explain, but I need to know where Sebastian's dorm room is." I said as calmly as I could manage.

"What? Why? No offence, but I really don't think he's going to want to see either of you right now."

"Dude, there isn't time for this! Just tell us already!" Sam urged impatiently. Jeff just blinked at him.

"Jeff please, it's really important." I didn't want to tell him why we were looking for him, because Sam had warned me not to. He said that if Sebastian hadn't already tried, he was certain that he was going to, but that didn't mean Sebastian would want anyone to know. So for now we would just have to refrain from telling Jeff anything.

"What the hell's going on here?" We turned at the sound of the voice behind us. It was Hunter. He must have come from the dorm across the hall.

"They want to know where Sebastian's room is." Jeff said, earning a very grave look from Sam.

"And why would you be interested in that information? Since you know, it doesn't concern you in any way."

"We have our reasons." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You two have some guts, coming into this school after what you did to us." Hunter returned my look.

"That was your fault, and that's not why we're here. If you don't tell me where he is right now..." Sam warned.

"You're going to do what exactly?" Hunter raised an eyebrow sarcastically.

"You freakin' idiot! Tell us now! Or do you want to be responsible for his death!" Sam all but yelled at Hunter.

I could tell that Jeff was starting to look a bit nervous, "Hunt, maybe we should just tell them. I don't know what's going on here, but I do know Blaine, and he wouldn't make something like this up."

Hunter pursed his lips, then said, "Fine. But I'll show them."

We then followed Hunter as he led us down the hall, and stopped in front of the last door on the right. We watched as he knocked on the door, only to be rewarded with silence coming from inside.

"Smythe, wake up. Now." Hunter ordered. Still nothing. He knocked again, louder this time. "Sebastian, get up! Don't make me break this lock." This time, when Sebastian still didn't answer, Jeff traded a nervous glance with me and Sam.

"Sebastian Smythe, get out here right now!" Hunter barked. We waited two minutes, and still nothing happened.

"That's it." Sam said, then moved back a few paces, and came charging forward with his shoulder. The lock broke instantly.

The minute I walked into the room, I could almost feel my heart stop. There was a half-naked, unconscious Sebastian lying on the bed. And next to him, three empty pharmaceutical containers. He had overdosed. Sam had been right.

The next few minutes happened so fast. Hunter ordered Jeff to call 911, and Sam to pick Sebastian up by the legs. They both did as they were told. Hunter then told me to follow them as they carried Sebastian to the bathroom; I did what he said even if I had no idea why.

There were two other guys in there, whom Hunter told to get out. They obliged. I was told to put on the shower, cold water only. It was only after I did this that I realised what Hunter was doing.

I watched as Hunter and Sam tried to get Sebastian to stand under the cold water. Since he was unconscious and couldn't really stand, they had to hold him up in that position, while the cold water splashed onto his face.

"Have you checked his pulse?" I said as the thought came to me. Hunter and Sam both looked at me with uncertainty in their eyes. We'd forgotten to check if was still alive.

"You'll have to do it, Blaine. If we let go, he'll fall." Hunter said.

I stepped into the shower with the other three, and didn't care one bit that the water was getting all over my clothes or hair; all I cared about was Sebastian's pulse. Since I'd never been good at checking people's wrists, I instead decided to put my fingers over the hollow of his bare neck. I felt nothing. No, this can't be happening. I held up my hand under his nose; still nothing.

"Blaine, say something!" Sam yelled, panicking.

"I-I don't-there-there's nothing." I breathed. Water from the shower was dripping down my face, and despite it being freezing cold, I didn't even notice.

"The ambulance is on its way!" Jeff announced, running into the bathroom. When he saw the look on our faces, he went even paler than he already was, "What's wrong?"

No one answered him. I don't think anyone wanted to express their fears out loud.

"Seb, you're stronger than this. You're no coward, Sebastian Smythe, so just stop acting like one." Hunter said in a tone of voice that was uncharacteristically soft.

"Is he..?" Jeff asked with wide eyes.

"No Jeff, he's not." Hunter snapped.

"But Hunter, he's not breathing." I sounded like a little boy asking if his goldfish was dead.

"Shut up, Anderson. None of us are medically trained, so none of us can officially prove that." Hunter was brushing Sebastian's hair off of his face, and using his fingers to comb it back over his head. It was the most human thing I had ever seen him do.

We all turned as we heard a commotion coming from the hallway. It sounded like there was a panic going around the school. It made me wonder if anyone had seen Sam and Hunter carry Sebastian into the bathroom. Or maybe someone heard something, and everything was being blown out of proportion. Either way, something was up.

"Jeff, go see what's going on." Hunter said, obviously annoyed.

"He's really pale, man." Sam said to me. I really hated the look in his green eyes. The worst part was that I didn't even know what it was, it looked like guilt and regret, but what could Sam possibly feel guilty about? It wasn't even remotely his fault that Sebastian had attempted suicide; if anyone was to blame, it was Hunter Clarington, but now was not a good time to point that out.

"They're panicking, Hunter. Somehow a rumor was started that someone had died in the school. I don't know what to do, none of them will listen to me." Jeff looked really freaked out. The poor kid must feel so helpless and worried. Which is exactly what I felt right now.

"Dammit. Let me take care of it, you go fetch Nick. Evans, I need you to go outside and wait for the ambulance; Blaine you wait here with Sebastian." Hunter ordered.

"I don't think I'll be able to keep him up by myself." I blinked.

"Then don't...I don't think the water's going to make much of a difference now anyway." He replied with a sigh before leaving the bathroom, Jeff right behind him.

I knew what he meant by that, but I still couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. I suggested that we take him back to his room, since it would be a lot more private, and there would be blankets to keep him warm with. This time I took his legs, and Sam his shoulders as we carried him back to his dorm.

Once we got there, we placed him gently on the bed and covered him with a blanket. Sam then left to go wait for the ambulance to arrive. I stood in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do. I didn't want to be left alone with Sebastian, it scared me. What if he... _just say it, Blaine!_

 _Dies._

There, I said it.

Another drop of water slid down my cheek, and this time it didn't come from a shower head. I somehow felt like I was being choked, that my air supply was being cut off. And I didn't understand why!

I mean, I didn't hate Sebastian, exactly; but I certainly didn't love him either. I guess it's because he's a person. No, not a person. A boy. He was still just a boy, regardless of how evil he could be sometimes. He was just a boy who had his heart broken so badly that he didn't believe there was ever putting it back together.

The only thing that confused me was why on earth he would ever do something like this. Someone as arrogant as Sebastian Smythe doesn't just decide to end his life for no reason; something bigger than just being stripped of their Sectionals victory must have happened to him. But what?

The more I wondered, the worst I felt. What if no one knew what was really going on in his life, and no one would ever know what drove him to do this.

I was kidding myself; Sebastian was more than just a person to me. Despite everything that he put me and my friends through, he had still been my friend once.

After I had found out about Chandler, before Kurt and I had made up, Sebastian had been the one person that had made me feel better. He had allowed me to feel good about myself, simply just by being around him. And although his incessant flirting had often gotten annoying, we had also had real conversations.

And his smile. That damn smile.

I'm not talking about the smirk he always seemed to wear; I'm talking about those very rare moments when his eyes would light up with sincere amusement or joy, and it would transform his entire face into that of someone much, much younger.

It was thinking back to one of those smiles that suddenly made me aware of how young he really was. No one could possibly know what lies in store for them, no one could possibly know that things wouldn't get better.

And now looking at Sebastian, who was more fragile and vulnerable than I had ever seen him, I was doing everything to stop my heart from breaking. Not because I loved Sebastian, but because of how sad it was that the last thing I had ever said to him was basically how much I hated him. Which wasn't true. I had tried on several occasions, but it just wasn't possible.

Not because I wasn't capable of hate, but simply because I wasn't capable of hating _him_.

I sat down on the bed, and gently moved Sebastian's head and shoulders so that they were resting on my lap. I gently stroked the taller boy's hair, and felt another tear rolling down my cheek. I didn't know if Sebastian could hear me, but decided to change my last words from resentment to a song. "This one's for you, big guy." I whispered, then started singing The Civil War's _'Poison and Wine'_ :

 _ **You only know what I want you to**_

 _ **I know everything you don't want me to**_

 _ **Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine**_

 _ **You think your dreams are the same as mine**_

 _ **Oh I don't love you but I always will**_

 _ **Oh I don't love you but I always will**_

 _ **I don't love you but I always will**_

 _ **I always will**_

 _ **I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back**_

 _ **The less I give the more I get back**_

 _ **Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise**_

 _ **I don't have a choice but I still choose you**_

 _ **Oh I don't love you but I always will**_

 _ **Oh I don't love you but I always will**_

 _ **Oh I don't love you but I always will**_

 _ **I always will**_

 _ **I always will**_

 _ **I always will**_

The tears were more frequent now, and I couldn't stop them. The song's lyrics were just too personal, and I had never understood them better.

I was still stroking Sebastian's soft hair, and praying silently. I didn't want to give up hope, but it was hard to hold on to something that was slowly but surely disintegrating. And it felt like it would completely disappear.

It suddenly occurred to me that the ambulance would be here soon, and it made me want to say goodbye to him, just in case this was the last chance I would get.

"Hey Sebastian, how you holding up? Not so good, I would imagine. Why would you do this, huh? Why? You have so much greatness ahead of you, and you know that. If anyone is going to succeed on Broadway or in New York or LA or Hollywood, it's going to be you. You've got it all, the charm, the looks, the talent, the passion, the ambition, the drive, and that special star quality that's hard to put to words. To be honest, you'd succeed at anything you put your mind to, simply because you're one of those people.

You have no idea how much it breaks my heart that you, you of all people, would do something this...sad. I know some people would call you a coward, but I'm not going to do that. I don't know what's happened to you to push you this far over the edge, but I know it must have been rough.

Sebastian, I am so sorry about what I said yesterday. I'm not going to tell you that I didn't mean it, because I probably did at the time, but I only said it to hurt you. To get back at you for all the times you had hurt me. But now all I wish is that I had taken the time to talk to you, really talk to you. Something I've always wanted to do. I've just realised that I know nothing about you, I don't even know where you were born, or when your birthday is, or why you transferred to Dalton.

Please Sebastian, you don't have to go. You can stay down here with us, all the people who care about you. And I know what you're going to say, but I really do care. I just wanna help you, I swear. I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I'm going to miss you. We all are. You should have seen Hunter. Who knew that he was even capable of any emotion beside anger, but he is, and he was actually being nice. Because of you.

Seb, please don't go. I want to be your friend again."

I looked at Sebastian's face, he looked so peaceful. It was getting harder and harder just looking at him, because by now, I was pretty sure that he really was dead.

 _Sebastian was dead_.

The thought made me gasp for breath. It was just too real.

"You wanna know what I'm going to miss most about you? Your smile. The real one. It's enough to make anyone forget why they were sad.

You're an extraordinary person Sebastian Smythe, I wish wished I'd told you sooner." I whispered.

As I heard footsteps approach, I knew my time alone with Sebastian was almost over, so I did one last thing as a token of goodbye. I planted a soft kiss on his lips. This was followed by the most intense feeling of melancholy that I had ever experienced.

Hunter was the one to open the door, and behind him I saw Sam and a paramedic. My heart froze again. What if they called it? What if they made it official? _No Blaine, it's time to let go._

Everything played in slow-motion as I watched them place him onto a stretcher, and take him out. Eventually it was just me and Sam. Neither of us moved, I guessed we were both unsure of what to do.

"Hey man, you okay?" Sam asked me. He probably noticed that I'd been crying.

"Not really." I said.

"Yeah, me neither." He sighed, and put his arm on my shoulder. I returned the gesture.

"Do you think he's really dead?" He asked.

"Honestly? Yes."

We both remained quiet after that.

We slowly made our way out of Sebastian's room, and out of the school. The ambulance hadn't left yet, but there were so many people around Sebastian that I knew that it was pointless to stay. He was dead, and there was nothing we could about that. We had just been too late.

"Blaine! Sam!" I turned around at the sound of Jeff's calling.

"Where are you going? Sebastian's alive!"


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

 **Blaine's POV**

So here I was, back in the hospital. Unlike most people, I'd never really had bad memories of hospitals, so I didn't particularly dislike them...until today. I don't think I've ever hated a place as much as I hated these white hallways. I guess I should just be grateful that we weren't sitting in the morgue right now.

Jeff had insisted that Sam and I come with him and Hunter to the hospital, saying that it was only right since if it weren't for us, Sebastian probably wouldn't be alive right now. But that wasn't true, it was Sam who had saved his life, not me.

Hunter wasn't pleased by our presence in the waiting room, but there wasn't much he could do to chase us away. So there we sat, the 4 of us, in complete silence.

"There's something I have to ask," Jeff directed at Sam, "how did you know? About Seb, I mean. How could you know?"

"He came to see me in this very hospital last night, and something he said, which only clicked for me this morning, gave it away. I just wish..." Sam looked angry at himself.

"Don't do that to yourself. You did nothing wrong, and you owe him nothing. So don't you dare feel guilty." I told him.

"Actually, he has every right to feel guilty. You both do. If it weren't for the two of you, he never would have considered doing something like this." Hunter glared.

"Excuse me? If I remember correctly, it was you who forced him to take those shots, not us."

"You just couldn't accept that we had beaten your pathetic little diversity club." Hunter growled.

"Why'd you take the drugs, huh? Was it maybe because you knew you couldn't beat us fair and square?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Oh please, we could beat you with our hands tied behind our backs and our eyes blindfolded."

"Hunter, just give it a rest already! Sebastian tried to kill himself. Kill himself! And all you can talk about is losing at Sectionals?" Jeff gave Hunter a look I would never had though he was capable of giving. But he was right, now was not the time to argue.

Hunter returned Jeff's dark look, but didn't say anything further. Silence befell us again.

I nearly had a heart attack when I heard a girl angrily yelling Hunter's name. I then heard him curse under his breath before getting out of the chair he was sitting on. The girl walked up to him, and shoved him hard in the chest.

"You jerk! Why didn't you call me!?" I noticed for the first time that she was in tears.

"Olivia, calm down. Screaming at me won't help anything." Hunter said with the same tone of voice he had used earlier this morning when talking to Sebastian.

"You should have told me! You should have told me!" She shoved him again.

"Olivia, stop it! This isn't helping anyone." Hunter grabbed the girl called Olivia's wrists, preventing her from hitting him again. He then pulled her closer to him, until he was embracing her, and she was still half-heartedly fighting him. Eventually she gave up, and started crying into his chest. He held her, and whispered something to her.

I wondered who this girl could be, and if she was here for the same reason that we were.

After a few minutes, Hunter untangled himself from the girl, and helped her to sit down next to Jeff, who put his arm around her and smiled encouragingly.

Hunter planted himself down on the other side of Olivia.

I heard Sam utter a swear word, which was unusual, so I turned to him and asked softly, "What is it?"

"Finn wants us to meet at the choir room to pick up where we left off yesterday. I don't know what to tell him, dude."

"Not the truth, not yet. It will take too long to explain. Let's just ask someone to cover for us." I suggested.

"Yeah, but who? Not Brittany, she'll say we've been kidnapped by aliens or something." Sam frowned.

"What about Tina? Or Ryder?"

"Tina. Ryder might ask questions," He handed his phone to me, "You talk to her, she'll listen to you."

I took the phone from him, and went through his contacts until I found Tina Cohen-Chang. "I'll be back in a minute." I whispered to Sam, then got up and left the waiting area.

She answered on the third ring, "Sam?"

"No, it's Blaine. Listen, I need you to cover for me and Sam today, we can't make it."

"Why not?"

"It's a long story, which I'll explain later. But for now, I need you to think of an excuse to tell Finn. I swear I'll make it up to you."

"This doesn't have anything to do with Kurt being here, does it?" She sounded sceptical.

"No, not at all. Please Tina, I'm begging you."

"Okay, I'll do it. But you owe me big time for this." She said.

"Yes, I know, I promise. Thank you." I hung up the phone, and breathed out a sigh of relief.

I went back to the waiting room and gave Sam his phone back, "It's sorted."

He nodded.

15 minutes passed with absolute silence. Sam was texting Brittany, I was staring at the floor, Hunter was rubbing his temples, and Jeff had his arm around Olivia while she rested her head on his shoulder. The quiet came to an end when Sam's doctor from yesterday walked passed, and stopped in his tracks, "Back already?" He raised his eyebrow at Sam.

"Just can't seem to stay away." He shrugged.

"Are you waiting for someone?" The doctor wondered.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Who is it? Maybe I could find out what's going on?"

"Really? He was admitted earlier this morning, his name is Sebastian Smythe."

The doctor nodded, "I'll see what I can do."

I noticed that the second when Sam said Sebastian's name, Olivia lifted her head up. I guess she hadn't realised that we were here for the same person she was. "Who are you?" She asked us.

"I'm Blaine and this is Sam." I replied.

"Blaine Anderson?" Olivia frowned.

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"Uh, Seb has talked about you." She answered, somewhat uncomfortably.

"Oh." I didn't like the look on her face when she said that Sebastian had talked about me. I'm not sure why, or even what the look on her face was, but it certainly wasn't a good thing.

More silence ensued as we waited for the doctor, I think it was Doctor Gordon, to come back; hopefully bearing some news, good news.

I had reached number 221 (I was counting the tiles on the floor) when Doctor Gordon came back. The look on his face was everything but hopeful. If I wasn't so emotionally drained, my heart would probably have slowed down a bit.

"Um, I have some questions that I'm afraid I have to ask. It's not something I like to do, but the law calls that I have to." He started.

I felt goosebumps on the back of my neck...what was going on here?

"First of all, I need to know who found the young man this morning?"

"Well, technically, we all did. But it was really Blaine and Sam, since they insisted that we tell them where his dorm room was." Jeff explained when no one else seemed particularly eager to do so.

"I see. So it was you two?" He pointed at Sam and I. I really didn't like where this was going.

"You could say that." Sam replied, gulping silently.

"I need you to tell me why you were looking for him at 7 O' Clock on a Saturday morning?"

I tried to stop Sam from answering the question, but it was too late, he had already started to say, "Because I knew that he would do something like this."

"Really? And how exactly could you know? Did he tell you?" The doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Well, not exactly."

"Then how?"

"I just did." Even I didn't believe Sam right now, and I knew what he was saying was true. I wish I could tell him to just stop talking, but if I did, I was afraid it would make us seem even more guilty.

"Uh huh. You know, I hear that you don't really get along with Mr. Smythe; is this true?"

"Well no, we don't. I don't see what this has to do with anything." Sam was finally catching on.

"It seems that foul play is suspected." Doctor Gordon replied hesitantly.

"You don't honestly think we did this to him, do you?" My mouth fell open.

"You said it, not me." He shrugged.

Sam and I just sat there blinking at him. How on earth had he come up with something so severely ridiculous?

"You're crazy." Sam told him.

"Am I really? Well I guess we're just going to have to wait until Mr. Smythe is conscious enough to tell us his side of the story." The doctor threatened before walking away.

Sam and I exchanged glances. "It doesn't even make sense, if we tried to kill him, why would we try to save him before he even had a chance to die?"

"I know! But don't worry, hopefully Sebastian will tell them the truth." I said more confidently than I felt.

"And if he doesn't?" Sam looked worried.

"Then I don't know." I shook my head.

"We know you didn't do it." Jeff said, putting emphasis on the 'we'.

"Well I don't know about that..." Hunter said.

"Seriously Hunt? You know as well as I do that Seb did this to himself." Jeff replied angrily.

"Maybe I do, that doesn't mean I'm going to defend them." Hunter shrugged.

"Don't worry, Blaine, Sebastian will tell them the truth." Jeff said assuringly.

"Are you so sure about that? His dad is, after all, a state's attorney. Imagine what that would do to his career, if it was discovered that his son tried to commit suicide." Hunter shrugged, feigning disinterest.

I was just about to reply to that, when it suddenly hit me that he was right. Sebastian would probably do everything to cover this up...but would he really go as far as to blame me and Sam for this?

I noticed that Olivia was eyeing us very suspiciously, she probably thought that we had tried to kill him as well. I heaved a sigh; since when had my life turned into a bad soap opera?

The look I exchanged with Sam led to me to believe that he was wondering the same thing.

We all jumped to our feet when we saw Sebastian's doctor approaching us. I tried to read his expression to judge whether the news was good or bad, but his perfectly practiced mask gave nothing away. Now there was more resting on Sebastian's health than just his recovery.

"Are you also here for Sebastian Smythe?" Doctor Adams asked Olivia.

She nodded, "I'm his sister."

"Well I have excellent news, he will make a full recovery. But I have to say that you found him just in time, I'm afraid that if you been just a few minutes later, the outcome may have been completely different." Doctor Adams smiled at us.

The sounds of relief could be heard from everyone, even Hunter.

"When will we be able to see him?" Olivia asked, the colour returning to her face.

"He's falling in and out of consciousness at the moment, so you can see him if you want, but I don't think he's going to be much for conversation. Oh, and I advise not more than two of you go in at a time. So who's up first?"

I turned to Olivia, "You go."

She nodded at me, and said to Hunter, "I think you should come too."

He took her hand, then followed the doctor; leaving me, Sam and Jeff on our own.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

 **Sam's POV**

For some reason, I felt exhausted. Well, maybe it had to do with the sleepless night and the crazy morning. I had never felt so many emotions to so many extremes in the course of only 3 and a half hours before. But I felt even worse for Blaine, who was trying desperately to disguise the worry that was eating at him; but since I was pretty good at reading people, and since he was one of my best friends, it was impossible for me not to notice it. Sometimes Blaine really was just too uptight, but it was more than that this morning.

"You still look like crap." I punched his shoulder softly. I was happy that Jeff had gone back to Dalton; it made it easier to talk to Blaine.

"Thanks." He snorted. At least I got a smile out of him.

"But seriously man, what's wrong? You know, besides the obvious." I gestured to our surroundings.

"I don't know, everything." He rubbed at his eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't listen to me, I'm just drained." He sighed. I could see that there was something he was obviously not telling me.

"Maybe we should just go home, Sebastian's fine, and his sister and Hunter are here, so..." I suggested.

"It's not that simple, Sam. But I wish it was." He sighed again.

"Will you just tell me what's going on, already? I can see you're holding out on me."

"I'm worried about what Hunter said, you know, the thing about Sebastian's dad being a state's attorney. What if Sebastian says that it wasn't a suicide, but meant to look like one? What if he blames us?" Blaine ran his fingers through his hair.

"They don't have any proof, what can they do?"

"Did you not hear me? Mr. Smythe is a state's attorney; do you really think he's incapable of planting any evidence he might need?"

"Now you're sounding like me and my conspiracy theories. I think you're a bit paranoid, dude." I smiled to try to lighten his mood, but instead he crossed his arms over his chest, and moved further away from me.

"Seriously? That's just immature." I told him.

" _You're_ calling _me_ immature? I'm not the one who told Doctor Gordon your reason for knowing Sebastian would attempt suicide is 'I just did'." He looked at me like I was an idiot.

That stung. A lot. People always treated me like a moron, like they were smarter than me, but I had never expected that from Blaine. When other people did it, I could easily just ignore them, since I didn't care what they thought. But if one of my best friends looked at me like that, it was kind of impossible not to believe him.

"I was telling the truth!"

"Maybe the truth isn't always a good thing. Sometimes you have to keep secrets to protect people you care about, it's a part of growing up, Sam." Blaine said in a tired voice.

"What are you saying, that I'm childish? Because if that's what you meant, then just damn well say it!" I was getting a little angry. He wasn't the only one who was tired and nervous and worried.

"You want me to say it? Fine. Sam, you're childish and immature. Now will you just stop talking?" He put his hands over his ears like he was trying to block something out. Block me out. If his words hurt me before, it was nothing compared to how crappy I felt about myself right now. I rubbed at my eyes before Blaine could see that they were brighter than usual.

"Fine, maybe I'm childish, maybe I'm stupid, maybe I'm not going to get anywhere in life, but at least I'm not gay." Oh no. I had actually said that.

At first it seemed like his hands over his ears prevented him from hearing me, but then he slowly removed his hands, and slowly lifted his head until he was looking at me. The look on his face confirmed it: he had definitely heard me. His jaw had dropped slightly, and he looked at me with an expression I had last seen when he was beating himself up over cheating on Kurt.

I wanted to say I'm sorry, that I hadn't meant it, but no words came out. I was almost as shocked as he was that I had actually said that.

"Am I interrupting something?" Hunter raised his eyebrow at us. I hadn't even seen him coming.

Neither of us responded, but we did stop looking at each other.

"Well I really am sorry to break up this little gay bro-mance, but Sebastian has asked to see you." Hunter said to me.

"He's awake?" I blinked.

"Obviously."

"And he wants to see...me?" I was still confused.

"Isn't that what I just said?"

"Oh okay." I said uncertainly, and moved slowly to get up.

"Before my grandchildren turn 50, if possible." Hunter glared.

I followed Hunter down the hallway toward Sebastian's room, but I stopped for a second to look back at Blaine, who looked like he was getting up to leave; but he looked so sad and unhappy, that it made me feel worse than when _he_ was being the jerk to _me_. I don't think I had ever felt regret this consuming. All I wanted right now was to go apologise to him, but I knew it wouldn't help, not right now anyway. I'd just have to get him alone later and then do it.

When Hunter reached room 12A, he opened the door and went in, followed by me. He told me to close the door.

Looking at the conscious Sebastian now, I couldn't believe that he had almost died 4 hours ago.

His sister was sitting next to him, and Hunter went to stand next to her, but Sebastian was looking at me.

"Evans." He said with an unreadable expression.

"Smythe." I returned, mirroring his face.

"You probably want me to thank you." He snarled.

"No, I really don't. I don't want anything from you."

"Then why are you still here?"

That was a good question, why was I still here? I suddenly realised it was because of Blaine, I hadn't wanted to leave him alone. But after what Blaine had said about how sometimes it's best to keep secrets, I wasn't sure if I should tell him. Luckily, something occurred to me.

"I need them to leave." I said in the direction of Olivia and Hunter.

Sebastian shrugged and looked at them expectantly. Neither of them looked particularly willing, but they left anyway.

"I'm all yours." He looked serious, but something in his voice let me know that he wasn't taking this as seriously as he should have.

"Like I said, I don't care if you thank me or not, it doesn't matter. But the doctor accused me and Blaine of trying to kill you, as absolutely crazy as that is, and I need you to tell everyone the truth. You owe us that."

He looked at me for a while, like he was considering what I had said. He sighed and looked down at the bed-spread.

"Do you honestly think that I would tell people that you and Blaine tried to _murder_ me?" His voice was full of disbelief.

"I don't know. See, that's the problem, no one seems to know exactly what you're capable of." I shrugged.

"Whatever. I'll tell them the truth, so you can leave now. I know that's the only reason you two stayed."

I turned to leave, but I suddenly thought of something. "Why did you ask for me?"

"What?"

"Why did you ask to see me? What do you want?"

"It doesn't matter." He replied.

"Dude, just tell me." I said impatiently.

"If you ever tell anyone what I'm about to say, I swear I'll castrate you,"

I didn't feel it was important to ask him what that word meant. He continued, "You literally saved my life, and I've never done anything to deserve that. Especially not from you. I honestly didn't think you'd understand what I told you last night, but you did. You may not be book smart, but that doesn't mean you're not intelligent in other ways. So what I'm basically saying, is thank you. And I owe you." I don't know what surprised me more, that Sebastian was actually thanking me, or that he actually meant it.

"I appreciate it, man." I nodded.

"How did you convince Blaine?" He wondered.

"What do you mean?"

"How did you get Blaine convinced that I'm going to try and kill myself?"

"I just told him." I shrugged, confused by the question.

"And he believed you?"

"Why wouldn't he?"

"Huh. Where is he now?" Sebastian asked, taking a sip from the cup of water next to his bed.

"I think he's gone home."

"Oh." He tried to hide it, but I saw the disappointment in his eyes.

I had reached the door, when I realised there was one more thing I wanted to say to him, "Hey Sebastian?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're not dead." I grinned.

"Me too." He returned the smile.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

 **Blaine's POV**

As soon as I got into my car, I slammed the door shut and buried my face in my hands. Not counting the morning after I told Kurt that I had cheated on him, this was by far the worst morning of my entire life. I felt like crap, both physically and emotionally. The only good thing that had come from today was finding out that Sebastian was indeed alive. But I sincerely hoped that he hadn't been conscious enough to remember me kissing him; it had honestly been a spur of the moment kind of thing, and I had regretted it almost instantly. Even after seeing Sebastian; having to say goodbye to him, only to find out that he's still alive; being suspected of attempted murder; and me having to face Kurt again at the next rehearsal; nothing was worse than what Sam had just said to me. I was still trying to recover from the shock. I wouldn't have cared if someone else had said it, I was used to being bullied, but hearing that from someone I cared about so much about was very overwhelmingly painful. I was so sick of feeling sad and hurt and down and bad about myself that I just wanted to scream as loud as I can, over and over and over until there was nothing left of my voice. But since I couldn't do that, I had to resort to slamming the steering wheel. Twice.

That actually made me feel a little bit better. Who am I kidding, no it didn't.

I buried my face in my hands again.

I sat like that for what felt like an hour, until I heard someone knock on the passenger window. It was Sam. It didn't really surprise me, I had been waiting for him, after all. I opened his door from the inside.

"I thought you'd left." He said, climbing in.

"Why would I leave you here?"

"Well, you're obviously mad at me. But you have reason to be, I guess."

"Can we just go?" I asked impatiently.

"You don't wanna-"

"Talk about it? No, I want to go home, sleep, and forget any of this ever happened."

"But Blaine-"

"Sam, please just-"

"Shut up? Come on, you said it earlier." Sam looked hurt. Under any other circumstances I might have felt sorry for him, but not now. Not after the homophobic comment.

"Seriously? Just drop it already!" I said louder than I had intended. Or maybe my voice had just been enhanced because of the small interior of the car.

"Why won't you just let me apologise?" Sam said in an equally loud voice.

"Because I don't want your stupid apology!"

"It's interesting that the word you chose was 'stupid'." Sam snorted.

"Oh please, no one was talking about your intelligence." I snapped.

"More like lack of it." He mumbled.

I clenched my jaw and dug my nails into my scalp. I felt like screaming again, only this time the frustration was worse. How was Sam affecting me like this? He was driving me absolutely crazy. But my fear that my feelings for him would somehow tarnish out friendship had grown over the past few weeks, and now it seemed I had been right to fear all along.

"You know what? I think I'm going to take a cab, being in close proximity with you isn't really working out." Sam slammed the door as he exited the car.

I cursed loudly, and hit the steering wheel again. Why was everything so wrong today?

The second I walked into my bedroom after I got home, I fell onto my bed, and was asleep within the minute.

It was already dark outside by the time I woke up. I rubbed at my eyes as I tried to remember how I had gotten there. Then I remembered everything, but honestly wished that I hadn't. What was wrong with me? How could I have kissed Sebastian? Oh gosh, the terrible things I said to Sam...

I was distracted from my thoughts by the sound of my stomach rumbling really loudly. Well, I suppose that's what happens when you eat nothing for an entire day. I sighed, and went to the kitchen. I tried to force something down, but I felt sick every time I would bring food near my mouth. I gave up after a few minutes, and decided to go shower instead.

I felt better afterwards, but still not content. And I had a feeling I wouldn't be until I went to go see Sebastian; I was still so afraid that he would tell people that it was me and Sam who had done that to him. I didn't really think him capable of something like that, but then again, we had certainly underestimated him before. Since I had nothing better to do right now, I headed out immediately.

I probably drove faster than I should have, but I wasn't confronted by any speed cops on the way. Before I knew it, I was back at the dreaded hospital, and on my way to room 12A (I had gotten the information from Jeff). I wasn't entirely sure if the patients were still allowed visitors, but I wasn't going to ask. I walked like I belonged until I reached the right door; I closed it quickly behind me. I then turned to Sebastian, who was eyeing me with intense curiosity. "Hey Killer. I was wondering when I'd be seeing you. And I like this new bad boy thing you seem to have going, it really gets the heart racing."

"Cut the crap," I walked toward him until I reached the foot of his bed, "I don't have time. I'm here for one reason, and one reason only."

"You too, huh? Okay, since you're so grumpy, I'll keep it short and simple, I've already told the police that it was attempted and unassisted suicide, so you have nothing to worry about. If that's all, you can let yourself out." He picked up his phone, and proceeded to type something on it.

I just stood there blinking in confusion. Was he serious?

"Are you for real?"

"Do you think I'd lie to you? And before you say anything, the answer to that is no." He replied without taking his eyes of the phone's screen.

"So I can just go?"

"Do whatever you want." He was typing again.

I knew that right now I should be running out of the room, grateful to be able to get away from Sebastian, but something was stopping me. I guess it was because I felt sorry for him, something had driven him to try to kill himself and I was no closer to figuring out what that was than I had been this morning. But I couldn't understand why I cared...it's not like we were friends, not anymore. Unfortunately I was reminded of my own words last night, when I had told unconscious Sebastian that I wanted to be friends again.

I turned and grabbed the chair that was in the corner of the room, put it down next to the bed, and sat down.

This earned a grin and a raised eyebrow from the hospitalised boy. "Well, well, well, Blaine Anderson you are just full of surprises lately, aren't you?"

"I could say the same for you, Sebastian."

"Go to hell." His smile quickly turned to anger.

"Defensive, aren't we?" I remarked.

"What do you want from me? To break down and cry? To tell you everything that's wrong with my life? Yeah, see I don't think so. Just save yourself the trouble and leave now."

"What is it with you and not talking about yourself? I didn't even know that you a sister! Who doesn't like me, by the way."

"My family isn't really the heart of my pride. And it's not you she has a problem with, it's my sexual orientation."

"She doesn't like that you're gay?" I frowned.

"Nope."

"But what does that have to do with me?"

"Well, sometimes I like to talk about guys just to piss her off. And you, Mr. Convict , are usually at the top of my list." He was wearing that trademark Sebastian smile.

"I see." I said, despite the fact that I thought he was lying.

"Believe me, don't believe me, doesn't matter to me. But I do want you to get the clothes that Jeff brought me. It's in the cupboard over there." He pointed to a small cupboard at the opposite end of the room. I frowned at him.

"I'm allowed to leave whenever I want, and I want to leave now."

"You tried to kill yourself this morning, you're not going anywhere." I told Sebastian. He just grinned at me, got out of the bed, and went to withdraw his clothes from the cupboard.

"You can watch if you want." He looked at me strangely. I suddenly realised he was going to undress, and I turned away so quickly that I clicked my neck. I heard him chuckle.

"Don't worry, the show's over." Sebastian said after a minute. I looked back just as he was buckling his belt.

I got up and went to stand in front of the door. The possibility of Sebastian repeating the events of this morning hadn't occurred to me until a few minutes ago, and now I had something new to worry about. And once again I was left asking myself why I even cared. But it did, it was obvious that I did.

"What exactly are you going to do? Wrestle me if I try to leave?" He seemed amused.

"If that's what it takes."

"Why are you so against me leaving? What are you afraid of?" Sebastian narrowed his eyes slightly.

"You know the answer to that question."

Sebastian left his place beside the cupboard, and walked toward me slowly. He didn't stop until we were only 3 inches apart.

"Blaine, if I were going to try and kill myself again, there's nothing you can do to stop it. Prolong it maybe, but never stop it." Being this close to him, I noticed a darkness in his eyes that I had never seen before.

"Sebastian, I just want to help."

"You can help by getting the hell out of my way."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not moving." I pushed my chest out to make myself seem more intimidating, since he was at least 4 inches taller than me.

"Move, or I'll make you." Sebastian stepped even closer to me. He was now close enough for me to hear him breathing.

"Do what you have to do." I kept my eyes fixated on his. I needed to seem adamant.

"I'll give you one more warning, Blaine Anderson, be careful what you wish for." He said, taking yet another step forward, which I hadn't known was even possible. Our faces were almost touching now.

"Sebastian, step back." I whispered.

"Or what?" His eyes spelled anything but intimidated, instead I only saw intrigue. It took almost everything inside of me not to break away from him when he put his hands on opposite sides of my head, and braced himself that way.

"Don't do this." I pleaded.

"I'm not doing anything." He replied in a whisper. His eyes were so green, I couldn't stop looking at them.

"Move back."

"Get out of my way." He breathed, still smiling. It suddenly hit me why I couldn't stop looking at those eyes, Kurt's eyes were green too.

"No." My nose flared.

"Don't make me do something you're going to regret."

"Move back, Sebastian." I warned.

I saw his head lean toward me, and I started to freak on the inside, but I also knew that Sebastian was counting on this reaction, and I wouldn't let him see that he's right about me. He only stopped when his lips were a centimetre away from mine, and he looked deep into my eyes, like he was searching for something. I was frozen. I guess I was a little intimidated with Sebastian being so physically close to me, but it wasn't just the physicality, it was also the way he was looking at me. We stood like that for what seemed like forever, until he slowly started withdrawing and stepped away completely. I let out the breath that I had been holding in.

"I didn't think you had it in you, Anderson." He said, the grin returning to his face.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter 9**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

Going back to school on Monday was everything but desirable. I could feel the stares as I walked through the door for the first time since my 'incident', as everyone seemed to be calling it. I ignored their looks of pity and judgement, and went about my usual routine. The only people who weren't treating me any different were Jeff and Hunter, but that was probably because they'd been part of the four guys who found me.

To be honest, I was grateful for all the work this semester, especially now; it kept my mind off of the things that had driven me to attempt the suicide in the first place.

I found it ironic that people thought there was something wrong with me because I tried to kill myself, when the real problem was what had caused me to try.

Most people who survive what I'd been through feel different afterwards, they're always saying how they appreciate life more now that they know how fragile is. But not me, I feel exactly the same. But it did teach me one thing, OD'ing is not the most efficient way to end your life. Next time I'll have to try something more effective, and I certainly won't fail again.

I decided to skip lacrosse practice after school, and just headed to my room instead. The whole day I had pretended not to care about the way people were looking at me, but on the inside, it bothered me a lot. I hated pity, but even worse, I hated judgement. So I locked my door, and sat down at my desk. I tried to entertain myself by surfing the internet, but I quickly got bored with that too. How was it possible that my life sucked even worse than before?

I jumped when I heard knocking at my door. I decided to ignore it, since I wasn't in the mood for company.

"Seb, please open the door. I know you're in there." It was Jeff.

"I'm not in the mood, Jeff." Was my reply.

"I get that, but I really have to talk to you."

I sighed, and slowly moved to unlock the door. He opened it as soon as he heard the click. I went to lie down on my bed.

"I just heard that you're being expelled." He said, taking a seat next to me.

"Yup. I have a week to find another school. Not there are any." I shrugged.

"Why are they doing this?"

"I don't know, something about my suicide attempt being 'bad publicity' for Dalton's reputation. I'm sure they said something else, but I wasn't listening."

"This isn't fair." Jeff looked really unhappy, I kind of felt bad for him. And strangely enough, it made me feel better knowing that someone actually cared enough to miss me.

"Maybe not, but there's nothing either of us can do about it."

"Are you going to move?" He wondered.

"Yeah right." I snorted.

"Then which school are you going to go to?" He frowned.

"I'm not going back to school, Jeff."

"What are you talking about?" He blinked.

"It's a long story." I didn't want to go into with him right now; he was one of the only people not looking at me with pity. I didn't want that to change.

"I'm here if you need to talk." He offered meekly.

"Come on Jefferson, don't go getting all mushy." I mocked.

"I'm serious Sebastian. Despite what you think, you do actually have friends."

"I don't need friends." I replied stubbornly.

"Everyone needs friends, even the almighty Sebastian Smythe." Jeff persisted, lying down next to me. I was impressed with his bravery, not many straight guys would have the audacity to lie down on a bed next to a gay guy.

"I'm just worried about what's going to happen to the Warblers when I leave."

"I would like to remind you that we did pretty well before you came, and our Captain isn't going anywhere...unfortunately." Jeff sighed.

"I'd like to hear you say that to him." I snorted.

"Yeah right, he'd probably snap my neck or something." He chuckled.

"That gives me an idea." I said softly to myself.

"What do you mean?" He asked with a frown.

"Nothing."

"Sebastian."

"Jefferson."

"You can trust me." He said, putting his arms behind his head. He kept looking at the roof like he saw something, but I was pretty sure that whatever he saw was just in his head.

"No one can truly be trusted, Jeff."

"Seriously? What are you going to say next? That my mom is in cahoots with terrorists?" He grinned at me.

"Firstly, don't say 'cahoots', it makes you sound gay. And secondly, I'm serious. I've never trusted anyone, and look how I turned out." I shrugged.

"Which part, the one where you tried to kill yourself, or the one where you're about to become a high school dropout?" Jeff raised his eyebrow.

That hit me like a slap in the face; probably because it was entirely true.

"Bad example." I mumbled.

"Sebastian, why can't you just realise that people aren't meant to be alone?" He shook his head.

"Sometimes things aren't as they're meant to be, I guess."

"I don't believe that. Things are as you make them."

"Yeah, that's exactly what I don't believe. Unless you're telling me that I chose to be gay, or that I chose for my dad to hate me." As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I wished that they hadn't. I looked at Jeff to see how he would react to my words, but all he did was look down.

"That's not what I meant, Seb. We all have crap in our lives, we all have problems, but that doesn't have to be what defines us. But if you let it, not only will it shape your life, but also who you are. And I happen to know that there's a hell of a lot more to you than being gay, or a messed up family. I think your problem is that you don't see that." The way he was talking made me think he was speaking from experience.

"Thanks, Dr. Phil." I muttered sarcastically, but on the inside, I was still trying to make sense of what he had said.

"I'm just trying to help." Jeff said softly.

"Why do people keep wanting to 'help me'?" I groaned.

"Because they're your friends, and that's what friends are for." He explained.

"Do you have any idea how gay you sound?"

"You sure make a lot of homophobic comments for a gay guy." He mumbled.

"You sure are defensive for a straight guy."

"I'm not gay, Sebastian!" He yelled at me and sat up. I flinched and stared at him in confusion.

"I was kidding, Jeff. It's called 'making a joke'".

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, moving into a sitting position as well.

"Not really, but it's nothing you have to worry about." Jeff rubbed his temples.

"You can tell me if you want. It's not like you have to be afraid of me telling anyone else; since, you know, I have no one else to tell." I punched his shoulder with the back of my fist.

"No, don't even worry about it. I'm fine. Better than you, anyway."

"Really? You could have fooled me."

"I've just been having some problems at home, and I seem to be taking it out on everyone else. I'm sorry, you really don't deserve it." He sighed again.

"I don't mind, and I can take it. If you need to let off some steam, feel free." I shrugged.

"I don't need an emotional punching bag; I prefer to face my problems head-on…it's just this one…" He shook his head.

"Sometimes problems can't be overcome, sometimes you just have to avoid and ignore them. It doesn't mean they'll go away, but sometimes time makes them easier to handle."

"What if this problem can't be ignored?" He looked up at me.

"I didn't say it works with _all_ problems. If you can't ignore it, then the obvious solution would be sort it out." I shrugged.

"But I don't know how."

"Well maybe if you told me, I could help you?" I suggested. It was pretty out of character for me to try and help someone, but after everything that had happened over the past two weeks (including the things that no one else knew about), I was tired of always being the bad guy. And Jeff was the closest thing I had to a friend.

"No. No, I can't do that." He sighed again.

"Why not?"

"Probably for the same reason that you don't want to tell me why you…you know."

"Tried to kill myself? You can say it. And it's not exactly that I don't _want_ to tell you, I think it's probably more accurate to say that I don't know how to tell you." I struggled to find the right words to explain what I meant.

"What do you mean?" He looked at me again.

"I don't think there's a way to tell you why I did what I did in a way that will make you understand, or…I'm not sure that I can justify my actions to other people. In my head, it not only seemed logical, but also desirable…but to other people it might seem pathetic and cowardly." This time it was my turn to rub my temples.

"Sebastian, I can't speak on behalf of other people, but I would never think you pathetic or cowardly. In fact, I think you're really brave. And sure, most of the time no one knows what your intentions are, but that's only because you're so good at pretending to be someone you're not, that I think you don't know who you are either."

I had never noticed how intelligent Jeff was. It was probably because of the blonde hair; sometimes it could be really deceiving.

"Even if you were right, it would be too late for me. I can't turn back, not anymore."

"That's not true. It's never too late." The way he looked at me, I believed him.

"I'm so screwed." I said, burying my face in hands. This whole time we'd been talking, I'd had a strong urge to tell Jeff how worried I was about being expelled from school, and I suddenly couldn't take it anymore.

"Why?"

"I can't finish high school…what the hell am I going to do? Become a street performer?" I snorted.

"I don't understand why you can't just go to another school."

"Because I don't have any money, and my parents won't pay for it." I was doing everything I could to keep my voice steady.

"What? Why not?" He blinked.

"They hate me."

"That can't be true." His eyes now held that one thing I was hoping to avoid: pity.

"This is why I don't talk about it, because I knew you wouldn't believe me." I tried to get rid of these feelings, I hated to show emotion, especially in front of other people.

"I didn't say I didn't believe you, Seb. I'm just finding it hard to imagine, that's all."

"That's a good thing. It means your family actually gives a crap about you." I balled my hands into fists and brought them up to my mouth.

"What about your sister? She was in tears when she found out." He insisted.

"She's also the captain of the drama club."

"Oh. But the way she was so angry at Hunter-"

"She's obviously got a thing for him." I pointed out.

"Oh."

"Jeff I tried to kill myself, kill myself. And the worst part isn't that they didn't even care enough to try and find out whether or not I had been successful; no, the worst part is that they wished I had been." I could feel my eyes burning, meaning that I was very close to tears. Oh hell no, crying was not something I did. Especially not in front of other people.

"You can't mean that." Jeff was staring at me, his mouth slightly agape.

"Oh trust me, I do mean it. They sent a message along with Oliva...better luck next time." I looked at Jeff, despite the fact that there were tears stinging my eyes.

He was staring at me in shock, an expression of horror on his face. He seemed unsure of what to do or say, but I guess I didn't blame him, it wasn't that common for parents to literally hate their children.

"I wish there was something I could say or-or do. I-I...wow." He gulped.

"Don't worry about it, I'm used to it." I looked back down at my feet.

"No you're not. You're kidding yourself if you really believe that, no one can ever get used to something like that." He hesitantly put his hand on my shoulder.

"What am I supposed to say? That my dad is the entire reason I did what I did? That all I wanted was for him to give a damn, just once! That I'd been hoping against all odds that he would have felt at least a little bit sad when I died!" I closed my eyes.

"Wait, you did this as a cry for attention?" I heard the disbelief in his voice.

I had known what I had done was sad and cowardly, but hearing Jeff say it out loud made me feel more pathetic than ever. Why couldn't I have just died?

"That didn't come out right; what I meant was you did that just so that your dad might feel an ounce of love for you? Even if he just felt it for one second, it would be worth it, wouldn't it? If he just had a single thought about how he regretted never bothering to get to know you, and never bothering to see what he truly had in a son. If he took a moment to whisper, "I'll miss you, son," then you could die happy, is that it?" I could hear something change in Jeff's voice as he talked, like he was speaking from experience. And the more he talked, the more I realised that he almost understood. Almost.

"Yeah, that's it." I whispered.

"I've been there before, Seb, and I can tell you from experience that he's not worth it. Not even close. It's not going to be easy, far from it, but you have to forget about him. Entirely. He doesn't have the right to destroy your life like this, but you're giving it to him anyway. You deserve better...you are better." Jeff put his hand over mine, and kept it there for about a minute, then he stood up and slowly headed toward the door, "See, having a friend isn't that bad." He smiled, and closed my dorm room behind him.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter 10**_

 **Blaine's POV**

"Okay, that's it. What's wrong?" Tina asked, sitting down next to me. I was in the library, trying desperately to study for the Physics test next week, but my mind was so preoccupied that I had re-read the same paragraph 5 times and still couldn't remember a single word.

"Nothing. Why do you ask?" I gave her my best innocent smile.

"Oh please Blaine, I know you so well, I can tell just by your face when you get hungry. So...spill." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Kurt is going to be at rehearsal again today, and we haven't spoken a word to each other since he arrived in Lima 3 days ago. And also, Sam and I are kinda fighting." I sighed. Sam and I had been avoiding each other the whole day, which hadn't been easy since we had 2 classes together.

"Why?"

"We both said some things we didn't mean, and now we're both too mad to apologise."

"Don't worry, you two will make up. Although, you'd probably prefer to make out." She gave me a sly smile.

"Tina, don't say that out loud! Besides, I've never actually thought about kissing Sam." I could tell by the look she was giving me that she didn't believe me.

"Okay fine, maybe I've thought about it; but only in a daydream kind of way, I've never actually considered it." I argued.

"Like there's a difference. Anyway, if we don't leave now, we're going to miss the dreaded rehearsal." She took my hand and dragged me out of the library.

We were the last people to arrive at the choir room, earning us a fair amount of stares; but the only one I cared about was Kurt, who also happened to be the only one _not_ looking at me. Figures.

I took a seat between Joe and Tina.

"Okay guys, since this is Kurt's last day in Lima before he heads back to New York, he wanted to sing something for you guys." Finn announced.

Kurt smiled graciously and walked to the centre of the room. I'm ashamed to admit that I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he proceeded to sing _Between_ by Courrier. I'm not the only one who applauded like a maniac when he was done.

Kurt opened his mouth to say something, then stopped and frowned at the floor, "Finn, is that blood?"

I froze along with Sam, Jake and Ryder. It hadn't occurred to us to check if any blood had gotten on the _white tiled_ floor. I felt like a complete idiot, but tried to act surprised.

"Yeah, I think that is blood. That's weird, the janitor cleaned this place up on Friday," Finn turned to us, "Do any of you know anything about this?"

"What? Nope, no, nada, not at all." Sam looked exactly like someone who was pretending not to know something. I brought my right hand up to my face; which was apparently the wrong thing to do, since Finn then looked at me suspiciously and said, "Sam? Blaine? What's going on? What are you not telling us?"

"I had a really bad nose bleed...on Saturday. I didn't realise I messed on the floor. Sorry." I said quickly.

Everyone looked sceptical, but nothing more was said about the topic for the rest of the lesson.

"Hey Blaine, can I talk to you." Kurt caught me before I left the choir room.

"Uh, sure." I sat back down, and Kurt joined me.

"So, how've you been? You know, we haven't really talked all that much lately."

"Good, I guess. And you? How's NYADA?" I grinned.

"Amazing. But I don't want to talk about that, I want to talk about you. So, what have you been up to?"

"Um, not that much, actually. Sam and I got the Warblers disqualified from Sectionals, so that's something." I felt sort of inferior talking to Kurt now. He had this amazing life back in New York, and I couldn't compete with that. I mean I loved my life, but Kurt and I just weren't in the same universe anymore.

"Yeah, I heard about that, congrats. Those stinky Warblers deserved to be put in their place...especially Sebastian." Kurt pulled a face.

"How's Rachel?" I groped for a change of subject.

"She's good...okay Blaine, this is really awkward, I'm just going to cut to the chase: I'm seeing someone."

I felt like a knife had just been jabbed into me. I knew that Kurt would move on sooner or later, well actually, I'd been hoping it would be later.

"Oh. That's-that's great." I tried to smile.

"I'm sorry, it just kind of happened."

"Well I'm happy for you. Really, I am...but I got to go, I'll see you." I hurried to get out of there. It was official, Kurt had replaced me. Replaced me with someone better, someone who's more compatible with him.

I had just reached my car when I heard my phone vibrating. I took it out of my pocket and saw that it was ringing; the caller ID read 'Sebastian Smythe'. I frowned at the contraption in my hand; why would he be calling me? I decided to answer out of curiosity.

"Hey Killer. I knew you couldn't resist my charms." I could hear him grinning.

"What do you want, Sebastian?" I asked in a tired voice.

"Grumpy again, I see. I'll just cut to the chase, I need your help with something."

"What could you possibly need my help with?"

"I can't say it out loud, there are too many people around." I could actually hear the voices in the background.

"What is so important that you can't say it in front of other people?" Since when was Sebastian afraid to say anything out loud?

"I can't tell you, remember? You'll just have to come here and find out."

"I really don't like the sound of this."

"What are you afraid of? Despite what you may think, I really do have better things to do than stalk you."

"It's just I'm kinda busy now..." I tried to make an excuse.

"Blaine, this is important, I swear." He emphasized the word 'important'.

"Yeah, okay, fine. When do you want me to come?" I groaned inwardly.

"Immediately." He hung up the phone.

Walking through the doors of Dalton Academy had never felt weirder. All I could think about was the last time that I'd been here, and that certainly wasn't a good memory, and for more than one reason. I had no idea where Sebastian was, but since he wanted to talk to me in private (which still seemed very suspicious to me), I assumed he'd been in his dorm room. Which I unfortunately knew the location of.

Sebastian answered the door on the fourth knock. Without a word, he gestured for me to come in. Somehow his room had looked different when he was sprawled out half-dead on the bed at 7 in the morning. I faced him with my arms crossed and an expectant look on my face, "Now what is it that you need my help for exactly?"

"It's Jeff." Sebastian replied, taking a seat on his bed. The way that the setting sun was affecting the room made me think back to when I used to have a room just like this. It brought back some good, and not so good, memories.

"Jeff?" I frowned. I had not anticipated that.

"Yeah, you know, your old Warbler buddy? Jefferson Sterling?" He explained like I was mentally handicapped.

"I don't know what his full name is, but I'm relatively sure it's not Jefferson. Sebastian, what's wrong with Jeff? Why does he need help?"

"Blaine, I think he's gay." He shifted his position on the bed until his back was being supported by the wall. I stared at him.

"Are you serious?"

"I don't have any official proof or anything, I but gaydar is yet to be wrong."

"Sebastian, I've known him for years..." I said uncertainly.

"Oh yeah? How many of his girlfriends have you met?"

"Well none, technically. But that doesn't mean anything, we weren't exactly close." It felt awkward to stand in the middle of the room, so I took a seat on Sebastian's bed as well.

"No, I've never been wrong about this sort of thing before." He did seem very sure of himself.

"Well even if you are right, I still don't get why you called me here." I shrugged.

"Because you're the nice gay guy, I'm not. If I had it my way, I'd plant one on him and see what he does."

"Are you crazy? That's about the worst possible thing you could do!"

"Exactly my point. I've never known someone who was too scared to come out of the closet, that's your department. And besides, you pull off being gay almost as well as I do." I noticed for the first time that Sebastian had bags under his eyes. I suppose attempted suicide is enough to make anyone a temporary insomniac.

"I'm going to ignore that last comment. Are you sure that he wants to be talked to? Trust me, sometimes it's best to let guys work their own way through."

"I think he needs to be talked to. I believe he's too afraid to come out on his own. Probably because he thinks there's something wrong with him." Sebastian explained.

"Didn't we all think that at some point?"

"I suppose. All the more reason to talk to him." Sebastian shrugged.

"If I'm going to talk to him, then you're coming as well. I think it's best if we do it together." I suggested.

"Fine. We'll both ambush him." Sebastian grinned.

As if on cue, I heard Jeff outside the door, yelling at Sebastian that they were going to be late for rehearsal. Not that I had any idea what they were rehearsing for.

"Come on in, Jeff." Sebastian said, holding my gaze.

Jeff stopped in his tracks when he saw me. He looked uncertainly between me and Sebastian.

"Hey Blaine." He said eventually.

"Hi Jeff. You know it's funny, we were just talking about you." I said, mentally preparing what I was going to say to him. I just hoped with all my heart that Sebastian's instincts were right, otherwise this could get very awkward, very fast.

"Really? What were you saying?" He looked uncomfortable. Poor kid.

"Close the door, Jeff." Sebastian ordered. The blonde Warbler slowly did as he was told.

"Come over here." I gestured for him to sit next to me. He complied with that too. Sebastian moved from he was sitting, and took the seat on the other side of me. I wanted to glare at him for making me take the lead on this when he knew Jeff a lot better than I did. At least, I assumed he did.

"What's going on?" Jeff looked between the two of us again.

"Well, um..." Oh crap, how on earth can I state this subtly? "We just wanted to tell you that we're here if you need to talk...about anything."

"Um, thanks." Jeff still looked uncomfortable.

"We're serious, Jefferson. If there's anything going on, you can tell us." Sebastian added.

"What are you talking about?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Uhh..." I looked at Sebastian, hoping he would be the one to spell it out. Luckily, he accepted the bait.

"We know you're gay, Jeff."


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter 11**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

Jeff stared at me in shock. There it was, the last bit of evidence I needed. He wasn't staring at me in disbelief, but actual shock, like he couldn't believe that I had figured it out.

"Wha-what are you talking about?" Jeff stuttered.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. There are thousands of other guys out there just like you. I mean look at us." Blaine smiled encouragingly, pointing at him and me. I nodded.

"You two are crazy! Absolutely crazy! And I'm sure as hell not going to sit here and listen to this," Jeff got up to leave, then turned to Blaine, "He told you this, didn't he? Well did he also tell that he's getting kicked out of school...permanently?" With that Jeff stormed out of the room and slammed the door.

"I guess he really isn't ready to talk about it yet." I blinked.

"Is what he said true? Is Dalton expelling you?" Blaine turned to face me.

"So what if it is? I'm kinda tired of this place anyway." I shrugged.

"You're only saying that to make yourself feel better. We both know that you love this school."

"What makes you so sure? You didn't love it."

"I did, but it was time for me to move on. You're in your senior year, Sebastian, what's going to happen when you get kicked out?"

"I guess we're just going to have to wait and see, won't we?" Just as I finished my sentence, I heard a text come through on my phone. It was from Oliva, it read, 'You have officially been cut off. Good luck, we both know you're going to need it.'

I stared at the screen, hoping that the words would change, but they didn't. Dammit. I was totally and completely screwed.

"What's wrong?" Blaine asked. I had almost forgotten that he was here.

"Uh, nothing. I think you should leave, it's already dark out."

"What did your sister mean, 'You've been cut off?'" Blaine asked, obviously ignoring my last comment.

"It's quite inspiring the way you mind your own business." I hissed.

"And it's quite sad the way you don't want to let anyone help you." He returned.

"I don't need help." I emphasized every word and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Really? And what makes you so different from every other person on this earth who does?"

"You really can't take a hint, can you?" I moved away from him, and went to sit by the window instead.

"I don't even know why I try. You're a lost cause. One would think it means something that I'm still trying to help you despite the fact that you've always treated my friends like crap. Despite that you almost caused my boyfriend to end up in the hospital in need of the eye surgery that I had to get. Despite that you cheated to beat us at Sectionals. And despite that you assaulted one of my best friends just because he's able to realise that cheating is also illegal. And you know what? It wasn't just Sam. We both went to Finn, and we both got Trent to testify." Blaine glared at me.

"I thought he was your ex-boyfriend."

"Goodbye Sebastian." The way he looked at me when he said that made me think that he meant forever.

"I think the best way to describe it would be 'disowned'." I said before he had a chance to leave. He turned and frowned at me.

"They're kicking me out, and cutting me off...both from them and from my money. So basically, I'm broke and homeless." That was the first time I had admitted it out loud.

Blaine stared at me like I had just told him my secret alias was Barney the dinosaur. I didn't say anything further, I just waited for him to speak.

I waited a whole two minutes, "Are you-are you serious?"

"You think I'd make that up?"

"Wow Sebastian. I don't know what to say."

"I don't want your pity, Anderson. I just told you because you were getting all offended." I mumbled.

"What are you going to do?" He took his seat on my bed again.

"I don't know. Dalton has already found a replacement to take this dorm. I have to leave when he shows up."

"They'll just throw you out on the street like that?"

"It's not their fault that my family denies any relation to me. I'm resourceful, I'll figure it out." I sounded a hell of a lot more confident than I really was.

"How? Even if you get a job, where are you going to stay?" I couldn't figure out whether the look in his eyes was pity or concern.

"Like I said, I'm resourceful." I winked at him.

"What, you're going to hang around Scandals and go home with a different guy every night? Oh yeah, that's great. A great way to get Herpes." He said with a small smile.

"You know that from experience?" I smiled back.

"You can stay at my house, you know, until you find a better solution."

I had not seen that coming, Blaine offering to let me stay at his house. I would never tell him, but the fact that he would offer his house like that, despite and because of everything I've done to him, it meant a lot.

"I don't need charity, Blaine." I replied.

"But it's not like that. I'm not doing this because I feel sorry for you, trust me, I'm not. I'm doing this because in some weird messed up way, we're friends. And I help out my friends."

I stared at him in disbelief. How could he say that we're friends? I'll admit that at one point I would have agreed, but not anymore.

"Are you high or something? We are not friends, Blaine." I argued.

He looked like I'd slapped him in the face. But there was more to the look he was giving me, something very similar to disappointment. And I knew exactly what disappointment looked like.

"Why do you do this, huh? Why do you push people away? I personally think it's because you're afraid."

"I'm not scared of anything." I shrugged.

"Oh yeah?" Blaine shifted again, only this time taking the seat right next to me. "Then why bother ending it all? I mean, if you have nothing to fear, then what's the point of running away?"

"Why are you so intent on helping me anyway? I mean nothing to you, and you sure as hell don't owe me." I crossed my arms over my chest and regretted calling Blaine here today.

"You don't listen, do you? I wouldn't be here talking to you if I didn't care, Sebastian. I don't know why I do, but I do."

"I don't know why you do either, but I wish you'd stop." I moved to get up, but Blaine grabbed my arm before I could get anywhere.

"Stop running away. It's never going to solve anything." He shook his head, and slowly pulled me back until I was once again sitting next to him.

"Stop trying to understand, you'll never get it right. Now please get the hell out of my dorm." I said softly.

He had made it all the way to the door before speaking, "Does it make me terrible for saying that I miss the unconscious version of you?"

"Why? Because your hobbit-sized body couldn't process enough courage to kiss me otherwise?" I hadn't meant to say it out loud, but before I thought twice, the words were out. I never intended for him to know that I had been aware of everything he said and did that morning.

He stopped dead in his tracks.

"That's right. I heard every word you said to me." Since it was already out, I decided to use it against him.

"You remember everything I said to you, and yet you still treat me like this. I don't know why I ever wasted those tears on you." The look on his face surprised me. He looked hurt. Seriously hurt. I felt a wave of regret, more intense than I expected.

"Blaine, wait!" I jumped up and blocked the door before he had a chance to touch the doorknob.

"Now I know how you felt at the hospital...and I don't care. Get out of my way."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you should have said that a long time ago. Why didn't you tell me?" I noticed some of the anger in Blaine's eyes were evaporating.

"It didn't really come up." I shrugged.

"I thought so. Just move please." Blaine said with a sigh.

"I suppose the real reason I didn't say anything was because I thought you were going to tell me that you didn't mean any of it." I admitted, staring at the floor. This was the last thing I ever wanted to do, confess to Blaine that it mattered to me whether or not he cared about me. What was becoming of me? I was being stripped of everything, and apparently that included my dignity.

"What makes you think I'd say that?"

"Nothing. I don't know." I still refused to look at him.

"Sebastian if you would just look past your silly pride, then your life would be a heck of a lot easier. And happier."

"Don't know what either of those two feel like. I appreciate that you're trying to help me, but there really isn't much that you can do. I'll figure something out." I moved away from the door.

"I understand that this is hard for you. You're not used to this feeling of hopelessness or helplessness, but like I said earlier, your pride is getting in the way of you solving this problem; logically, anyway. Have you even tried talking to your parents?" Blaine asked.

"Trust me, they're not much for talking."

"I still think you should give it a shot. And if you want, I'll go with you." He offered.

My head shot up, "You're kidding, right? You don't know what kind of people they are, you don't want to go anywhere near them."

"I'm not going for them, Sebastian, I'm doing it for you. Please promise me you'll at least think about it. And my offer for you to stay at my house is always available." Blaine gave me an encouraging smile, then closed the door as he exited the room.

If I had felt miserable before, it wasn't nothing compared to how I felt right now.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12**_

 **Blaine's POV**

I left Dalton feeling an overwhelming sense of un-accomplishment. Not only had I failed to help Jeff, but I also completely failed at getting Sebastian to accept my help as well. There was still hope for Jeff, I knew he was just scared right now, and eventually he'll build up the courage to admit the truth. But Sebastian? I honestly worried about that guy. When he had told me that his family had kicked him out of his own home, I couldn't believe it. How could a parent ever do that to their child? I mean my parents weren't the most supportive of my sexual orientation, especially my dad, but I knew for a fact they would never even consider something so...sick. Sebastian had nowhere to go to, and his illogical pride stood in the way of him rectifying that.

But I knew that I wasn't going to give up on him, even if just to spite him. It's like he expects everyone to disappoint him, so he never bothers to let anyone get to know him for who he really is; but that was going to change. I was going to get through that boy's thick skull, and I'm going to get him to let me help him.

But first, I owed someone an apology. I hated fighting with Sam, and since it was me who had started it, it only seemed fair that it's me who ends it. I wasn't even going to bother trying to call him, since I knew that he would only ignore the call. No, I had no choice but to go to his house. At least there, he would have no choice but to let me talk.

Sam's mother was the one who answered the door. "Blaine? Hi. Was Sam expecting you?"

"Uh, not exactly. But I need to tell him something."

"Oh. Let me call him. Sam! There's someone here to see you!" Mrs. Evans yelled.

I saw Sam's blonde hair peeking around the corner of his bedroom before the rest of him started walking toward me. His mom smiled before heading to the kitchen, leaving me and Sam alone in his living room.

"Look Sam, I came to say I'm sorry. I honestly didn't mean anything I said to you, I was just tired and stressed. Not that I'm trying to make an excuse. But I really am sorry." I told him sincerely.

"Yeah, so am I. Dude, I'm so not homophobic, and you know that; I mean, my girlfriend used to have a girlfriend. But that doesn't make what I said to you right either."

"Well I forgive you. No hard feelings." I smiled.

"Great. Since you're here, do you wanna come watch YouTube videos with me? I found this great one where a cat beats up a duck." Sam grinned at me.

"Yeah, sure."

We spent the next 45 minutes watching online videos of animals either punching, flushing, or attempting to drown other animals, and I have to say that I really enjoyed it. Not the clips so much as the fact that Sam and I were back to normal.

And I wasn't even distracted by the fact that we were lying next to each other on his bed, probably because even though I had forgiven him, it still bothered me that it seemed to bother him that I was gay. Eventually I couldn't hold my tongue anymore, "Hey Sam, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, shoot."

"I know we've moved past this, and I'm not mad or anything anymore, but if you're okay with gays, then why did you say that to me at the hospital? It's not personal, I'm just curious."

"Well I said that because I couldn't think of anything bad to say about you." He replied staring at the laptop screen (it was the one that the Warblers had left in the choir room after stealing the Nationals trophy).

"Why would you want to say something bad about me?" I frowned.

"Dude, we both know I'm not the smartest, or even smart at all. And sometimes I get a bit sensitive about that, so when you said that stuff, it made me feel kinda crappy. And it's childish and immature, but I wanted to hurt you back. The problem was that I couldn't think of a single bad thing to say about you, so I instead went for the one thing I knew would offend you." He still wasn't looking at me, probably because he was uncomfortable.

"Sam, I think you're very intelligent. Look at what you accomplished with saving out shot at Regionals. And I would never say otherwise, but I'm sorry if it came across that way." I felt terrible. I had honestly never meant to call Sam dumb, because that's not what I believed. Not at all.

"Thanks man. I actually wanted to come talk to you today after school, but you left in such a hurry I never got the chance. Where'd you go?"

Before I got a chance to answer, Sam's little sister came into the room and stared at me, "Why's your hair so shiny?"

"Because I'm addicted to wearing way too much hair-gel." I smiled.

"Come on Stacey, not now. We're busy." Sam said.

"Whatever. Mom just sent me to ask your _boyfriend_ if he wants to stay for dinner."

"Yeah, he wants to. Now get lost." Sam told Stacey. She stuck her tongue out at him and left.

I waited until Stacey had left the room before I burst out laughing. Sam joined in.

"Does she know that I'm gay or something?" I asked him.

"I hope not; since she's not even supposed to know what that word means yet. I think she was just being a little kid. I hope you don't mind that I said you were staying, I just thought you'd be too polite to say yes."

"I don't mind at all, thanks."

"So, you never answered my question." Sam went back to watching the videos.

"What question? Oh, that one. Believe it or not, Sebastian called me."

"Really? Why?"

"He wanted my help with something I'm afraid I cannot tell you."

Sam looked away from the laptop and gave me a suspicious look.

"No Sam, it's not like that. It was something important. Not that I was any help. Anyway, guess what? Sebastian's own family kicked him out. The kid's money-less and homeless." I wasn't telling Sam this because I liked to gossip, I was telling him this because somehow Sam was able to get into Sebastian's head and predict that he was going to try and kill himself. Obviously Sam understood Sebastian better than most people. Including me.

"Ouch. That's harsh. Why?" Sam closed the laptop and turned to me.

"He didn't say. In fact, he didn't say much of anything. I actually feel sorry for him. Sure, sometimes he could act like evil-incarnate but maybe that's because of the way he grew up. I can't imagine his parents were all warm and fuzzy toward him." I shrugged.

"Maybe he did something? His dad is after all a state's attorney, maybe Sebastian suicide attempt hurt his rep." Sam suggested.

"Yeah, I thought of that too. But I mean, even if he got fired or something, his son tried to kill himself. The logical reaction is not to throw him out on the street."

"Personally, I think that whole family is messed up. But maybe it's a good thing he's not living with them anymore, it gives him a shot at growing up to _not_ be like them." Sam clicked his knuckles until he saw the face I was making, then stopped.

"If he lives long enough to grow up. Dalton is expelling him, and he'll need to evacuate his dorm soon. Then what? He's literally out on the street. I offered my house but the hot-headed idiot chose to be stubborn and proud." I shook my head.

"He'd rather be a homo hobo than stay with you?" Sam chuckled at his own joke.

"Pretty much. I don't know what to do. I want to help him, but if he doesn't let me, there really isn't much that I can do." I sighed.

"Why don't I go talk to him? I think I might have a shot at changing his mind. I mean I won't be able to let him stay here, even if my parents don't mind, I know they can't afford it. But I think I could convince him to take you up on your offer."

"If you can, then Samuel Evans you're a miracle worker." I grinned.

"Tell me something I don't know."

"Okay; Stevie just took your phone." I laughed as I watched the little boy sneak into the room and ninja-swipe Sam's cellphone.

"What? Come back here with that!" He chased him out of the room.

I waited a few seconds until Sam came back, only to yell at me to help him. Together we managed to corner Stevie and tickle him until he handed Sam back his phone. The little boy ran away giggling.

"Sam! Blaine! Dinner's ready." We heard Mrs. Evans say.

"I swear if that little mongrel tries to steal my milk again tonight..." I heard Sam mumble as we walked back to the living room. I laughed silently.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter 13**_

 **Sam's POV**

I had been serious when I told Blaine that I would go talk to Sebastian, so I decided to head over there after school.

I don't know what it was with me, lately it's like I took it upon myself to help everyone who needed it. It's not a bad thing, but it's certainly not something that I used to do before. Maybe it's because it's my senior year, I want it to be important and memorable. I want it to mean something. But helping Sebastian specifically was just me trying to over-compensate for my SAT scores. And I kinda felt sorry for the dude; I mean, his own parents had thrown him out. Talk about rejection.

So after making out with Brittany for a bit in the front of my car, I was on my way to Dalton Academy. Somehow I still expected to be met at the gates with medieval guards or something.

I was walking down the spiral staircase when I ran into someone I had honestly hoped I would be able to avoid.

"Who tried to kill himself now?" Hunter groaned dramatically.

"No one. I'm just here to see someone." I tried to move past him, but he blocked my way.

"Who? And why? Did you finally realise how gay your hair is?"

"Look who's talking, mister 'not even remotely bi-curious'." I mocked, imitating what Blaine had told me.

"So you and Hair-gel are going out after all. I thought I sensed some sexual tension there." He smirked stupidly.

"Get out of my way, Hunter." I pushed past him and didn't give him a second look as I headed to where the dorm rooms were. It took me a while to remember which one was his, but when I finally found it, I realised that no one was in there. Now what?

As if on cue, I saw that blonde friend of Sebastian's walk past me.

"Hey, wait! Um, I can't remember your name, but I need you to tell me where Sebastian is."

"Uh, I don't know, maybe in the library. Why are you looking for him?" The blonde guy seemed confused.

"There's something I need to tell him."

"Better you than me." The boy shrugged and carried on walking. It suddenly occurred to me that I had no idea where this school's library was.

30 minutes, and two harassment accusations later, I finally located the humongous hoard of neatly stacked books that the school called a library. The only problem was that there were almost as many guys as there were books. And it really didn't help that seemingly 85% of the student body were brunettes, and almost 100% of them were wearing the Dalton blazer.

Ignoring the stares from pretty much everyone, I started patrolling the isles looking for Sebastian. I felt like emitting a cry of triumph when I finally located him in the corner of the room sitting at a wooden table and reading something that looked way too much like a Psychology textbook. I sat down opposite him.

"Sam." He said without looking up.

"We need to talk, Smythe."

"Smythe? Formal, aren't we?" He lifted his head and arched an eyebrow.

"Blaine told me everything."

"And what exactly is it that the undergrown dwarf told you?" I could see the curiosity turn to contempt.

"I'm going to assume you're talking about Blaine, in which case, he told me that you were expelled from school...and your house." I explained.

"Ah. Now please enlighten me as to what in the hell that has to do with you?" He narrowed his eyes even further.

"He also told me that you have nowhere to go after being kicked out. Is that still true?"

"What if it is?"

"Then I'm here to convince you to take Blaine's offer." I told him.

"And why would I care what you have to say?" He looked like a combination of annoyed, confused, and disinterested.

"Because I understand how hard it is for you to accept help from someone else. Especially someone like Blaine."

"And I suppose you're going to tell me why you understand? Whether I want you to or not. And just so we're clear, it's a definite _not._ " Now he just looked mostly bored.

"You supposed right. See, I have two siblings, a younger brother and a sister. I also have two parents, and that makes five of us. In 2011 something happened that caused us to leave Lima because we didn't have the money to stay there anymore. And even after we moved, my parents struggled to find jobs, so I decided to be a man and find a job myself. You wanna know what job I got?" I leaned forward slightly.

"You started selling your sperm to gender-confused hermaphrodites? I believe you know one, goes by the name of Kurt Hummel?"

"Um, no. I became a stripper." I confessed.

"As interesting as that mental image is, I'm not really seeing the similarities in our situations. Unless of course you're suggesting that I become stripper, in which case I'd be very willing to give you a lap dance free of charge." He smirked.

"Would you just shut up and listen to me? Don't you see? Your pride is what's stopping you from accepting the help that you so desperately need. Do you think it was easy for me, as a sixteen year old guy, to go out in front of people and, um, dance? Well in case you were wondering, the answer is no, it wasn't easy. But I did it because I had to, because I had no other choice. But I had to forget about my pride and often even my dignity, to bring that pay check home to my family.

Now I understand your situation might be slightly harder, but dude, feeling sorry for yourself and hiding behind snarky comments isn't going to get you anywhere." I crossed my arms over my chest for maximum effect.

All of his snarkiness had been wiped from his face, only to be replaced with bitterness and what appeared to be anger, "Don't pretend to know anything about me, because you don't. I don't get what it is with you people, why are you all so intent on 'helping' me? I don't want it."

"No Sebastian, you're wrong. It's not that you don't want it, it's that you don't think you deserve it. And maybe you don't, but all the more reason to man up and take it already."

"I'm not a child, Sam, I'm almost 18. So why is it that I feel so helpless and uncertain...of everything? It's not like my family's ever really been there before." He started rubbing his temples. I could tell I was starting to get through.

"Maybe it's because, even though you were kinda forced you raise yourself, you always had a house, and food and money at your disposal. Now you're still on your own, but you don't have access to that anymore. It changes the whole game." I suggested.

"I suppose that sort of makes sense. But why does it have to be him? Why Blaine?"

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"Why does it have to be Blaine who offers his house to me?" His words and the look on his face suddenly made me realise something that had totally escaped me before.

"Wait, it's not that you don't want help, it's that you don't want it from Blaine." It was more of a statement than question.

He nodded.

"But why?" Just as I spoke the words, the answer came to me.

"Oh come on, have you been listening to all the crap you've been saying? How can you know all that and not know the answer to your own question?" He rolled his eyes.

"You feel guilty, that's what it is." I elicited another nod from him.

"Man, we both know I screwed up a lot since I joined Dalton, but somehow that little hobbit still wants to help me. It makes no sense to me. How can I allow him to do this for me when I know there's no way I could ever repay him?" Sebastian wove his fingers through his hair.

"The reason you don't understand is because Blaine is a much better person than you. Simple as that. But he has taken it upon himself to help you out, because that's just who he is. Now I get that you feel guilty about the way you've treated him in the past, so why don't you start making up for it? Accept his offer to help you. I know the logic of it seems weird; helping the person that you've always treated like crap by accepting help from him. But trust me, one step toward repaying him would be to show him that you trust him." I explained.

"I don't know. It still feels like I'd be putting him in the middle of a really messed up situation."

"Okay, what about you take it one step at a time, and just let him go with you to talk to your parents?" I asked.

Sebastian seemed to really consider that. Eventually he looked back up at me and nodded, "Okay."

"But what are you going to do if the talk doesn't go well?" I inquired.

"I'll take Blaine up on his offer. But don't tell him I said that. I'll talk to him." He sighed.

"Things aren't as bad as they seem, man. And neither are you."

"Keep your voice down, you'll ruin my reputation." The grin had returned to his face.

"Dude, you tried to kill yourself then got expelled from school, I'd say your rep speaks for itself."

"You say that like it's a bad thing; and you forgot about the steroids. People think I'm a total badass now."

"Um, you were disqualified from a _show choir_ competition. _Show choir._ I can assure you that the word 'bad' will not be associated with your name. Although you may be right about the 'ass' part." I couldn't help but chuckle at the highly bemused expression on Sebastian's face.

We both started laughing when the librarian threw a ruler at Sebastian's head for making so much noise.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Chapter 14**_

 **Blaine's POV**

Sam and I were the first in the choir room on Thursday, not that this was accidental of course. Sam had practically dragged me out of my last class and into the choir room before the bell even had time to ring.

"I did it." Sam announced with a grin.

"It?" I raised my eyebrow, confused by the direction of the conversation.

"I got Sebastian to agree to your help." He announced again, with even more pride.

"Are you serious?"

"Yup. He said he'd call you."

"I'm impressed. How'd you do it?" I wondered.

"It wasn't easy, and I'm pretty sure he called you an undergrown dwarf, but I sort of got through to him eventually. I'd tell you more, but he made me swear to keep the content of the conversation a secret." He explained.

"He made you swear?" That hardly sounded like Sebastian.

"Well, not exactly. He threatened me, but still. I told you I could do it." He grinned again.

"And you were right. Wait, what exactly did he agree to?"

"Um, I'm not entirely sure. But he agreed to something, so that's at least a first step. The rest will come later."

"I guess. It's just...how sure are you that he wasn't just saying what you wanted to hear to get you to leave? That sounds like something he would do." Somehow this just seemed too easy.

"Dude, if I can guess when the guy's going to try and kill himself, I think I'd be able to tell when he's lying to me." Sam seemed offended.

"Well if you're sure, then I believe you. Now I suppose we just wait and see."

"Blaine have you even asked your parents about the possibility of him staying there? What are you going to do if they say no?"

"If I just explain the situation to them, I'm sure they'll agree. They may not be the most accepting of all parents, but they certainly won't just leave him out on the street." I shrugged.

"Yeah, but do they know it was him who threw the slushie in your face? Have you ever talked about Sebastian to them before?"

"I told them it was an unknown kid in the school who threw the slushie, but I might have mentioned Sebastian as one of the Warblers." I tried hard to remember if I'd ever said anything bad about him, but I came up with nothing.

"Well I suggest you keep it that way." Sam advised.

"I agree." I nodded.

Just then everyone else started shuffling in, so Sam and I didn't really have any more time to talk.

Sam, Tina, Artie and I were arguing who the coolest Avenger was (totally Thor, in my opinion) as we were heading to our cars. As I was listening to Tina vent about how much she hated Captain America, who was Artie's favourite, I heard my phone ring; this time I was definitely not surprised that the caller ID read 'Sebastian Smythe'.

"Hey," I answered, "I was wondering if you'd actually call."

I noticed that Sam was trying to draw attention away from my phone call, so I made a mental note to thank him later.

"As much as I'm sure that a phone call from me is the highlight of your day, I don't know why you thought I'd lie to Sam about it." I heard him sigh.

"You really need me to answer that question? I wouldn't exactly call you the most reliable person I've met."

"You gay guys are all so sensitive. Just because I caused you to end up in hospital for eye surgery, physically assaulted a blonde guy with lips that take up half his face, and had a failed attempt at suicide doesn't mean I'm unreliable. It's just offensive." I could practically sense the smirk on his face.

"You forgot about the performance-enhancing drugs."

"Oh yes. In my opinion that was just overkill; everyone knows my performance isn't in need of any enhancing."

"I'm pretty sure there was an actual reason you called me." I knew very well that he was stalling.

"Look, I'll agree to let you accompany me on the completely fruitless task of trying to talk my parents out of denying me as their son; but nothing more. You understand that?" He was still hiding behind sarcastic humor. I was starting to believe that he had been born that way.

"I understand." I reassured him.

"I'm only doing this to get you people to leave me alone. Just so we're clear about that too."

"Yeah, we're clear. Now when do you wanna go?" I noticed Tina giving me a suspicious look, but I turned my back and ignored her.

"Let's just do it tonight and get it over with." He sighed again.

"Fine by me. I'll pick you up at 7:45."

"That seems emasculating. I'd prefer to pick you up." Sebastian said.

"I'm on my way home right now, and unless you know where I live, which would be very creepy, that's not going to be possible." I argued.

"And you're so very mentally challenged that you couldn't just tell me, huh? Whatever, don't be late, I have other things to do tonight." With that he hung up the phone.

"Who were you just talking to?" Tina asked as soon as I put my phone back in my pocket. Both Tina and Artie were staring at me. They couldn't possibly know it was Sebastian, I had purposely avoided the use of his name. But maybe they had thought the conversation seemed suspicious.

"Um, that was my, uh, that was my ex, Brad." I mentally slapped myself. That was the best thing I could come up with?

"You have an ex-boyfriend named Brad?" Artie and Tina asked simultaneously.

"Yeah, he sucks. It's why I've never mentioned him before. Anyway, I should get going. I'll see you guys tomorrow." I smiled goodbye and headed to my car. When I was in the safety of my front seat, I slapped my forehead. Everyone knew I only had one ex, and his name certainly wasn't Brad.

I felt my phone vibrate, and saw that I had a text from Sam: _I could have come up with a less lame excuse that that! They know you're hiding something, dude._

I knew he was right, but there wasn't much I could do about it now. I replied with: _Yeah, I panicked. I'm not very good at lying._

Sam and I continued talking via mobile as I drove home. I was just happy Quinn wasn't here, she would have probably thrown my phone out of the window. The rest of our conversation went like this:

 _Then why bother lying?_

 _Are you kidding me? The Warblers used steroids to beat us in the very same Sectionals that we got disqualified for leaving the stage. Then you and I expose them and regain our shot at Regionals...and now I'm exchanging phone calls with Sebastian? To anyone else, that may seem suspicious._

 _I guess. They might think Sebastian's got something up his sleeve._

 _He probably does._

 _And you still trust him?_

 _No, I don't. I only need him to trust me._

 _That sounded like something a supervillain would say._

 _Awesome. I'm unintentionally schemy._

 _?_

 _Never mind._

When my head fell onto my pillow, I felt like I could sleep for 3 days straight. Lately I'd become a bit of an insomniac. But I knew I couldn't allow myself to fall asleep, I would have to leave soon to go fetch Sebastian.

Right now was the first time it had occurred to me that maybe going with him to talk to his parents wasn't such a good idea. I mean, this was obviously a very personal family matter, and I would probably be intruding. But I guess it doesn't really matter. As long as Sebastian benefits from this, then it would be worth it. And by 'benefits', I mean get his home back. It also occurred to me that maybe he didn't want it back, but how could any child choose being homeless and broke over going back to his parents? It seemed illogical. Then again, I knew nothing about his family or the way in which he had been raised, so I couldn't really judge. But still, Sebastian's pride would make things really difficult for him if he truly were forced to fend for himself.

I nearly jumped when I saw the time, I was supposed to have left almost 15 minutes ago!

I was half an hour late when I drove through the gates of Dalton Academy, and Sebastian was leaning against one of the pillars wearing a very annoyed expression on his face. When he got into the passenger seat, he slammed the door harder than necessary.

"You're 30 minutes late, Anderson." He glared.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I think maybe I zoned out or something."

"Whatever. Let's just get this stupid thing over with." He muttered.

"I don't think you're going to accomplish much tonight with that attitude." I said as I put the car in reverse.

"Oh don't worry, I'm not going to accomplish anything either way."

I stopped the car, earning an even more annoyed look from Sebastian. I turned to him, "If you don't want to do this, then why did you even agree to it? And don't say it was to get me to leave you alone."

"Would you just be quiet and drive already? You're wasting my time."

I shrugged, and crossed my arms over my chest.

"You said that you wanted to help me, so help me. I'm not going to be happy about doing this, Blaine, these are the people who kicked their son out of his own family. But maybe by some miraculous chance, they'll change their mind." He sighed.

"But why didn't you do this before Sam had to convince you?"

"I don't know. Can we please just go now?" His teeth were clenched.

"I'm not going anywhere until you answer the question."

"Blaine! I don't want to talk about this, just drop it." This time it sounded more like a plea than a demand.

I decided to stop trying and just give in, so I re-started the car, and waited for Sebastian to show me in which direction to drive.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15**_

 **Blaine's POV**

I had to stop my jaw from falling off of my face when I stopped in front of Sebastian's family's house; if you can call it that. A more accurate term would be an imitation of the White House. It was _huge_.

" _This_ is where you live?" I asked.

"Lived." He said with an expression that made me think he was trying very hard to mask his actual feelings.

"Are you ready for this?"

"What's there to be ready for?" Were the words that came out of his mouth, but his face seemed to tell a different story.

"Sebastian, you can stop the whole macho act already. Neither of us are buying it."

"One just has to look at what you're wearing to know that you don't even know the definition of 'macho'." Sebastian snapped.

"Okay fine, pretend all you want, but sitting in this car all night isn't going to help anyone."

"Then let's get it over with." He heaved a sigh, and got out of the car. I followed suit.

"Lead the way." I told him. When we reached the front door (which was also huge) he seemed to hesitate. At first he looked like he was going to grab the door-handle, but then pulled back and rang the doorbell instead. I frowned, but said nothing.

The man who answered the door bore a strong resemblance to Sebastian, although he looked to be about 21, "Ah Sebby, I was wondering when I'd be seeing you."

"Get out of my way, Elliot. I'm not here for you." Sebastian said coolly.

"Whatever you say. But I warn you, Dad isn't in a good mood." Elliot chuckled.

"What have I got to lose, right?" Sebastian smirked.

As I followed Sebastian into the house, I couldn't help but marvel at the sheer magnificence of the place. I suppose the best word to describe the house would be 'grand'.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I hadn't even noticed Olivia standing at the foot of the stairs.

"None of your business, drama queen." Sebastian glared.

"And I see you brought your boyfriend along as well." Olivia said, giving me a dark look.

"And apparently you did the same." Her brother remarked when he saw a very uncomfortable-looking Hunter behind her.

This situation had certainly turned very awkward very quickly. And when did Hunter and Olivia start dating?

"Hey Sebastian." Hunter said, although his eyes were fixed on me.

"Hunt." He gave a nod of his head.

"Come on, let's just go." Olivia whined and grabbed Hunter's arm, dragging him in the direction of the front door. I didn't get to see whether or not they left, since at that moment a man emerged from one of the closed doors in the opposite hallway; there was no mistaking that this man was Smythe senior.

"What are you doing here boy? I thought I made myself very clear." The man demanded. Something about his demeanour and the tone of his voice made me want to hide in a dark corner; but it didn't. I stayed where I was, partly beside and partly behind Sebastian.

"Hi Dad. I came to talk to you." Sebastian replied with about as much confidence as a mouse.

"I don't have _anything_ to say to you. You hear me? _Nothing._ So I suggest you get the hell out of my house!"

I saw Sebastian wince, but he didn't back down. "Please Dad, just let me explain or apologise, or both. I never meant for you-"

"Do I look like a give a damn about your stupid apologies? And who the hell are you?" Sebastian's dad turned to me.

"My name is Blaine. I'm a friend of Sebastian's." I offered.

"Are you a fag too?" Mr. Smythe snapped.

My breath caught in my throat.

"Dad!" Sebastian said angrily.

"Don't talk back to me! And how many times have I told you that in no circumstances are you allowed to bring other _things_ like you into my house?! One of you was certainly more than enough."

I blinked in shock. How could any parent say things like that about their own child? I finally understood why Sebastian hadn't wanted to do this, and I felt really bad that I had made him.

"Call _me_ what you want, but you have no right to talk about Blaine like that." Sebastian pushed his chest out, probably an attempt to seem more intimidating.

"What did you just say to me? Since when do you get off telling me what I have a right to do? If anyone around here has no rights, it's you; you little waste of space."

"Say what you want, I've heard it all before. But I'm not leaving until we have a mature conversation about your decision to throw me out of my own house." Sebastian crossed his arms over his chest.

"This is a mature conversation, but this is not your home."

"Yes, it is! I was born here, and I grew up in this house. Just because your pride got hurt doesn't give you the right to destroy my life."

"That's where you're wrong, I can do whatever I want until the day you turn 18. Because as you seem to have forgotten, I am the father, and you're the ignorant child." Mr. Smythe took a few steps closer to his son.

"Oh please, just because you knocked up Mom does not make you my father-" He was cut off by his dad punching him in the face, hard enough to make Sebastian fall over.

Before I could move, Mr. Smythe turned to me, "If you even think about helping him, I'll do the same to you."

I froze. Could he really get away with assaulting me? Probably. But I didn't care, I wasn't going to let him know how afraid I actually was of him.

I knelt down beside Sebastian and tried to help him up, but he refused to let me and whispered, "Blaine, no."

Sebastian's dad pulled me up by the front of my shirt and said in a menacing voice, "I'm giving you one warning, boy. Get out of my house now. Just you. I have some things that I need to discuss with my son."

I looked between Sebastian and his father before replying with, "No. I'm not going anywhere without him."

"Blaine, just go!" Sebastian practically yelled. He was standing again.

I gave him a questioning look.

"You heard him, now go." Mr. Smythe spat.

The anger inside me was swelling by the second, and I didn't make a habit of giving into bullies. "I said I'm not leaving without you, Sebastian."

"Get out!" Mr. Smythe shoved me into the wall. I felt the wind being knocked out of me.

"Dad!" Sebastian yelled again.

"Shut up," he said to his son before turning back to me, once again grabbing my shirt, "Final warning."

"I'm not scared of rich middle-aged morons who like to bully children." I narrowed my eyes. I realised as soon as I said it that that had been the wrong thing to do. This guy obviously had anger management issues, and I certainly wasn't making the situation any better by saying that.

He shoved me again, this time it was my head instead of my back that hit the wall.

"Stop it!" Sebastian pushed his dad away from me, and stood with his arms extended at his sides. He was trying to protect me from his father.

"How dare you lift a finger to your dad? How dare you!" He grabbed his son by the hair and dragged him to the other side of the room. "I knew you were a worthless little piece of crap, but this a whole new level of insanity. I knew this would happen, of course. On your 15th birthday I told your mother that you hadn't just been a surprise, but the biggest mistake we ever made. I wish she'd have listened to me and got that abortion before you were born. That way you wouldn't have grown up to be the biggest disappointment a man has ever seen in a son. If I can even call you that. But you're going to pay for that, you little faggot."

I rushed forward, I didn't know what he wanted to do to Sebastian, but I wasn't planning on waiting around to find out. Unfortunately as soon as I put my hands on Mr. Smythe's shoulders to pull him away from Sebastian, I felt another pair of hands grabbing me from behind. It was Elliot. Not only was he taller, but also physically bigger. I struggled against him, but it didn't seem to help much. He dragged me away from Sebastian and his dad.

I heard Mr. Smythe hit Sebastian, but since his back was in the way, I couldn't see where he had hit him. Wherever it was, it must have been painful, since I heard Sebastian scream.

If I hadn't been angry before, I certainly was now. I put my foot down as hard as possible on top of Elliot's, then I got my arm free and elbowed him in the gut. I then turned around and grabbed the back of his neck, bringing his chest down onto my knee. Who knew the self-defence training my mom had forced me to do would actually pay off?

I didn't wait to see Elliot fall to the floor, I ran toward Mr. Smythe and used all my momentum I had gained to punch him in the face. He staggered and I punched him again. And again. And again. And again. I only stopped when he was lying on the floor, out cold (plus, my knuckles hurt so much I thought I'd have to get them amputated).

I turned to Sebastian who was staring at me with an expression that was impossible to figure out.

I frowned. I know I had heard Mr. Smythe hit him, but there were no bruises visible anywhere. I decided to worry about that later, and just get the hell out of here.

Sebastian accepted the arm I offered to help him up, and together we half walked, half-jogged out of the house and back into my car. I didn't waste any time starting the engine, putting it into gear, and then driving as fast as legally possible away from that manor.

I kept sneaking glances at Sebastian as we drove, just to see if he was okay. But the darkness of the night made it very hard for me to see the expression on his face.

"Eyes on the road, Anderson." He said eventually.

"You're seriously not going to say anything about what just happened?"

"What do you want me to say? I told you this was a bad idea, remember? I told you." Something in his voice bothered me.

"You're right, this was my fault. I'm really sorry, Sebastian. I really am." I actually felt a bit sick. Everything that had just happened was because of me. Obviously it wasn't intentional, but that didn't actually make me feel any less guilty.

"No it wasn't, Blaine. It was their fault. I'm never going back there again. Ever. I hate him. All of them." He was speaking through gritted teeth, and I was pretty sure if I could see them, his fists would have been clenched as well.

"Has your dad ever hit you before?"

"No, of course not. I wouldn't have let him."

"Well he's not getting anywhere near you again. I'll personally make sure of that." I told him.

"Blaine, you should just have left when he told you. This has nothing to do with you, and these are not people you want to be involved with." Sebastian said with a sigh.

"I have no intention of getting involved, only ensuring that you no longer are. And why should I have gone? I'm not afraid of him." I shrugged.

"Because then I wouldn't have what he did to you on my conscience! Don't you think I have enough to worry about without adding that to the list?" He rubbed at his eyes.

"First of all, technically everything that happened tonight would be on my conscience since it was me who convinced you come here. And secondly, he didn't do anything to me except shove me. I think I'll survive."

"Actually, it was Sam who convinced me. But it still comes down to me, since I'm the only one who knows what they're like. I was afraid that this would happen." He buried his face in his hands.

"Sebastian, calm down. Everything's going to be just fine-"

"Fine? Are you mentally handicapped? Nothing's _fine_ , my life is messed up. I'm so screwed." I'd never heard him sound so panicky before.

"No, you're not. You're better off without them. If you'd stayed you might have ended up like your-" I stopped myself from finishing that sentence.

Not that it mattered, Sebastian knew very well what I had been about to say. "You think I'm anything like my dad?" He looked disgusted.

"No. That's not what I meant-"

"Yes, it is. That's exactly what you were going to say." He shook his head.

"I didn't mean it the way it came out. I just meant that living with them really would have screwed up your life. You're better than all of them, and don't let him tell you otherwise."

"Oh, he has. Plenty of times." He replied, obviously lost in thought.

"Sebastian, my parents are on a cruise for the next week. Please come stay with me, no one has to know if that's what's bothering you."

"I already told you-"

"All your arguments suck. The only reason you don't want to agree to it is because of your stupid ego. Forget about it, forget about all of it, and please just accept my help. I know it's not easy for you, but at this point, you don't have any other options." I argued.

"I'm tired, can we not do this now?"

"Stay tonight. If it's horrible and you hate it, then I'll help you make other arrangements tomorrow." I shrugged. I was not going to give up. I knew he needed help, and I was afraid I was the only one willing to give it to him.

"Again with the helping thing..." He groaned.

"Come on, what have you got to lose?" I persisted.

"Okay, fine. Just tonight. If it'll get you to shut up." He groaned again, rubbing his temples.

Nothing more was said until we reached my house. I could tell that Sebastian was exhausted, and it was probably more than just physical. He remained quiet as he followed me into the house, and still said nothing when I asked if he wanted coffee. I gave up on talking to him and told him to follow me upstairs.

I don't know why I did it, but for some reason I led him to my bedroom instead of the spare one. He noticed this too, but didn't say anything. Apparently it was a lot easier being around Sebastian when he didn't open his mouth so often.

"Goodnight Sebastian...I'm really sorry." I said as I moved to exit the room.

"I told you, it wasn't your fault." He mumbled.

"No, not that. There's a mutant gecko in the room whose favorite pass time is to climb onto your face in the middle of the night, and try to suffocate you."

I left the room then, but not before seeing the small smile on Sebastian's lips.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Chapter 16**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

I woke with a gasp. I'd had another dream. I blinked and tried to figure out where the hell I was. Then I remembered the events of last night, and felt a fresh wave of nausea hit me. Calm down, Sebastian, calm down.

I got out of Blaine's bed and headed downstairs. I had forgotten my watch at Dalton and I needed to know what the time was. Well if I still had a school to go back to, I would need to know the time.

As soon as I reached the foot of the stairs, I saw that Blaine was already awake and in the kitchen, hunched over one of the counters with his hands under his chin; he was staring at the kettle like he was trying to make it explode with telekinesis. My eyes stopped on his hair; this was the first time I had ever seen him without hair-gel. And in a strange way, I kind of liked the way it looked. Sure, it was way too curly and bushy, but on him it seemed to work. It made him look cute.

"Nice hair." I said.

He turned around and stared at me for a few seconds before a grin spread across his features. "Yeah, it usually washes out when I shower."

"Water will do that to you." I joined him in the kitchen.

"I've tried to cut it shorter, but it has the same magical properties as Harry Potter's: it just grows back overnight. Want some coffee?"

"Please. What time is it? I don't have my watch on me." I yawned.

"Uh, it's 6:47. Crap, there's no way I'm going to get us both to school on time." He slapped his forehead.

"I don't have a school anymore, remember?"

"You do for another few days. You should make them count." He insisted.

"Oh please, I have double bio today, and all we're doing is the male reproductive system. I think I got that covered." I smirked.

"I didn't mean the schoolwork, I meant your friends, being part of the Warblers. Trust me, you're going to miss it a lot more than you think."

"Firstly, I don't have any friends. And secondly, I don't think I can look Hunter in the face without wanting to burn it off, so...I'm going to give it a miss." I frowned at a coffee mug that read 'Sour 16'.

"I don't blame you about the Hunter thing, but you do have friends. Nick? Jeff?" He took the mug from my hands and poured boiling water into it.

"I haven't seen Nick much since he started dating some chick named Alison, and Jeff's been avoiding me ever since we confronted him. It's not my fault he's in denial about who he is." I shrugged.

"He'll come around. It's hard for everyone, and we all have to deal in our own way." Blaine handed me a sugar bowl and a Valentines Day mug with the words, 'Your sweetness gives me diabetes'. Okay, really? Who comes up with this stuff? Although I was pretty sure Blaine had done that purposely just to be ironic.

"It wasn't hard for me." When I said this Blaine looked at me sceptically.

"Don't believe me, but it's true. I've known I was gay since I was 11 years old."

"That young? Kids at that age don't even have hormones yet, how could you have known that you weren't attracted to girls?" Blaine left the kitchen and headed to his living room. I followed.

"I just did. Why? How did you figure out you were gay?" I pulled a face when I burnt my tongue on the coffee.

"That's a really long story, which I'd love to tell you about...tonight. For now, we both have to go to school."

"I have no reason to go back there." I argued.

"Beside all your clothes, possessions and car? You're right, why bother?"

"Hey, sarcasm is my thing."

"I'm assuming you're staying with me again tonight?" Blaine stared at something that popped up on his phone.

"What would give you that idea?" I arched an eyebrow.

"You didn't hate it here, and that was our deal. Oh come on, Sebastian, it's not like you have anywhere else to go. And you're not going to find a place before tonight, either." He started packing books I hadn't noticed into a bag I hadn't noticed either.

"Fine. I'll think about it. But I'm not going to school."

"What else are you going to do all day? Hang around here?" He wondered.

"No, I-hmph. Um, Mr. Afro?" I gestured to his head.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Blaine said before running off. I just stood there drinking his terrible coffee for a few minutes until he returned with newly gelled hair. I couldn't help but snort into the cup.

"Come on, we're already late."

After about a half hour of arguing about it, Blaine was still intent on taking me to Dalton and then coming back to Lima before second period. I told him that he was going to have to break a few speed laws in order to accomplish that, but he still wouldn't listen. Eventually I just gave up and turned up the radio in his car, which at that moment was playing Journey's Don't Stop Believin'.

"No way." Blaine grinned and turned it up even louder.

"What? This your song or something?"

"Not mine, New Direction's." He replied, still grinning.

"Well thank you for that, now you've just ruined a perfectly good song." I glared at him.

He just ignored me and started singing along to the radio. I groaned and slumped down on the seat. This was going to be a long ride.

"I'm not that bad, am I?" He asked when he saw the expression on my face.

"Well, I suppose it's time someone told you...you suck. There I said it. Now you can give up on all your dreams and get stuck in some dead-end job as a mailman, and end up being the mistress of some rich lawyer who doesn't have the guts to tell his wife and children the truth about his sexuality. And when you're 40 with 9 hairs on your head and a beer-belly, you're going to end up being the tragic victim in some grocery store robbery. But what's even more tragic is that the only people to attend your funeral is the girl who's been secretly stalking you, and the wife of the guy you've been sleeping with, to make sure that you're really dead; see, she knew about the affair, so she arranged the whole shooting and made it look like an accident."

"You should try and talk to Jeff while you're there. Try and make things right with him before it's too late." Blaine said, suddenly serious and obviously having ignored my last comment.

"What difference does it make? The only time I'm ever going to see him again is if we run into each other at The Lima Bean, or supermarket or something." I shrugged.

"You seem to be missing my point, Sebastian. He's one of your only friends, and at heart the nicest guy you'll ever meet. Don't take that for granted, and don't take your friendship for granted."

"But I did nothing wrong! I was only trying to help him."

"You know that and I know that, but Jeff is probably so confused right now that he _doesn't._ Keep in mind that he was the one who called the ambulance when you tried to kill yourself." Blaine pointed out.

"Oh sure, play the guilt card. Like I don't already have enough that." I mumbled.

"This isn't about guilt or debt or any of that. He did that because he cares about you, just like you do about him. And don't even bother giving me that look, you wouldn't have called me to help you talk to him because you were afraid of saying the wrong thing, if you didn't care. I don't get why it's so hard for you to admit that a person actually means a lot to you." He shook his head.

"It's not that complicated, really. It's that thing about giving people what you receive from them."

"Ohhh, crap. Now I get it. No one's ever told you that they love you, have they?" He looked at me.

"Not that it matters, but no they haven't."

"That must suck." Blaine said quietly.

"You're not going to tell me that you love me, are you? Because that could make things seriously awkward for the both of us. You know, I'd completely understand it, but I'd still prefer if you didn't say it out loud."

"Don't worry, I wasn't going to say that." He laughed.

"Just making sure."

We were quiet for about 10 minutes before I thought of something I wanted to ask Blaine, "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Since when do you need permission to ask or say inappropriate things?" He arched an eyebrow.

"True. Why did you and Kurt break up?" I fought the urge to call him Kurtina.

"Oh that..." Blaine seemed to think hard about something for an additional few minutes before speaking again, "I'll answer the question, but then you have to promise me that the next question I ask you, you have to answer as well."

"Sure. And then afterward we can swap our innermost thoughts and feelings." I replied sarcastically.

"That's my condition, Sebastian. Take it or leave it."

"Fine, whatever, I'll accept your stupid and excruciatingly gay condition." I groaned.

"Deal. I cheated on him, so Kurt broke up with me." I could tell that those simple words hurt him a lot to admit out loud. I couldn't help when my eyebrows shot up.

" _You_ cheated on _him_? _"_

"Yes, Sebastian, I was unfaithful. You don't have to say it like that." He looked offended.

"No, it's just that you're so...uptight. I can't really imagine you doing that. Who was it with? And he better be hot enough to burn holes in Satan if you would choose him over me. I would have been more than happy to help with your sexual deprivements." I smirked.

"This isn't a joke. He was being distant and I was hurt and lonely. Those are never good combinations." He sighed.

"It sounds to me like he was looking for an excuse to break up with you."

"What? Why would you say something like that?" Blaine looked almost on the verge of tears. Sheesh, Kurtina really was a touchy topic for him.

"Don't get so offended. I just meant if he was already distant, then broke up with you after you had a meaningless hook-up _because_ he was so distant. It just sounds way too convenient to me." I said.

"I've never thought of it that way before." He frowned.

"Please don't start crying. I think I'd prefer you telling me that you love me." I groaned.

"Don't worry, my days of crying because of Kurt are over. He's obviously moved on, so I guess I should do the same."

"He's dating someone else?"

"Yeah. I knew it was only a matter of time, how can I compete with the guys at NYADA?" He sighed.

"Why? What do they have that you don't?"

"Freakish talent, good looks, crazy ambition, and a hell of a lot of confidence."

"I asked what you _don't_ have, Blaine. Trust me, they got nothing on you." I smiled.

"Thanks Sebastian. But you shouldn't be so nice, it could ruin your reputation." The grin finally returned to his face.

"Damn, you're right. Momentary relapse. Forget everything I said; you're ugly, stupid, talentless, and have nothing at all going for you. Basically your only career option is to become a hobo." I shrugged.

I didn't even bother to go anywhere near the main school building, instead I headed to the dormitories. I'd walked past these doors a million times before and never even thought about it, but this time it hit me that Blaine might be right, that I will actually miss this school a lot. It sure as hell was a lot better than my previous one; then again, that wasn't really a hard thing to do.

I had almost reached my room when I spotted a familiar blonde Warbler heading this way, and he looked anything but happy. What was Jeff doing in the dormitory building at this time of day?

"Hey Jeff." I said when he was within earshot.

His head shot up, and I noticed just how bright his eyes looked. Something was definitely up.

"Um, hi Sebastian." He replied half-heartedly and carried on walking.

I took three steps to the left, blocking his path. "What's wrong?"

"I don't really have time for this right now." He tried to side-step me, but I was too fast and just blocked him again.

"Jeff, what is it? Maybe I could help." I offered.

"Since when are you interested in helping anyone but yourself? Get out of my way." This time I was a second too slow, causing his shoulder to collide with me as he walked past. I blinked. Why was he being such an ass?

"Jeff! What the hell did I do?" I demanded.

"Just leave me alone, Sebastian!"

"Would you tell me why?" I had to yell in order for him to hear me.

"I don't want people like you near me!" Jeff replied, yelling a hell of a lot louder than necessary.

People like me? Homeless? Hot? Talented? Ambitious? Intelligent? Lanky? Expelled from high school? Suicide? Failure? Family-less? Commitment issues? Confused? In dire need of therapy?

Then it hit me, I suddenly knew exactly what he meant. And I was pissed.

"You know what, Jeff? Screw you!" I emphasized the last two words, then turned around and carried on walking to my room.

"Sebastian, wait! I-I didn't mean that. I'm not homophobic. I just-I-I..." That's when the tears started flowing and his voice cracked. I probably should have done something, walked away, maybe got the guy a tissue, but I just stayed where I was and watched him as he continued trying to talk through the tears, "You were r-right. I'm-I'm g-gay. And I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have been s-so rude to you and Blaine. I know you were just tr-trying to help. But my mom, she's going to h-hate me." He was full on sobbing now, and I couldn't help but feel painfully sorry for him. I knew exactly what he was going through, I'd been there once myself.

I walked over to him, grabbed his arm and dragged him until we were safely inside my room with the door closed. Then I did something I would deny if anyone were to ask me about it in the future, I put my arms around Jeff and held him as he cried into my shoulder.

We stood for about 10 minutes before Jeff's sniffing started to lessen and his body was still and no longer shaking. I then half pushed and half dragged him until we were both sitting on my bed.

"Talk to me, Jefferson. What's going on?"

"I really don't know what to do. See, my mom's a really hectic Christian, and she's also really set in her ways. She believes that there's an Adam for every Eve, and an Eve for every Adam; she sure as hell doesn't believe in Adam and Steve. Don't get me wrong, my mom loves me, she loves me more than anyone on earth, I'm all she has, but like I said, she's really set in her ways. I'm so afraid that she's going to hate me. I couldn't live if that happened." Fresh tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Jeff, I've met your mom, you're her whole life. No way could she ever hate you."

"Sebastian, just the other day she was ranting about how she had seen two guys holding hands. She called it 'revolting', and said she wished homosexual displays of affection, especially between men, should be illegal. I don't know what to do, I'm so lost." Jeff bent forward and hid his face in his hands.

I sat there at a loss for words. What could I say? Nothing, that's what. Because there was absolutely nothing that I could say that would make Jeff's life any easier. More than anything I wished I could make things better for him, but this was the first time in my life I was positively clueless.

"I don't know what to say. I really don't." I admitted.

"I didn't expect you to, but thanks for being so nice to me. I don't deserve it."

"We're all allowed to have bad days. It's all in the past. Don't worry about it."

"I'm so freaking screwed. She wouldn't stop talking this morning about how I've never had a relationship, she blames it on the fact that I don't meet enough girls since I go to an all-boys school. But we both know that's not it. She's making it her personal mission to find me a girlfriend, and eventually I'm going to run out of excuses to not date these girls."

"One thing you can never do is pretend to go out with a girl. Once men fall into that habit, they find it even harder to leave their closet. Don't let yourself be bearded. It's the worst thing you could do."

"No, the worst thing would be telling my mother the truth." He groaned.

"Can I be honest with you?"

Jeff nodded.

"I think you should talk to someone." I suggested.

"Like a psychologist?"

"I'm pretty sure the correct term for it is a 'shrink', but yeah. I think you should see a professional."

"I'm so desperate right now, I'll do just about anything." I saw a glint of hope return to his eyes.

"Great. I know how to go about finding one."

"Wait, no! I just realised that I don't have any money, not that it matters since I'm underage; meaning the bill would be sent to my mother. How could I explain that to her? And what if the psychologist tells her everything, anyway? No, that's a bad idea." His shoulders slumped again.

"Okay, what if I find someone who'll do a favor for a friend and not ask any questions?"

"Well I guess, but are you friends with any shrinks?" Jeff looked back up at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Not exactly. But I'm really good at making friends. We'll find you someone, I give you my word."

"Thank you, Sebastian. You really don't have to do any of this for me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it." He smiled at me for the first time today.

"Don't mention it, Jefferson. Us homosexual Warblers gotta stick together, right?" I grinned.

He shook his head, but laughed in spite of himself.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Chapter 17**_

 **Blaine's POV**

"What happened with Sebastian's family?" Sam cornered me at lunch.

"Well, let's just say he's not going back there any time soon. And neither am I."

"So he stayed with you last night?"

"Yup. And again tonight." I explained.

"Isn't it awkward?" He frowned as we sat down at an empty table in the Cafeteria.

"What?"

"You know, you two staying at your house...alone." Sam raised his eyebrows.

"No, why would it be? Just because we're both gay, and he made his crush blatantly obvious last year, doesn't mean we're romantically interested in each other. We're just friends."

"I was just asking. But we'd better talk about something else, I see Tina and Brittany heading this way."

"Okay guys, I know this is pretty late into the week to start announcing themes, but since it's due on Monday, I think it's best to tell you now to give you time to, uh, prepare. I was talking to Mr. Schue, and he said it's an excellent idea. So the theme is," Finn tapped his thighs to imitate a drum-roll, "'helping someone in need'. We, Mr. Schue and I, want you guys to go out and find someone who needs your help, in whatever form it may be, and we want you to help them. For nothing in return." Finn grinned proudly.

"As wonderfully 'good Samaritan' as that is, what the hell is the point? And how does it help us with Regionals?" Kitty asked sceptically.

"I agree with her, man. Shouldn't we be focusing on perfecting everything?" Jake pointed out.

"Oh come on guys, where's your sense of adventure? The point is to expand your horizons, to make you think about things you might never have considered before. I can guarantee you that this time next week, you'll all feel better about yourselves."

"But how could you prove that we actually helped someone? I mean, we could just say we did, and not do anything." Artie asked.

"Oh yeah, that brings me to the second part of the assignment. That person has to come to Glee club and tell everyone what you did for them or helped them with. And then the last part, you have to sing a song that best describes what you did and how it all made you feel." Finn looked sickly optimistic.

I heard an audible groan from almost every single person in the room. I wasn't really sure how I felt about this assignment. I mean, the idea was good and pure and all, but I felt like a lot of pressure was being put on us. I loved helping people, I did it all the time. But to get them to agree to come to glee club and tell everyone what I did? That was a tall order. That would mean doing something so enormously huge and important for someone that their conscience couldn't possibly allow them to say no to you. How in the world are we going to accomplish that by Monday?

"Why on earth would someone waste their time coming to a glee club and talking to bunch of losers about how pathetic and lonely their lives are?" Kitty rolled her eyes.

"That's a bad way to look at it." Finn blinked.

"But she has a point, Finn. Why would someone come here and tell people what we did for them? And it seems kinda like we're exploiting them, doesn't? We're just helping to prove a point to other people. If you ask me, that seems to be defying the point of the whole assignment." Sam shrugged.

"No, you guys are looking at this all wrong. We're not doing this to prove something to other people, this is intended to prove something to yourself. To build up your confidence. To show you just how good it can feel to help other people just because you can." Finn was grinning again.

I could tell that no one was really convinced, but there wasn't much anyone could do about it. Finn and Mr. Schue's words were final.

I sighed along with everyone else as I made my way out of the choir room. I had to find a way to help someone by Monday, and today was Friday. Yeah, piece of cake.

"Am I the only one who thinks this assignment blows?" Jake asked Sam, Ryder, Brittany, Joe, Marley, Tina, Artie and me as we headed to the school's parking lot.

"I have to admit, it is probably the strangest one we've had yet. And that's saying something." Tina agreed.

"I just don't really get the point. Why is helping people so important all of a sudden?" Ryder asked. This earned him a few odd looks from his peers, to which he replied, "That came out wrong."

"Personally, I think there's too much pressure being put on us. Helping others shouldn't be something done on demand, it should be done because we believe it's the right thing to do." Artie said.

"Agreed." We all said simultaneously.

"I'm not really in the mood to go home yet. Stevie and Stacey are practicing for some kind of school musical thing, and they keep singing the same bad songs over and over and _over_. The longer I can stay away from there, the better. So who's up for going to The Lima Bean?" Sam wanted to know.

15 minutes later, we were all gathered around the town's most renowned coffee shop. We couldn't all sit at one table since there were 9 of us, so we just split up and took up an entire corner of the shop.

Sam, Brittany, Tina and I were talking about how we could fool Finn into thinking that we did the assignment, when I noticed Sebastian sitting by himself at a table near the entrance. He was on the phone, and by the look on his face, I guessed the conversation wasn't going very well. He seemed frustrated, and kept brushing his fingers through his hair.

"...Blaine? You still there?" Sam asked.

"Huh? What?"

"I said, what if we just hire some random people and pretend we did something for them? That would be easy."

"Yeah, maybe." I agreed, only half listening to what he was saying.

Sam turned and saw what I kept looking at. He then kicked me underneath the table. When I looked at him completely confused, he mouthed the words 'go talk to him'. I nodded. No one even noticed when I left out corner and went over to Sebastian's table.

"Hey." I said brightly.

"The inevitable has happened, you really are stalking me." He smirked.

"You wish. There are only two people on earth I would consider stalking, and you certainly aren't one of them." I replied, taking the seat next to him.

"Really? And who may they be?"

"Johnny Depp and Ian Somerhalder." I grinned.

"You're kidding me, right? Ian Somerhalder?"

"What's wrong with Ian Somerhalder?"

"He's straight." Sebastian said.

"And Johnny Depp isn't?"

"Oh no, he is. But I'm willing to make an exception for him." He winked.

I laughed.

"So what brings you over here? I wouldn't have thought you'd want to be seen talking to me in public." Sebastian remarked.

"I don't mind talking to you in public." I argued.

"Really? So I guess they all know where I spent the night?"

"Ha ha, you're hilarious, Sebastian. No, they don't know. But that's only because I don't make a habit of expressing every little detail of my personal life to them."

Sebastian opened his mouth to say something, no doubt a rude sarcastic comment, then shut it again. We sat in silence for a minute before he spoke again, "What do you want, Blaine? I'm kind of busy."

"I just came to say hi, I guess. But if you're busy..." I got up to leave, but was pulled back down by Sebastian grabbing my arm.

"I kinda need your help."

I tried as hard as I could, but I couldn't stop myself from laughing. Sebastian looked offended and confused. Mostly confused, "Are you on crack?"

"No, it's a long story. I'm sorry. Just ignore the outburst. What can I do for you?"

The reason I had started laughing was because, of all the people that could have asked for my help this weekend, it had to be Sebastian Smythe. The one person who would never in a million years agree to be my assignment for the week. Who knew, the universe really did have a sense of humor.

"Well I talked to Jeff like you suggested-"

"And?"

"Maybe you'll find out if you stop interrupting me. He was angry, but I still tried to apologise, not that I have anything to be sorry for. Anyway, at first he wouldn't listen, but then he started crying-"

"He what?"

"Blaine!"

"Sorry."

"Yeah, he started crying. I took him to my dorm, and-don't even think about it," Sebastian said when he saw me opening my mouth, "He told me that I had been right. He was-is gay. The reason he got so pissed off at us was because he's scared of his mom figuring out the truth. And he truly believes she'll hate him if she does figure it out."

I gave it a moment to make sure Sebastian had finished speaking before talking again, "Did you tell him that all guys worry about their parents when they first come out? It doesn't mean it's true."

"Really, Blaine? You met my dad. My entire family shares his point of view. And by the sounds of his mom, I think Jeff might be right. She's one of those Bible-basher homophobes."

"Oh man. That sucks." I felt really sad all of a sudden. Here was a boy who did really need help, and I had no clue how to go about giving it to him.

"Exactly. That's where you come in."

"Tell me what to do, I'll do it."

"It's not that simple. He doesn't know what to do, and I don't know what to tell him; so I suggested he speak to a professional, and he agreed. That's where the problem comes in; Jeff doesn't have the money to afford a psychologist, and he doesn't want his mother to find out that he's seeing one either. I screwed up when I told him that I'd find him one who would talk to him as a favor, and not ask any questions." Sebastian ran his fingers through his hair again.

"Let me guess, you don't know anyone who could do that, do you?"

"I know a lot of shrinks, but none who would ever consider doing me a favor."

"And this is where I come in?" I asked.

"Yes. I was hoping you would know someone." Sebastian bore an expression of false hope.

"Me? No way...doesn't Dalton have a school counsellor?"

"Well yeah, but Jeff won't go anywhere near her. She knows both him and his mother; they go to the same church." Sebastian groaned.

"Oh. Wait! He won't see his school counsellor because she knows his family, but what if he talks to another school's counsellor?" I grinned at my idea.

"You mean _your_ school's counsellor? The one who's married to your curly-haired weirdo of a coach?"

"They're not married, and Mr. Schue's not weird. But yeah, Ms. Pillsbury. Don't give me that look, I'm sure I'd be able to talk her into helping him."

"Does she even have a degree in psychology?"

"No, she actually studied to become a plumber, but saw McKinley had an open slot for a counsellor, then jumped at the chance. They didn't even bother to check her credentials." I replied.

"How many times do I have to say that sarcasm is my thing? But fine, you talk to her and I'll talk to Jeff." Sebastian agreed reluctantly.

"Come on, Seb, what does it matter if she works in a public school? Oh wait, I forgot that automatically makes her inferior."

"You said it, not me." He shrugged.

"That's it, Sebastian, I've had enough of your comments. Say about me whatever you want, I don't care. But you need to stop talking about my friends like you're better than them, because everything proves that you're not. Emma Pillsbury is an amazing person, and she would be happy to be able to help Jeff; and if you even remotely cared about him, then that would be enough for you. In fact, any of my supposedly inferior friends would be happy to help him, despite the fact that he's a Warbler and despite the fact that they don't know him. And maybe if you would act like an actual human being instead of some self-righteous, self-serving jerk who thinks he can get away with everything, then maybe you wouldn't have been so ready to kill yourself when things didn't go your way for once!" I wasn't quite yelling, but my voice was loud enough to make people at the surrounding tables stare at us.

Sebastian angrily grabbed me by the front of my shirt and pulled me closer, until our faces were only a few inches apart, "Don't you dare pretend you know me, because you don't. You don't know what I've been through, and you sure as hell don't know what my motives are. And you also have no right to claim that I don't care about Jeff, because we both know that I do. So just go back to your saint-like friends over there, who by the way are staring at us right now, and forget that I ever asker for your help, because I'll make sure to never do it again." He let go of me whilst shoving me away from him.

I glared at him as I regained my balance, "I really thought there was hope for you, Sebastian. But maybe I was right, you are turning into your dad." I shook my head and walked away.

"Go to hell, Blaine Anderson!" Sebastian yelled and stormed out of the coffee shop.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Chapter 18**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

When I ran out of swear words to call Blaine, I just invented new ones. The extent of my fury was unparalleled. I had been mad at Blaine before, but I had never hated him. Until now. He had no right, no right! How dare he compare me to my father? We were nothing alike. And what the hell was up with him suddenly? I had said a lot worse things to him before and he had never freaked out like that. Probably his time of the month or something.

I stormed to my car and slammed the door after I got in. I was about to drive off in a gust of smoke, when I realised that I had nowhere to go. This made me slump down in the seat. _Damn, this sucks. I mean, I can drive anywhere I want, but I don't have anyone I can go stay with and I certainly don't have enough money to afford a hotel or motel or B so basically, I'm screwed._

I heard my phone ring and spent about a minute before I found it underneath the seat (no idea how it got there) and answered. It was Jeff.

"Hey Seb. I really don't want to bother or pressure or hurry or in any way make you feel like what you're doing isn't good enough, because it is, and you really have no reason to help me like this since-"

"Not to interrupt you or anything, but do you by any chance have a point?"

"Yeah, sorry. I was just wondering if you've found a psychologist yet?" I could hear he was nervous, but I had no idea why.

"It's been a day. I'm still working on it."

"You're right, I'm sorry. Hope I didn't bother you." If he had sounded nervous before, he now sounded like me might have a panic attack.

"Jeff, what's going on?"

"Um, nothing. Nothing you need to worry about, anyway."

"Just tell me."

"I-"

"Is Nick there?" I interrupted him.

"No, why?"

"Because I'm on my way." I hung up the phone.

**...**

Since I had a habit of driving too fast, I got to Dalton a lot sooner than most people would have. It was unusually quiet and empty, but that was only because it was the beginning of the weekend and the guys normally went home to their families. I had rarely ever done that. Most of my weekends here had been spent in my room alone.

"Sebastian? I haven't seen you here in days, where have you been?" I groaned inwardly at the sound of Hunter's voice.

"Leave me the hell alone, I'm busy." I carried on walking and hoped he would get the hint.

"Wait, there's something I need to tell you."

"Don't worry, just because you're attracted to me doesn't mean you're gay, it just means there's nothing wrong with your vision. Well, now that we've cleared that up, goodbye." I quickened my pace, but Hunter caught up to me in seconds.

"About last night-"

"Okay, I'm going to stop you right there. I don't know what you see in my brat of a sister, and I can't stop you from going out with her. But I will not discuss my family with you, and for goodness' sake, just leave me alone."

"I broke up with Olivia."

"Why? She find out that you're more attracted to me than her?"

"No. Elliot told me what happened, what your dad did to you and Blaine. I dumped her on the spot and left."

"As lovely as that little piece of information is, I don't get why you dumped my sister because of what my da-her father did." I arched my eyebrow.

"Because both her and her smug brother were laughing about it. And they said some cruel things about both of you. I wanted to slap them."

"Awww, I'm so touched." I smirked sarcastically.

"Sebastian cut it out! Does anyone know about the abuse?"

"Shut up!" I shoved him.

"Hey! I won't tell anyone, I was just wondering." He narrowed his eyes.

"There's nothing to tell." I argued, my eyes swarming with warnings.

Hunter grabbed my wrist and dragged me down the hall toward the dormitory building. "Let me go!" I tried to break free, but his grip was just too strong.

I was still desperately trying to get his hand off of me when we reached his room and he pulled me inside.

"I didn't know you wanted me so badly. You should have just said something. Not that it would have mattered, I don't _do_ ugly guys." I snarled at him.

"Shut up, Sebastian. I know your father's been abusing you ever since he found out you were gay."

"You don't know what you're talking about! He would never hurt me." I was so angry at Hunter, my nose was actually flaring.

"I'm not the right person to talk to about this, but you definitely do need to talk to someone." I could see pity reflected in Hunter's green eyes. And I hated him even more for it.

"Why won't people just leave me alone? I don't need your help, I can take care of myself! I've been doing it for almost 18 years!" I was almost yelling.

"I know. That's part of the problem, and probably one of the reasons you turned out the way you did." Hunter stated calmly.

"What's that supposed to mean? You know what? I don't care. I'm out of here." I left the room before he even had a chance to think about stopping me. I ran until I reached Jeff's room, and opened the door without even bothering to knock.

To my amusement, Jeff was busy getting dressed and had just finished putting on his belt. He nearly had an epileptic fit when I walked in.

"Sebastian! Why the hell didn't you knock?"

"Calm down, Jeff. I've seen a lot of half-naked guys in my time, and you don't look any different."

"Whatever. Just knock next time, will you?" He put his shirt on.

"We'll see. So, what's up?" I asked, taking a seat on his bed.

"I already told you: nothing."

"And I already told you that I don't buy that. So, spill."

Jeff stared at me for a few seconds, probably contemplating whether or not he should tell me. I guess the answer was 'should', since he took a seat next to me.

"You know that I go to church, right?" He asked.

"I kinda assumed as much." I shrugged in response.

"Well see, my church does this thing where it elects someone every few weeks to preach about a certain topic. We've had pretty much every topic you can think of, love, hate, marriage, pride, envy, lust, sex, drugs, alcohol, religion, and even tattoos and piercings. And this week, the topic is homosexuality or bisexuality." Jeff closed his eyes as he said the last few words.

"Yeah?" I urged him to go on.

"Yeah. And guess who they chose as the speaker for this week." His eyes were still closed.

"Oh no. You can't be serious?" I frowned.

"I'm very serious. I don't know what I'm going to, Sebastian. I can't just refuse to do it, it's seen as a huge honor to be elected, and they'll think I'm being selfish and take the gesture very, very personally. They'd probably shun us or something equally dramatic. Which won't be fair to my mom, since that church is her whole life." It looked like Jeff was close to tears again. If he wasn't my friend, I'd probably have called him a baby. But since I knew just how hard all of this can be, especially at first, I didn't blame him. Everyone had to find their own ways of coping with things.

"Most people would tell you that you should tell them the truth; not that you're gay, but the truth about how you feel about homo- and bisexuality. How do you feel? I've never asked you." I said quietly.

"I'm not homophobic." He looked at me with an annoyed frown on his face.

"That's not what I asked."

"Oh. Well, personally, I believe that love is love. And that's what God is, isn't it? Love?" He turned to me expectantly. I decided to choose my words carefully, since I wasn't really religious, and didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Well, I myself don't know what I believe, but if what you say is true, that your God is love, then it doesn't really make sense that he would judge you just because you happen to love guys. Why does it have to be impure or unholy? Two men can love each other just as much as a man and woman. And the same goes for two women. I mean, a lot of people think that all gay guys care about is sex, and I'm sure that there are men out there like that; but the same exact thing could be said about straight men, right? When heterosexuals do it, it's called being a slut or a man-whore; but when homosexuals do it, we go to hell? That doesn't seem fair. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if your God loves you like you all claim he does, then why would he care who it is that you love? Shouldn't he just be happy that you're happy? Why can't Christians be gay? Didn't God make men and women equal? So why shouldn't they be treated as such?"

I kept my eyes focused on his as I spoke, to make sure that what I was saying wasn't wrong or offensive. But at some point I stopped worrying about offending Jeff, and I just spoke; believing every single word I said. Coming from a family of Catholics, these were things I'd thought about before.

Before I knew it, Jeff was leaning towards me, and before I could stop him, his lips were on mine. I knew I should have pulled back, I knew it. Jeff was one of my best friends, you weren't supposed to make out with your friends. But the kiss was unlike any I'd ever had before, in the sense that it held a sense of intimacy I've never experienced. His lips tasted so sweet and warm, and his right hand was at the back of my neck, nervously stroking my hair. So instead of pulling away, I brought him closer to me, and wove my hand in his hair.

I don't know how long we sat there, lost in each other's lips, but eventually I regained my senses telling me that Jeff was too important for to me to screw up our relationship. I quickly pushed myself away from him.

"Oh shit. What did I just do?" He blinked in shock.

"You? Both of us had been partaking in that particular activity." I was still fighting to regain my breath.

"Yeah, but I was the one who kissed _you_. I should never have done that." The kid looked like he was going to start hyperventilating.

"That wasn't just your fault, I should have stopped it immediately."

"Then why didn't you?" He turned to me.

"Because...because it felt...good." I avoided his gaze.

"Yeah, it did. That's the problem. We're friends, Seb. _Friends_. I shouldn't be attracted to you." He slapped his forehead.

"Jeff, that's hardly your fault. Everyone's attracted to me. It's a blessing and a curse, really."

"And of course, you're not even taking this seriously." He groaned.

"Not taking this seriously? Aren't I the one who stopped us? If you had been anyone else, I would have seen it through, but I..."

"You don't find me attractive?" Jeff looked hurt.

"No, trust me, that's not it." I snorted.

"Then what is?"

"Okay, I'm only ever going to say this _once_. So you better listen. The reason I knew I had to stop us was because-because I care about you too much. I care about our friendship too much. And trust me, I would have found a way to jeopardize it. I'm not good with intimacy or relationships. Hell, I suck at friendships, but somehow we make it work. And right now, I literally have no one else." I said the last part softly.

"Did something happen between you and Blaine?" He asked.

"Just more proof that I suck at friendships." I heaved a sigh.

"No you don't. Being friends with you is just kind of...an adjustment, that's all. But once they get to know you, they hate you a considerable amount less." Jeff grinned.

"Gee, thanks." I smiled in spite of myself.

"Um, Seb, where are you staying? I saw that you never came back last night."

"Oh yeah, I stayed at Blaine's house. But that's not going to happen again."

"I figured as much. Then where are you going to sleep?" He wondered.

"That's a good question." I mumbled.

"I wish you could sleep here. Nick's visiting his girlfriend _again_ this weekend, so his bed's empty; but they do those annoying 'dorm checks' to make sure nobody's snuck in." Something about the way Jeff said that made me think that he had tried before.

"I'll make a plan, don't worry."

"Sleeping in your car doesn't count as making a plan, Sebastian."

"Yes, it does." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"People are going to start thinking you're a hobo, man." Jeff looked decidedly amused with himself.

I was just about to tell him where he can shove his homeless jokes when the room's door opened, and Nick came in. He froze when he saw me. Then I noticed the look in his eyes turned from confusion to suspicion. I knew it had to do with me and Jeff sitting so close together, so I got to my feet and moved away from the bed.

"Hey Sebastian." Nick said, rather stiffly. _What was_ his _problem?_

"Hi Nick."

"What are you doing here?" The shorter boy kept glancing between Jeff and I.

"Leaving, that's what. I'll talk to you later, Jeff." I narrowed my eyes at Nick as I left the room. I didn't like the way he had been looking at me, and I was starting to strongly suspect the reason behind it. I sincerely hoped I was wrong, or else Jeff was going to get very hurt, very soon. And wasn't he supposed to be at his girlfriend's house or something?

As soon as I got back into my car, I noticed that my phone was ringing. I also noticed that the caller ID read 'Blaine Anderson', so I just ignored it. But then he called again. And again. And again. And again.

Eventually I got so frustrated with the stupid ringtone (my phone's ability to put it on silent or change the ringtone had broken when I accidentally dropped it last week) that I pressed 'ignore'. This didn't help at all, since Blaine just kept calling, no matter how many times I tapped the red icon on the screen.

By the 16th time he called any normal person would just have switched their phone off, but for some reason I decided to answer instead, "Would you leave me the hell alone and stop calling my damn number!"

"I need to talk to you."

"Which part of 'leave me alone' does not contradict what you just said?"

"Sebastian please. I owe you an apology and an explanation. What I said to you was wrong and very out of line."

"No, really? But I don't want your stupid apology, and I definitely don't want to hear your pathetic excuses. You've said what you wanted to say, so just be a man and accept responsibility for your words." I seriously don't know I didn't just hang up.

"I'm not trying to make excuses, but there's something I need to tell you that might help you understand my outburst. It wasn't personal, it really wasn't. But once again, I know that that doesn't make it right or better, but it's the truth. I never meant to hurt you feelings, I just-"

"Woah, what? Hurt my feelings? Are you freaking kidding me?" I asked incredulously.

"Oh come on. We both know that's why you're so mad at me, because I said something that hurt you."

"Okay, I'm not going to sit here and listen to this crap."

I was about to hang up when Blaine spoke again, "No, wait! Come to my house again tonight, that's all I ask. Let me talk to you, and if you want to leave straight after, I promise that I won't stop you."

"Why the hell should I do that?"

"Because we both know that you have nowhere else to go tonight." I didn't understand why Blaine sounded sad when he said that.

"If this is your attempt to get me to your house in order to seduce me, you're failing miserably on both accounts." I shook my head dramatically even though I knew he couldn't see me.

"No, of course it isn't. I really meant it when I said I was sorry."

"I already told you that I don't want your sorry." I snapped.

"Then what do you want?" He asked desperately.

"From you? To leave me alone."

"Please Sebastian, just give me one more chance. I didn't mean it, you know. About you and your dad, I swear I didn't mean it. I don't believe it in the slightest."

"Then why say it?"

There was silence on the other end for about a minute before Blaine spoke again, "I guess I said it to be mean."

"For such an apparently nice person, you're awfully good at being mean." I mumbled in response.

"I know. Sebastian I don't want to hurt you, I never did. Friends are supposed to protect their friends, they're not supposed to do what I did. And I'm sorry. But I'm not going to give up, I'll just keep trying and trying and trying until you finally agree to come to my house."

"We're not friends, Blaine." I said in a tired voice.

"The hell we're not! And I've heard you admit it before, so don't even try to deny it."

"That was before what you said earlier. Friends never end well with me, just get out when you can." I felt a headache coming on and started rubbing my temples. It also felt like it was getting harder to breathe through my nose. Oh crap, that probably meant I was getting sick. This is just perfect.

'That's a horrible thing to say. And no, I won't 'get out'. Like I said, I'm not giving up on you and I'm not giving up on our friendship either."

"And why not, huh? What's stopping you? If it's your conscience, just forget it. I've done way worse things to you. We're even." I was only half concentrating on what I was saying.

"I care about you, Sebastian. A lot."

That caused another minute-long silence.

"Yeah, okay, fine I'll come to your house. But only because I'm afraid you might start crying if I don't." I agreed reluctantly.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Chapter 19**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

I didn't even bother knocking when I got to Blaine's house. I came to get this over with and manners seemed unnecessary. So after walking through his front door and closing it behind me, I stood facing him with arms crossed over my chest. He was sitting on a small leather seat in his living room, but jumped up when he saw me.

"Sebastian." He said.

"You wanted me to come, so I came. Can we just get to it and be done already?" I said impatiently.

"To what exactly are you referring?"

"The reason I'm here, Blaine! You said you wanted to tell me something. Can you just start talking, I have places to be."

"Okay fine, if that's how you want to be. Sit down and we'll talk." Blaine sat back down.

I reluctantly did what I was told and made a point of sighing dramatically.

"So I already said I'm sorry for the way I acted at The Lima Bean, it was unfair and you didn't deserve it. Now I want to tell you _why_ I did that. Let me start my story in 6th grade. Back then I had been considered a geek, mainly because of how well I did in school and partly because of the way I dressed. So I didn't really have many friends, in fact, I only had two, Lucas Hall and Jordan Soldier," I saw many different emotions pass through Blaine's eyes during his brief pause, "the three of us were inseparable. We literally did everything together. We also knew everything there was to know about the other two; or so I thought.

It was on the night of my 13th birthday, and we were supposed to have held a sleepover at my house, but Lucas had been forced to go out of town that weekend, I can't even remember why. My own parents were also gone that night, something to do with work, and they left my brother Cooper in charge of Jordan and I. He was asleep by 8.

So Jordan and I spent the night in my room watching movies and eating junk food, it was any teenage boy's dream, really. But then the thunder started. See, I have this irrational fear of storms. I have no idea why. Anyway, I screamed when lightning struck our house and killed the electricity. Luckily, it was full moon, so it was light enough for me to still see. I had probably been on the verge of a panic attack or something, because Jordan was frantically trying to calm me down. I don't really remember what he was doing, that is, until he kissed me." Blaine let out a gigantic sigh.

I couldn't help but be curious as to where he was heading with this story and what it had to do with the events in the coffee shop earlier today. So I sat there quietly waiting for him to continue.

"Now you've got to understand that this was before I even knew I was gay, never mind out of the closet, so my best friend kissing me was a _huge_ deal. I didn't know what else to do, so I shoved him away from me and screamed again. I'm not sure why I did that, I guess I had just freaked out a bit.

What I'm about to tell you is one of the three most shameful things I have ever done in my life; I told Jordan to get out of my house and never speak to me again."

"Ouch." I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Ouch indeed. But you want to know the worst part? We literally didn't speak again until years after that night."

I waited for Blaine to continue, but after a minute of silence I said, "Was that it? Your 'explanation'?"

"No. That was answering your question of how I found out I was gay. And building the foundation of the rest of the story." He explained.

"So Jordan planting one on you opened up your eyes to your sexuality? Is that why you were suck a Class A prick toward him?"

"Kind of. I didn't realise it immediately, it only struck me a few days afterward. But my pride, what I considered to be dignity, and fear, stood in the way of me apologising to him. So because of my ignorance I lost one of my only friends. If only that was the worst thing I did to him." He shook his head.

"Midget Blaine sounds like a bit of a jerk." I pointed out just to be spiteful.

"Yeah, no kidding. Okay, for the second part of the story we have to fast-forward two years. A lot had changed in that time, me and Lucas's popularity had increased quite a bit. It sickens me that there was a time in my life when that was important, but because it was, I never had the guts to come out of the closet, in the fear that I would be an outcast.

Anyway, neither of us had stayed in contact with Jordan, since he moved shortly after that night at my house. To this day I have no idea why. So imagine my surprise when I walked past him in the school hallway on our first day of grade 8. I couldn't believe it. I had literally thought that I would never see him again. But there he was, pretending like he didn't even know me. I was even more surprised later that day when I saw him make out with a girl. I had pretty much assumed that he was gay, you know, since he had kissed me and all. I'm not sure why the possibility of him being bi hadn't crossed my mind, but for some reason it just didn't.

For weeks it went on like that, me watching him and his girlfriend together, wondering what he was doing. For those weeks Jordan was all I could think about, really. So one day when I saw him sitting alone in the library, I decided to approach him. At first he just ignored me like every other day, but when I sat down next to him and said his name, he looked at me for the first time since he had moved back to Ohio. At first I just asked him normal questions like, 'how have you been?', 'how are your parents?', 'what have you been up to? but I could tell he knew the real reason I was talking to him. Jordan had always been smart that way. So I came out and asked him in exactly these words, 'Why are you dating a girl?'

He looked at me like I was crazy then stood up and left. And instead of doing the right thing, which would be to follow him and apologize, I got angry. So I then just ignored him again like I had done before. This went on for about 3 months, until one day I noticed something was different about him. He was only wearing black clothes, he had bags under his eyes, his body language seemed...off. And I never saw him with his girlfriend anymore. Even after everything and all the time that had passed, I still cared about him, so for the second time I decided to try and talk to him.

For days I tried to corner him at school, but he was too good at avoiding me, so I went to his house instead. They had just moved back into their old one. His mom actually seemed happy to see me, and instantly told me that Jordan was in his room. He tried to slam the door in my face at first, but eventually I convinced him to let me come in. He pretty much did what you're doing now, sit and stare at me impatiently with your arms crossed. This time I didn't even bother with the small talk, I just asked him if he was okay. He said he was fine. I told him I didn't believe him. He told me to go do something biologically impossible. This went on for a while, until I couldn't hold it anymore and I said that I knew he was gay. He punched me because of that."

"I can already tell this story isn't going to have a happy ending." I interrupted Blaine.

"Just listen. At first I remained persistent in my goal to help him, I tried to tell him that I wasn't judging him and all I wanted was for him to be happy-"

"Why didn't you just tell him that you were gay too?" I interrupted again.

Blaine looked down at the floor and closed his eyes before responding quietly, "Because I was a coward. I was trying to get him to confess something that I myself was too afraid to admit.

Anyway, he just got angrier and angrier. He didn't want to listen to me. When the two of us started screaming at one another, his mother came into the room and asked me to leave. I obliged willingly. I shouldn't have been, I know this now, but back then I was so pissed off at him for getting mad at me when all I wanted to do was help him. So once again we both pretended the other didn't exist when we saw each other in school the next day.

I should also tell you that I had told Lucas about Jordan kissing me. In fact, he was the only one beside Jordan and I who knew. So it was pretty obvious that it had been Lucas when a rumor started spreading through the school, a rumor that Jordan was gay. I knew for certain it had been Lucas when I heard someone mention Jordan kissing me in 6th grade. I was so angry. And when my anger should have been directed at Lucas, it was instead directed at Jordan, because now people were laughing at me. I didn't even stop to think how he must have felt, what people must have been saying to him.

On the last day of school before winter break, Jordan approached me in the cafeteria and asked if he could talk to me. And because I saw the way people were staring at us, whispering and snickering, I did the one thing I regret most in my life...I told him to leave me alone." Blaine looked at the floor again.

"That's your biggest regret? Why?" I asked.

"Because of the news I received the next day; Jordan had lost both of his legs."

"Lost? Like amputated?" My eyebrows went up.

"Yup." He nodded.

"I don't understand, Blaine." I frowned.

"He threw himself in front of a car, he wanted to kill himself. And then he ended up losing his legs instead of his life. And it was all because of me." Blaine said softly.

"That makes no sense, how was it your fault?"

"That day in the cafeteria when he wanted to talk to me, he was ready to tell me truth, that he was gay. He said that he had needed to tell me, because I was his last hope. He had been so depressed and so lonely, and he just needed someone who cared enough to help him. Basically, all he needed was someone to talk to when he was ready to talk. But I'd been so selfish and wrapped up in myself that I didn't care how much pain he must have going through, all I saw was me.

That boy lost his legs, and all because I was too much of a coward to talk to him. That's all I had to do, just talk. He attempted the suicide just minutes after I told him to get lost. You know what that means? If I had spoken to him, he never would have been outside the school, and he never would have had the chance to run in front of that car. I ruined his life." I couldn't even blame him when I saw the tears swimming in his eyes; the guilt that someone like Blaine must be living with, there was no doubt it was anything less than excruciating. I understood his guilt, since it reminded me a lot of what had happened with me and Karofsky.

"You know that the blame can't rest solely on you, you wouldn't have been the only person who refused to speak to him. He must have been rejected by a lot of people." I knew those words wouldn't make him feel any better, but I wasn't sure if that had been my intent.

"Don't try to trivialize what I did, Sebastian. Because the blame does rest on my shoulders. And I still struggle to cope with it; some days are worse than others."

"Where is he now? Jordan, I mean." I asked.

"I don't know. I came to see him in the hospital a few days after the accident. I tried to apologize, but there were no right words. I couldn't even say something as simple as 'I'm sorry'. He didn't even mind, he was just happy that someone cared enough to go see him. His family moved away again after that. I never saw him again."

There was a few minutes of silence, in which I spent staring at Blaine. He kept wiping at his eyes. Eventually he looked up to me and said, "So that's what I wanted to tell you. The reason I got so angry at you today, was because I got reminded of myself." He shook his head.

I thought about it for a minute before deciding to let him off the hook, because the truth was, I understood what he was saying. "I think I get it. Letting trivial things get in the way of helping someone who desperately needs it."

"Exactly. And I still have a hard time sleeping at night because of what I did. And I don't even want to think about what Jordan has to live with every day of his life."

"Yeah, I guess I was being a bit...immature. Helping Jeff is the most important thing, not who does the helping."

"I'm still sorry Sebastian. You really didn't deserve what I said to you. You are nothing like your dad. And I know that you care about Jeff." He tried to smile.

"Let us rather not get into the habit of apologizing to each other; I'm pretty sure I'd beat you at it anyway."

"So do you still want me to talk to Ms. Pillsbury?"

"Yeah. If she's anything like you say, then she'll be perfect for Jeff to talk to."

"Okay. Maybe I can also ask her to talk to Mr. Schue to get me out of this stupid assignment." He groaned.

"What assignment?"

"We have to help people." Blaine said like it was the worst thing on earth.

"Yeah, I can see how that must suck." I replied sarcastically.

"No, it's not that any of us minds the actual helping part, it's that they're putting a deadline on it. And our helpee has to come into Glee club on Monday and basically testify that we actually followed Finn's orders. I'm not going to be the only person who fails this thing."

"I thought the point of a show choir group was to sing."

"Oh yeah, I forgot that part. We also have to sing about how the whole thing made us _feel_." He pulled another face.

"The amount of homophobic jokes that just popped into my head. Which in my opinion, seems a bit like a conflict of interest."

Blaine didn't even look at me, he was too busy staring at the ceiling, "So? Have you forgiven me yet?"

"Since I've outlawed the practice of apologies, it kind of implies that neither of us are allowed to hold grudges against the other." I stated.

"Great...I think. So are you staying here tonight?" He smiled and looked at me through his eyelashes.

"I don't know. There was this homey-looking cardboard box around the corner that looked quite inviting." I yawned.

"That's not funny."

"I thought it was."

"Sebastian."

"Blaine."

"Oh come on. How is it that you're doing me the favor by staying at my house? Please, just for once don't be difficult."

"Well when you put it like that..." I said just for the purpose of patronizing him.

"Fine. Sleep on the street, see how much I care." He tried to keep a straight face, but broke into a grin anyway.

"Oh we both know I'd probably get kidnapped and sold as a slave in Jamaica."

"Trust me, you don't have to worry about that. As soon as you open your mouth, they'll be paying you just to go back home." He chuckled.

"Or make me a professional bob-sledder."

"I love that movie."

"I give up with you. If it'll get you to be less annoying, I'll stay here tonight." I grinned.

"Your attitude toward this situation makes absolutely no sense to me, but fine, I'll take what I can get."

"Excuse me, but you don't have to make it sound like you're settling. No one _settles_ for Sebastian Smythe." I moved from my sitting position and lay down instead.

"Please explain to me which part of that sentence made it mandatory to refer to yourself in third person?"

"You ask pointless questions."

"This conversation is pointless. And I'm hungry." He got up and headed to the kitchen.

I let out a relieved sigh on the inside; at least I won't have to actually sleep in my car tonight.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Chapter 20**_

 **Blaine's POV**

"You're kidding me, right?" Sebastian laughed.

"No. And I don't get what's so funny." I replied defensively.

"Oh nothing. Beside the fact that you're forbidden from watching _Game of Thrones._ But I don't know what's worse, that your parents tell you you're not allowed to watch it, or that you actually listen to them." He was still laughing.

"Well I didn't listen to them when they told me I wasn't allowed to watch _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ when I was 12."

"You watched Buffy? Oh yeah, total badass."

"You're a jerk." I tried to keep a straight face, but failed miserably.

It was 23:46 and Sebastian and I had been watching movies pretty much the entire night. Well actually, I'd been watching them and he just kept making remarks about how stupid and unrealistic things were. I'd tried to tell him to keep his opinions to himself, but that had only fueled him. So I just learned to ignore him.

"No, I'm tired." He yawned.

"Me too. Let's just go to bed. Man, I'm happy that tomorrow is Saturday."

"Where should I sleep?" Sebastian asked, standing up and stretching his body in a manner that reminded me of a cat.

"You can take my bed. I'll use my parents' room."

"Okay."

 ****...****

A scream cut through the silence, forcing me to wake with a start. At first I thought that I must have dreamt it, but then I heard it again. And this time I instantly knew that the voice emitting the scream belonged to Sebastian. I jumped out of the bed and raced toward my bedroom. As soon as I stepped into the dark room, I noticed that he was whimpering. I switched on the light, only to be rewarded with an image of Sebastian writhing around in my bed; he was tossing and turning like he was in the middle of a mild seizure.

As soon as I started walking in the direction of the bed, he let out another scream, and this time it was louder and accompanied by him arching his back; if I hadn't known any better I would have sworn that he was in severe pain.

"Sebastian, wake up. Sebastian? Sebastian!"

I have no idea if he heard me or not, but at that moment he started whimpering again. Then I noticed his hands were clenching the bed spread as he shut his eyes and tightened his jaw.

I took a seat next to him on the bed and tried to grab his shoulders so that I could shake him awake, but as soon as I touched him, he swung his elbow into my abdomen. I fell back and gasped for breath. Damn his bony elbows. This time I flinched when another scream tore through the otherwise silent house.

"Sebastian, please just wake up!" I said as I quickly went to sit beside him again. No reaction. Well, except that his writhing was getting worse.

I decided to take a different approach. I moved as fast as I could when I put my arms beneath him and brought his torso up toward my own. As soon as I put my hands on him he started screaming none stop and hitting every single part of my body that he could reach. I bit down on my tongue as pain shot through me, but I didn't loosen my grip on his shoulders.

"Seb, this is just a dream! You hear me, it's not real! You're safe, just open your eyes." I tried to tell him, but he continued to pound on my chest. Then he started screaming in words, "Please stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm begging you! Don't do this again!"

I froze. Oh no. "Sebastian, I'm not hurting you! It's me, Blaine. Your friend. I'm just trying to-ow! Help you. But I can't do that unless you _wake up_!" I yelled as loud as I could and shook his gently.

I felt him go limp in my arms. I knew that he wasn't unconscious, since his breathing wasn't shallow enough.

"I'm sorry, Blaine." He whispered as he sagged against my chest from exhaustion.

"Don't be." I replied as I slowly removed my arms from his shoulders.

"Please don't ask any questions."

"I only have one: has this ever happened before?"

"Yes. But I was hoping it had stopped." He said as he straightened his back and looked me in the eye.

"You really scared me, you know. Especially when you started talking."

"What did I say?" He went even paler.

"Nothing coherent. But you sounded...scared." I didn't want to worry him even more by letting him know that I had heard what he said.

"Yeah. Stupid night terrors." He wiped at his eyes.

"Is that what that was?"

"Would you believe me if I said yes?"

"No."

"Then yes."

"Seb, I know something's going on with you. Something you're not telling me."

"There's probably a lot I'm not telling you. And I'm not going to tell you either. I thought you weren't going to ask questions." He lay back down and closed his eyes.

"You're right, I'm sorry. Are you-are you okay?"

"Peachy."

"Is there something I can do?" I wondered.

"Get me coffee." He mumbled.

I jumped up and headed toward the kitchen, probably moving a lot faster than necessary. I would never admit it to Sebastian, but I was filled with real fear. It was obvious that something was wrong, and I'm not even sure I wanted to know. I mean, I was concerned for him; but this didn't seem like the kind of thing a 17 year old boy could help him with. If only I could get him to talk to a psychologist as well. Not that Ms. Pillsbury was an actual shrink, but at least she had a degree...which was way more qualified than I would ever be in that department.

I made his coffee, then switched off all the lights and headed back upstairs. By the time I got into my room, Sebastian had fallen asleep again. It crossed my mind that maybe I should wake him up; what if he had another nightmare? But I decided against it, he was probably really tired. So I set the coffee down next to the bed and pulled the bedspread up to Sebastian's chest. When I touched his skin to move fallen hair out of his eyes, I noticed that he was really cold. And it also worried me that he was still pale.

I wondered if maybe he was sick. It would explain a lot, like the fact that I couldn't get him to eat anything the whole night.

I knew that I should go back to my parents' room and sleep, but my conscience wouldn't allow me to leave him alone. So I sat down at my desk, and decided to wait there until the sun came up...another 2 and half hours away.

 ****...****

"Hey sleepy-head." I smiled when I saw Sebastian coming down the stairs. It was 9:07 am, and I was in the kitchen staring at my goldfish swim. The rest of the night had gone by eventless and so at 6:15 I decided to leave Sebastian in peace and come get breakfast. I'd been in the kitchen ever since.

"What are you doing?" He frowned.

"Staring. At the fish."

"I wish I hadn't asked."

"You hungry?" I asked casually.

"No." He sat down next to me at the kitchen counter.

"Honestly Seb, when was the last time you ate something?" I turned to him.

"Thanks for the concern _mother_ , but I can take care of myself."

"I'm not going to stop bugging you, you know that right?"

"I'm starting to suspect as much." He mumbled, looking at the fish.

"Anyway, I was thinking that today I should go talk to Ms. Pillsbury, you know, about Jeff. And I was also thinking that you could come with me." I suggested.

"Why?"

"You know him a lot better than me, and you also know his...situation. I wouldn't really know what to tell her." I shrugged.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea..."

"Aww come on. She's really nice. You'll see, she gets along with everyone." I smiled encouragingly.

"Yeah, okay, fine. I'll go with you." He agreed somewhat reluctantly.

"Have you told Jeff about her yet?"

"Not yet. But I didn't want to get his hopes up; I'd rather wait and see what she says first."

"Well I can almost guarantee that she's not going to mind at all talking to him. You said he has that thing in church tomorrow?" I yawned.

"Yup. Tomorrow night. So it'd be good if Emma can see him before then." I couldn't help smile at the way he called Ms. Pillsbury 'Emma'. I mean, I know it's her name, but the only people I knew who ever called her that was Mr. Schue and occasionally Principal Figgins; no one my age ever called her by her name. But then again, Sebastian wasn't like most people my age.

"Then I say the earlier we get to her house the better." I rose from my seat.

"Should I be worried that you know where your guidance counselor lives?" The corners of his mouth curled up.

"She lives with Mr. Schue." I replied like it was self-evident.

"Oooh, are you having an affair with your glee club coach? Because if you are, then you just got a hell of a lot more interesting." He smirked.

"That question doesn't even deserve a response. Now I'm going to get dressed; I suggest you do the same, unless you wanna walk around in the clothes you slept in?"

"Can I shower first?"

"Only if you can do it within 20 minutes." I grinned and ran upstairs.

"Make that 40 minutes! No one can possibly out that much gel in their hair in less time!" He yelled up at me.

I rolled my eyes and went to find clothes.

30 minutes later we were in the car and on the way to Ms. Pillsbury and Mr. Schue's apartment. Sebastian was strangely quiet, and I was pretty sure it had to do with the events of last night. I tried to think of something to talk about, to bring him out of his mood.

"By the way, who's idea was it that you steal our Nationals trophy to get me to rejoin the Warblers? And while we're on the topic, which of you snuck into McKinley to take it?"

"What made you think of that?" He arched an eyebrow.

"I don't know, but answer the questions." I insisted.

"It was my idea," he said somewhat proudly, "but it was Nick and Michael who snuck in to steal it. It was actually quite sad how easy it was. I mean, who doesn't notice two guys in Dalton blazers carrying a life-size trophy?"

"You're serious? They were wearing their school uniforms and _no one_ noticed them?"

"No, they were wearing normal clothes…but you guys still suck." He chuckled.

"No more than you. We stole it back, remember?"

"Oh trust me, I'll never be able to get that image out of my head if I tried; and trust me I've tried." He looked at me with a strange expression.

"What do you mean?"

"The outfits! Blaine, you were wearing tights! _Tights_. Something that should only be worn by women, children and Kurt Hummel." Sebastian shook his head with mock disgust.

"We didn't look that bad…"

"Really? Because the words 'What did I ever see in that guy?' went through my mind."

"The theme of the week was Dynamic Duets, okay. It's not like I had a much of a choice." I mumbled defensively.

"Sam wasn't wearing tights." He pointed out.

"Can we please just change the subject?"

"One more question, who the hell were you supposed to be anyway? The Gay Avenger?"

"Funny." I glared at him. He burst out laughing. This made me smile too; I had accomplished my goal, which was to cheer up Sebastian.

"Hey, you brought it up." He shrugged.

"This is it." I announced as I turned into the parking lot of the apartment building.

It took us about 15 minutes to find the right apartment number, since I kept taking wrong turns causing us to get lost…and a lot of curse words to get directed at me from Sebastian. Ms. Pillsbury answered the door almost immediately.

"Blaine?" She blinked at me with her big eyes.

"Hey, Ms. Pillsbury. I'm really sorry to just drop by unannounced, but there's something pretty important that we need to discuss with you?"

"We?" She turned to Sebastian, who was looking at her with a lazy smile.

"Yeah, this is my friend, Sebastian Smythe."

"It's nice to meet you. Oh sorry, where are my manners? Come in." She smiled, and stepped out of the doorway.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Chapter 21**_

 **Blaine's POV**

Sebastian and I were sitting on one of the couches, waiting for Ms. Pillsbury to finish the coffee that she had insisted we drink. Sebastian, who was sitting next to me, kept rubbing his legs like he was nervous. This didn't really make sense to me, what could he possibly be nervous about? I decided to just ask him, not that I was expecting a straight answer. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Just asking." I shrugged.

Just then Ms. Pillsbury brought the coffee and joined us.

"So, what is it that you needed to talk to me about?" She smiled after we thanked her.

"It's about a friend of ours, Jeff," I began, "he's...going through some stuff and he can't talk to his mom about it. It's pretty hard for him."

"I see. Why can't he talk to his mom?" She wondered.

"He's afraid that she'll think of him differently." I replied.

"Is he, um, homosexual?" Ms. Pillsbury asked uncertainly.

"You can say 'gay', and yeah, he is." Sebastian answered before me.

"Is his mom very judgemental?"

"Forget judgemental, she's homophobic." Sebastian beat me to it again.

"And he's certain about this? About her homophobia?"

"Yes, he is; she's not exactly shy about voicing her opinions."

"I'm assuming then that the reason you're telling me this is because you want me to speak to him?" She smiled again.

Sebastian and I nodded simultaneously.

"I would love to help him, I really would. But you've got to understand that I'm not a qualified psychologist, which is probably what he needs. Have you thought about getting him professional help?"

"That's not a possibility. He can't afford it, and he doesn't want his mom to know anything; not yet. That's why he just needs someone to confide in. And not only do you have a degree, but you're also an adult. And as much as we sometimes like to believe we are too, we're actually only just 17. We don't know what to tell him, despite the fact we're both gay ourselves." Sebastian explained. I smiled in agreement.

"Well like I said, I would love to help him. But then you have to understand that I will encourage him to tell his mother, because lying to her about this for a long period of time goes against both my professional and personal opinions."

"All you have to do is listen to what he has to say, then tell him what you believe to be the best way to approach things. But you also have to keep in mind that his mom is the only family he has; I don't know what would happen to him is she were to...do to him what my parents did to me." Sebastian let out a sigh and broke his gaze with Ms. Pillsbury.

"And what exactly did your parents do?" She asked in that only-remotely-curious way that most psychologists speak. Obviously she was a lot better at this than she thought.

"They kicked me out; they don't want anything to do with me anymore. Luckily for me, I was never close with my family, so the adjustment wasn't as...difficult as it might have been. But Jeff? He's not like me, he's pure and innocent and good. And his mom's all he has; it would destroy him."

"I'm sorry that they did that to you, but do you really think your friend's mom would do the same?"

"I have no idea, I really don't. Some people change when confronted with situations like these, so even if I did know her, it would be almost impossible to say." Sebastian shrugged.

"Okay, I promise to take everything that he says, as well as everything you've said, into consideration when talking to him. But this is a really terrible situation for the poor boy, and I'm afraid that no matter how hard we all try, it may not have a happy ending. I know you think that lying to her, even if just for a while, is what's best for him; but I think you may be wrong. Don't you realize what it could potentially be doing to him? If we tell him that it's best to keep it a secret, won't that just enforce his feelings that his mother won't love him for who he really is? Won't it make him start to hate himself?" Ms. Pillsbury asked.

Her question cast the room into silence. I knew that she had a very good point, and one that I hadn't considered before. If we told him to hide who he is from his mom, the person who's supposed to love him most on earth, how will that make him feel about himself? And coming out of the closet was hard enough _with_ supportive parents, how do you do it with parents who tell you what you are is wrong and disgusting?

I suddenly developed a hell of a lot more respect for Sebastian. After seeing what his dad was like, I had no idea how he had done it. In fact, it worried me a bit. I made a mental note to talk to him about it later; maybe I'd even get him to cooperate, but I wasn't going to hold my breath.

"You're right. See, this is why teenage boys shouldn't attempt to tell other teenage boys how to live their lives." Sebastian remarked. I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"No one should ever tell anyone else how to live their lives, not even psychologists. All they can do is try to help them through difficult decisions or situations, and help them discover who they are and what they want. But never tell them how to run their life."

"Jeff's going to want you to, he's going to ask you what he should do. What are you going to tell him when he does?" Sebastian leaned forward as he spoke.

"I'll tell him what I told you, and that it isn't my place to tell him what to do. I'll tell him that people always know what's best for them, but they don't always realise that. Trust me, your heart always knows."

"Are you a shrink or a heart surgeon?" This time I knew he was being sarcastic.

"Um, neither."

"Seb, she knows what she's doing." I told him quietly.

"I'm not saying that she doesn't, but I don't think she understands what I'm saying to her," Sebastian said to me before turning back to Ms. Pillsbury, "when I ask a guidance counsellor to speak to my friend, it should be obvious that I'm asking her to give him guidance. And telling them that they should do what they believe is right, is sucky guidance; and nothing he didn't know before."

"Okay, I get your not-so-subtle point. But it's hard for me to tell him how to proceed in a situation like this, because I don't know enough of his situation to format any helpful advice." She informed him.

"Touché. But that's exactly why we want you to speak to him, so that he can tell you all about what's going on with him. And then hopefully you'd be able to help him with a solution."

"Of course, and I'll try my best, I always do; but I just need to warn you again, like I'm going to warn him, that there may not be a happy ending to this scenario. If his mother really is homophobic, then there isn't much anyone can do. I mean, sure, someone can speak to her and tell her that she's being selfish, cruel and inconsiderate; but that doesn't mean she's going to listen. Most homophobic people are pretty set in their ways."

Sebastian smiled darkly at that, "You have no idea."

"There's something else we also need to tell you; see, Jeff and his mother are Christians, and he believes that that's the stem and root of her beliefs." I said.

"So she believes that homosexual relationships are wrong because of her religion?"

"Exactly." I nodded.

"That could either simplify or further complicate matters. It's possible that she only says she's against gay people because that's what her church or community believes, and if that's the case, then it's possible that it's not her personal opinion about the topic. But, there's a but, on the other hand, it's also possible that homophobia has been drilled into her mind through constant repetition of other religious people voicing their also drilled opinions and beliefs; in which case, it really will end badly for your friend. I know this because I've personally dealt with people like that and they're not interested in being open-minded because it frightens them. They don't like the unknown or things that are different; they prefer to stay in their judgmental comfort zones."

I could tell that Sebastian shared similar points of view with Ms. Pillsbury, it was just the way he looked at her as she spoke.

"That's what I thought too," he said when she was finished, "but there's more. His church does this thing where it elects a member every few weeks to discuss and share their views and opinions about different topics, and tomorrow night's topic is homosexuality and bisexuality; I'll give you three guesses as to who was elected."

"Oh no." She squeaked as her eyes went wide.

"Yeah, that's why we had to come to you now, so that you would have the chance to talk to him before tomorrow night. I already told him that he should tell the truth about what he believes, even if he doesn't confess the truth about his sexuality, but he's afraid for his mother and how the Church will treat her if he does." Sebastian sighed.

"So he doesn't want to be honest about his opinions because he's afraid that they're going to be mad at his mother because he didn't lie or pretend to be someone he's not?" She asked frowning.

"Exactly, it makes no sense to me either. But he's not wrong, my family are Catholics, so I know a bit about Bible-bashers."

"Just because they're religious doesn't make them homophobic or judgemental, Sebastian. Sam's religious too, you know; and he's dating Brittany, whose bi. Being religious isn't an excuse, but for some people it is an instrument to practice their narcissism or god complex." I told him.

"I didn't mean to imply that, Blaine. I was just saying that Jeff isn't unrealistic in his reasoning. But back to the point; he has to go up in front of all those people who are expecting him to tell them how ugly and wrong it is to love someone of the same gender, and he has to either swallow his feelings and tell them what they want to hear, or he has to tell them what he truly believes."

"Do you know what he truly believes?" Ms. Pillsbury asked.

"Yeah, he told me yesterday. Just ask him about it, he'll be able to explain it a hell of a lot better than I can."

"So, have you decided yet? Will you help him?" I wondered.

"Of course I will, Blaine. I would be happy to do it. But then I have to ask the both of you to trust me and the advice that I give to Jeff. Can I ask that of you?" She looked at each of us.

"Yes. I trust you completely." I smiled reassuringly.

We both turned to Sebastian, who hadn't answered the question yet. It took him an entire minute to nod in agreement, "Thank you for doing this, and I know he'll appreciate it even more than we do."

"I'm happy to help. Oh yes, there's something I wanted to ask; does Jeff go to McKinley?"

Sebastian and I looked at each other before returning our gaze to Ms. Pillsbury.

"No," I said, "he goes to Dalton Academy."

"The school you transferred from?" She asked me.

"Yes, that's the one. Is it okay if we bring him tomorrow afternoon?"

"I'll be here the whole weekend, anytime is fine. I look forward to meeting him, he sounds like a pretty special boy." She smiled warmly.

"He is." Sebastian nodded.

 ****...****

"So? What did he say? Was he happy?" I asked Sebastian as soon as he got off the phone with Jeff.

"You could say that," he snorted, "he would probably have planted another one on me if I'd told him in person."

I was just about to laugh, when something hit me. "Did you just say _another_ one?"

"Yeah, didn't I tell you? We kinda made out yesterday." Sebastian shrugged casually.

I blinked at him, " _What_?"

"Don't look so surprised. I am irresistible, after all." He smirked.

"Why would you do that? I thought you two were just friends?"

We were back at my house, and I was standing in the kitchen snacking on grapes whilst Sebastian had made the call. Now I moved toward the living room.

"We are. That's why I stopped it before our clothes were scattered around the floor." He winked.

"You would have slept with him?" My jaw dropped slightly.

"No, of course not. Why are you asking me these questions?" He turned serious.

"I'm sorry, you're right, it's none of my business. I was just surprised, that's all." I went back to the kitchen, but this time Sebastian followed me.

"No, you're disappointed. I can see it in your face. No one knows that expression better than me."

"Okay, yeah, maybe I am a little disappointed." I admitted.

"Why? You have no right to be."

"I know that, so I'm sorry. It's just, don't you know what Jeff's going through? I don't know how it was for you when you first realized you were gay, but I was very confused, and from what I gather, so is Jeff. I'm just a little surprised you would take advantage of that." I avoided his gaze as I started stacking dishes in the dishwasher.

"I didn't take advantage of anything, he's the one who kissed me. And yeah, maybe I shouldn't have kissed him back, but I did, and I regret it. What else do you want me to say?" He was using the same tone of voice he had used at The Lima Bean yesterday, meaning I'd offended him again. Argh, when will you learn to keep your opinions to yourself, Blaine?

"Nothing. I have no right to judge, Sebastian. I'm sorry."

"I thought we weren't going to apologize to one another?"

I was about to say something when I noticed that he was smiling. I smiled too, "Oh yeah, I forgot."

"You know, I personally believe you're just jealous."

"What are you talking about?" I arched an eyebrow.

"Me kissing Jefferson. You're jealous." He was smirking again.

"Oh wow, does your ego really have no extent?" I rolled my eyes.

"Nope."

We were quiet for a few minutes as I continued to pack the dishwasher, and Sebastian continued to stand there doing absolutely nothing. Then I remembered something. "Hey Sebastian?"

"Yeah?"

"You told me you were 11 when you realised you were gay...how exactly did that happen?" I tried to tone down my curiosity as I spoke.

A few moments of silence ensued, "Why do you want to know?"

"Just wondering." I shrugged.

"It's not that complicated really, I noticed that I was more attracted to the boys at my school than the girls. That's all it was." There was a hint of something in his voice that I detected, but couldn't place. Although there was one thing I knew for certain: he wasn't telling the truth.

I nodded anyway.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Chapter 22**_

 **Jeff's POV**

"What are you talking about? Where are you going?" Nick eyed me suspiciously.

"Um, nowhere important." I shrugged.

"Then why bother going?"

"Because I have to."

"Says who?"

"Me."

"Jeff, what is going on with you lately? You're acting stranger than usual, and that's saying something." Nick shut his laptop and gave me his undivided attention. Great, he suspects something.

"Nothing."

He narrowed his eyes even further and continued to stare at me like that until I sighed, and sat down on my bed. "It's just stuff at home."

"Like what?"

"It's personal, Nick."

"Oh come on. Since when is something too 'personal' for you to tell me? I'm your best friend, remember?"

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?" I said more forcefully.

"You mean you don't want to talk about it with me." He said before taking a seat on his own bed across from mine.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Sebastian. You were telling him what you don't want to tell me." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"You can't possibly know what I was talking to him about."

"Aha! So I'm right. You're not even denying it."

"You're being childish. Please just drop it already. I really can't talk about it right now." I said in a tired voice.

"I'm sorry if I'm being persistent, it's just that I'm worried about you. You haven't been yourself lately, and I can't even help you since I have no idea what's wrong." His voice was gentler.

"I appreciate your concern, I really do. But even if you did know, there's no way you could help. In fact, no one can really do anything."

"There's always something that can be done. But if you really don't want to talk, then I can't force you." He sighed again and went back to his computer.

There was a silence in the room for a couple of minutes before I broke it by saying, "I'm really sorry about your girlfriend, Nick. I know how much she meant to you."

"Thanks." He mumbled in response. I knew he didn't want to talk about it, but I had felt that I just needed to tell him that I was sorry.

My phone buzzed and I knew before I saw the text that Blaine and Sebastian were here. My heart did a small flip. I had no idea why I was so nervous, all I was going to do was go talk to a guidance counsellor (something I'd done all too many times before). But it felt like this was going to be some kind of deciding factor in the decision of whether or not to be honest with my Church, and more importantly, my mother. Well, I guess it is going to be a deciding factor. Let's hope that this lady doesn't just tell me that 'honesty is the best policy', because I know that already. But it doesn't mean that honesty is _always_ the best policy.

I mumbled an incoherent goodbye to Nick before heading out the door. If he heard me, he gave no indication.

I didn't take me long to find Blaine's car. I got into the front passenger seat, which I was surprised to see was empty. Blaine must have sent Sebastian to the back, since he was sitting there glaring daggers at Blaine, who was ignoring him and smiling at me.

I suddenly realised that I hadn't thanked him yet, since this had all been his idea.

"Thank you so much for this, Blaine. I can't tell you how much it means to me."

"You are very welcome, it's the least I could do. And just ignore the child back there, his mood should improve sometime in the next 5-7 years." He grinned at me before starting the car.

"Don't count on it." Sebastian mumbled, causing me and Blaine to laugh.

"Just putting it out there that I hate you both." Came from the back.

"Okay seriously, what's bugging him?" I wondered.

"Personally I believe he's just hungry, but he claims its other things I'd rather not repeat."

"If he's hungry, then why doesn't he just eat something?" I blinked.

"I am still here, you know. And I'm _not_ hungry." Sebastian announced.

"You literally haven't eaten since Friday, and it's _Sunday_!" Blaine argued.

"Honestly, get off my back. You're not my mother."

"You're right, the difference is that I actually care." He snapped, causing Sebastian to look very offended.

"Blaine's right, Seb. You're well on your way to developing an eating disorder." I agreed.

"Not you too." Sebastian groaned.

"So where does Ms. Pillsbury live?" I asked, changing the subject.

"You can call her Emma, you know. It makes her sound like less of a librarian."

I ignored Sebastian's remark and looked at Blaine.

"In Lima. Not too far from here."

I nodded.

"You're pretty brave for doing this, you know. I would never have had the guts." Blaine said sincerely.

"Thanks, but I'm sure you would have. I think people surprise themselves sometimes by how easily they can step up to the plate when they need to."

"Although that's true for most people, I'm afraid that it wasn't always true for me. I made some pretty big mistakes back in the day; mistakes I know you'll never make."

"How can you be so sure?" I wondered.

"Because you're really smart. And really nice. That's a good combination."

"You have way too much faith in me." I chuckled.

"It's not just him." Sebastian added.

It took me a second to figure out why they were saying these things, but it suddenly hit me, "You two don't want me to tell the Church that I believe being gay is a bad thing, do you?" I arched an eyebrow.

"Told you he was smart." Blaine grinned again.

"Like I told Sebastian, I don't want to lie to them either, but I just don't want it to have bad repercussions for my mother. Some of those people can be pretty...harsh." I explained.

"We get that, Jeff. And we would never try to make you do something that you don't want to do, but we also don't want you to have regrets. This could be your chance to open up some minds, change their opinions, and make them see the light. And you're not a Christian because you want to obey and follow other people's opinions; no, you're a Christian because you love God. Just like God loves you too, unconditionally. Obviously I can't speak on behalf of Him, but I can't imagine he would want you to lie about who you are and what you believe. Do you know why He wouldn't want you to lie about that?" Blaine said all of this with a constant smile on his lips.

"Because lying's bad?" I shrugged.

"Well, yes. But more than that; He wouldn't want you to lie about who you are, because He made you that way. And no one should be ashamed of the way God made them. Ever."

"He's right, Jefferson. Besides, if these people didn't want your honest opinion about the matter, then why the hell ask you to give it?" Sebastian asked.

"You're right; both of you. I think my priorities were a little bit jacked up, so I didn't realise who I was supposed to be thinking of. But now I do. In fact, I don't think you guys know how much your words have just helped me in my decision." I blinked at my own ignorance.

…

"Finally! Where have you been? The service is going to start soon!" Was my mother's greeting as soon as I stepped foot out of Blaine's car. The other two stepped out as well, causing my mom to cast confused glances in their direction, but she didn't say anything.

"You realise that you have to go in front of everyone and give your speech? And we haven't even rehearsed it yet, we better hurry."

"No, that's fine. I already know what I'm going to say." I said only slightly more confidently than I felt.

"Well if you're sure..."

"I am."

"We better hurry anyway, Matthew is waiting for me." She said impatiently.

"You go on ahead, I'll be with you in a second." I told her.

She looked like she wanted to argue, but walked away with a wave of her hand in my direction. I turned to the other two, "Thank you so much, to both of you. Talking to Emma today really helped a lot. I think I know what I need to do." That was also said with more confidence than I currently possessed.

"Glad we could help. But we're not going anywhere." Sebastian replied, casting a look at Blaine, who nodded.

"Wait, you're going to stay?" I gulped inaudibly.

"Of course. We'll support you no matter what course of action you decide to take." Blaine smiled.

"Oh, um, you really don't have to do that. You've both done so much. I'll let you know how it goes." I said nervously.

"Oh don't be difficult, Jefferson. We're not going anywhere."

"Jeffrey, get in here!" I turned and saw my mom yelling at me from the back entrance. I sighed and ran toward her, but not before I heard Sebastian asking, "Did she just call him Jeffrey?"

When I reached my mom, she started speaking in an urgent voice, telling me what and what not to do, what and what not to say, etc. But I wasn't really listening, I was instead focusing on what I was actually going to say. And now it was all made worse by the presence of Blaine and Sebastian.

I hadn't lied when I had said that talking to Emma had been a big help, but unfortunately it hadn't helped with my current decision. That one she had made sure was all up to me. Although, she had helped me out with quite a few other things, including a very important talk I was going to have to have with my mother soon. But I was going to stall _that_ one for as long as humanly possible.

My heart joined my stomach's acrobatics when I saw the people filing in, and there were a lot. In fact, it seemed like there were more than ever before. But that could have been an illusion brought on by my nerves-induced fear. Okay, now my _thoughts_ aren't even making sense anymore.

 _Calm down, Jeff. Calm down. Having a panic attack right now, as desirable as that sounds, won't actually help solve anything. I need to think. Weigh the pros and the cons. Consider the consequences...of both sides._

 _God is amazing. He's always been there for me. Always. But so has my mother, although in a different sense of the word. Could I really do something that could result in me losing her forever? No. I don't even have to think about that answer._

"Jeff, you're almost up." My mother said from beside me. I gave a slightly nod of my head. I knew how the routine went: first the minister would make a few announcements, then would come the donations, then all the kids would go next door for the Sunday School, then the topic would be introduced (very subtly), then would come everyone's reactions as they put two and two together, finally figuring out what's to be discussed. Lastly, the minister would say a few words, maybe read a few verses from the Bible, and then...the speaker would get his 'spotlight'. I gulped again at the thought.

I made sure to keep my senses on the edge, since I was curious as to what the reaction would be today. After straining both my ears and my eyes, I started noticing disapproving glances, quiet murmurs and whispers, shaking of heads, and some people were even pulling disgusted faces.

I felt like I was going to throw up. Not only at the thought of speaking in front of them, but also knowing that that's what they all thought of me. It hurt a lot. I'd practically grown up in this Church, and know I knew that it made no difference to them. The only thing that mattered was the gender I was attracted to. I felt sick all over again.

"...now for some words from Jeffrey Sterling." My head shot up at the sound of my name, only to catch every single pair of eyes in the whole building fixed on me. When I didn't move, I felt my mother shoving me out of my seat. Since I was now standing, I slowly made my way to the centre of the room where the microphone was located. The minister smiled encouragingly. I felt like I had been walking for hours when I finally reached my destination.

I noticed again that all eyes were on me, and I started frantically panicking on the inside. I still hadn't decided what to say, and now I was forced to speak. I have no idea how long I stood there, absolutely mute, before the minister said my name from behind me; I turned around.

"Are you alright?" He whispered, frowning.

I nodded shakily.

"Don't be nervous, you're good with words, you'll see, it's not as hard as you think."

I nodded again for no reason, and turned back to face the rest of the room. I emitted one last sigh, then started to speak,

"Hi everyone, for those of you who don't know, my name is Jeff Sterling. Today I have been asked to speak to you about my views on homo-and bisexuality. This is something I've thought a lot about, being a teenager and a Christian, so I'm very confident in my, uh, beliefs and opinions on the matter," I paused briefly to lick my lips, and to try and pick up on the general reactions, which were mostly just a lot of nods. Then my eyes fell on Sebastian and Blaine, who were both sitting near the back. They noticed me spotting them and smiled encouragingly.

I closed my eyes for a second before continuing, "There is quite a controversy when it comes to this particular topic, and I suppose it's obvious why. But not everyone knows exactly how they feel about the matter; I mean, a lot of people are indifferent, don't care either way. I guess they could be called procrastinators. But that's not what I'm here to discuss, because like I said, I do know how I feel, and I think my feelings might surprise some of you," the confidence behind these words were no longer fake, I finally knew exactly where I was going with this. Ignoring the confused faces, I smiled and drew in a deep breathe before speaking again,

"Two very close friends of mine are gay. Yes, gay. And I don't care. Do you know why? Because their sexuality isn't what makes them who they are, in fact it has nothing at all to do with it. I believe with all my heart that even if these boys happened to be attracted to girls, it wouldn't change a damn thing about them. Actually, you know what? It would. Because then they'd no longer be who they are, and that would be a serious tragedy. They are amazing people, because of, and in spite of them being homosexual," I paused again and looked at my two friends, who were nodding proudly and smiling happily. I smiled too. Unfortunately, no one else in the room seemed to share in their happiness; most people seemed to be getting quite uncomfortable. Including my mother, who was staring at me in horror. I didn't care. I still had more to say,

"I know that it is said to be revolting 'when one man lies with another man', but has anyone actually ever heard God say that?" I swept my eyes across the entire room.

"It stands clearly in the Bible, Jeff." My mom said to me through gritted teeth. I saw a lot of nods agree with her.

"I know that, but the Bible was written by people, not God himself. I want to personally hear Him say it before I will believe that He would judge us, purely based on who we love. Because that has never made sense to me; God is love, isn't he? He loves each and every one of us without condition, without restriction, without end. And I believe this not only because it's told to us in the Bible, but also because I can feel it in my heart. I know that He loves me."

"Why? Has he told that you _that_ personally?" A teenage girl in the front row asked. Her friends giggled at that.

"In a way. Haven't you ever smiled when you felt the warmth of the sun touching your skin? Or wanted to burst inside at the site of a baby kitten? Or stopped to marvel at the beauty of a rainbow?" Although I looked at the girl as I spoke, the question was intended for everyone else too.

All four the girls nodded reluctantly.

I smiled, "Then he's told you that he loves you too. In his own way. Because happiness, beauty, joy, innocence, acceptance, love, patience, purity...that is all God's way of showing you just how much you mean to him," I lifted my head and spoke to the room again, "did you notice that I said 'acceptance'? Because He accepts each and every one of us for exactly who we are. Every one of us. Shouldn't we extend the same courtesy to each other? I think we should," I shrugged. I noticed that, although most people looked uncomfortable and/or offended, other people looked like they were actually listening. I wasn't finished yet,

"There was something someone told me on Friday that I can't get out of my head; he said that two men and two women can love each other just as much as a man and a woman, so what reason do we have to say that it's wrong or disgusting or unholy? We know that He loves us, we know it. So shouldn't it also be evident in the statement 'unconditional love' that he never judges us, he never tells us who we are and aren't allowed to care about. He doesn't care about any of that, all He wants is for us to love and cherish Him.

Look, my point is basically, God doesn't care who you love, He wants us all to be happy and equal. And one also has to remember that we all come from Him. All of us. That would include the homosexuals and bisexuals. Are you really trying to tell me that He passes judgement on those He created because of the way He created them? Does that make any sense to you? Because it sure as hell doesn't make any to me.

I'm going to wrap up by saying again that who we love doesn't and shouldn't define us, but _how_ we love. And besides, what business is if of anyone else what goes on in other people's personal lives? If it's your friend or family member, then take God's example, and be happy that they're happy. And if it's no one you know, then I ask again, what business is it of yours?

So if you were expecting me to tell you that gay or bi people disgust me, then you obviously don't know me. I can't speak on behalf of the Church, only on behalf of myself. But I personally believe that it's not fair to judge people, _any_ people, based on what you can see on the outside...because that's not what matters. Not to me, anyway.

I've said what I wanted to say, if I offended anyone, please remember that it wasn't my intention. I was asked to share my honest opinion, and that's what I did. Have a good Sunday night everyone." With that I handed the microphone back to the minister and walked out of the building, pausing only to grab Sebastian's arm. He and Blaine followed me out.

"That was amazing, Jeff! You should be proud." Blaine grinned and hugged me when we reached his car.

"That took some guts. I'm proud of you, Blondie."

I had the rare privilege of seeing a sincere smile on Sebastian's face.

"Well I would never have been able to do that if it weren't for the two of you, so thank you again...and do you think we could go get something to eat? I'm starving."


	23. Chapter 23

_**Chapter 23**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

"Sebastian, you okay? You don't look so good." Blaine commented from the kitchen where he commenced to make coffee...again. I had of course suggested support groups for his caffeine addiction, but he just ignored me whenever I brought it up. I personally believed that he was in denial.

"Gee, thanks." I mumbled in response, throwing myself down on a couch. I lay back and closed my eyes, paying very careful attention to my breathing. Bad things happened when I didn't.

"I'm serious. You look pale, and your eyes look kind of, um, dull. If that's the right word for it. Also you keep getting this look on your face like you're in pain."

"Yeah, I have stomach cramps. And I have you and Jeff to thank for that." I had meant to snap at him, but my exhaustion got the better of me, and it came out more of a tired argument.

"Why, because we actually managed to get you to eat something? Yup, we should be stoned for our crime."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm the sarcastic one in this relationship? Just because I'm too tired to care, doesn't mean you can take advantage of me."

"You make no sense to me." I could practically hear Blaine shaking his head.

"And I never will." I yawned.

"Why are you so tired anyway? You only woke up at like 9 O' Clock this morning." He shoved my legs off of the couch and sat down next to me. I grunted an objection, and put my legs on his lap. He just shoved them off again. This went on for about a minute, until I had no energy left in my body to lift my legs, so I just gave up.

"I didn't sleep well." I yawned again.

"Did you have another nightmare?" He wondered.

"I don't have nightmares. I occasionally have night- _terrors_ , which is something completely different." I argued.

"If you say so. But yeah, I'm also beat. And I have school tomorrow." Blaine groaned.

"Fascinating." I mumbled. I was practically half-asleep now, and barely aware of anything going on around me. Well, actually, I was very much aware of the uncomfortable position my spine was in, so I made one more attempt at putting my legs on Blaine's lap, so that my body would be straight. Luckily for me, this time he didn't resist. He had put his head back against the leaning of the couch and closed his eyes. He looked just as tired as I felt.

The last thought that flooded through my mind before it succumbed to sleep, was how sick I felt right now.

 ****...****

My heart woke me up. It was beating so fast, that I almost literally had to gasp for breathe. I tried to even my breathing, like I had done so many times before, but it wasn't working. It felt like my heart was bashing against the inside of my chest cavity, and it actually hurt.

I knew what happened when I couldn't get my heart rate under control, so I slowly moved my legs off of the sleeping Blaine and moved swiftly toward the bathroom, ignoring the intense feeling of wanting to pass out. As soon as I was content that I hadn't accidentally woke Blaine, I quietly shut the door behind me.

It seemed like I was just in time, since the familiar sensation of burning that came from my abdomen and went right into my throat, suddenly made itself present.

I knelt down as I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl. And let's not forget the usual feelings of self-loathing that always accompanied these kinds of "activities". But for some reason, this time it was worse. I couldn't stop puking, and even when the entirety of what had been in my stomach was gone, my body kept gagging and retching like it was determined to start getting rid of my guts.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard the bathroom door open behind me. I didn't want him to see me like this, so without turning around, I said, "Please Blaine, just get out."

"Tell me this isn't what I think it is." He replied, and I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was getting closer.

"Don't come closer! Don't." I started gagging again, and my eyes filled with tears. This was the worst possible thing that could have happened.

"Seb, I'm not going to judge you, you know that." Blaine said gently, and I felt his hand on my back. I flinched, and he removed it.

"Go away." I growled.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll be in the living room." He said before I heard the door shut again.

I closed my eyes and tried to force my emotions into control. I wasn't going to allow myself to cry...not again. Not ever again.

When I was finally sure I was done gagging, I flushed the toilet and rinsed my mouth with Listerine a few times. Then I spent a few minutes trying to calm down, and get my heart rate back to normal.

Blaine was absent-mindedly playing with a pillow when I left the bathroom, but put it down when he saw me. We stared at each other like that for a few moments, before I started moving for the front door. He got up and stood in front of me, blocking my way.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"I need to leave."

"Why?"

"I just do." I tried to side-step him, but he was faster. Then again, a sloth could probably have outrun me right now; I was so light-headed, it was hard to stand upright.

"Ignoring the fact that your clothes are still upstairs and it's 5 O' Clock in the morning, you can't just leave, Sebastian. If there's something going on, you can tell me." His voice was still gentle.

"I have nothing to tell you, except get out of my way."

"What precisely are you running from? I don't understand." He continued to block me. I could have easily shoved him out of my way in any normal circumstances, but I just didn't possess the energy at the moment.

"I'm not running from anything. But you will be if you don't move." I tried to sound intimidating, but I wasn't sure I actually accomplished it.

"Then why don't you move me? Come on, push me out of the way."

"I'm not going to play this game with you." I glared.

"This isn't a game! Your life isn't a game. And you need to stop acting like it is."

"You don't know anything about my life."

"I know enough. Please just stay, you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, but don't leave." He took a step closer to me.

"Just leave me alone." I moved to try and step past him again, but the dizziness caught up to me and made me lose control of my movements. I fell forward, and my hands automatically tried to grab onto something to prevent me from falling to the floor; Blaine caught me at the same time as my hands latched onto his shoulders. I tried to push myself away from him, but his firm grip on me prevented me from getting it right.

I didn't care that he was literally the only thing keeping my legs from crumbling beneath me, I squirmed against him with all the energy I still had. I'm not sure why, I just didn't want to be touched right now. And I certainly didn't want it to be Blaine touching me.

"Sebastian, stop it! If I let you go, you are going to fall. Just calm down, and I'll help to you to the couch and let you go."

I continued thrashing for another 20 seconds, but was then so physically tired that I slumped against Blaine and let his arms keep me up.

"You know, it's sad how easy you are to hold up. And for a guy of 6"2, that's not a good sign." He observed as he slowly moved toward the leather seat. I didn't respond.

When he finally let go of me and helped me to sit down, I was surprised to find that my arms were hesitant to let go of his shoulders. He smiled and gently tugged on my wrists until I pulled them away like his hands were pots of boiling water. I then crossed my arms over my chest and lay my head back.

"Do you feel better now?" Blaine asked, sitting across from me.

I nodded slowly.

"Will it help if you drink something?"

I nodded again, "Yeah, coffee usually helps."

"On it." He headed to the kitchen.

I considered leaving now while he was distracted, but instantly pushed the thought away. And it wasn't just because I'd probably pass out if I tried.

Within 2 minutes Blaine brought the coffee. He held the cup out for me until I took it from him, and brought the hot liquid up to my lips. It felt like heaven when it passed down my throat, and continued to warm me up. The hunger in my stomach caused me to start gulping the drink down as quickly as possible, even though I knew that it was a bad idea.

"Woah, not so fast. You're going to make yourself sick again." Blaine warned, as he carefully took the cup from my hands.

"I'm hungry." I mumbled defensively.

"Can you eat anything?" He asked hesitantly.

I shook my head.

"Seb, what's wrong with you? Is it an eating disorder?" His voice was cautious.

"It's none of your business, that's what it is." I snapped.

"Fine, you don't want to talk about it, I get it. But when you are, you know where to find me." Blaine smiled encouragingly.

I looked away from him and didn't reply.

Despite how tired I was and despite what time it was, I knew there wasn't a chance in hell that I'd be able to fall asleep again. I suppose Blaine knew that too, since he didn't bring it up. I kind of regretted how I was acting toward him, I mean, I knew that he only wanted to help; but the problem was that there was no way to fix me, not from this. I knew because I had tried, over and over again. And what could he do that I couldn't?

"I'm sorry, by the way. For trying to get you to eat something when you so obviously didn't want to. I should have taken a hint."

I blinked at him. Was he really apologising for that?

"No telling me you're sorry, remember?"

"Okay, that is a stupid rule and I should never have agreed to it." His hesitant smile turned into a real one.

"Yeah well, you did. So it's too late to turn back now." I yawned.

"With you? Definitely." He snorted. I pretended to have a clue what he meant by that.

We sat in silence for about 15 minutes, me tilting my head back and closing my eyes, and him sitting across from me and seemingly lost in thought. I also used this time to think. I wondered what the hell was going to become of me, no money, no house, incomplete education, both physically and mentally sick…yeah, sounds like I've got a promising career ahead of me. In failure.

I scowled at my own self-pity, the only thing I hated more than normal pity and judgement, and decided I needed to distract myself from my thoughts. "What are you going to do when you've graduated?" I asked Blaine.

He seemed a bit surprised by the question, but he wasn't hesitant in his reply, "I was thinking of going to NYADA, but now that Kurt and I have broken up…"

"Did you actually want to enrol there, or was it only because of him?" I had to fight the urge to call Kurt a 'her'.

"I'm not sure, I mean going to New York is something I've always wanted to do, but not specifically NYADA." He shrugged.

"Then find another music school. New York is a really big place."

"You would know, right?" He smiled again.

"Obviously." I smirked.

"Is there anywhere you _haven't_ been?" He shook his head.

"Hmmmm, China? Yeah, never been there. A population full of Blaine-sized Asians who eat dogs…which part of that sounds even remotely attractive?" I pulled a face.

"Do you have any idea how racist that comment was?" He laughed in spite of himself.

"How is that racist?"

"It's a stereotype. Like people saying Americans are stupid and fat, it's offensive."

"Why? You're not stupid or fat. I'm not saying you're exactly the most intelligent midget around, but you know…" I trailed off.

"You are such a jerk." Blaine threw a pillow at me.

"It's not my fault you're so sensitive. At some point you're just going to have to accept the truth." I shrugged.

" _Your_ version of the truth." He said defensively.

"You are so easy." I chuckled.

"Oh yeah Seb, _I'm_ the easy one."

"Touché." I grinned.

"And don't worry; you're not fat…or _that_ stupid, either." Blaine returned the sarcastic smile.

"Have I ever told you that your words make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside?" I blinked like a love-sick little girl.

He laughed. I could never take my eyes off his face when he did that. When he looked up again and caught me staring at him, I wanted to look away, but his eyes looked so big and dark that somehow I just couldn't. The smile continued to play on his lips as we stared at each other. Eventually it became like a competition as to who would look away first.

I won.

An awkward silence ensued.

I broke it when I asked Blaine yet another question, "Why did you offer to let me stay here? And I want an honest, real answer this time."

"As opposed to the lies I tell you every time you bring it up? Sebastian, I would have done the same for any one of my friends. And that is the truth."

"That's just the thing, Blaine. I'm _not_ one of your other friends. In fact, we weren't even friends." I argued.

"Why do you keep saying that?" He actually looked hurt. Which is something I didn't really expect, since I'd said the same thing to him at least twice before. But he never seemed to really understand what it was I was saying to him.

"I'm not saying that we're not, you know, friends _now_. But I mean, we cheated at Sectionals, I assaulted Sam, I tried to freakin kill myself, and all the while I was acting like a prick toward you...I can't understand why you would invite me into your house."

"Because I saw something in you. Something I can't really explain, but it was there. And it made me realize that everyone, even you, deserves a second chance. And I will admit that I was concerned that there wouldn't be many people out there who would give it to you. So I did. Does that satisfy you?" He arched his eyebrow.

"Yeah, I guess. I've never said thank you, for saving my life and helping me. So, uh, thanks." I said kind of awkwardly. Graciousness wasn't exactly my thing.

"You're welcome, Sebastian. You're not entirely the person I originally thought you were." Blaine remarked, staring at the floor.

"When you say 'originally', do you mean when we first met, or after I threw the slushie at you?"

"Both. I constantly change my mind about you."

"Somehow that doesn't sound like a good thing." I yawned. My eyes started burning from the effort of keeping them open. Despite this, I knew I'd still not be able to fall asleep.

"Sometimes it can be. But don't worry about that, I'll tell you when I've made my absolute final decision."

"Okay then." I said rather disinterestedly.

"And Seb?"

"Hmm?"

"I've really liked having you here for the last few days." His lips curved into a smile again.

I stared at him for a few seconds to make sure that he wasn't mocking or provoking me, but his eyes and smile seemed sincere and genuine. I had to stop myself from returning his smile.

"Why? You lonely or something?"

"No." Blaine shook his head slowly.

"Then I guess you're just desperate for company." I finally succumbed to the burning in my eyes, and closed them.

"No I'm not, actually. But never mind, just forget it." I wasn't looking at his face, but he didn't sound very happy.

"Well I suppose if I had to be expelled from Dalton, then being here isn't _that_ bad. But I'd any day rather be a Warbler." These were not the words I really wanted to tell him, but it was the closest I could bring myself to say.

"I know you would...can I ask you a question?" He sounded very uncertain.

"I can't stop you from talking." I mumbled.

"Why did you transfer to Dalton? I mean, most people have reasons; do you have one?" Blaine asked.

I had a reason, most definitely. But the question was whether or not I should tell Blaine about it. It wasn't really something I liked to talk about, but then again, Blaine had been so kind and honest to me, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I returned the favor. Just this once.

"Yeah, I have a reason..." I replied with the same cautious voice Blaine had used a few seconds earlier.

"Were you bullied?"

"In a way. It's actually a long story." When memories came flooding back to me, I regretted my mental decision to talk to Blaine.

"If you don't want to talk about it, I get it." He said.

I sighed, still weighing my decision. He had been honest with me about Jordan, but this was a different kind of honesty. I made up my mind about what to tell him.

"Ask me again tomorrow." Those simple words contained possible hope and an empty promise. But it seemed to please Blaine, who smiled again. I loved that I could make him smile so easily.

He was just about to say something when we heard the front door open. Blaine went paler than a vampire in less than a second. I just stared on as a man who appeared to be in his mid-twenties walked into the house. He had dark brown hair, light eyes (I couldn't quite see the color), and a tall, slim build. And he was _hot_. I momentarily hoped that it was a burglar with the intention of kidnap, but quickly forced that out of my head.

"Hey Blainey. Surprised to see me?" The man grinned.

Blainey?

"Cooper...what are you doing here?" Blaine quickly got up.

"You could at least try to look happy to see me. I'm only your brother, after all."


	24. Chapter 24

_**Chapter 24**_

 **Blaine's POV**

"Shouldn't you get to school right about now?" Cooper asked me, looking at his watch.

"Don't remind me." I groaned in response.

Sebastian, Cooper and I were sitting at the kitchen counter eating breakfast, or in Sebastian's case, drinking coffee. I was still trying to process the arrival of my brother, and trying to figure out why he was in town; since every time I asked him, he'd just change the subject.

At first he seemed confused by Sebastian's presence, and asked if he was my new boyfriend. I very clearly said no, and that he was just a friend of mine who had come over early ( _very_ early) to discuss some stuff. Cooper had nodded, but not really looked convinced.

Sebastian seemed offended that Coop thought he was gay. Which he was, but for some reason he didn't want my brother to know that. I'd long ago learnt to not try and figure out how Sebastian's mind works.

"What's wrong with your school?" Cooper frowned.

"I think the better question would be, what's _right_ with it?" Sebastian remarked.

I mentally told him to choke on his coffee, but otherwise ignored his comment and said, "It's not school, it's glee club. We have this stupid assignment that I completely forgot about, and it's kinda due today. I'm so going to fail."

"You can _fail_ at glee club?" Cooper looked like he was trying to stop himself from laughing.

"Well, not exactly. But I'm failing the assignment."

"What is it?"

"We were instructed to find people to help over the weekend, then bring them in today and tell everyone what we did. It not only sounds stupid, but it actually is." I shook my head.

"Okay, that is...um, weird. Ooh, but I have an idea. What if you just bring me in again instead? They loved me last time." He grinned.

Thinking back to last year's 'Master Class' offered by my brother and all the crappy advice he'd given everyone, I had to stop myself from yelling 'No!'.

"I don't think that's a good idea. Things are slightly different now. I'll just fail and take it like a man."

"You know, you did actually help someone over the weekend. And you did it because you wanted it to, not because you were instructed to do so by a weirdo who perms his hair and is best friends with a 19-year old." Sebastian said rather disinterestedly, staring (yet again) at my goldfish.

"You know that Mr. Schue isn't really in charge right now, it's Finn." I pointed out.

"You mean the strange-looking log who's best friends with the creepy potential-paedophile?" He raised his eyebrows.

"It's creepy how much you remind me of Coach Sylvester right now." I blinked.

"What did you do?" Cooper asked, taking a bite of his cereal.

"We just helped someone in a decision he was struggling with." I explained. I didn't want to go into more detail than that, since I didn't feel it was my business discussing Jeff's personal life.

"That's...vague."

"So why don't you just ask Blondie to participate in your not-so-in-the-closet assignment? The kid has always had a problem with saying 'no'." Sebastian shrugged.

"No way. It seems mean and selfish." I said.

"Oh come on. Jeff wouldn't mind, and it might make him feel better; he feels like he owes us."

"But he doesn't owe us, that's the thing. If I ask him to do this, I'd just be reinforcing what he already wrongly believes." I pointed out.

"Then tell him it's a favor. Blaine, you have two options here: fail the assignment that no one gives a crap about or ask your _friend_ for a favor. And wow, I can't believe I'm actually talking about this. I'm going to shut up now." Sebastian rested his forehead against his forearm that was bracing in front of him.

"Why don't you just call this kid? It can't hurt to see what he says." Cooper suggested.

"He doesn't have a phone."

"What kind of teenager doesn't have a cellphone?" My brother looked appalled at the thought.

"Apparently someone flushed it down the toilet." I explained.

"Oh...what school is he in?"

"Dalton."

"Well then I'd suggest you hurry up if you want to make it there and back before first period."

"Yeah...wait, what are you going to do for the whole day?" I wondered suspiciously.

"Hang around here, I guess." Coop shrugged.

"And you?" I asked Sebastian.

"Find a job." He mumbled into his arm.

"Hm." Was my response before running upstairs to take a quick shower.

 ****...****

Before I knew it, I had once again driven through the all-too-familiar gates of Dalton Academy. Since it was too early for classes to begin, there were a lot of boys hanging around outside or playing lacrosse on the fields.

When I had been part of the Warblers, they would often have early morning rehearsal sessions (well, if they had something to rehearse for). So I decided to check the rehearsal room.

I was still trying to figure out what I was going to say to Jeff, and how I was going to ask him what I wanted to ask him, when I ran into a familiar face.

"What are you doing here? No current suicide attempts as far as I know." Hunter said.

"That's not funny, Hunter. I'm here to see Jeff." I tried to walk past him, but he blocked my way in a very similar way I had done to Sebastian this morning, "I know. Look, can we talk?"

"I'm kinda in a hurry..."

"I'm sorry about what happened at Sebastian's house. I should have known something was up, and I should have stuck up for you two. I apologize for my ignorance." This was the most sincere thing he had ever said to me, and I was actually kind of wondering if he had something up his sleeve or if he meant what he said.

"It wasn't your fault. But how do you know? What happened, I mean." I asked.

"Elliot told me. I broke up with Olivia immediately."

"I see."

We had now reached an empty classroom, which Hunter walked into and gestured for me to follow. I obliged reluctantly and closed the door behind us.

"How is Sebastian doing?" He raised his eyebrow as he sat down on the edge of a desk.

"Fine." I shrugged.

"How is he _really_ doing?" Hunter persisted.

I sighed and took a seat myself. I considered for a second whether or not I should be honest with Hunter, and concluded that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. He obviously had some kind of heart, as indicated by his behaviour when Seb tried to kill himself.

"Not that great, actually," I began, "there's something going on with him, and I have no idea what it is. It's like there's this big part of his life he doesn't want to talk about. And it's not just his past, there's something _physically_ wrong with him as well."

"What do you mean? Is he-is he sick?" He frowned.

"Maybe. Probably. I honestly don't know."

Hunter stared down at the ground as he appeared to be thinking pretty hard about something. Eventually though, he looked back at me and said, "There's something I think I need to tell you, but under no circumstances can you let him know that it was me who told you. You think you can do that?"

I nodded.

"Good. I can't help you with his apparent health problem, but maybe I can shed some light on his past. See, after I Elliot told me what went down at his house with you and Sebastian, I went back to Olivia's room and I convinced her to tell me about her brother's relationship with his father."

"You _convinced_ her?" I asked sceptically.

"Convinced, threatened, manipulated. What's the difference? Anyway, I got her to talk.

Apparently Sebastian came out as gay when he was 13, and his homophobic father didn't like that. Not just for personal reasons, but he was also scared it would hurt his 'reputation'. So he told his son that he was sick, and that they would get him help. But Sebastian insisted that there was nothing wrong with him, and that he wasn't interested in going to therapy. Now William Smythe isn't the type of man who likes to be stood up to and/or talked back to, so naturally, he flipped. He punched Sebastian for the first time ever that day, at least to Olivia's knowledge."

"But Seb told me that his dad had never hit him before." I blinked.

"He lied. The abuse only started there. Olivia was pretty vague about this part, but apparently it somehow played a pretty big part in the reason they moved here and enrolled Sebastian in this school." Hunter explained.

"I'm so stupid, obviously he would lie about that. I'm kinda worried about him, to tell you the truth." I sighed again.

"Why?"

"He doesn't eat, like practically _ever._ Jeff and I kept bugging him about it last night, and he just gave in and finally ate something. But this morning he couldn't stop throwing up, and he almost passed out. And he never wants to talk about his life and his past, he keeps everything to himself. This kinda makes me wonder about what it is he's hiding."

"Blaine, it kinda sounds like he has an eating disorder." Hunter shrugged.

"I thought about that too, and I've tried asking him about it, but like usual, nothing."

"Just keep trying, at some point something will have to get through to him." He said, only half-believing his own words.

"And to make matters worse, my brother showed up this morning. I haven't asked my parents if Sebastian can stay at our house, so I have no idea how I'm going to do this." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Just ask your brother to keep quiet until you have the chance to talk to them."

"Yeah, that could work, I guess." This time it was me who doubted my words.

"Anyway, I better get going; those Warblers are useless on their own." Hunter said, and moved for the door. I followed.

"Can I ask you something?" I wondered as I matched my pace to his.

He shrugged in response.

"Why do you care so much? About Sebastian, I mean."

"What kind of a question is that?" He turned to me.

"I'm not trying to offend you or anything. I'm just curious...most people think you're-"

"Heartless?" He arched an eyebrow.

"Kind of." I admitted.

"I like intimidating people, it makes my life a hell of a lot easier. But I do actually care...sometimes. And as for Sebastian, he reminds me a lot of my brother." With that he walked into the Warbler practice room, and left me standing there.

"Hey Blaine, Hunt said you wanted to talk to me." Jeff appeared out of nowhere and grinned at me.

"Oh yeah, hey Jeff. Um, you know what? I completely forgot what I wanted to tell you. Pssshh, silly me." I slapped my forehead for effect.

"You came all the way to Dalton to tell me something that you forgot when you got here?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Wow, it sounds bad when you say it out loud. Anyway, I better get going. I'm probably already late for school." I gave him a warm smile, then turned around and hurried in the opposite direction.

I'm not sure why I suddenly decided not to ask Jeff about the whole assignment thing, but after hearing what Hunter had told me, it just seemed way too trivial.

There was a person I needed to help, but singing about it in glee club was definitely not going to accomplish anything. The only problem was that I didn't know _how_ to accomplish anything with that boy.

 ****...****

I caught up to Sam on my way to the choir room.

"Do you know if anyone actually followed the assignment?" I asked him.

"Yeah, everyone's striking against it. Including me. It just seemed so ridiculous, you know? I mean, I helped an old lady paint her fence, I helped a couple of kids get their cat out of a tree, and there was this guy who apparently got locked out of his car, so I broke his window. Although, looking back, he might actually have been trying to break into the car...anyway, my point is, I would have felt like an idiot asking any of those people to come to my school's glee club with me."

"I completely know what you mean. I also helped someone, and even considered asking him to come here, but when I got there it just seemed sort of stupid. I didn't have this assignment in mind when I did what I did for him, I only had him in mind. And I refuse to exploit anyone like that."

"Amen to that." Sam high-fived me.

Finn and everyone else were already seated when Sam and I got there. We both hurried to sit down.

"Okay, so it looks like none of you did what was instructed by Mr. Schue and me." Finn said, getting up from his own seat.

No one said anything.

"Well, then I'm afraid to say that...you all passed the assignment." He grinned.

I wasn't the only one who gave him a confused look.

"We didn't give you this assignment so that you can brag about who you helped and what you did, we gave you this so that you would see the true purpose of helping people. So that you can learn what it's all about. So that you can see that the only person who's approval you need, is your own." He was still grinning.

Sam and I exchanged glances, just like every other teenager in the room (excluding Finn, who sometimes didn't even seem like a teenager at all).

"Oh come on guys, don't look like that. Am I wrong when I say that you all helped at least one person over the weekend?"

Everyone slowly shook their heads.

"Is that a yes or a no?" Finn frowned.

"It's a yes." Tina said.

"Then there you go! Don't you all feel good about yourselves?"

This time everyone nodded slowly.

"Then I believe my work here is done...not literally though, since this lesson just started. Anyway, I was serious when I said you had to sing songs about how this assignment made you feel, so who's up first?" He looked around expectantly.

I heard a few coughs and grunts, but certainly nobody offering to be the first to sing. Probably because no one had bothered to prepare a song.

"Guys, come on! None of you prepared anything?"

More silence.

"Fine," he sighed, "now I'm going to have to think of an extra tough song assignment."

More groaning.

 ****...****

After school, Sam, Artie, Brittany and I went to The Lima Bean again. Coincidentally, the Warblers were there as well.

"Hey again." I said to Jeff when I went to get a refill.

"Hey. After a Monday, I somehow always need at least 3 cups of coffee." He chuckled, holding up an empty cup.

"Only 3? I'm on my 8th one today."

"Sounds like you're on your way to being a full-on coffee-holic."

"That's what Sebastian always says too." I laughed.

"Where is he, by the way?"

"I'm not too sure, he told me this morning he wanted to find a job. But I don't know if-"

"There he is." Jeff interrupted and pointed behind me.

I turned around and saw that he was right, Sebastian was sitting at one of the tables, frowning at the piece of paper in front of him.

"I'm going to go talk to him. You coming?" He asked.

"Nah, you go."

He smiled and went over to where Sebastian was sitting.

I had this tiny suspicion that Jeff had a crush on Sebastian (okay, maybe more than a suspicion, since they had kissed) so I wanted to give them some time alone. Not because I wanted them to get together or anything, since Sebastian didn't strike me as the relationship type, but just because it seemed like the nice thing to do.

My plan was soon foiled when Nick joined the two, shortly followed by Hunter and a few of the other Warblers. Oh well, I tried.

"Hey Squirt." I heard my brother say from behind me. Okay seriously, was there anyone in town who _wasn't_ in the coffee shop right now?

"I told you not to call me that."

"I've kinda been putting it off, but there's something we need to talk about. I think we should do it at home, since it's more private there." I could tell by Cooper's face that this was serious.

"Yeah, sure. Let me just tell my friends, then I'll meet you outside."

I had already told all my friends that I had to go home, and was on my way out, when I caught Sebastian's eye as I turned my head. It suddenly occurred to me that he would feel awkward about being at my house now, so I should probably talk to him. As if he read my mind, he got up and walked over to me.

"Is there a problem?" He asked me.

"If there is, it's not you."

"What do you mean?"

"Cooper looked really serious when he just told me that he has something to tell me. It's not going to be good news." I explained.

"Oh. Look, Blaine, you've been really cool and everything letting me stay at your house for the last few days, but I don't think I should go back there. Your parents will be coming back soon, and if-"

"I'm stopping you right there. I said I would talk to my parents, and I will. You're way more than welcome to keep staying there. But if it's make you feel more comfortable, I'll help, and we can start looking at other options."

"Why don't we talk again after Cooper tells you what he's about to tell you." Sebastian looked at the floor.

"Do you know something?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Yeah, he told me this morning. It didn't take much convincing really. You don't owe me anything, Blaine. Let's just leave it at that." He gave me a slight nod of his head before walking back to his table. I sighed and exited the building.


	25. Chapter 25

_**Chapter 25**_

 **Blaine's POV**

"Okay, so I know you're wondering why I'm here," Cooper was saying as we sat across from each other in the living room, "and I think I've stalled long enough. You're a smart kid, Blaine, so I'm not going to beat around the bush, I'm just going to come right out and say it...Mom and Dad are thinking about getting a divorce."

I froze.

"I know this must be a huge shock to the system right now, but maybe one day you'll see that this might be-"

"Why? Is there a reason? Or do they just not love each other anymore?" I could feel my eyes watering.

"It's not that simple. Of course they love each other, they will always love each other. But they just don't make each other happy anymore; it's part of life, kiddo, sometimes people just grow apart." Cooper put his hand on my shoulder.

"Where are they, Coop? Did they really go on a cruise?" I looked up at him.

"Yes they did. But this is a special kind of cruise. It's organized by three different marriage counsellors who make a living out of counselling couples who have been married for a while, and seem to have lost the...romance somewhere along the way. Mom and Dad decided to give this one last shot, but if this cruise doesn't help, then I'm afraid they're going to contact the divorce lawyer." My brother spoke softly.

"I see. And how long will they still be gone for?" It took everything in my power to keep the tears from spilling from my eyes.

"The original plan was for a week, but it's been lengthened to one month. That is, if you're okay with it. They wanted me to speak to you and find out if you're fine with them being gone that long. So, are you?"

"Yeah, anything that would make them happier." I nodded enthusiastically.

"Then that would mean me living here with you until they come back. Doesn't that sound fun?" Cooper grinned.

"Uh-huh." I nodded less enthusiastically.

"Oh come on. It's going to be awesome; two young bachelors living the dream." He punched my shoulder gently.

"Yup. Living the dream, alright." I continued staring into space.

"I'm really sorry, little bro. I know how hard this must be for you, but it will all work out in the end, you'll see."

I didn't respond.

"There's one more thing: I gotta meet with my manager later tonight, and sadly I'm going to have to drive all the way to Pennsylvania, so you're going to be on your own for the night. So, I was thinking that maybe you can invite a friend over or something? You know, that way you wouldn't be on your own." He suggested.

I nodded without really listening. He gave me one last smile before getting up and dialling a number on his phone, no doubt my parents.

My head suddenly snapped up. Sebastian. It was already dark outside, and I hadn't contacted him yet. Who knew where he was. Coop had said I could invite a friend, so we had an excuse for one extra night, but I knew I was going to have to talk to him about it at some point, especially if he was going to be staying here with me for the next three and a half weeks.

I grabbed my own cellphone from my pocket and went through my contact list until I got to 'S'. Sebastian was the fourth name that came up.

He answered on the fifth ring, "I must admit, I didn't actually think I'd hear from you." He said as way of greeting.

"Well then, surprise. I'm guessing then that you know about my parents possibly splitting up?"

"Yup. Your brother seemed so down after you left, and when I asked him what was up, out of politeness of course, since I didn't really give a damn, he started spilling his guts. He was just mostly worried about how you would take it...how are you taking it? Not that I really care."

I couldn't help but smile slightly, "I've been better, to be honest, but if they're not happy with each other, then I don't want them to be together for my sake. I love them both, so all I want for them is happiness."

"Is it just because they're your parents, or is it also because you're worried that their last few years on earth will be spent hating each other?"

"The former, you insensitive idiot." I was still smiling, but I felt a tear making its way down my cheek. My voice cracked slightly on the last word.

"...Blaine, you sure you're okay?" Sebastian asked after a slight pause.

"I'm fine. Anyway, Coop said I could invite you over, so get your butt over here." I hung up the phone before he could comment on the unsteadiness in my voice.

It wasn't that I was mad at Cooper for any of this, but somehow I wasn't in the mood to see him before he left, so I went upstairs to my room and shut the door. I lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling for what felt like an hour (not that it could have been that long) before I heard the doorbell ring. I knew that my brother was still here, so I didn't bother moving to answer it.

A couple minutes later I heard a knock on my door.

"Sebastian, if that's you, then come in." I said.

I heard the door open and close, but I didn't look away from the roof.

"Your brother just left. He told me to tell you that he'll see you tomorrow."

I turned my head and looked at Sebastian before giving a slight nod of my head.

"Do you, uh, wanna talk about it?" Sebastian asked awkwardly and sat down on the edge of my bed.

It took me a moment before I replied, "Yes, I do want to talk. But not about me." I turned my body until I was facing him.

"Let me guess..." He groaned.

"Come on Seb, it will distract me from my parents." I gave him an innocent smile...it was my best defence against crying.

"That is really low, trying to guilt me into telling you about my problems to distract you from yours." He tried to glare, but he couldn't hide his amusement.

"I'm not trying to guilt you into anything, I'm merely stating a fact. Look, if I really wanted to guilt you into talking to me, then I would tell you that you owe me. But I don't, and you don't. I want you to talk to me because you feel you can trust me, which you can...always."

"Firstly, we both know that I do in fact owe you, and although I do plan on making it up to you, I'm not going to do it by going into detail about how screwed up I really am. And secondly, I don't trust you. I trust no one. I learnt that the hard way." The mood in the room had quickly changed from light to heavy.

"We've all been hurt by people, but that doesn't mean you should judge everyone by those mistakes." I said, changing from my lying position into a sitting one. I was now facing Sebastian with my legs crossed.

"Mistakes? _Mistakes_? You don't have a damn clue what you're talking about, Blaine." Sebastian fumed.

"Okay, I'm sorry, you're right, I don't know. And I'm sorry if I offended you, it wasn't my intention."

"Whatever."

"I'm not the only one who's worried about you, you know." I had made a mental decision to not back down tonight. I would get something...anything out of him if it killed me. It wasn't healthy for one person to keep so much to themselves. Every single person on earth needs someone to confide in at one point or another, even Sebastian Smythe. I wasn't entirely sure what had sparked the sudden determination to get him to talk to me, but if it served as a distraction, then I wasn't going to fight it.

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" He arched an eyebrow.

"I would certainly hope so, since the people I'm referring to are your friends. Remember when you told me you were worried about Jeff? What did you try and do again? Oh yeah, you tried to help him. How did that turn out?" I pressed.

"You wanna know how it turned out? Bad. He and his mom had a huge fight, and she's ordering him to apologize to the Church."

"I didn't know that, but Jeff is happy nonetheless. And that's what matters." I moved closer to the taller boy.

"Maybe in your jacked up fairy-tale universe, but in the real world, there are way more important things than happiness. Like, I don't know, having a freakin house to live in!" He stopped just short of yelling.

"Calm down, Sebastian. Are you getting angry because you're worried about Jeff, or is it just that you're frustrated with your own life?"

"Oh for goodness' sake, when did you turn into a shrink? I'm not 'frustrated' with my life, Blaine. I hate my life. _Despise_ it. And I wouldn't be feeling this right now if you hadn't meddled in things that were none of your business!" This time he didn't bother to hold back on the loudness of his voice. It worried me how Sebastian always seemed ready to jump at my throat whenever I brought up anything personal about his life.

"What do you mean?" I blinked.

"Nothing." Sebastian mumbled and rose from his seat on my bed.

"...Are you talking about your suicide attempt? Because if you are, then that mean you're mad at me because I didn't let you die." I got up too, and went to stand in front of him.

"Actually yeah, I am mad at you for that. All four of you should just have left me alone so I could have gone to hell in peace." He glared down at me.

"Are you listening to yourself right now?" I asked incredulously.

"You want me to talk to you? You want me to tell you the truth? Well here it is: my dad was right. I'm a worthless piece of crap that doesn't deserve anything; which is kinda proven by the fact that I don't have anything anymore." He ran his fingers through his hair. I suddenly realised that he must have had a _really_ bad day.

"Why would you say something like that? Your dad is the worthless piece of crap here, not you. You're an amazing person, Sebastian. At least you could be if you stopped hating yourself so much." I told him sadly.

"Yeah, like that's going to happen." He snorted.

"Would you tell me why, then? Why you hate yourself?" I asked gently.

"Why do you care? Besides, you have everything, Blaine. You'd never understand." He turned around, and I could tell he wanted to leave the room before he even headed for the door. But I put my hand on the doorknob, preventing him from opening it.

"Yeah, so I've been blessed in life. I do have a lot to be thankful for. But that doesn't mean I can't sympathise with people who don't."

"I don't want your stupid sympathy! Or pity! Or whatever else you want to give me! And get your damn hand off the door!" He turned back to me, and met my gaze. I was surprised to see a lot more than anger in his eyes.

"Would you please just calm down already? And what I want to give to you isn't sympathy or pity. I want to give you someone to talk to, someone you can finally learn to trust." I stepped closer to him and invaded his personal space. I was reminded of a similar scene when Sebastian was in the hospital, only then it was him doing the advancing.

"Is this the part where you kiss me?" He asked sarcastically.

"No. I don't play games, Seb."

"So are you saying that no one would be interested in kissing me unless they were playing games, or only that _you_ wouldn't?" For a second I could have sworn that I saw a flicker of hurt in his eyes.

"We both know that's not what I meant, Sebastian. Now I'll step away from the door if you will, and then we can have a civilised conversation instead of yelling at each other."

"I already told you that I'm not interested in talking to you." His eyes were still narrowed.

"Fine, then we can sit and stare at each other for the next few hours." I shrugged and smiled, desperate to get Sebastian in a better mood.

"I'm not sure which is worse." He groaned, but I saw the anger in his eyes had subsided.

I moved slowly as I removed my hand from the door, and stepped away. I sat back down on my bed and stared at Sebastian. He made no more movements that indicated his intention of leaving the room; instead he took two steps forward and then stood still, his gaze never leaving mine. I didn't avert my eyes like I had done this morning; instead I waited for him to say something.

"I do trust you, by the way." He said after 2 and a half minutes of silence.

"Then why your constant refusal to talk to me?"

"Because I don't want you to look at me different." Sebastian replied softly.

"Why would I look at you different?" I frowned.

"After I tell you how I came out as gay, trust me, you will."

"What if I promise not to judge you or think any different of you?" I wondered.

"Then you'd be lying." Sebastian stated simply.

"If you're really worried about that, then don't tell me. Not now, anyway. Tell me something else you wanna talk about."

"I don't really _want_ to talk about anything, so it makes no difference to me." He shrugged as he sat down beside me.

"I don't want to make you do something you might regret, so if you're not ready to talk, then don't." I smiled, hoping it would assure him.

"I'm never going to be ready, Blaine. At least, not until it's too late."

"Maybe it won't be as bad as you think it will?"

"Maybe." He agreed softly.

I could tell he was remembering something, and as much as I wanted to know what it was, I knew it was more important to hold my tongue. Yet again the room was thrown into silence as I waited for Sebastian to speak.

"You asked me this morning what was wrong with me," Sebastian eventually began, "and although there's probably a lot wrong with me, you were referring to why I was throwing up. You also asked me if I had an eating disorder...the answer to that is no, I don't have an eating disorder. I have two."

"You have two _different_ eating disorders?" I blinked in shock.

"Yeah. Bulimia Nervosa and Rumination Disorder. They kind of mutated into one thing."

"I've never heard of Rumination Disorder." I told him.

"It's sometimes called Rumination Syndrome, I don't know if that helps. I'd rather not go into details, but basically it can cause one of two things. The first one, which is also the case in most people affected, it causes a person to regurgitate and re-chew their food; some people have to do this a couple of times before they can effectively swallow. But in other people, like me, it causes a person to throw up after every single meal consumed. Sometimes it takes an hour, sometimes a few hours, but it always happens. I can't stop it. Trust me, I've tried." Sebastian didn't look at me as he spoke, he just stared down at his legs.

"Okay, that makes sense. But where does the Bulimia come into this?"

"That's how it started, me...making myself throw up." His voice contained disgust.

"Oh. Then how did it turn into this other thing? The Rumination Syndrome?"

"My family has a history of eating disorders; my un-dad's brother had Rumination Disorder too, and my sister used to be anorexic. I guess somehow the genetics just stepped in after years of being Bulimic. It makes sense in a way, I guess. There was a time in my life where I wouldn't a eat a single thing without forcing myself to get rid of it afterward; maybe my body just eventually programmed itself so that it wasn't possible for me to eat normally anymore." He spoke really slowly and softly.

"But then how haven't you starved or died yet?" I hadn't meant to use those words, but my mouth acted before my brain could stop it.

"It went away for a while. But sometimes these things are...triggered."

"Is there-is there a way to cure it?" I wondered.

"No, not completely."

"Then how did you make it go away?" I hated myself for bombarding him with all these questions, since I could see that it was making him unhappy, but I needed to know if there was a way I could help.

"Therapy. It's the only way. Well, sometimes I can stop myself from throwing up if I can get my breathing under control, but I'm very seldom that lucky." He heaved a sigh.

"Then shouldn't you go to therapy again?"

Sebastian slowly lifted his head and looked at me before he said, "Yes Einstein, that's a great idea. How come I never thought of that? Oh wait, I did. Where are you supposing I find a psychiatrist that will offer to treat me for free? Because if you know of one, that would be awesome."

"Seriously? There isn't _one_?"

"If there is, I don't know them. Why do you think I tried to overdose? It's a lot less painful and humiliating way to die." He went back to staring at his legs.

"You are not going to die. I'll make sure of that." I assured him softly as I put my hand on his shoulder. To my surprise, he didn't flinch me off.

"Yeah, thanks." Sebastian said sarcastically (again).

"I'm serious."

"Are we done? Can I stop talking now?" He met my gaze. I was about to say yes, when I saw a trace of something in his eyes, something that seemed to beg for me to say no.

"I actually have one more question for you, the same one as this morning; why did you transfer to Dalton?" I still hadn't removed my hand from Sebastian's shoulder.

"Oh that. Like I said, it's a pretty long story..."

"We have time." I shrugged.

"Fine, but you have to promise me something."

"Anything."

"Don't you dare feel sorry for me. Don't you dare make excuses for me. And don't you dare think I'm any less, or any more the person than you think I am right now." He said every word clearly.

"I promise." I said, despite the fact that I wasn't entirely sure what I was agreeing to.

Sebastian closed his eyes, and sat like that for about a minute before he spoke again, "I was, uh...forced to come out of the closet when I was 13. It was because of a lie, but there was still no going back; I now had to be gay, whether I really was or not. Anyway, like I'm sure you've guessed, my dad didn't take this very well. He kept insisting that I was 'sick' or something. And I kept telling him that I wasn't; that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. I kept telling him that I wasn't gay. He wouldn't believe me." Sebastian paused momentarily, and this gave me enough time to ask him a question.

"What do you mean, 'whether you were or not'?"

"Let's get back to that later, right now I just want to finish this story. My dad didn't like my constant refusal to go to therapy for my 'sickness', and so he got mad. Really mad. That was the first time he ever hit me. It was just a punch in the face, but at the time it felt like he had driven a sword threw my chest. I had idolised my father, he'd been everything I ever wanted to be. Until that day. Anyway, it was shortly after this that my Bulimia started.

See, every time my dad got drunk and/or angry, he would take it out on me. Sometimes I let him, and other times I tried to fight back; but I've always been scrawny, and he wasn't. Simple as that. After about 6 months of this, my feelings toward him had developed into pure hatred. I didn't want anything to do with him, and I sure as hell didn't want anything from him. You could say I took it to the extreme, since I started making myself throw up just because I didn't like the idea of _him_ being the one to feed me. I know, it's really childish, but it made me feel better.

I quickly developed severe depression and lost all my friends. I successfully managed to push everyone away, until I was content that I was completely and utterly alone. Then I turned to other coping mechanisms." Sebastian explained as he lifted his left arm and pulled back his sleeve. At first I didn't know what he was showing me, but then he pointed with his index finger to a scar about the length of my thumb on his forearm, just below his wrist. Before I knew it, I was slowly tracing the length of the mark with my fingers. When I looked up into Sebastian's eyes, there was a sadness that I had never seen before. In anyone. It sent shivers down my spine.

"I didn't do it a lot, since I didn't like the scars it left. But when I did, it would temporarily make me feel better, and then it would make me feel even worse about myself. I have yet to feel self-loathing as intense as I felt for those couple of years.

Anyway, after a year of being Bulimic, I had managed to lose about 25 pounds. And with my body type, it wasn't hard to notice. And then came...that night.

It was a Saturday, and my dad and I had been the only one's home. I had gotten good at avoiding him, and stayed in my room for the whole night; but he was super pissed that night, in both senses of the word. And before long he came banging on my door, telling me what a 'stupid, worthless, pathetic fag of a son' I was. I tried to cover my ears and ignore him, but he just got angrier and angrier. Eventually, I became so afraid that I went and opened the door. Big mistake. He started punching me like a crazy person, hitting every part of me that he could reach. He broke one of my ribs and my nose, not to mention the bruised eye and cheek. It was the most reckless he had ever been." I noticed how Sebastian's eyes teared up slightly, and my instinct kicked in. I put my hand over his, despite that I expected him to pull away. But he didn't.

"That next week in school, people started whispering behind my back. And not just about me, but about my sister too, since this was when she had been dealing with the anorexia. They started wondering about what was going on in our house, and even the teachers kept asking me questions. And the bullying got worse. Being openly gay had attracted enough jerks, but with my weight-loss and bruises, it turned to hell. I don't know how my parents found out about the people getting suspicious, but it wasn't long after that when my parents decided to move to Paris. They said we needed to get away for a while. I didn't care. I had nothing keeping me in America.

So we went to Paris, where both Olivia and I were forced to get therapy. And before long, we both started looking healthy again; my dad stopped hitting me, and my night-terrors stopped. After two years of being nothing, I finally started to show signs of life. I was finally able to feel again. The only downside was that I turned into a completely different person than I had been before. I guess I turned into the person I needed to become in order to move on with my life.

So after staying in Paris for almost two years, we decided to come back to America. My father got promoted, and we moved to Ohio. I personally picked out Dalton for three reasons: firstly, it was a good school: secondly, it was an all-boys school, so I knew it would bother my father; and lastly, it had a no-bullying policy. And, as they say, the rest is history."

There was another long silence. I had no idea what to say to that. What could I say? It was worse than I could have imagined, and I felt so sick to my stomach that I was afraid _I_ might actually throw up. How could anyone ever do that to their own child? And in the process, he made Sebastian hate himself so much that one of his only enjoyments in life was bringing himself physical pain to match what he felt inside. I finally understood why Seb had made me promise not to look at him differently, because I certainly couldn't think of him in the same way. Not anymore. Although it did make me realise just how much I cared about Sebastian.

"Thank you for telling me." I tried to say it out loud, but it came out as a whisper. I squeezed his hand that was still resting under mine.

"Yeah well, now you know way more than I've ever told anyone before." His voice was slightly shaky.

"Suddenly, I'm really happy that I got the opportunity to punch your dad in the face multiple times." I smiled, but there was no joy behind it.

"Thank you for not judging me." I could tell that he didn't want to look at me.

So I gently touched the side of his face and turned it so that he was looking me right in the eyes. Then without removing my hand, I said, "I don't know what it is that you personally believe, but I need to tell you that none of that was your fault. Not a single part of it. So if anyone were to judge you because of it, then they're ignorant pigs who needs to have their heads read. You're really brave, Seb. Braver than you think."

He watched my face as a tear rolled down his cheek. I had never seen Sebastian so vulnerable-looking before, and it was quite unnerving. But at the same time, I really liked it. He looked so young right now, yet at the same time, 100 years old.

His green eyes continued to be the object of my attention as I removed my hand from his face, and slowly moved it down his bare neck, over his collar-bone and eventually resting on his shoulder.

My gaze shifted focus from Sebastian's eyes, and took in every part of his face, eventually stopping on his lips. I was barely aware of my movements as my head started leaning forward, slowly closing the distance between our mouths.


	26. Chapter 26

_**Chapter 26**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

My neck still tingled from where Blaine had touched it just seconds ago, and my hand felt warm from him covering it with his. This was the most intimate I had ever felt with another human being, and it scared the hell out of me. I was angry that I had allowed myself to develop these feelings for someone, when I had sworn all those years ago that I would never, could never, let it happen. But here I was, about to kiss Blaine.

Every part of my mind was yelling at me, demanding me to stop; to pull away from him and laugh this whole thing off. But my heart, the one thing that I needed to keep off limits, seemed to be pleading with me to close the distance between us.

And as I looked into his beautiful hazel eyes, I decided that for the first time in my life I wasn't strong enough to ignore my heart. So I closed my eyes, and started tilting my head forward. My heart started racing when I felt Blaine's breath on my mouth, only half an inch away from his lips…

"Blaine?"

We both turned at the sound of the voice coming from Blaine's doorway. It was that Asian girl from New Directions, Tina, who had spoken. And standing next to her was a very uncomfortable-looking Sam.

My instant reaction to the interruption was anger, but it was quickly replaced with amusement when I saw the look on Tina's face.

"Tina, Sam…what are you guys doing here?" Blaine jumped up.

"We, uh, heard about your parents and just wanted to make sure that you were okay. But I guess we were too late." Tina glared at me. I just smirked back at her.

"Oh, that. Um, this isn't…we aren't…" Blaine fumbled for words.

"What my flustered little friend here is trying, and failing, to say is that there is nothing whatsoever going on between the two of us. Beside that one time in the back of my car." I rose from the bed as well.

"Sebastian! He's lying, we never…did that. Why don't you two go to the kitchen, we'll be down in a minute." Blaine smiled awkwardly.

Sam seemed relieved at the opportunity to leave, but Tina was a bit more reluctant. Sam had to grab her arm before she turned around and followed him downstairs.

"Well, that was fun." I grinned at Blaine.

"Not the word I would use." He groaned.

"Oh come on, even you have to admit that was funny. Did you see her face? Absolutely priceless."

"This isn't funny! Do you have any idea what they're going to think?" He looked horrified.

"Who cares what they think?"

"I do! They're my best friends, Sebastian. And how can I try and explain to them what's really going on here, when I have no clue myself? What is going on here?" Blaine looked up at me.

"Nothing that's going to happen again. But I would suggest that we get downstairs before they start getting _ideas_." I raised my eyebrows suggestively.

"You are so gross." He moaned as he walked out the door.

I'm not sure why I did, but I hung back for a while after Blaine had gone downstairs. I had a suspicion that I was secretly disappointed that I had never gotten the chance to kiss Blaine. But I was also relieved. Once I had done that, _we_ had done that, there would be no turning back. I sure as hell wasn't interested in having a relationship right now (or ever), but Blaine wasn't like me, and he would just have ended up getting hurt. And I cared too much about him to let that happen.

I have no idea how long I had been standing there in the middle of Blaine's bedroom, but I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard his voice calling my name from downstairs. I heaved a sigh and headed to the kitchen.

"There you are. What were you doing up there for so long?" Blaine asked as soon as I was within eyeshot.

"Going through your stuff, what else?" I shrugged.

"I made you some coffee; you know, that way you can ingest _something_." He handed me a mug. I took it from him, slightly surprised.

Sam and Tina were sitting in the living room, and although the latter was glaring at me again, neither of them would be able to hear what Blaine and I were saying.

"Uh, thanks. So how long exactly has your 'best friend' had a crush on you?"

"What are you talking about?" He frowned.

"Tina. She so obviously likes you." I snorted into my cup.

"She does not! Why would you even think that?" He blinked in surprise.

"Because it's absolutely obvious, that's why. Same way I know you used to have a thing for Sam."

"Shhhh! And how could you possibly know that?" Blaine went pale.

"I'm good at spotting these things. But you should really try and keep your friendships…friendly." I smiled sarcastically as I continued to down the coffee, only suddenly realising how hungry I was. Well technically, I was always hungry.

"Look who's talking! You _kissed_ Jeff!" Blaine said louder than he had meant, then clasped his hand over his mouth.

"I…touché. But Jefferson and I don't have secret feelings for each other." I shrugged.

"How sure are you about that?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing." Blaine said quickly and turned away from me, pretending to be busying himself with wiping off the counter.

"I can see right through you, you know that right? Now tell me what you meant." I urged.

He sighed before turning back to me, "Don't tell him I told you this, but I kinda suspect that he has a crush on you."

"Oh yeah, I knew that already." I gulped down the last bit of coffee, then stared at the cup hoping that some more would materialise. Sadly, it didn't.

"You-what? Then why would you lead him on?"

"Firstly, this none of your business, and secondly, it's still none of your business." I smiled again and left the kitchen, walking into the living room just to annoy Tina, who looked up at me with a fresh glare.

"Hey Sam." I smirked.

"Hi Sebastian. How've you been?" Sam replied, completely ignorant of the tension in the room.

"Well considering what's been happening to me in the last few months, I've been better." I replied sarcastically, and went to sit between the pair on the couch. Of course, all of this was being done to get a reaction out of the Asian, who was all too willing to comply.

"Who, uh, who told you about my parents?" Blaine asked, sitting opposite us.

"My mom. Apparently our mothers have gotten pretty close." Sam shrugged.

"Oh. Well Coop only told me about two hours ago…news travels fast, I guess."

"Are you going to be staying here on your own? Because if you are, then maybe you can come stay at my house if you want. That way you wouldn't have to be alone for so long." Tina suggested.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" I turned to her.

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember asking for your input." She snapped. This just made me grin even wider.

"That's really nice of you to offer, but my brother's going to be staying here. He sees it as 'living the dream'; I see it as 'you should be afraid, very afraid'." Blaine chuckled.

"Wait, Cooper is in town?" Tina's eyebrows went up.

"Yup. He showed up this morning. Right, Blaine?" I directed my innocent smile at the brunette sitting across from me.

"Uh, yeah. He just sort of showed up out of the blue." He responded, shooting me a look. This was starting to get fun.

"You still haven't told me what _he's_ doing here." Tina said, casting a lovely look (yet again) in my direction.

"Yes Killer, why don't you tell the young dolphin-eating lady what exactly it is that I'm doing here?" I knew Blaine picked up on my challenging stare.

"Racist." Tina mouthed.

"Um, Sebastian is staying with me for a while." Blaine replied uncertainly.

" _What?_ Why?"

"Because, uh…because his parents kicked hi-"

"Blaine!" I hissed, but it was too late, she had already heard.

"Your parents gave you the boot? I guess they finally realised you must have been switched in the hospital, unless of course you're insinuating that your parents are Satan and his wife."

"Ooh, close. No, you see, the devil himself took one look at me then turned and ran screaming in the other direction." I spoke slowly and emphasized every word.

"Why? Was it maybe because after one look at your creepy meerkat face, he decided to go and kill himself; see, he doesn't like that there are people out there who are actually _uglier_ than him."

"Hey, would you two please cool it already? There's no need for this…contempt." Blaine said.

"Do you remember what this _thing_ did to you? To Finn? To all of us!" Tina got up and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Sebastian is a person, Tina, not a thing. And yes, of course I remember. But I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"Not only has he been constantly scheming to get you to re-join the Warblers, even going as far as to blackmail you; but he also used steroids to beat us at Sectionals, not even a month ago. And now you want him to _live_ with you?" She asked incredulously.

"Things are more complicated than they seem. Please Tina, just calm down and we can try and talk about-"

"No, I don't want to talk. Not only are you fooling yourself, but you're putting the whole of New Directions and all our hard work, in jeopardy." Tina shook her head and headed for the front door.

"Tina wait, don't you think you're being a tad bit dramatic?" Blaine couldn't get his last word out before she had slammed the door.

Then of course he turned to me practically fuming, "Was that really necessary?"

"Hey, don't blame me. She started it." I shrugged.

"No, _you_ did. You were purposely trying to piss her off, because you get some kind of twisted satisfaction from it."

"Screw you." I said simply.

Sam, who was looking back and forth between the two us, seemed really uncomfortable, "I see you two haven't stopped fighting."

"He fights with everyone." Blaine glared.

"Not _everyone_." I returned his look.

"Right, well…" Sam coughed.

"I hate this! This constant…hostility between us and the Warblers, don't you?" Blaine asked Sam.

"Well, yeah, but that's only 'cos I sort of know a few of them now."

"Exactly! Once you get to know them, _most_ of them aren't that bad." I knew that comment had been directed at me, but I could tell by the small smile on Blaine's lips that he was joking.

"Cute. But I would like to point out that I'm no longer actually part of the Warblers, so you must be referring to someone else." I told him indifferently.

Blaine smiled again and threw a pillow at my face. I dodged it just in time.

"Man, after Sectionals, good luck trying to even get them in the same room, never mind make peace." Sam snorted.

"I know, that's sort of the problem." Blaine let out a huge sigh.

"Seriously? Are you both clueless? We're talking about two _show choir_ groups, just get them to sing a song together and everything will be sunshine and rainbows." I pointed out.

"You know, Seb, that's actually a good idea." Blaine blinked in shock.

"When I throw something at your face, I promise that it will be a hell of a lot more painful than a pillow."

"Wait, are you actually serious about this? You want to try and make peace between New Directions and the Warblers? Something that hasn't existed practically since Sebastian enrolled at Dalton?" Sam wondered.

"You do realise that I'm sitting right next to you, right?" I blinked.

"I didn't say it was going to be easy, but it'll be worth it. It kinda sucks when two good friends of mine hate each other." I was pretty sure that Blaine was talking about me and Tina, in which case, it really surprised me to hear him refer to me as a 'good friend'. I smiled inwardly.

"Sebastian's my friend, and I like Jeff too, but I think that's probably because he has awesome hair. So, I'm in, I wanna help with whatever you decide to do." Sam gave a single nod.

"Great. What about you, Seb?" Blaine looked at me expectantly.

"No thanks, I have better things to do." I smiled.

"Eh, I'll convince you one way or another. Now just the question of how we're going to do this…"

"Lock 'em all in a room and hope for the best?" I said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I preferred your original idea, the one with the song."

"You really need to start appreciating sarcasm more." My head shook in mock disappointment.

"Why don't we talk about this at school tomorrow? I'm kinda beat." Sam yawned and got up from the couch.

"You're leaving me alone? With Sebastian?" I could have sworn I heard him gulp.

"It's a week night, my parents will be expecting me back. But see you tomorrow, and bye, Sebastian." Sam smiled before shutting the door behind him (a hell of a lot more graceful than Tina had).

"What's wrong, sexy? Afraid I'm going to jump your bones?" I winked.

"No, just afraid I'm going to _bury_ your bones."

"Oh no, is this our first fight?"

"I think I need to go to bed as well." He laughed as he stretched his body; sadly, it didn't make him seem any taller.

"Is that an invitation?" I asked as I followed him upstairs.

"Sebastian!"


	27. Chapter 27

_**Chapter 27**_

 **Blaine's POV**

Three Days Later

"Hey, Ms. Pillsbury, can I talk to you about something?" I asked as I knocked gently on the glass door.

"Oh, Blaine, hi. Yes, uh, come in." She put down the papers she was holding and smiled at me.

"I'm sorry to bother you, I know how busy you are with the wedding preparations and everything. It will only take a minute." I explained as I sat down.

"Its fine, I need a bit of a distraction anyway. What do you need?"

"You remember my friend Sebastian? He came with me when I came to talk to you about Jeff."

"Yes, I remember. He's definitely…memorable." She nodded.

"Yeah. So anyway, he's staying at my house for a while, but now practically all of my friends are mad at me because of it." I said with a sigh.

"Why would that make them angry?" She frowned.

"Because Seb used to be part of the Warblers, you know, the show choir group who cheated at Sectionals? They all think he's manipulating me, that this is all part of some elaborate plan to ruin our chances at Regionals."

"But you know for a fact that it isn't?"

"I, well, I'm relatively sure that it isn't. Everything that caused him to come stay at my house has been real, so I can't imagine how any of this is part of a scheme. But the problem is that no one wants to believe me. I don't know what to do." I slumped in my chair.

"This is obviously making you unhappy, and I think your friends are being inconsiderate for not taking your feelings into consideration. Maybe you should just give it time, they might eventually realise that what you're saying is actually true." Ms. Pillsbury suggested.

"Yeah, maybe. I just can't understand why they don't want to trust me, it's not like I've ever given them reason not to. Well there were those few days before Sectionals where I considered going back to Dalton, but they showed me that I belonged at McKinley."

"Maybe it isn't you, have you considered that Sebastian might be the problem here? Has he ever personally done something to you kids?" She wanted to know.

"You could say that…remember when we had planned to do Michael Jackson for Sectionals?"

"Yes, I think I remember Will mentioning that. Oh yes, then the Warblers stole your idea, right?"

"Right. Sebastian had been behind that. And remember when I was in the hospital for eye surgery because of the rock-salt slushie? Yeah, that was Sebastian too. Oh, and he kinda assaulted Sam, but no one else knows about that." I admitted, nervously scratching my neck.

"Oh wow. So there's a bit of a history with this boy. Just curious, did Sebastian ever apologize to you for what he did?" She enquired.

"In a way, I suppose. I know he still feels guilty about it sometimes."

"And if that's good enough for you, then that's admirable. But not everyone is as forgiving as you, Blaine. Maybe they're still distrustful of Sebastian, and the rest of the Warblers, because they're afraid of what might happen if they let go of that anger."

"What do you mean?"

"I think your friends are afraid of the Warblers." She stated.

"Afraid? Why?" I blinked.

"People are afraid of things they don't know, and your friends don't know any of the boys that make up the Warblers. They don't know the extent those boys will go to go get what they want. I mean, even you would have put them above using steroids, right?"

"Yeah. But I know Hunter and Sebastian and Jeff better now, they're not interested in messing with us anymore. At least not whilst we're not competing against each other."

"That's my point. You got to know them better, and by extension, trust them more. That's how it works." She smiled again.

"So you're saying that if they trust the Warblers more, they would hate Sebastian less, and not think I'm stupid for letting him stay at my house?" I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it that way before. I mean, I had thought about ending this rivalry between the two show choir groups by letting everyone get to know each other better, but I hadn't considered that my friends could actually be _afraid_ of the Warblers. What are they going to think when they find out that Sam had been in the hospital because of Sebastian?

"Exactly. And you have to remember that this isn't actual physical fear, this is more of an uncertain fear. Like they're always wondering what the Warblers might do next. And in this case, they obviously suspect it has something to do with Sebastian manipulating you." She said.

"Thanks so much for your help, Ms. Pillsbury," I told her as I rose from my seat and made my way to the door, "Oh, how does it feel to have Mr. Schue back?"

"Oh, it's-it's amazing. I've missed him. A lot." She replied nervously.

I had no idea why she could possibly be nervous, but shrugged and headed outside to my car.

 ****...****

"Why are you home already?" Cooper asked when he saw me.

"My friends are giving me the cold shoulder, remember? I no longer have a social life." I sighed as I threw myself on the couch.

"No offence, little bro, but if your 'friends' are mad at you because they don't like the guy staying at your house, then they're obviously not very good friends." He shrugged and returned to whatever he was doing on his laptop.

"Let's just say that Sebastian and New Directions have a bit of a history. And it's not all of them. Sam, Joe, Brittany and Marley aren't mad at me." I replied defensively.

"Uh-huh. Then why don't you go hang out with them?"

"It sounds an awful lot like you're trying to get rid of me."

"That's because I am." He smiled without even glancing at me.

"Why? What are you busy with?"

"I'm going to do an online audition in 20 minutes, and I need absolute peace and quiet." Cooper explained.

"What's the audition for?"

"A small role in an upcoming independent film about the life of William Shakespeare." He stated proudly.

"I see. And what part are you going to play exactly?" I enquired curiously.

"I don't know; I haven't been cast yet, have I?"

"That sounds great and all, but considering I don't have anywhere to go, I'll just hide in my room or something." I stretched and got up from the couch.

"No way, I need you out of the house. I can only be on my best when I know there's no risk of interruption or distraction." He argued.

"Fine, I'll go to The Lima Bean or something. I'll take Sebastian with me...where is he, anyway?"

"Last I saw he was up in the spare room, which I suppose is kind of his room now." Cooper frowned at something on the screen in front of him, and I realized that he was lost to the world until his audition was over. I smiled and headed upstairs to find Sebastian.

I had been pleasantly surprised when Cooper had happily agreed to let the former Warbler stay here until he found a more permanent solution. He had of course contacted my parents first, and although they hadn't exactly been thrilled with the idea, they had agreed reluctantly.

Sebastian was still looking for a job, and promised to pay back everything with the money he made. Both my brother and I told him that there was no hurry. I had also told him when Cooper wasn't around that I was looking for someone who would be able to help with his Bulimia, and that I would keep looking until I found someone.

I had wanted to ask Ms. Pillsbury if she knew about anyone, but that would have meant that would have had to go into detail about Sebastian's situation and I had been forbidden from doing that. I suspected that there would come a time where I would have to choose between Sebastian's trust and his health, and I already knew what was most important to me. I just hoped that when the time came, Sebastian would see it that way.

"Cooper has ordered us out of the house." I stated when I walked into the spare bedroom. Sebastian was busy typing something on his laptop when he looked up.

"Another online audition?" He arched an eyebrow.

"Yup. I thought we could just go to The Lima Bean or something." I shrugged.

"Sounds riveting." He mumbled.

"You have a better idea?"

"Actually, I do." He grinned.

"Where?"

"You're going to have to wait and see."

"Now I'm afraid..."

"You should be."

"Fine, let's just go before my brother decides to chase us out with knives." I chuckled and ushered him out of the room.

" _Bye_ Cooper." Sebastian smirked as we exited the house. I heard my brother grunt some kind of response.

"Since I'm the only one who knows where we're going, we can take my car."

"Or I can follow you with my own car. That way I have an escape vehicle." I argued.

"Get in the car, Blaine." Sebastian crossed his arms.

"Why do I suddenly feel like I'm being kidnapped?"

"Oh please, if I was going to risk going to prison, it certainly wouldn't be for you. Now _get in_." He persisted.

I gave an over-dramatic sigh before finally getting into the car.

"There's a good boy." He said before I glared at him.

There was silence in the car as Sebastian drove and I browsed through his CD collection. He had a lot of the same one's I had; like _Bon Jovi_ , _Nickelback_ , _Josh Groban_ , _Imagine Dragons_ , _30 Seconds To Mars_ , _Fun.,_ _Paramore_ , _Adam Lambert_ , _Avril Lavigne_ , _The Fray_ , _Bryan Adams_ , _Ed Sheeran,_ _Kelly Clarkson_ , _Mumford & Sons_, and _Lifehouse_.

He also had a few I wasn't as familiar with, such as _Anna Nalick, Fort Atlantic, The Strange Familiar, Anthony Green, Breaking Benjamin, Ross Copperman, Ron Pope, Three Days Grace, Panic at the Disco_ and _Meg and Dia._

"You know, they work a hell of a lot better when you actually put them into the CD player." Sebastian suddenly said from beside me.

"Oh yeah, I was just looking at what you have."

"That isn't even half of what I have. Unfortunately, the rest is in my room. At the Smythe Manor. It's probably all trash by now."

"Did you still have a lot of stuff in your old room?"

"Unfortunately. Most of it was just clothes and books, but I also had a TV, an X-box, a DVD Player, two guitars, some pictures and a shelf-load of DVD's that I will never get back."

"Ouch. That is a lot to lose. You sure it would all have been thrown out?" I asked.

"Definitely. But I don't think I want any of it back anyway, I don't really want anything that's going to remind me of those people."

"I don't blame you."

"Coop says that your glee club is going to sing at Emma's wedding." Sebastian said after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"Yeah, I think it's going to be awesome! We were all part of the proposal, and now we're part of the wedding too." I grinned, liking the change of subject.

"You were all part of the proposal? What, you all went down on your knees and popped the question at the same time? I would like to remind you that polygamy is still illegal in the state of Ohio." He laughed at his own joke.

"Sebastian, polygamy is still illegal in the whole of North America. We sang _We Found Love_ whilst maybe doing some synchronized swimming." I said the last part as incoherently as possible.

"Seriously? Synchronized swimming? It's like you people ask to be made fun of." He laughed again.

"Shut up. It was romantic and sweet. And you would be able to see that if you had a single romantic bone in your body."

"Yeah, see, I'm too busy having a life to care about crap like that." Although I was sure that he had meant to be sarcastic, it came out as being more defensive.

"Romance is not crap. And it is necessary in any boyfriend/boyfriend, girlfriend/girlfriend, or boyfriend/girlfriend relationship."

"Well since I've never been in any of those relationships, I don't see how this junk applies to me."

"Are you seriously telling me that you _never_ want an actual relationship?"

"What _we_ have is a relationship, Blaine. What I never want is a romantic relationship, because I find it to be pointless. In my mind, a boyfriend serves two purposes: as a relief for sexual frustrations, and as someone to hang out with. I have both those things taken care of, so I don't see why I should bother." He shrugged.

"Do you have any idea how narrow-minded that way of thinking is? Having a boyfriend made me feel a love more intense than I had ever felt before, it made me happy in a way I didn't even know was possible." I told him sincerely as memories of Kurt came flooding back to me.

"Well obviously the love wasn't intense or happy enough to stop you from cheating on him with someone that meant absolutely nothing to you."

An actual slap in the face would probably have brought me less pain than those words coming out of Sebastian's mouth. I lowered my head and hoped that he couldn't see the tears forming in my eyes.

"Blaine, I-I really didn't mean that. I'm sorry." I didn't care that this was the most earnest I had ever heard Sebastian; it hurt to know what he really thought about me.

"Please look at me. You know I don't believe that. Everyone knows how you felt about Kurt; I know you would never hurt him on purpose." He softened his tone even further.

When I still didn't respond, he carried on, "You're only human, Blaine. And like the rest of us, you made a mistake. Like I just did. Please don't start crying or something." I almost had to smile at the panic in Sebastian's voice.

"Don't worry; I'm not quite that pathetic." I said meekly.

"You're not at all pathetic. I am. Can we please just forget I ever said that?"

"Sure."

"Oh wow, why is changing the subject so hard when it's urgent? Um, are your friends still mad at you?" He glanced at me. Somehow the moonlight made his green eyes seem even brighter.

"They say it's not about being mad. They just think I'm an idiot for trusting you." I shrugged.

"I would probably have to agree with them." The smile returned to his lips.

"They'll come around eventually; if not during the week, then definitely at the wedding. They just have a way of bringing out the emotional side of people."

"If you say so. Are Berry and Lopez and Hummel going to be there?"

"I have no idea why just addressed them by their last names, but yeah, they're all coming. We're just going to have to make it work; that day will be about Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury." I said more confidently than I felt.

"Right. Well, we're here." Sebastian grinned.

It took one glance at our surroundings to know where we were, "You brought us to Scandals?"

"Yeah, decided to spice up your non-existent social life. Besides, there's someone here I've got to see about something." He announced before getting out of the car.

I followed suit.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Chapter 28**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

Scandals was busier than I had ever seen it. The floor was barely visible below the hordes of bodies moving to the music that was blasting through the speakers, and the bar had more people crowded around it than there were bar stools.

"Remind me again what we're doing here?" Blaine said from beside me.

"I have someone that I need to consult with."

"'Consult'? Please just tell me what's going on here." He turned to me after another sketchy look at his fake ID, which resembled a middle-aged Jamaican.

"It's a surprise, just trust me." I replied half-heartedly glancing around the room.

"Good things never follow those words." He crossed his arms.

"Sheesh Blaine, when did you turn into such an old lady? Just relax already. Don't you remember how much fun you had last time you were here?" I grinned.

"No, all I remember is getting into a huge fight with Kurt because I got drunk and wanted to-never mind. Can we just find this guy you need to _consult_ with and get out of here?"

"Firstly, I'd like to hear the rest of what you were just about to say, and secondly, why do you assume it's a guy I'm looking for?"

"Sebastian, you don't have a single female friend, you're gay, and we're in a _gay_ bar, I think I'm fairly safe in assuming you're looking for a man." He cracked a smile.

"You have a point. Ah, there he is!" I exclaimed when I saw him. Blaine followed me as I rushed forward to the far corner of the bar.

"Hey Daniel." I smirked at the older man.

"Sebastian Smythe. Long time no see. This your new boy-toy?" He arched an eyebrow at Blaine.

"I'm his _friend_ , Blaine." He shook Daniel's hand.

"So I hear you have something you wanted to talk about?"

"I do, but I'd prefer to do it in private." I nodded toward the back room.

"Fine, but just a couple of minutes. I'm a bit busy tonight."

"And as for you; don't do anything I wouldn't do." I winked at the shorter brunette, who shot back a tired expression. I gave him one last smirk before following Daniel through the swarm of people, and finally into the unlit storage room. When he flipped the light switch, I kind of wished he hadn't. The place looked like it had been collecting dust since the 1920's, and I'm sure that there must have been more than one kind of rodent that called this place its home; including some species that probably hadn't been discovered yet.

"So what can I do you for?"

"I need a job." I turned serious.

"And what exactly do you want me to do about that?"

"Oh come on, Dan. I know you can hook me up." I insisted.

"Well maybe if you were actually legally old enough to get into this bar; but since you're not, my hands are tied." He shrugged.

"My family threw me out, I was expelled from Dalton, I am flat broke...I really need this. Please, I'll work for as little as you're willing to offer." Begging was definitely _not_ my style, but even I got desperate sometimes.

"Do you have any idea what could happen to me, to this bar, if the police found out I hired an under-aged kid?"

"You let under-aged kids in here all the time, what difference does it make if they work for you?" I asked.

Daniel considered this for a couple of moments before replying with, "I want to help, I really do, but I just don't think I can risk it, man. Besides, there are plenty other places you could get a job, why would you consider this place?"

"A lot of people don't wanna hire me because I haven't graduated, and others claim to not like my 'attitude' or whatever. The prospects of drug-dealing and prostitution are actually starting to sound good right about now." I sighed.

"I get that you're desperate, but don't do something you're going to regret later. You're just a kid, Sebastian; your whole life is ahead of you-"

"I'm not going to have much of a life if I can't find a freakin job!" I said loudly.

"Is something else going on? Why are you so freaked out?" Daniel frowned.

"No, it's nothing."

"You think I haven't gotten good at spotting lies?"

"I'm-I...I'm sick, Daniel. I have at least three different things medically wrong with me, and unfortunately one of them is life threatening." I hated myself for resorting to this.

"And you need the money for treatment?" I was relieved to see that Daniel's eyes held no pity, only comprehension.

"Yes, among other things. You know this isn't who I am; I never plead, I never complain about my screwed-up life, and I sure as hell wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important."

"Damn dude, you really aren't giving me much of an option here. Okay, I won't promise anything, but I'll speak to the man in charge and see what he says? That's the best I can do for you."

"No, that's great. I owe you." I said sincerely.

"You bet you do. Well, I best be getting back out there, and your boyfriend kind of looked like a deer caught in headlights when you left him." He gave me a smile before closing the door behind him. I gave a big sigh and followed.

It took me a second to realize that more people had showed up during the couple of minutes Daniel and I had been preoccupied. I had no clue how I was going to find Blaine in this crowd. That is, if he hadn't already left.

But soon enough I spotted Blaine at the bar talking to some big brunette guy. Something about that bothered me immensely. As I got closer, I noticed that this wasn't just any big brunette, oh no, he was all too familiar. In fact, the sudden recognition made me stop in my tracks and question whether heading over there was a good idea.

After pondering this for way too long, I scolded myself for being such a wimp, and once again made my way through the tight crowd until I reached the bar.

Upon seeing that the two were still talking, I decided not to interrupt them, so I took a seat a few people over and ordered a beer. As much as I strained my ears to overhear what they were saying, the music coming through the speakers killed my ability to hear anything else.

"Hey Sebastian." I heard a familiar voice from beside me. I turned and saw that it was one of Scandal's old regulars, Dwayne Rogers. I'd never been interested in him, his constant babbling about how much his girlfriend took him for granted really turned me off. Apparently not a lot of people knew he was gay.

"'Sup Dwayne." I greeted feebly.

"Haven't seen you around lately." He drawled.

"Yeah well, I've been busy." I started reading the label on my beer bottle out of boredom.

"Haven't we all? This place is a bit cramped tonight; wanna just go to my place?" He leaned closer.

His bluntness earned a death glare from me, "No, I actually don't wanna go anywhere with you, now get out of my face."

"Ouch, someone's in a mood. I bet I could take some of that tension away." He smiled suggestively.

I suddenly had an intense urge to punch his face in, but I controlled myself and replied with, "The only tension I'm going to be getting rid of, will be done with my leg in your groin if you don't get the hell away from me right now."

"You know, I don't take kindly to rejection." His smile suddenly vanished, and was replaced with a scowl.

"Are you threatening me?" I asked in a low voice.

"Take it like you want, I'm simply stating a fact." He shrugged.

"Listen here you asshole, if I have to tell you to get the hell out of my personal space one more time, we are both going to regret what happens next." I spoke through clenched teeth.

"Am I supposed to be afraid of you?"

"I am not kidding, Dwayne, move or I'll move you." I had already rolled my fists into balls, ready to strike at any second.

"Oh no you won't. See, I overheard your conversation with Daniel earlier, and I know you're desperate for a job here. If you hit me, you'll be thrown out, just like the already-small possibility of you getting that job."

I stared at him in momentary horror. "Are you trying to _blackmail_ me?" I felt an intense surge of fury coming over me.

"I'll pay you, if it'll make you feel better." He wore another creepy smile.

"You need help. Serious medical help." I spat.

"Well apparently, so do you."

"Get. The. Hell. Away. From. Me." I was snarling now. I was not the type to run away, but this guy was obviously insane, so maybe going home like Blaine had suggested when we first came in here, wasn't such a bad idea. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

"You think you're too good for me, don't you? Well you are no better than any of the rest of us. In fact, I'd say you were the one beneath _me_. My parents don't hate me, I sure as hell didn't get expelled from school, and last I checked, I wasn't dying from some kind of freaky sickness."

I was clenching my fists so hard that my nails were drawing blood from my palms, but I didn't care. Right now all my attention was focused on the hatred I possessed for the man next to me.

"I'm leaving." I announced as I rose from my chair and turned to find Blaine, but was stopped by Dwayne grabbing my arm. The only reason I didn't break his face right there and then was because I knew he was right; I would never get a job here if I started a fight.

"I wasn't done." He said slowly.

"Does it look like I give a damn? Do not make me cause a scene, because I swear to you that I will if you don't get your filthy hands off of me."

"Do whatever the hell you want. It'll be your loss, not mine."

"You really think they're going to reprimand me if I tell them that you were harassing me?" I gave him my best sarcastic smile.

"Oh please, like you'd be able to prove that. The worst case scenario, they kick us both out. I'm down with that, there are only _losers_ here anyway."

"What the hell do you want from me?" I fumed as I tried to free my wrist from his painful grip, but it was no use. His physical strength outmatched mine by far.

"You know exactly what I want, Smythe. And I always get what I want."

"Well you sure as hell ain't going to get it from me."

"Why don't you sit back down and we'll talk about that for a moment." I hated the look in his eyes as he smiled at me. It reminded me way too much of someone I had forced myself to forget.

"I'll give you one more warning, let go of me and go back to your disgustingly pathetic life right now, or I'll call out to my friend in the next three seconds." The words that came out of my mouth were a lot more intimidating than the one's in my head.

"And tell him what? That a big scary man is bothering you." The creepy grin on his face was the last straw, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Blaine, come over here for a minute!" I turned my head to look in his direction as I said it, so I knew that he had heard me. I saw him frown, but got up and walk toward me anyway.

I saw the smugness in Dwayne's face change to anger in a split-second as he reluctantly let go of my wrist just before Blaine reached us. But he must have known something was up anyway, since he looked suspiciously between the two of us before saying, "I've been looking for you Sebastian."

"Well you just looked so busy talking to Karofsky, I didn't wanna bother you. This is Dwayne." I gestured to the sour-looking man next to me.

Blaine barely acknowledged him, beside a reluctant nod of his head, and turned back to me, "I'm not going to finish my beer, why don't you join us and you can have it?" He tried to smile enthusiastically, but I could see he felt uncomfortable.

"You know what? That sounds great. See you, Dwayne." The look in my eyes were everything but friendly as I looked at him. He returned my look before diverting his attention back to his own beer.

"What was that all about?" Blaine demanded when were out of earshot.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." More than anything I wanted to thank him, both for being smart enough to know that something was up, and for caring enough to get me out of that situation. But if I thanked him I would have to tell him what I was thanking him for, and that was something I _didn't_ want to do.

"Sebastian, you wouldn't have called me if something wasn't wrong. Was he harassing you or something?" Blaine stopped walking and turned to me.

"What? No. If he was, trust me, I would have taken care of it immediately." I raised my right arm to demonstrate a fist, but quickly realized that was a mistake, since there was a fresh bruise on my wrist where Dwayne had grabbed me. I tried to hide it before he noticed, but it was already too late.

"Did he do that?" Blaine grabbed my arm and frowned at the bruise.

"No, of course not. Can we just drop already? Please."

He sighed reluctantly when he realized that he wasn't going to get anything out of me. "Fine. Come on." Blaine led me back to where Karofsky was still sitting.

"Sebastian Smythe?" He said when he saw me.

"David Karofsky." I returned with a smile. Remembering my last conversation with him, I made a mental decision to play nice.

"I didn't know you two were still friends." He said with a glance between the two of us.

"I didn't know you were still in Ohio."

"I'm only back temporarily. Visiting my dad for a couple of weeks."

"I see. So you managed to find yourself a boyfriend yet, or you still hiding in the good ol' closet of sexuality?"

"Sebastian." Blaine shook his head.

"No, it's fine. Although, no, I'm still single, everyone knows I'm gay. And not just the people in Lima." He explained taking a swig of his beer.

"Well then, I'll cheers to that." I raised my own bottle. He seemed mildly surprised, but returned the gesture.

"So you still in Dalton?" Karofsky asked.

"Nah. They decided that my 'behaviour' reflected badly on the school's reputation, so…"

"He was expelled." Blaine added.

"I prefer the term 'moved on', but yeah, pretty much."

"Hmm. What exactly was this behaviour?" He wondered curiously.

I had known that he would ask that, but I wasn't sure if I should give him an honest answer. Not because I wanted to lie to him, but simply because it wasn't something I really enjoyed talking about. On the other hand, Karofsky was probably one of the few people who wouldn't judge, since he himself had been there.

"I, uh, I overdosed. Inside the school." Usually when I spoke about this, I would avoid the gaze of the person I was talking to, but this time, I looked Karofsky right in the eye.

His eyebrows went up, and his lips parted slightly. "When?"

"A couple of weeks ago."

"Although it kinda feels like it was years ago." Blaine said to no one in particular.

When Karofsky frowned at this, Blaine added, "I was one of the people who found him."

"Oh. So what school you in now?" He asked, changing the subject.

"None. I'm not going back, either. What about you, what you doing now?" I asked him.

"Currently I'm teaching football to some underprivileged kids in Indiana. Since I'm not qualified, the school can pay me less, so they get a coach, and I get a job." He shrugged.

"What about college?" Blaine wondered.

"That's what I'm going to do with the money I'm making. My dad has some saved up too, but it wasn't enough."

"That must be a pretty cool job, huh?" I said.

"Yeah it is. I mean, it sure as hell makes my problems seem…insignificant compared to what these kids go through."

Blaine looked like he was about to say something, but closed his mouth when his phone buzzed. He frowned at the message on the screen, "Oh crap, Cooper wants to know where we are."

"Well you can't tell him the truth." I replied.

"Yeah, oh damn he's calling me. Hey Coop." Blaine ran for the exit.

"Who's Cooper?" Karofsky asked.

"Blaine's older brother."

There was a momentary silence where neither of us knew what to say. Then I thought of something, "I didn't really want to bring this up, since it's none of my business, but you said earlier that you were here to visit your dad…why only him? Where's your mom?"

"Oh that. My mom couldn't really overlook the whole being gay thing, so she left. She's now living with some family in Tennessee."

"Ouch. I know what that's like, though."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yup. My father is a complete homophobe. The rest of my family sort of just follow his example."

"Is that why you're a total douchebag sometimes?" He grinned.

"Pretty much," I shrugged, "but then again, that's a bit of pot and kettle, isn't it?" I chuckled.

"You have a point, I suppose." He laughed too.

Just then Blaine returned wearing a very serious expression, "I am a terrible liar and my brother is suspicious, I think we should leave."

"I'm Blaine's ride, and because I know you're thinking it; no, we are not dating," I said for Karofsky's benefit before turning back to Blaine, "Fine by me. This music's giving me a headache anyway."

"It was good seeing you, Dave." Blaine smiled.

"You too." He returned the smile.

"See you around." I patted Karofsky's shoulder then followed Blaine outside.

"You never told me what you and that Daniel guy were talking about." Blaine said as we got into my car.

"All in due time, my little hobbit. All in due time." I smirked.

"Remind me again what possibly possessed me to think I'd be able to put up with you living in the same house as me?" He glared at me.

"Aww come on, you know you love me."

"Dream on, Smythe." He grinned.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Chapter 29**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

I couldn't quite make out the words, but I knew it had something to do with their parents. I had a really bad feeling that it wasn't good news. I strained my ears even more, desperate to decipher the words coming from the other room. But with Cooper and Blaine speaking in soft voices, and with a thick wall separating us, I had no chance. After 20 minutes of this, I slumped back into a sitting position and waited.

Not too long after that, I heard the sound of Blaine's bedroom door closing and Cooper heading back downstairs, no doubt to his own bedroom to sleep, since it was 1 O' Clock in the morning. As soon as I was sure the coast was clear, I snuck out of the spare room and knocked on the door next to it. A strained voice replied, "Come in, Sebastian."

I went in and closed the door behind me without a single glance at Blaine. But when I finally did look at the boy sitting on the bed, a foreign feeling arose in my throat. And it certainly wasn't something I ever wanted to feel again.

Blaine's right hand was tightly clutching a photo in his left hand, and he used his other arm to wipe at his face. His nose was slightly red, and his cheeks were flushed. His big eyes had never looked shinier than they did right now, staring up at me and brimming with tears.

I moved slowly as I walked forward and sat down beside him, leaving about 10 inches of space between us. "Is it your parents?"

He only nodded.

"Did something happen?"

"Nope. Not a damn thing." He was staring into space.

"Okay, now I'm confused. Then what's wrong?" I frowned.

"They're getting divorced. They're not even going to bother finishing the counselling, they're coming back tomorrow, and my dad's moving out immediately. Apparently I have to decide who I want to live with."

"I see. And why can't they just get shared custody?"

"Oh they will. But you know how they say that kids need stability? Well according to them switching between homes isn't healthy for me. So I need to decide which of my parents will be the permanent one, and which will be temporary." Blaine's eyes were still unfocused and staring at the floor.

"That's a terrible way to think about it."

"I know…but it doesn't make it any less true."

I wished that there was something I could say to him; something that would make this easier, that would take some of the pain away. But being someone who couldn't really understand what he was feeling, there wasn't much I could say.

"I'm sorry, Blaine. I wish there was something I could do." I said softly.

"What if my dad moves away? Or my mom? Either of them could decide to leave Lima. Hell, they could decide to leave Ohio. What am I going to do then? I can't leave this town, this is my home."

"Woah there cowboy. Don't you think you're getting a little bit ahead of yourself? Have either of them ever mentioned anything about moving?"

"No. But that doesn't necessarily mean anything. I read somewhere that recently-divorced people often want to leave the place that reminds them of the other person." He sighed and I saw fresh tears forming in his eyes.

"You know what makes a person, a parent?" I moved a little bit closer to him and nudged his shoulder with mine.

He shook his head, but didn't look at me.

"Their ability to put their children and their children's needs before themselves. And that includes their child's happiness. Wouldn't you say that both your mom and dad are good parents?"

"Of course."

"Then you have nothing to be worried about, do you?"

"It's not really that simple." He turned to face me for the first time.

"It is if you'll let it be." I shrugged.

"I just don't know how I'm supposed to choose between my own parents. Especially knowing that either way, one of them is going to get hurt because of my decision."

"That's not something you should be worrying about. If they make you choose, then they have to live with the consequences of your forced decision." I explained.

"Although my brain knows that, my heart might not…" He sighed again.

There were a few minutes of silence as I contemplated what to say next. It didn't seem like my attempts at making him feel better was working, so obviously I needed a different approach. I just didn't know what that approach should be.

"Look, I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through, because I don't. But I do know that you're not alone. You have your friends-"

"Who aren't really speaking to me."

"You have Cooper-"

"He's leaving soon. He only came as a favour to Mom and Dad." He interrupted again.

"Would you please let me finish? I was going to say that you've got your friends, who will come to their senses; you have Cooper, who'll always be there for you, even when he's not physically with you; and you've got…me." Despite my complete sincerity, saying the last part had been more difficult than I had originally predicted.

My words must have surprised Blaine, since he turned to me again and narrowed his eyes slightly. Not really in suspicion; I think he was just a bit taken aback. But soon enough his lips curved and something lit up in his eyes, and he smiled at me in a way that caused my heart to do something it really shouldn't be doing. Despite this, I smiled back. A real smile.

"It's worth it, you know." Blaine said, still looking up at me.

"What is?"

"Having my friends shun me. It's worth it, to have you here." He was still smiling at me. And it wasn't just the smile itself, but also the way he was looking at me, that stopped me from breaking the gaze. This oh-so dangerous gaze.

"I don't believe you. There's no way you could possibly prefer my company to theirs'."

"Well you don't have to believe me, but it's true. Don't get me wrong, Tina's my best friend, and I love Artie and Jake and Wade and everyone else who thinks I'm falling into your trap…"

"But?" My smile slowly turned into a grin.

" _But_ I've really liked getting you know you. The real you, not the one you like to pretend you are."

If his hazel eyes weren't focused on mine, I might have thought about taking offence at that comment, but alas, I was distracted.

"Oh, there's a difference?" I arched an eyebrow.

"Of course. And I happen to like the real you a hell of a lot more." He lowered his voice as he said the last part. My breath almost got caught in my throat.

"Why? He's annoying, unrealistic, and-and damaged." These words broke whatever trance I'd been under for the last few minutes, and I looked away, desperate to distract myself from Blaine.

"Maybe. But he's also happy, sweet, innocent, _and_ …beautiful." He brought my eyes back to his when he used his fingers to gently lift my chin. His fingers lingered on my face for a few more seconds before he removed them.

"That makes no sense, Blaine. Men can't be beautiful."

"Really? Can't they?"

I knew of course that my words were untrue, since I found the boy sitting right next to me right now to be among the most beautiful I had ever seen. The truth was that I found it impossible to describe _myself_ by that word. Although I knew I was attractive on the outside, I dramatically lacked anything close to it on the inside. And beauty was not just physical.

"Alright fine, I'll change the error in my previous statement to " _I_ can't be beautiful'."

He frowned, "But you already are."

"How about we agree to disagree?" I suggested.

"I'm not agreeing to anything. I'll prove you wrong, you'll see."

"I've never been proven wrong in my life, so good luck." I grinned again.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are way too stubborn for your own good?"

"Yes. More often than I would care to admit. But my hard-headedness is one of my favourite qualities."

"More like big-headedness." He chuckled.

"Of course my head seems big to you; in fact, most people's heads are probably bigger than yours."

"I retract my comment about you being beautiful. You're actually just a scrawny jerk."

"Ouch, no one can insult quite like you can. And there's two ways to look at what I said; there's the insecure way to look at it, in which it sounds like a jab at your height-"

"Which it was."

"Or you could look at it as a compliment. See, I could have been saying that your ego is smaller than most peoples'." Despite the fact that I was laughing as I said this, I actually meant it.

"Uh-huh. I'm sure that you meant it that way." He smiled again as he arched an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah, I wanted to tell you, I've got a job." Something about that sentence made me feel proud. Saying it out loud made it sound even better.

"What? Where? When? How?"

"Yeah. Scandals. Yesterday. And by talking to Daniel."

"You do realize that you're only 17, right?" He looked a lot less enthusiastic than I felt.

"So? My birthday's only months away, and besides, I've got a very convincing fake ID." I shrugged.

"Is it safe for you to be around so much...alcohol?" His lips curved again slightly.

"I don't think _you_ should be talking to _me_ about alcohol." I snorted.

"What, a gay guy can't kiss a girl and enjoy it?" He said defensively.

"What the hell are you talking about? And when did you kiss a girl?! Who was she?" I sat up straighter.

"I-nothing. Forget it." Blaine cleared his throat and started fiddling with a bracelet he was wearing.

"Oh no; I am definitely not letting this go so easily. Come on, spill." I said eagerly.

"It was sophomore year, we were all drunk, well most of us, and then we played spin-the-bottle…needless to say, bad things followed." He brought his hands up to his face.

"You can bury your shame all you want, but you're not getting out of telling me who she was."

"You won't know her." He peeked through his fingers.

"I'll be the judge of that."

"Okay fine, you do know her."

"If you're not going to tell me, then I'm going to have to guess…it was Tina, wasn't it?" I grinned.

"Nope, it definitely wasn't Tina." Blaine shook his head.

"Brittany Pierce?"

"Guess again."

"Wade Adams?"

"Sebastian, that's not even a girl." He removed his hands from his face and frowned at me.

"She's not? I mean _he's not?_ That actually explains a lot. Anyway, was it Santana Lopez?" I had to fight the urge to gag when I said her name.

"Really? Santana?" Blaine looked like he wasn't certain whether to laugh or smother himself with a pillow. It's also entirely possible that it was me he wanted to smother.

"I don't know, she's sort of attractive in a girl sort of way." This time I didn't resist the gagging reflex.

"Can we please stop talking about this?" Blaine groaned as he threw himself backwards on his bed.

"Of course. As soon as you tell me who it was."

"No." The word was muffled when he grabbed a pillow and covered his face with it.

"You realize that I could just text Sam and ask him?" I shrugged as I propped myself on my elbow, lying down next to the shorter boy.

"Fine, I'll tell you; it was Achel Merry." At least that's the way it sounded to me since, since Blaine's communication of choice was still pillow.

I had actually long since suspected that it was Rachel, I just enjoyed torturing it out of him. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that…"

"It was Rachel! I had way too much to drink, and then we sang 'Don't You Want Me'. Those are memories I'd very much like to put behind me."

"You did what now?"

"I seriously want to change the subject!"

"Fiiiiinnnee. What exactly, Mr. Anderson, would you like to converse about?" I chuckled.

"Can I choose anything?"

I shrugged, thinking the question seemed innocent enough. Man, was I wrong.

"What exactly happened at Scandals with you and that Dwayne guy?" Before I had a chance to respond, he had already cut me off, "I know you said you didn't want to talk about it, but it has bothered me ever since last night. And it's bugging me even more now that I know you're going to work at that place." He propped himself up on his elbow as well, and was now facing me, instead of the ceiling.

"You don't have to worry about me, Blaine. I'm a big boy." I smiled with as much sarcasm as I currently possessed.

"People worry about other people regardless of their age; it's not something you can just turn off, it just sort of happens. When you care about a person, you automatically worry about their safety. It's just one of those annoying things about being human." There it was again, that damn spark in Blaine's eyes. How was I supposed to look at anything else when he looked at me with those eyes? It was quite infuriating, actually.

"Yeah, damn humanity. But like I just said, you don't have to worry about me." This time I was serious as I said it.

"I know I don't have to, but I do. I worry about you all the time. So are you going to add to that burden, or will you do the kind thing and talk to me?" I could have sworn that his eyes had just gotten bigger. Oh wait a second; he was giving me the puppy-dog eyes. And they were working. Stupid Blaine.

"You manipulating little Baggins. Fine, I'll tell you, but it's not a big deal, so don't make into one. Promise?"

He nodded solemnly.

"He wanted to hook up. I told him to get lost, he didn't want to listen. He started threatening me, and that didn't work, so he tried to blackmail me. And although it stopped me from castrating him with his beer bottle, I couldn't get him to leave me alone. Then I called you over, and you obviously know the rest. Satisfied now?" Despite me claiming that it wasn't a big deal, I still couldn't stop my fist from clenching the bed spread as I thought back to it. And unfortunately it wasn't just last night's memories that had been awakened inside my head.

"Seb, what exactly would have happened if I hadn't been there? Or next time, when I really won't be there?" Someone stepped on the match that was lit behind those hazel eyes.

"Well he also offered me money, who knows, it could be the start of a very promising career."

Blaine looked at me as if I had just told him that Sam was having an affair with his mother (Blaine's mother, not Sam's…that would be weird).

"It was a joke." I told him after a minute's silence.

"How could you joke about things like that?"

"I'm sorry." I said, desperately wanting to talk about anything else.

"Sebastian-"

"Blaine, just drop it already!" I said a hell of a lot louder than I had intended.

Blaine flinched next to me and stared at me in confusion.

"I'm sorry, I-I just don't want to talk about this stuff." When I felt my eyes getting wetter, I decided it was time to go back to my own room. I moved to get up, but Blaine grabbed my hand. "I didn't mean to upset you, I'm really sorry."

The warmth in his eyes, mixed in with the gentleness of his voice and his hand that still held onto mine caused a tear to break free, despite me closing my eyes to keep them inside. I wanted to cry out in frustration. _It's been almost 5 damn years, get the hell over it!_

I felt a hand at the side of my face, and a finger gently wiping the tear away. I couldn't help but lean into the warmth of Blaine's hand. But I refused to open my eyes; I wouldn't be able to tolerate Blaine pitying me. Well, he probably already does, but I just don't want to see it.

My heart went crazy when I felt his breath on my face, indicating that he was moving closer to me. I kept my eyes shut and waited. Waited for whatever was about to happen.

And then I felt it, his lips pressed gently against my forehead. I have no idea why he did it, but I wasn't going to complain either. There was so much affection incorporated into that gesture, that it literally took my breath away. No one had ever kissed me there before.

I opened my eyes, and for the first time ever, I was looking up at him instead of the other way around. I smiled as he smiled at me.

But then that darn reality kicked in, and I suddenly realized how wrong this was. I mean, it didn't feel wrong; quite the contrary, it felt amazing. But from experience I knew that it was usually better to listen to my brain and not my heart. Never my heart.

I jumped up out of the bed like Blaine was some kind of man-eating snake, and stood in the centre of his room staring at him. I did this for 30 seconds before departing from the bedroom, and entering the one next door. As I jumped into the bed, I knew there wasn't a chance in hell of me actually sleeping that night.

You know how they say that whenever a door closes in life, another one opens? Well that just happened to me. Except in this case, it wasn't a case of gently turning the doorknob and taking a deep breath before entering the rest of your life. No, I had drunkenly stumbled into the hallway and forced my entry into the one place that was supposed to be off limits. Forever.


	30. Chapter 30

_**Chapter 30**_

 **Blaine's POV**

The first thing that went through my mind when I opened my eyes was hope that the events of last night had been a dream. Well, maybe not my conversation with Sebastian, that had certainly been…strange. But definitely the part where my brother told me that my mother and father were officially splitting up. That really had felt like a nightmare. It still did.

I sat up as I ran my fingers through my hair. Most of the gel was out of it, but right now I had more important things to worry about. Coop had said that Mom and Dad would be getting back today, but I had no idea when. Although I had a feeling it would be in the afternoon sometime.

Within 20 minutes I had showered, gotten dressed and made my bed. When it occurred to me that I was in dire need of coffee, I headed downstairs to the kitchen.

"You are honestly the weirdest teenage boy I have ever met." I heard my brother say.

"So I've heard." That was Sebastian.

"No, but seriously, how are you standing upright? I haven't seen you consume anything besides coffee since the day I got here." Cooper and Sebastian were both standing in the kitchen; the former was frowning at the latter, and the latter was staring at the fish. Again.

"Years of practice will do that to you." He wore his trademark smirk.

"Oh hey, Blaine. Your boyfriend seriously worries me." My brother grinned when he saw me.

"Cooper can keep a secret, Seb. You should tell him the truth," I told the former Warbler before addressing my brother, "and he's not my boyfriend."

"Tell me the truth about what?"

Sebastian looked a bit peeved that I had brought it up, but I also think he got tired of people always asking him why he doesn't eat. He heaved a sigh before diverting his attention away from the fish. "I'm Bulimic, Cooper. Let's just leave it at that, and you better keep your mouth shut."

"Don't worry, kid. I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Would you please stop calling me that? Oh, and can goldfish mate? Because these two are looking like they need to get a room." He cast an odd look in the direction of the fish tank.

"No Sebastian; they don't mate. Baby goldfish just appear out of thin air." I replied.

"You know I hate repeating myself once, but _twice_? This is just getting ridiculous. In fact, if you don't stop with the sarcasm, I will be forced to sue you."

"When are Mom and Dad getting back?" I asked, completely ignoring Sebastian's last comment.

"I'm not entirely sure, to be honest. They didn't say. But uh, maybe you and Sebastian shouldn't be around when they get here. There are some things I need to talk to them about, and it would be best if you didn't hear." He looked away as he said that.

"What things, Cooper?" I frowned.

"Nothing you should concern yourself with…not yet, anyway. Don't worry; everything's going to be fine." His encouraging smile wavered.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" A lump formed in my throat.

"I-I can't tell you, little bro. You're just going to have to trust me."

I nodded, although I felt like crawling into a dark corner and staying there until I stopped feeling so helpless and sad. I was really surprised when Cooper walked forward and put his arms around me. Hugs from my brother were pretty rare, so I buried my head in his shoulder and held him tightly. "I'm going to stick around for as long as you want me to." He said softly.

"Thank you, Cooper." I whispered back.

"Yeah well," my brother let go of me and cleared his throat, "can you two keep yourselves occupied for a couple of hours? I'll tell you when it's safe to come back."

"Um yeah, sure. Only this time, _I_ choose where we go." I said with a pointed look at Sebastian, who smiled innocently.

"I'm not going to ask. But I am going to shower; see you later." Cooper lifted his arm above his head as he went back to his room.

Not a word was exchanged between me and Sebastian as I commenced to make the overdue coffee for myself. It almost felt…well, I don't want to say awkward, but unfortunately that's the best word I can think of to explain the atmosphere in the kitchen. I couldn't remember it ever being awkward between the two of us, meaning that the ambience in the room was due to the events of last night. It had obviously made him uncomfortable, but I couldn't understand why.

In these minutes of silence, I tried to think of something to say, but like usual when it's urgent, I couldn't think of a single damn thing to say. I was still lost in thought when I heard a weird grunting sound, and realized that it had come from Sebastian. I lifted my head and looked at him, only to see that he was wearing an unsettling expression on his face. His narrowed eyes were unfocused and he kept flaring his nose.

I was just about to say his name, when his right hand went to his chest and his entire body buckled forward. I awkwardly caught him before he fell and helped him down until he was sitting on his knees. I knelt down beside him.

"Sebastian, what's wrong? Does something hurt?" I said to no avail. He didn't even seem to have heard me.

His hand was still clutching his chest, and he started making strange breathing sounds; somewhere between hyperventilating and choking. His jaw was clenched and it was obvious that he was in pain.

"If you don't tell me what's wrong right now, I'm going to call an ambulance!" I was really starting to panic. Something was very wrong with him, and since I didn't know what it was, I couldn't do anything to help. I had already come to the conclusion that his heart was the cause of the problem, hence the placement of his hand; but more than that I didn't know. He could be having a heart attack, and I wouldn't have a clue.

"No. No hospital." His words came out in gasps.

"Are you kidding me? You look like you're busy dying, but you don't want to go to the hospital?" The panic in me was increasing by the second.

"Not dying. It'll pass." He managed to get out.

"How do you know?"

"Happened before. Please Blaine."

I was pretty much freaking out right now. I was stuck in a really bad situation, and I had no idea what to do. What if Sebastian was wrong? What if he was lying? What if this (whatever _this_ was) was killing him and he didn't know it? What if I let him die because he begged me not to take him to the hospital? And then it would be all my fault. No, there was no way I was going to let something happen to him. No way.

"I'm sorry, Seb. I can't take the risk; I'm taking you to a hospital right now." I put my one hand on his arm and the other on his back, then tried to make him stand up, but his resistance was making it impossible.

"Don't do this! Please just let me help you." I pleaded.

"No damn hospital!"

"Sebastian!"

"No, Blaine!" He was now kneeling on his hands and knees; his whole body shaking with his breathing efforts. I suddenly felt really bad for yelling at him.

"I'm sorry. But you have to understand that I won't let anything happen to you. I can't." I told him gently as I put my hand on his shoulder.

"It won't. Trust me." He shut his eyes tightly.

"But it already has." I said with a sigh as I brushed a strand of hair out of his face. He didn't reply.

I was quite surprised that Cooper hadn't heard any of the shouting. But I guess the sound of the running water combined with his selective ignorance was enough to block out the noise. There had been a few seconds where I had considered calling him, but had decided against it almost immediately. He might be older, but he wouldn't have known what to do in a situation like this any more than I would. And crowding Sebastian right now would not be a very good idea.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I wondered.

"Yes, mouth-to-mouth." He gasped again.

I didn't question him; I just nodded and helped him move until he was lying on his back. His mouth was partly open, unlike his eyes, and his chest was heaving at a speed that worried me. I'd never actually done this before, so I was afraid that I would do it wrong and somehow make him worse.

But nonetheless I forced my fears aside as I placed my fingers on either side of his nose, constricting his ability to breathe through it. I then lowered my head until my lips were practically touching his, and blew as much air as I had in my lungs, into his mouth. He breathed in the oxygen as I breathed it out. I did this about 15 times before I realized that his breathing had gotten steadier and he had stopped hyperventilating. I moved back and stared at him. His chest had stopped moving so rapidly and his entire body seemed to have relaxed. He finally opened his eyes.

I took his hand in mine and tried to smile encouragingly, but it was probably closer to melancholy. I was literally biting my lip to stop myself from asking him what had just happened, but I knew that right now was not the time or place to ask him these questions.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I could run a marathon." He coughed as he sat upright without letting go of my hand.

"Yeah, maybe you should leave the athletics for later. Can you stand up?"

"Maybe not on my own." He put his hand my shoulder and tried to push himself up, but his arms were too unsteady. So I put own arm around his waist and used my knees to hoist us both up. He then shifted his weight so that he was resting against the kitchen counter. This of course forced me to let go of the taller boy, which was an idea I wasn't currently happy with. I kept thinking he was going to fall again.

"We should go. You know, in case your parents get back early." Sebastian said.

I blinked at him. Was he serious?

"Don't look at me like that. I'm not going to have a heart attack, Blaine."

"Do you really think that going anywhere right now is such a great idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be? Don't make a big deal out of this please. Let's just-let's just go." He sounded tremendously tired.

I wasn't exactly ecstatic about the idea of leaving the house right now; but it did occur to me that if something like this happened again, at least we'd be in a car, therefore making it easier for me to get him to a hospital.

"Yeah, okay. But I'm driving."

 ****…****

"No, I'm pretty sure that's a rabbit making out with a baby penguin." Sebastian remarked as he frowned up at the sky.

"You have a demented mind." I chuckled.

"And you have a deluded one." He grinned.

We had decided to go the Lima Botanical Gardens (which I'd only found out about recently) since very few people actually ever went there. We'd spent the last 20 minutes lying on the grass and watching the clouds. We had completely avoided talking about any important topics, like what had gone down in my kitchen earlier this morning.

"I like this place. I think I'll come here again." I thought out loud as I smiled under the warmth of the sun.

"You have me to thank for that." Sebastian's eyes had been closed for the last 10 minutes; if I couldn't hear him talking, I would have sworn that he was asleep…or dead.

 _That was a bad joke, Blaine. Very bad joke._

"I have nothing better to do, so I'll bite. Why exactly is that?"

"Because I'm here too. I have this annoying habit of making a lot of people like a lot of places simply just by being there with them." The corners of his mouth curled up.

"I'm sure that's true."

"Oh come on, you're going to tell me that you would prefer being alone right now?" Despite the fact that both his eyes were still closed, he still managed to arch an eyebrow.

"I didn't say that. But it doesn't mean there aren't people I'd rather be here with." I had completely meant it as a joke, but it didn't stop me from regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth.

Sebastian was quiet for a few moments, his face having gone serious, before he said, "Like Kurt?"

The question had caught me completely off-guard. That was about the last thing I had expected him to say, and not only because I knew how hard it was for him to call my ex-boyfriend by his name. No, it had also taken me aback because this was the first time Sebastian had ever brought Kurt up before (disregarding the time he asked me why we had broken up).

I had no idea how to respond to the question. Of course I wanted Kurt here with me, I still loved him and Sebastian knew this. Another reason why his question bothered me so much. Even if I did want Kurt here more than Sebastian, which was something I'd rather not think about, why should it matter to the boy lying next to me?

"I'll take your silence as a yes." Sebastian said suddenly, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Why would you say that? The thing about me wishing Kurt were here instead."

"Is there a reason I shouldn't have?" He wondered.

"Yes, it's called _decency_. You know how I feel about him, I just don't understand why you would bring him up in that context." I also closed my eyes when the sun's rays started becoming painful.

"Well if I had known you were going to make such a big deal about it, I wouldn't have." He sighed.

"I was just kidding, you know; when I said that I'd rather be here with someone else. In all honesty, there is no one beside you I would rather be spending time with right now," I paused momentarily before continuing, "not even Kurt."

Once again, my words had quieted him. More than anything I wish I could see inside his head, know what he's thinking. It absolutely killed me that I never seemed to know where I stood with him. What he thought about me; what he felt for me…these were all mysteries to me.

"Why did you cheat on him, Blaine?" Were the words that came out of his mouth when he finally spoke again. These surprised me even more than the previous ones.

"What?" I spoke in a whisper.

"If you loved him so damn much, then why? I don't understand."

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Because I want to understand."

"If you can't even understand my love for him, then how could I possibly make you understand the rest? It's easy for everyone else to judge; that is, until they're stuck in that same crappy situation." I explained.

"I'm not trying to judge, I'm not in a position to. I just…I could see the way you felt about him and it killed me. But it also made me realize that there might actually be some good in this world for people like us." Sebastian sounded tired again. I didn't really blame him for being drained. I was just afraid he was going to fall asleep mid-conversation.

"People like us? You mean gay? That is a pretty harsh thing to say for someone who is actually gay." I noted.

"Doesn't make it less true. Come on, Blaine, I know you're not ignorant. If life didn't suck enough for other people, it's ten times worse for us, and everyone knows that. But it doesn't stop them from trying to make our lives hell."

"Why do you allow yourself to think like that? Look, I get what you're saying, I do. But if you carry on believing that, then you're just letting all those bitter homophobes control your life. Maybe life can is harder for us sometimes, but that just makes all the good moments feel all that much better." I emphasized the word 'better'.

"I think it would be nice to go through life actually believing that." I had to fight to understand what he was saying, since he was basically half-asleep.

"Sometimes." I whispered to myself.

 ****…****

I stirred when I felt something cold and wet slide down my face. There it was again. And again. Then I felt it on my hands. And my chest. And my legs. I leapt up into a sitting position when it went into my ear. Then the rain started pouring with a vengeance.

It took me a second to remember why I had been sleeping on grass, and when had it gotten so dark? Since I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face, I had to feel around me to locate Sebastian. How the rain hadn't woken him up, I had no idea.

Eventually I grabbed hold of what I hoped was his shoulder and shook, "Sebastian, wake up!"

I heard a grumble and the sound of movement, meaning I had been successful in my wake-up attempt. Then I heard a delightful word that started with the letter 'f', meaning I had been _really_ successful in my wake-up attempt.

"Where the hell are you, I can't see a damn thing!" Sebastian complained. Only he didn't use the word 'damn'.

"Take my hand." I told him.

"Great idea. Only one problem, I can't see your hand!"

I rolled my eyes and started feeling around for his hand. I found his shoulder, then his leg, then something that made him go, "That is most definitely _not_ my hand"; but finally I located his fingers and grabbed hold of them before pulling him up and running in a direction that I hoped would lead us back to my car.

I found it really strange that no one bothered to lock this place up at night. Or put any lights on.

After what felt like 20 minutes, I finally found my car and practically dove inside. Sebastian on the other hand, practically dove into _me_.

I felt really sorry for my poor car seats, since we were both sopping wet and literally dripping. This car was going to smell amazing in the morning.

"When the hell did it get so cold?" Sebastian asked with clattering teeth beside me.

"I'm guessing round about the same time it started raining."

"You know it's a complete waste of a sentence when I have no damn clue whether you're being sarcastic or not." He glared at me.

"I never realized how grumpy you get when you're wet…kinda like a gremlin, really." I chuckled.

"Ha ha freakin ha."

"Oh lighten up already. It's just rain." I urged.

"When your immune system is as jacked up as mine, getting wet isn't so very funny." He was putting his arms around himself in a desperate attempt to warm himself up. This was when I realized how cold Sebastian really was feeling. I started fishing around the back seat, hoping that I could find something dry. I grinned when I located an old black hoodie that had been given to me by my brother last year. And since it used to belong to him, I knew it would fit Sebastian.

"Here," I smiled as I handed it to him, "just take off the wet clothes first."

He didn't even think about it before he started stripping off his jacket, followed by the T-shirt he wore underneath. In this confined space, it was really hard not to stare at his wet bare chest, but I managed to distract myself by looking to see if my phone still worked. No such luck. The water had killed it.

"Mine's dead too." Sebastian said when he caught me trying to shake my phone back to life.

"My parents are probably wondering where I am. Oh well, let them sweat for a bit, I'm not really in the mood to face them just yet. How does a boiling coffee at The Lima Bean sound?" I smiled.

"Like heaven," was his reply, "how long exactly were we asleep for?" Sebastian wondered.

"The whole day. Well I'm definitely going to be awake the whole night." I laughed.

"I can think of something to occupy ourselves with." He winked. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Do you have any idea how wrong that is? Especially with my parents in the house."

"I was talking about reading. Sheesh Hobbit, get your mind out of the gutter."

"Oh yes, _you_ should be lecturing _me_ on having too many inappropriate thoughts." I laughed.

"We'll agree to disagree." He shrugged.

"That seems to be your answer to everything."

"That's because I disagree on a lot of things with a lot of people."

I wasn't even listening to what he was saying, I was too busy thinking about what I really wanted to talk to him about, I just didn't know how to bring it up. "Hey Seb, can I ask you something?"

"I never like what comes after that question."

"Then this won't be any kind of exception. Would you please tell me what happened today? I've barely been able to think about anything else." I licked a drop of water off my lip.

For the third time today he was silent. He looked extremely miserable when he spoke again, "It was just a severe form of Dyspnoea, or in a more common term, shortness of breath."

"Okay," this wasn't exactly news to me, I was more concerned with the underlying cause, "what caused it?"

"Something not good."

"Yeah, I sort of figured as much. You're going to have to be more specific."

He rubbed his temples and stared outside as he said the next few words, "I'm dying, Blaine."


	31. Chapter 31

_**Chapter 31**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

Blaine's expression had been the same for the last 15 minutes; ever since I had told him the truth that he had been begging for me to tell him. It's funny really; the way people long for something, that is, until they actually get it. I don't know if he regretted me telling him, but I certainly did.

After my confession, I had begged him to not ask anymore questions until I had gotten some caffeine into my system. He had agreed, albeit reluctantly. Frustration, impatience, confusion, concern, anxiety…I could see all of this in his eyes. This was why I hadn't told him sooner, and why I now wish I never had.

I didn't like the thought of someone worrying about me. It made me feel a sense of compulsion towards that person, and there were few things I hated more than owing debts. But somehow looking at Blaine, who was currently placing our coffee orders as I waited at my usual table, it occurred to me that maybe it was time someone knew the truth about what was happening to me. And in all honesty, there is no one on earth I trust more than that boy.

I also knew that this was the cause of my uneasiness. I strongly suspected that Blaine was probably the closest thing to family I'd ever had, meaning that he also happened to be the one person who would care when I died. And unfortunately, I knew that time was running out; as shown by the episode in Blaine's kitchen this morning. Similar things had happened to me, but it never so…severe.

"What are you thinking about?" Blaine wondered as he took a seat next to me.

"Just trying to figure out if that waiter is gay or not. I think I caught him staring at me a few times, but no homosexual man would wear that shade of khaki." I pulled a face.

Blaine didn't reply, instead he rested his chin on his hand and stared at me expectantly. I decided to play stupid for a few more seconds, and took a sip of my coffee. It felt like Heaven was passing through my body.

"How long are you going to keep staring at me? It feels like I'm being put under pressure, and I don't even know what it is that I'm supposed to do."

"You know precisely why I'm looking at you like this. You can't just drop a bomb like you did in the car and expect me not to want to question you further." He replied accusingly.

"I should never have told you." I groaned and broke Blaine's challenging gaze.

"No, you should have told me sooner. How could you keep something like that from me? I thought we were friends."

"What does that have to do with anything?" I frowned, utterly confused. Was he seriously pissed off at me because I was dying?

"Okay fine, explain to me this: what if you had been alone in my kitchen this morning? What if that-that _attack_ had killed you?"

"It wouldn't have-"

"But what if it did?" He said louder, causing a few looks to be thrown in our direction.

I stared down at the table as he continued, this time lowering his voice to a whisper, "What if I had found you like that? Already dead. Because then you'd be gone. Forever. And I wouldn't know how or why, and I would have blamed myself for not noticing that something was wrong. I would have blamed myself for not being able to save you. All because you seem to have this masochistic _need_ to hurt yourself; to push others away. I'm not going to let you do that with me. I care too much about you. You hear me? I _care_ about _you_. Why can't you just get that into your abnormally thick skull?" He lightly touched the side of my head for emphasis.

"Because it makes no sense to me, Blaine. I'm not worth it. Nothing I've ever done, or said, or thought possibly makes me good enough to deserve anything…especially not from someone like you." I had no idea why I was telling him these things, things that were never meant to escape my mouth. Things that weren't meant to be heard by another human being.

"Someone like me?" He leaned closer to me, causing his shoulders to rest against mine. The warmth was more than welcome.

"A good person."

"And what exactly would that make you?"

"The opposite."

"How can you actually believe what you're saying?" His face conveyed mixed emotions of shock and sadness.

"A boy can only take so much hate before he starts seeing it in everything…and everyone. One can only hear how 'useless' they are so many times before they actually start believing it. And it should tell you something when the pain I've caused quadruples any good I might have accidentally brought about." Saying these words didn't even make me sad, quite the opposite actually. Hating myself and being depressed were two things I felt really comfortable with. What I wasn't so comfortable with were the feelings that arose in my stomach when Blaine took my hand in his, and squeezed it reassuringly.

"If I ever see your father again, I swear I'm going to kill him. Forget that, I think I'm going to hunt him down and kill him anyway." Blaine said softly whilst shaking his head.

"Why? It's not his fault I'm such a damn screw-up." I replied, turning away from the brunette next to me and withdrawing my hand from his.

"You are not a screw-up, Sebastian. Maybe you're a bit screwed up, but that is because of your father. I blame every bit of pain you've ever felt on that man. Because he committed the most unforgivable crime in existence; he destroyed the heart of a child. He caused this remarkable boy sitting in front of me to despise himself. He forced you into a life filled with so much hate, that you're incapable of seeing how damn amazing you really are. But the worst part, is that he seems to be the only person you actually love." Everything he said was made worse by the manner in which he was saying it. More than anything I wanted to hear judgement or resentment in his voice, but there was nothing.

"That's not true." I argued, still refusing to look at him.

"Which part?"

"The part about me not loving anyone besides my father." I sighed, and lifted my head.

Blaine didn't say anything, he just frowned at me. So I decided to carry on, "I also love-"

I never got to finish my sentence, because Blaine's phone chose that moment to start working, and the sound of his ringtone filled the coffee shop. I gave another audible sigh before looking down at Blaine's hand to see the caller ID. What I saw made me stand up from my chair and walk away. I heard him say my name, but I didn't care. I just carried on walking; and I didn't stop before I had successfully locked myself in the empty boys' bathroom. I knew from experience that very few people ever came in here.

I then commenced to kick the stalls, and pretty much anything else that was present and solid. I kicked and kicked and kicked, until I heard a terrible crunching sound and was pretty sure that I had just cracked my foot. I bit my lip to stifle the scream that was coming, which ended up making it sound like a really loud groan. I felt tears stinging at my eyes from the pain, and slowly moved to the corner where I then sat down and cried silently into my knees.

Everything sucked so much right now; I was reminded of the way I felt shortly before trying to kill myself. I was again reminded that I wouldn't be feeling any of this if I had succeeded. I wouldn't be in so much pain right now if I were dead. Damn Blaine. Damn him.

If it weren't for him, I would just attempt it again. And again. Until I succeed, I would try. But because of Blaine, because he had admitted to caring about me for reasons that were completely unknown to me; because he had caused me to develop these foolish feelings for him. And now I was stuck.

I was stuck because I could no longer be selfish in my decisions; I could no longer put my interests first. I could never live with myself if I made a decision that caused Blaine to be unhappy. His happiness was more important than mine.

Then again, I was going to die anyway, wouldn't it cause him less pain if I died quickly as opposed to the slow death it would be if I let nature take its course? I certainly believed so, but I knew there was no chance of convincing Blaine of this. Maybe he'd come to realize it though? Well, the only way to make that happen is to kill myself and hope for the best.

Yeah, that sounds like splendid idea.

Even after sitting on the cold floor for ten minutes and telling anyone who actually needed to use the bathroom to go screw themselves, the tears still wouldn't stop flowing. I could tell that something was wrong; I hadn't had a mood swing as severe as this one in years. _So what the hell had caused it?_

Something suddenly occurred to me, something that I'd never wanted to admit before…I was actually afraid of dying. Not suicide, that would be quick and painless. But this other kind, the kind that was going to be long and excruciatingly painful and humiliating; that's what I was afraid of. It just didn't seem fair, after everything that I've been through, everything that I've been forced to endure in the short life-span of only 18 years; it just wasn't fair that my death was agonizing as well. Why couldn't this damn cruel world cut me slack, just for once? Didn't I deserve some form of peace or happiness? Was I really that bad a person that I didn't merit some kind of universal compassion?

As I thought about how pathetic I must look right now, sitting on the floor of a coffee shop bathroom, crying irrepressibly and wishing I were dead; I realized the answer to my previous question was a definite _no_.

I jumped when I heard knocking on the door for the 3rd time in the last 15 minutes. "Go away." I mumbled loud enough for them to hear.

"Sebastian, it's me. Please let me in." It was Blaine.

 _Oh crap. He definitely can't see me like this._ "Go away." I said with more force.

"Won't you at least tell me what's going on? Why did you jump up like that when you saw it was Kurt calling me?"

"Go _away_." I repeated for the third time.

"And what if I don't want to?"

"I don't give a damn. Just leave me alone." I spoke into my legs.

"You realize that these locks open both ways, right? I could just walk in."

Panic shot through me. I'd completely forgotten about the pointless two-way locks on the door. I wrapped my arms around the top of my head as I buried my face in my knees. It might have been pathetic and childish, but I was determined to not let Blaine see my face. I didn't even bother responding, I knew he was going to do what he wanted anyway.

And then I heard it, the click that indicated the door had been opened. A second click followed a few seconds later. I heard the sound of light footsteps as he walked slowly toward me. My body tensed up and I tried to force my tears to finally stop, but only succeeded in reducing them.

Soon enough I both heard and felt Blaine sit down next to me. It also occurred to me that he would be able to tell that I was crying simply by the sound of my breathing, so naturally I tried to get it more even, but this wasn't as easy. The more I tried to regulate it, the more I felt like I was going to start sobbing.

"Why are you crying, Seb? Would you please talk to me?" It sounded like he was pleading.

I shook my head, although I wasn't sure he could see. The sigh he gave confirmed that he could.

"Okay, then don't talk." I felt his hand on my back, which I immediately flinched off. Then he put it back, and I repeated my previous action. When he put it back a third time, I decided that resistance was pretty much futile. When he realized that I had given up on fighting him, he used his hand's position on my back as leverage, and started pulling my body towards his own. Under any other circumstances I might have resisted, but right now I was just relieved that he wasn't trying to get me to talk anymore.

Eventually he had pulled me right against his chest, forcing me to change my position. I was no longer hiding my face in my knees; my head was now resting against Blaine's heart. My one arm was at my side, whilst the other hand was being used to brace myself against Blaine, who's right hand was strategically placed on my waist to support my body's position, but his other was resting on my elbow.

I relaxed into his chest and closed my eyes as I listened to the rhythmic beating of Blaine's heart. He bent his neck forward, and placed his forehead on my shoulder. "You don't have to be afraid, you know. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He whispered.

"What if it's too late?" Was my reply.

"It isn't. I won't let it be."

"Death isn't something you can control, Blaine. I am going to die, I think I you should make peace with that. I have." I wiped at a tear that had made its way to my neck.

"I don't think believe that." His breath tickled my cheek.

"You're wrong, death I have accepted. It's just the manner in which it happens that I have a problem with. It's going to be hard and painful, two things that can be easily avoided."

"You mean it could be avoided if you killed yourself instead? I won't let you do that."

"It's not your decision to make. But don't worry; I wouldn't do that to you." I assured him.

"This isn't about me. It's about you; and that's exactly who you should be thinking about when you decide against taking your own life."

"No, it is _for_ me that I would commit suicide. I can't keep doing this; it's just getting too hard."

"What's too hard? I'm begging you, just talk to me. It won't make anything worse; it could only make it better."

"It's not that. It's just, I don't-I don't really know how to explain it to you. It's like my life has lost all purpose, like I have nothing left to live for. I don't know who I am sometimes, like I'm trapped inside a stranger. And when I close my eyes, all I see is everything that's wrong with me. Things that could never possibly be fixed; things that have been eating away at my heart, at my soul for years now. And very soon there won't be anything left. Sometimes I feel like I want to run away, to just climb into my car and drive. Drive until I can feel something again, drive until things start to make sense again…but then I realize that it wouldn't make a difference. It wouldn't make a difference because I'm not only trapped in this life; I'm also a captive to the world. There isn't anywhere I could go that would make things different; it's all just the same thing over and over.

And there's this…hollow pain in me. Like I can feel it hurting, but there's nothing there that should be able to feel pain. How does that even make sense? I guess it's a replacement for the love that I can't seem to feel. Every time I come close, fear stops me. Fear that history would repeat itself and I would break completely. I can't let that happen. Ever. But lately…it's been getting harder to distance myself. To keep my feelings under control. I know bad things will happen if I surrender the control entirely, which is why I promised myself a long time ago that I would never let it happen.

I can feel that there's something inside me, something that's trying to claw its way to the outside. But I don't want to allow that to happen. What if this… _thing_ is worse than me? What if it's the revenge for everything that the world has put me through? What if it wants to hurt the last few things on earth that I actually give a damn about? What if it hurts _you_?

There is nothing that I wish for more than the ability to be someone else. Someone I'm not. Someone who still has hope of a future, someone who has their whole life ahead of him. Someone who has the courage to say what he really feels. Someone who doesn't wish they were dead. Because that's my second wish, to die painlessly. To die honourably. To die knowing that I somehow made a difference in someone's life, a good difference. To die knowing that I had felt the kind of love people wait their whole lives to feel. A love so powerful, it could cure my heart. It could fix everything that had destroyed me. But then I guess, if I could feel that, I wouldn't have to die, would I?

I feel so empty, Blaine. I've been consumed by so much anguish that I think it's left a void in its place…what the hell is wrong with me?" Strangely enough, saying all these things out loud had calmed me down a lot, and my crying had almost completely stopped. I had sort of gone into a trance as I spoke.

Blaine was completely silent, but I suddenly felt a tear fall on my neck. There was no possible way that it belonged to me, so that means…

I turned around quickly and saw that I was right, Blaine's eyes were filled with tears, but some had already escaped and were making their way down his cheeks. The way he was looking at me right now completely broke my heart.

I couldn't understand why he looked so sad, and I could have been imagining it, but it also appeared as if he were feeling _guilty_. This made no sense; he had done nothing that could possibly cause him to feel that.

"I love you, Sebastian." He whispered.

I couldn't prevent the sudden intake of breath that occurred when I heard him say this. Never in my life had anyone said that to me, not once. And to hear Blaine Anderson of all people say it, made me forget about everything except for the boy with the beautiful hazel eyes right in front of me.

I no longer had any control of my actions as I leaned forward to kiss away the tear that had gotten stuck just below his left eye. He closed his eyes just before my lips made contact with his skin. Then I removed my mouth again, and kissed another tear on his cheek. The third I did this, it was on the corner of his lips. More than anything right now I wanted to kiss him, a real kiss that involved both our mouths, but I wasn't going to. Not right now, anyway. I was afraid he might think that I mistook his confession as a declaration for romantic feelings, which I knew it wasn't. So instead I lifted my head up, and returned last night's gesture by planting a kiss on his forehead.

"We should go." I whispered as I slowly moved back to look at him.

He nodded, and moved to get up. I followed suit, but quickly realized that my cracked foot hurt like _hell_. I didn't want to explain to Blaine how I had gotten that particular injury, so I did my best to pretend like my foot was fine.

We were halfway to the door when Blaine grabbed my hand, stopping me in my tracks. I was about to ask him what was wrong, when he put his arms around my neck, and held me for about 5 seconds before letting go again. He then moved quickly as he exited the bathroom. I couldn't help but smile before I bit down on my teeth, and trailed behind him.


	32. Chapter 32

_**Chapter 32**_

 **Blaine's POV**

I couldn't stop staring at Sebastian. Most of the time it was just out of the corner of my eyes, since I didn't want him to realize I was doing it. But ever since the events in the bathroom at The Lima Bean three hours ago, I had this little voice in the back of my head that kept telling me to make sure he's still okay. I knew it was obviously irrational, but seeing Sebastian so…broken; it had awoken this gnawing concern for the younger boy. And no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't shake these anxious feelings.

"Do you really think it's safe for your brother to drive that distance in this weather?" Sebastian asked. He was sitting at the kitchen counter, eating ice-cream. Yes, actually _eating_ something.

I told him that I had done some research on Rumination Disorder, and the one thing I had found was that people's bodies reacted diversely to different kinds of food; and there was a good chance of finding something that he'd actually be able digest. He had decided to try ice-cream first, based on the research he himself had done. Apparently it was the go-to food for a lot of people with his condition.

"No, I don't think that at all. But he's switched his phone off, that or it's dead. Either way there's no way of contacting him right now. Although I did leave him a message that asked him to call me back as soon as he gets the chance." I replied as I stared down at the note that Cooper had left me:

 _Blaine,_

 _I've been trying to call you for the last two hours, what the hell is up with your phone?_

 _Anyway, Mom and Dad's flight was cancelled due to this weather, and I've gone to go pick them up. It's a pretty long drive there and back, and this storm might cause me to have to stay at a motel overnight or something, so don't expect us back before tomorrow night at the earliest._

 _I'm sorry to have to leave you so suddenly, but at least you're not alone. And speaking of you, Sebastian, you are to sleep in the SPARE room. NOT Blaine's bedroom._

 _Also I want you both to be careful, this is one hell of a storm. Try to avoid going outside._

 _See you soon._

 _Cooper._

"Blaine, you do realize that there are threats of windstorms going around, right?"

"What?" My head shot up.

"Yeah. According to this app on my phone, which finally started working again, they're warning people to be careful…especially on the roads." He explained.

I walked over to where he was sitting and looked over his shoulder. He wasn't kidding.

"But how are we only hearing about this now? Shouldn't this warning have gone out days ago?" I wondered out loud.

"It says here that although they usually catch the early signs, it's not always the case. Especially since it doesn't seem to be as serious as a tornado, it's probably only really strong wind." Sebastian said without removing his eyes from the screen.

"Strong wind can make someone lose control of a car long enough to cause an accident." I gulped.

"I shouldn't have said anything; it wasn't my intention to make you worried." He turned to me as I sat down beside him.

I ran my fingers through my hair and closed my eyes. _I should have been here sooner; I should have been here sooner_. That way I would have been able to talk him out of going, or maybe if that failed, I could have convinced him to take me with him. Because now he was alone somewhere out there in this weather, and there was no way to know if he's okay. "It's too late for that now." I sighed.

"Your brother is perfectly capable of taking care of himself, and if he had any doubts, any doubts at all, do you really think he would have done it? Do you really think that he would have attempted it?"

"Honestly? Yes. I believe completely that he would do something like that. My brother is arrogant, and arrogance can sometimes be deceiving, and therefore dangerous. And this isn't even about his driving skills; it's pitch black out there, with a thunder storm that's transforming into something even worse."

"Maybe, but don't you think he would just stop for the night if he senses that the wind was getting too bad? Even his note said that he might have to spend the night somewhere. And besides, who says that he doesn't know about the weather warnings?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I admitted reluctantly.

"Of course I'm right, I'm Sebastian Smythe." He smirked, but I noticed that it lacked the usual mischief in his eyes.

"You like referring to yourself in third person?" I smiled as I rested my cheek against my hand.

"It's what all the sarcastic assholes are doing these days; just trying to keep up with the times." He shrugged.

"Of course you are." I said absent-mindedly. My head was still swimming with thoughts of Cooper in this storm.

There was a stillness in the house as I continued to brood over the probabilities of my brother becoming seriously injured or paralyzed or losing a limb because some middle-aged truck driver had too much to drink and didn't see the stop sign right in front of him, causing him to crash into the left side of my brother's car.

Or maybe Cooper would be driving too close to the edge of a road that was neighbours with a dark and creepy forest who's main inhabitants were cannibals; then the wind would push the car an inch too far, and the vehicle would go spinning down the hill and stop as it hit the trunk of a century-old tree who happened to be the hideout of a particularly blood-thirsty family of wolves-

"Um Blaine, can I, uh, can I ask you something?" Sebastian said, bringing me out of my thoughts. And thank goodness for that.

"You don't need my permission to ask me a question, Seb."

"This question is pretty personal."

"It's fine. Anything to distract myself right now would be more than welcome." I smiled.

"Why did Kurt phone you?" He looked down at the counter as he spoke. I wasn't as surprised by this question as I should have been.

"Oh that. He heard about my parents getting divorced and he just wanted to tell me that he was sorry. We talked about other things too, but that was the reason for his call." I explained.

"Ah." Was his only response.

"But when I saw that you weren't coming back, I started to get worried, so I told him I had to go. He said he'd call me again tomorrow night." I tried to study his face as I spoke, but it was obstructed from my view. Nonetheless, I could tell that everything I said was making him uncomfortable. Or was it irritated? I couldn't tell.

This time he didn't say anything at all, just sat there quietly and stared at absolutely nothing. The same thing he always did when something was bothering him and he didn't want to talk about it.

"Okay, seriously, what is your problem with Kurt? Every single time he comes up in conversation, even when you're the one to bring him up, you go quiet and moody. I know that you two didn't exactly get along, but he doesn't even live here anymore, I don't see what bothers you so much."

"I know you don't. You never have." He replied as he started tracing random patterns on his arm.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I frowned.

"Can we please talk about something else now? I'm not in the mood for this conversation." Sebastian spoke slowly. As he fiddled with a rubber bracelet he was wearing, I couldn't help but notice the part of his wrist that he was exposing. The scar I saw there made me realize what I really wanted to talk to him about.

"Of course we can," I began confidently, but paused before I hit the punch-line, "I want you to tell me what's wrong with you."

This made him finally raise his head and look at me. His green eyes were swimming with questioning looks. "Excuse me?" He seemed offended.

"Earlier tonight you told me you were dying, but you never told me how or why. So I want to know...what's killing you?" I pressed.

He clenched his jaw and wore an expression that strongly resembled disgust before he stood up and walked to the other side of the kitchen, purposely turning his back on me. "Aren't I screwed up enough for you already?"

"Why would you say something like that?" I blinked in confusion.

"No Blaine, why would _you_ say something like that? You should know better than anyone how hard it can be for me to talk to people, especially about myself. But there are few things on this earth that I find as difficult as talking about the crap I've gone through. And yet, I told you. I told you things not even my own family knows. So why would you ask me a question like that?" He spun around and looked at me angrily.

I frowned as I tried to figure out what it was that I had said that could have offended him so much. I mean, maybe the way in which I had phrased the question had been a little insensitive, but he knew exactly what I meant. Not to mention he knew me well enough to understand the true intentions beneath my words. "Look Sebastian, I'm sorry if what I said upset you, but that was definitely not my objective. What's really going on here?"

Instead of replying he just continued to stare at me with a very unsettling expression; an expression I couldn't stand, especially when it was directed at me.

"Would you at least just tell me why you're mad?" I sighed.

"You just had to use those words, didn't you?" He shook his head.

"What words? What are you talking about?"

"If you don't know, then it doesn't even matter…" He turned his back on me again.

"I hate this," I groaned, "and before you even say it, no, I don't mean you. I mean _this;_ us fighting."

"Welcome to the real world, Anderson, people argue."

That made me go silent. He hadn't called me Anderson in weeks; what was up with him all of a sudden? Why was he acting this way?

I was just about to leave the kitchen and head up to my room to let Sebastian cool off; when something occurred to me. Something that made me stop in my tracks before spinning around and facing him again. "I finally get it." I announced, although it was more to myself than him.

"Get what?" He snapped.

"What you're doing. Or at least, what you're trying to do." I said as I moved closer to him.

"Well as much as I would love to hear whatever you're about to yak, I'm tired." Sebastian tried to walk past me, but was stopped by my hand grabbing his arm. His entire body tensed up at the contact, but he didn't try to break free of my grip.

"You're running away again."

"I'm trying to, but since you're currently assaulting me, it's not so easy." He replied sarcastically. This made me smile; he was finally returning to himself.

"I'm serious, Seb. I had almost forgotten that you do this." I pulled on his arm and forced him to face me again.

"Okay, now it's my turn to ask; what the hell are you talking about?"

"Whenever you open yourself up, even if it's just a little bit, and let someone else see the boy inside, the real you; you get scared. Whenever you let yourself get too close with someone; you get scared. Whenever you tell someone something personal, even if you didn't mean to; _you get scared_. Starting to see the pattern yet?"

"That crack you're smoking is past its expiry date." Sebastian finally tried to wrestle his arm out of my grip, but all these years of boxing had given me pretty good upper-body strength.

"Just calm down and listen to me, I'm not trying to judge you or accuse you of anything, I promise." I tried to assure him.

"Then let go of me." He narrowed his eyes challengingly.

"No. Now stand still and stop digging your nails into my hand." I grunted as I pried his fingers off of my own.

He gave a big sigh, but didn't fight me any longer.

"I get that you're afraid, I would be too. You've pretty much only ever been hurt by people that you care about, and stuff like that leaves internal scars," I turned his hand around and looked at his wrist before continuing, "and in some cases, external ones too.

And yes, Sebastian, I do realize that you've told me some really personal things, things that must have hurt like hell to talk about; so maybe you feel like you've told me enough, and I get that too. But I swear to you that when I asked you what's killing you it wasn't for some kind of sick morbid curiosity, it was because I've barely been able to think of anything else since you told me about it in the car earlier tonight.

Although I have a suspicion that you know this already; I have a suspicion that you only got mad at me because it's easier for you to be angry, than it is for you to be honest. You tried to push me away, just like you've done so many times before; I just never realized it until now." I spoke quietly as I slowly slid my fingers down his forearm and linked my fingers with his when I reached his hand. His expression changed instantly; just like I knew it would.

His anger and irritation vanished, only to be replaced by a mixture of uncomfortable and confused. I couldn't help but smile.

"What are you doing?" He narrowed his eyes again.

"Forget that. Listen to what I'm telling you instead; you don't have to do that with me. You don't have to feel scared. Because I swear upon my life that would _never_ knowingly hurt or judge you in any conceivable way. _Ever_.

I am begging you, Sebastian, please stop trying to fight with me. Stop trying to push me away, stop trying to distance yourself. Stop trying to convince yourself that I have hidden agendas, stop trying to convince yourself that being alone is better. Stop trying to be someone that you're not, because the person that you are is too damn amazing for words. Please stop punishing yourself for things that were never your fault, and please, _please_ stop hurting yourself.

I know that you think you have nothing to live for, that your will for life has long since disappeared, and maybe that's true. But then you have to go out and _create_ something to live for, and _find_ that will. And I'm going to be right here next to you until you do. I also cross my heart to protect you through it all, to never let anyone hurt you ever again. Okay well, maybe I can't really promise that last one, but I'll do it to the best of my abilities." I smiled warmly as I squeezed his hand.

"You don't have to do that, Blaine. I don't expect that from anyone."

"I know you don't. The only thing you seem to expect from people, is betrayal or pain. And that's the problem. So you have to make a promise to me right now, that you'll stop isolating yourself. You'll stop lashing out at me. You'll stop hiding behind your past. Promise me."

"That's not a promise I'll be able to keep."

"I know. But I need to know that you're going to try, that you're going to do your best to get better and move on with your life."

"There is no 'moving on'…I'm dying, remember?"

"No, you're sick. But that reminds me of the last oath I have for you; I will not let you die. I am going to do whatever the hell it takes, even if it means going against everything you tell me; I refuse to give up on you. I refuse to give up on a person who's already given up on himself." I insisted.

"Weren't you listening to a single thing I told you at The Lima Bean?" His anger was coming back.

"Of course I was. I was listening to every damn word. And that's why I absolutely rebuff the idea that this is what you were put on this earth for; to be hurt in virtually every way known to man, and then to die at the age of 17, never knowing the definition of happiness or love or family. That is not a life, that's hell. But I'm going to get you out, and I'm going to give you a taste of Heaven." I smiled again.

Sebastian studied my face as I spoke, but looked away when I stopped. He closed his eyes as if he were bracing himself for something. "It's heart failure, Blaine. I have heart failure."

My breathing stopped. I stared up at him in horror, which is all I could do right now, since my vocal chords seemed to be having some kind of technical difficulty.

"See? I told you that there wasn't anything you could do. It's incurable and I'm going to die." He tried to untangle his hand from mine, but if anything I only tightened my grip.

"Yeah, I know it's incurable, but that doesn't mean it's untreatable. You can live a perfectly normal life if you just have the right medicine." I told him shakily, since my voice was still recovering.

"Normal? Yeah right. My uncle had it too, he was born with it. He had treatment from age 4. _4_. He died at 27, after spending most of that time in a bed with tubes keeping him hydrated. I refuse to live like that."

"You don't have to. Just because the disease affected him that way, doesn't mean the same thing is going to happen to you-"

"I have two different mental disorders that have completely screwed up my immune system; I can barely eat any real food; I have congenital heart failure; and if a shrink were to do a mental evaluation, I'd probably be locked up inside an institution…do you really think I actually have a chance of a _normal_ life?" He snorted.

"Define normal," I smiled before I let go of his hand. Sebastian looked like he was just about to walk away, but before I knew what I was doing, I hugged him. His body tensed again, just like it had done when I had touched his arm.

When he saw that I wasn't planning on letting go of him any time soon, he moved slowly as he put one hand on my back and the other on the back of my neck. Despite this, his body was still rigid.

We stood there for about two whole minutes before I heard Sebastian let out a breath, tighten his arms, and finally relax into me. He rested his head on my shoulder and whispered, "You're weird."

I burst out laughing at the strange choice of words.

When I finally let go of him, I saw that he too was smiling. His real smile; the one that always seemed to light up the room.

I nearly jumped when I heard my phone start to ring. I reached for it instantly in the hope that it was my brother calling. My prayers were answered.

"Cooper? Are you okay?"

"Hi to you too. Of course I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, I heard about those weather warnings and I guess my mind wandered."

"Oh yeah, the wind was starting to freak me out a bit, so I stopped at a motel. I'll just stay here until tomorrow morning." It felt like a really large weight had been lifted from my shoulders at these words.

"Oh thank goodness." I breathed.

"What about you? You get home okay?" He wondered.

"Yeah. We just lost track of time."

"Well I gotta go, I need to get as much beauty sleep in as possible. See you soon, little brother." With that, he hung up.

"Well?" Sebastian asked.

"He's staying at a motel for the remainder of night." I explained with a grin.

"What I tell you? He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

"He's my brother, I'm supposed to worry."

"You worry about a lot of people." He sat down again and looked at me through long dark eyelashes.

"I guess I do. Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you when you start work at Scandals?" I re-took the seat next to him.

"Tomorrow. I have the day shift."

"I didn't even know they were open during the day." I frowned.

"Yeah well, fewer customers means less money, but I take what I can get. I work three days a week." He shrugged.

"What's the salary?"

"Well without tips-oh damn." He clasped his hand over his mouth and shot up, running in the direction of the downstairs bathroom. I let out a sigh. Obviously ice-cream was not the answer to his problem.

Remembering how hungry he had been after the last time he had thrown up, I got up and proceeded to make him coffee.

I had just spilled some boiling water on my hand when Sebastian came back into the kitchen. "Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!" I explained as I ran to the sink.

"You okay?" He asked, obviously amused.

"Yeah. What about you?" I turned to him.

"I'll have to get back to you on that."


	33. Chapter 33

_**Chapter 33**_

 **Blaine's POV**

"Let me guess: they're still not speaking to me?" I asked as I took a seat at my usual table in the Cafeteria.

"Afraid so. Apparently Jake saw you at The Lima Bean last night…with Sebastian. Now they kind of have a new theory about what's going on." Sam explained, refusing to meet my gaze.

"Oh no. Why do I get the feeling that this is going to be really bad?" I groaned.

"Trust your instincts, man. They uh, they think that you two are, you know, sleeping together." If he was avoiding looking at me before, he was now doing everything in his power to look at everything _but_ me.

"What?" My jaw dropped slightly.

"I don't think that, I know you too well. But I'm afraid that Artie and Wade got it into their heads that this is part of his plan to get your head out of the game, and possibly back into Dalton and the Warblers. They think Sebastian is taking advantage of your 'emotional vulnerability' because of your break-up or something." He shrugged.

"This is getting insane. Don't any of them know me at all?" I asked incredulously.

"I don't know. I think they're just overcompensating, you know, because of what happened with Marley at Sectionals. They're going overboard to make sure that we win."

"Okay, but how is shunning me going to stop me from re-joining the Warblers? I wish they'd just stop being so childish; I have enough to worry about as it is." I pushed the tray with my food away. I had suddenly lost my appetite.

"You mean your parents?"

I nodded, "They're coming back tomorrow."

"But I thought you said that they're going to finish that counselling cruise or whatever."

"Not anymore. They decided it's a waste of their time…they're just going to go ahead and get divorced." I sighed.

"Oh man, that sucks. I'm so sorry; I can't imagine what you must be feeling." He replied sadly.

"Thanks, Sam." I said feebly.

"So uh, what's going to happen to you now? I mean, where are you going to live, and with who?"

"They told me that the decision was up to me. I just haven't decided yet."

"Well if you need anything, you know where to find me." He smiled reassuringly.

I nodded and returned his smile.

"Wait, what's going to happen to Sebastian?" He frowned at the apple he was holding.

"What do you mean?"

"Is he still going to stay at your house? Will your parents be cool with that?"

"Yeah, I mean…" I suddenly realized that I hadn't given it any thought. They had both agreed to let him stay there (although reluctantly) whilst they were away; but will the same apply when they come back? It's not like they can just kick him out. Who would do that?

"…Blaine?" Sam cleared his throat.

"What? Oh yeah. I haven't really thought about it yet, but I can't imagine they would just throw him out. That's just cruel." I replied.

"Maybe. But they're going through a lot right now; they might feel like he's intruding or something."

"That does sound like my mom. But it doesn't matter, I won't let them. Not until we can find another solution for him." I stated firmly.

"Well he can count his lucky stars that he has such a loyal friend." Sam grinned.

"Sebastian isn't exactly the 'thankful' type." I chuckled.

"True," he agreed, then paused for a few seconds, "hey man, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly is going on between the two of you?"

"Nothing's going on between us, we're just friends."

"Are you sure? Because Jake said that he swore he saw the two of you holding hands."

"Well yeah, but it's not for the reasons you think. I was just talking to him about some stuff he's going through." I explained.

"Oh. By the way, is it cool if I come over to your house after school? My parents are going out with Stevie and Stacey, and I lost my key. So I'm kinda locked out."

"Sure, it'll be fun. I love Sebastian, but his cynicism gets…disconcerting at times." I grinned.

"You love him, huh?" Sam arched an eyebrow.

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes and shoved his arm, "my point was that it would be good to have some other company for a change."

 ****…****

"Seb, you here?" I asked as I walked through the front door with Sam right behind me. I waited a couple of seconds, but there was no response.

"He's probably still working then." I shrugged.

"Work? I didn't know he got a job. What does he do?" Sam asked curiously.

"He uh, got a job at Scandals. You know, the gay bar in West Lima." I replied.

"Ah. But isn't that a pretty dangerous place for a 17-year old to be working?" He wondered.

"I don't think so. He claims to have a very convincing fake ID."

"Hmm."

"So what do you wanna do?" I asked as I fed the goldfish.

"Anything's cool. Oh yeah, I forgot, Finn's been wondering why you're not showing up to glee club anymore?" Sam stretched out and sat down on the leather couch.

"With the stuff going on with my parents, I wasn't really in the mood to sing and dance with people who don't even want me there in the first place." I sighed.

"I get that. But you've worked so hard to get where you are, and with Regionals coming up, I just didn't peg you as the quitting type."

"It's not about quitting, Sam. Besides, Mr. Schue's wedding is this weekend, I honestly think that him and Finn have more important things to worry about than my absence."

"Speaking of which, have you even talked to Mr. Schue yet?" After several tries to get comfortable, he eventually just gave up and joined me at the kitchen counter, where I was checking my phone to make sure I hadn't gotten any messages from Cooper or my parents.

"Um, sort of. I just welcomed him back mostly."

"Well, in glee club, he kept wondering where you were; and eventually he said that he wanted you to sing a duet with-with Kurt." Sam pursed his lips.

My head shot up, "What? Why? He knows that we broke up."

"It's not really about that. And besides, you're the one who keeps saying that the two of you are still friends."

"Well, we are. But when you sing at a wedding, you're required to sing a love song, not a friendship song."

"So? It doesn't have to mean something for the two of you. Sing a platonic love song." He chuckled.

I groaned and dropped my head onto the counter. "Ow." I mumbled.

"Oh come on, Blaine, it's not that bad. Just imagine Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury instead of you and Kurt." Sam suggested.

"But I'm going to be singing with _Kurt_. And the whole time I'm going to be wondering if he's thinking about me, or his new boyfriend." I said the last word like it was the most disgusting thing on earth.

"Look, I don't mean to be insensitive or anything, but I think it's time that you move on. He obviously has."

"I know, I know. It's just, he was my first love; I just always imagined that he would be my last as well." I sighed.

"He still could be, just not right now." He said gently.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I don't want to think about how many times we've had this same conversation. I'm just being…I don't know."

"Don't apologize, man. That's what bros are here for." He nudged my shoulder, and I couldn't help but laugh at his words.

"Well I promise to stop with the sad talk. I want you to talk about you now, we've talked way too much about me." I turned to him and smiled.

"Um…" His eyes were scanning the room, which made me laugh again.

When I heard the front door open, we both turned to see Sebastian. I frowned at the way he was moving; something was weird.

"You two are _almost_ as attractive as me; you really don't have to keep staring." He said, giving us both a look.

"Why are you moving like that?" I asked him as I abandoned my seat next to Sam.

"Oh you mean the whole putting-one-leg-in-front-of-the-other? Yeah, it's called walking." Sebastian glared at me as he took a seat. I could have sworn that I heard him grunting as he did so.

"I'm serious." I crossed my arms over my chest as I stood in front of him.

"Can't you go and be Sam's mother instead? I'm tired."

"So what was work like?" Sam asked him, obviously wanting to change the subject.

"If you must know, it was tiring. But _fun_. Definitely fun." He gave Sam a mischievous grin when the blonde boy came to sit next to him.

Sam just blinked at him.

"Has your brother reached your parents yet?" Sebastian asked me.

"He should be getting there in an hour or so."

"I see…damn I'm hungry." He pulled a face and placed a hand on his stomach.

"Do you want some coffee?" I offered meekly. It was getting harder and harder to watch Sebastian like this, and more than anything I wished that he would let me help him. But his pride, ego, and whatever else was stopping him from allowing himself to get better, was hindering my ability to do anything.

"Why would he want _coffee_ when he's hungry? I mean, it's not like the guy needs to watch his weight." Sam frowned.

"No, he just- he has weird eating habits." I replied, completely avoiding Sam's gaze since I was pretty sure he'd be able to see I was lying.

"Blaine, whilst I appreciate what you tried to do, you are a really terrible liar. You know, it's fine, I trust that Balloon-lips here will be able to keep a secret."

"What secret?" He wondered.

"I have an eating disorder; well, two actually." Sebastian explained.

"Oh…wow. I'm sorry, man. No wonder you're so damn lanky." Sam grinned at him. I knew that he was using his smile to try and make Seb feel more comfortable, and I couldn't stop myself from breaking into a smile either.

"It's a gift and a curse, really." He returned Sam's grin.

A few hours later we were all in my bedroom, Sam and Sebastian talking under their breath about something, and me trying to finish my Spanish homework. After 20 minutes my curiosity had gotten the better of me, and I turned to the boys who were sitting on my bed and gazing at something on Sebastian's laptop, "What are you two talking about?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Sebastian winked.

"Nothing in particular." Sam shrugged.

I narrowed my eyes, but turned my attention back to my homework. I was only 3 questions away from being finished when I heard my phone ring, and just as I suspected, it was Kurt. I considered leaving the room to answer the call, but figured that neither Sebastian nor Sam would be particularly interested in what I had to say to my ex.

"Hey Kurt." I greeted brightly. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Sebastian's head shoot up. And he had a less-than-pleased expression on his face.

"Hi Blaine. You sound chirpy tonight." I could practically hear him smile.

"This is pretty much my usual over-the-phone voice; I think you're just comparing it to last night."

"Yeah probably. Speaking of which, did something happen? You didn't sound quite like yourself."

"I just-I just had some stuff on my mind, I guess."

"What stuff?"

When I was hesitant to answer, I heard him sigh and say, "Look Blaine, just because we broke up doesn't mean I'm not there for you anymore. I still consider you to be one of my best friends, and I would hope that you still perceive me in the same way."

"Of course I do. I'm glad you see it that way." Somehow it made me a lot happier to know that Kurt still cared about me. Well, obviously I knew it, but hearing him say it meant a lot.

"So if you need anything; anything at all, I'm here for you. Have you seen your parents yet?" He asked.

"No, not yet. Cooper left last night to go fetch them via car, since their flight had been cancelled because of the weather. They'll only be back tomorrow."

"Are you nervous?"

"Maybe a little. But they're still my mom and dad, even if they don't live together."

"Are you going to be staying with your mom?"

"Honestly, I think so. I mean I love my dad, I really do, but for now I think I need to stay here with her."

"What do you mean by 'stay here'? Is your dad moving?"

"He's considering it."

"Oh Blaine, I'm so sorry. That's going to be hard."

"It will. But I'll find a way to get through it." For some reason I felt a hell of a lot more confident about things when I was talking to Kurt.

"I know you will; because you're really brave. Braver than me. Oh crap, that's Rachel calling me; I have to go. I'm really sorry that I can't talk longer, but I'll see you at the wedding, okay?"

"Yeah, I'll see you. Oh by the way, Mr. Schue requested that we sing a duet together."

"Really? Well I think it'll be fun; I've missed singing with you."

"Yeah, you too. Bye Kurt."

"Bye Blaine." He hung up the phone.

"That sounded friendly." Sam noted. Him and Sebastian were both staring at me, only Sam's expression was a lot friendlier.

"It makes me feel better when I talk to him, even if it is over the phone." I replied, staring at the pen in my hand.

"Well I'm glad to hear that. I have to go now though; my parents are looking for me. But I'll see you at school tomorrow; and please come back to glee club already. See you around, Sebastian." Sam smiled, then headed downstairs. I heard the door open and close, meaning once again I was left alone with Sebastian.

As soon as Sam had left the room, Seb had diverted his attention back to the laptop. His body language indicated that he was less than happy with me. And although it didn't surprise me, since he always seemed to get like that whenever Kurt was brought into the scenario, it did bother me. I strongly desired to know what it was about my ex-boyfriend that bugged him so much. Why wouldn't he just tell me already?

"What are you looking at?" I asked him.

"Porn." Was his mumbled response.

I sighed and moved from my place at my desk, and took up the seat on the bed that Sam had been occupying. Sebastian quickly shut the laptop before I could get a glimpse of what was on the screen. This surprised me slightly, but I didn't ask any questions.

"What did he mean by 'back to glee club already'? Why did you stop going?" Sebastian finally looked at me.

"My head just wasn't in it." I replied.

"I don't believe that," he arched an eyebrow, "you haven't been going because of me. Because they're all still mad at you for being 'ignorant' or some crap like that."

"They'll come to their senses; it's only a matter of time. But yeah, I wasn't too thrilled by the idea of being almost completely unwanted."

"Trust me, I know the feeling. Just curious: what exactly do they think I'm going to do? Convert you into a double agent to take them down from the inside?" The corners of his mouth curled up.

"Something like that," I admitted, "apparently they've now got it into their heads that we, you and I, are uh-"

"Sleeping together?" Sebastian interrupted, looking highly amused.

"Yeah. It's like they've completely forgotten who I am." I fell backwards into a lying position. Sebastian repositioned himself so that he was lying right next to me. He moved closer to me than I had expected; his shoulder almost touching mine.

"Why? You a virgin or something?"

"I am not having this conversation with you, Sebastian!" I pushed myself away from him. He laughed, but didn't close the distance between us again.

"Oh my goodness, that's a yes! Wow, Mr. Anderson, I had no idea you were still so damn innocent." He smirked.

"I am not _innocent_ , okay? So can we please stop talking about this?" I groaned.

"Oooh, how intriguing. Feel free to share some juicy details." He blinked dramatically.

"Go away." I clasped my hand over my face. This made him laugh again.

"You know how I know you're gay? Because no straight gay can be such a girl." He chuckled.

"If I keep pretending you're not there long enough, do you think you might actually disappear?"

"Nope, still here. Why are you so uncomfortable?" He leaned in and spoke into my ear. My breath involuntarily caught in my throat.

"Maybe because you're invading my personal space?" I spoke through the hand that was still covering my face.

"There's that. But I personally think it's because you're attracted to me." He was so close to me that I could feel his breath on the side of my face.

"Seb, you think everyone's attracted to you. You're delusional that way."

"The gay boy doth protest too much." He chuckled.

"Go away." I said again.

"Why? Afraid you'll run out of self-restraint soon?" Sebastian grinned.

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of. I'll lose my ability to _not_ punch you in the face right now." I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh baby, you can't mean that." He made his voice higher, then started laughing too.

I rolled my eyes, and shoved him in the chest with my left arm. I hadn't pushed hard, but the grunt that erupted from him indicated that it must have hurt a lot more than I initially realized it would. When I turned to him, he was holding his hand over the place I had touched.

"I'm so sorry, Sebastian. I didn't mean to push that hard, I swear." I quickly sat up.

"No, it wasn't your fault." His voice was breathy as he spoke.

I frowned when I noticed that Sebastian still seemed to be in pain. There was no way in hell I could have caused him that much pain. Then what-

Something suddenly occurred to me.

"Seb, lift up your shirt." I said.

"Are you freakin kidding me?" He looked like I had just told him that he was fat.

"Do it." I spoke more forcefully.

"Is this the part where you rape me?" I could tell he was pissed off, but I didn't care. Not right now.

"Shut up and lift up your shirt, or I swear I'll do it for you." I didn't want to come out sounding so harsh or cruel, but I knew he wasn't going to cooperate if I didn't force him to.

He stared at me for a few seconds with a pained expression. My words had obviously hurt him a lot, although I didn't know why. Then again, there were a lot of things about him that didn't quite make sense. And more than once, I had gotten the impression that there was something he wasn't telling me. Like there was some big part of his life or his past that he was keeping a secret.

I realized what he was going to do only a split-second before he got up and attempted to sprint out of the room. This split-second gave me the opportunity to react at almost the exact second he moved.

He was almost out of the room when I reached from behind him and put my arms around his torso, preventing him from moving forward. His body went rigid. "Let go of me." He spoke through gritted teeth.

"No. What the heck is up with you? Why are you in pain?"

"Mind your own damn business!"

"You are my damn business! And stop yelling."

"Get your hands off of me."

"Why won't you just tell me the truth?" I asked in exasperation.

"Just let me go!" His voice was getting louder.

"Sebastian, just calm dow-" The intense flash of pain that suddenly struck my nose prevented me from finishing my sentence. I instantly let go of Sebastian and brought my hand to the wetness on my lips; I was bleeding. It took me a second to realize what had happened; Sebastian had hit me with the back of his elbow.

"Blaine, I'm so sorry." He looked just as shocked as I felt.

"Why did you do that?" My eyes were watering, it was mostly from the pain, but there was some emotional hurt mixed in there as well.

"I don't know, I just...panicked."

"Panicked? What exactly did you think I was going to do?"

"I don't know...nothing, I guess." He swallowed and looked at the floor.

"Nothing you _guess_? You might have just potentially broken my nose based on the assumption that I'd _probably_ not do anything to you. Is that what you're saying?"

"No, stop twisting my words." He rubbed at his eyes. Something about his demeanour was completely foreign to me; I'd never seen his body language like this. Not that I knew entirely what it was, but it did remind me a bit of a young boy who had played with fire and burnt himself.

"Then tell me in _your_ words, why did you do that?"

"Because-because you wouldn't let me go. I-I panicked."

"You already said that. But I want you to tell me _why_ you panicked." I stepped closer to him, but regretted it when I saw him cringe.

"I already told you, I don't know. I didn't do it on purpose." He still wasn't looking at me. I sighed and decided to just give up; he obviously had no intention of telling me anything. So I just turned around and headed to the bathroom to try and stop the bleeding.

I grabbed two tissues and held them against my nose, but it didn't even lessen the blood loss. Within seconds, both tissues were soaked. How is it even possible to lose so much blood through your _nose_?

"You should lie on your back. It's the best way to stop the flow." Sebastian suggested from behind me.

I didn't reply but I knew that he was right, so I grabbed the tissue box and headed for my bed. As soon as the back of my head touched the pillow, I felt a massive headache approaching. Great.

Despite the fact that I could no longer see, I was relatively sure that the bleeding was slowing down.

"How did you manage to get blood on your forehead?" Sebastian wondered as he came to sit next to me.

I just ignored him again.

He sighed and grabbed one of the tissues, then gently wiped my brow. If I had been childish, I would have moved away from him when he tried to touch me; but since I prided myself on being mature, and since I wasn't actually mad at Sebastian, I stayed where I was.

"I honestly didn't mean to hurt you. I wouldn't do that." He said softly.

"I know you wouldn't." And that was the truth, I really did believe that Sebastian wouldn't intentionally hurt me.

"Does that mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

"I wasn't angry to begin with. I just wanted to understand, that's all."

"One day you will; one day I'll have the strength to tell you…just not today. Not like this." He looked me right in the eyes, and I saw a variety of emotions flash through there. It was almost as if he was remembering something, something that hurt him to even think about.

"How is it possible that one person could have gone through so much pain in only 17 years of being alive?" I sat up slightly.

"I'm almost 18, remember?" He smiled sadly.

"Of course, how could I forget?" I smiled back.

"I never thought someone whose face was covered in blood could look so cute." Sebastian took another tissue and started wiping my cheek, then my chin, then the bridge of my nose (which he did gently), and lastly my upper lip. He then removed the bloody tissue that was underneath my nose, and used a clean one instead. "There you go, the bleeding stopped."

"Thank you." I couldn't help but grin as I sat upright.

"Don't thank me, it was my fault. I really am sorry, Blaine."

"I know you are, but if it would make you feel better, I know how you could make it up to me." I smiled innocently.

"Oh no." He groaned.

"Please Seb."

"Fine, you pervert, I'll take my damn clothes off for you." He scowled.

I ignored his choice of words and raised my eyebrows expectantly. When he saw that I wasn't going to change my mind, he heaved a gigantic sigh and slowly started unbuttoning his shirt. By the time he had finished the last button, his face had gone white and he looked like he might be sick. And when I saw what was on his chest, _I_ was the one who felt like he might be sick.

There wasn't an inch of skin on his torso that wasn't discoloured in some way. The white of his skin had been replaced by purple, blue, and red bruises. Well, the purple and blue were bruises, but the red was dried blood. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had a few cracked ribs.

"Wha-?" I breathed.

"Some guys, they-they cornered me. There were about 10 of them, I didn't really stand a chance. But they must have been professionals, since they didn't touch any exposed parts of my body." He explained as he stared down at the bed spread.

"Professional what? Psychopaths? Did you know any of them? Why would they do this?"

"No, I didn't know them. But I think I might know who sent them."

"Sent them? What do you mean?" I frowned.

"...never mind. You know, it doesn't matter." He turned his body away and was about to get up, but I placed my hand on his leg to stop him.

"Tell me, Sebastian." I urged.

"I think-I believe that those guys work for my father."


	34. Chapter 34

_**Chapter 34**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

Four Days Later

The first thing that went through my mind when I woke up was ' _thank goodness, it's Friday, I don't have to work today'_. As much as I enjoyed my job as a bartender at Scandals, having to stand on my feet for 8 hours straight wasn't exactly easy for someone who's never had to work a day in his life. Oh well, new experiences, right?

I checked my watch; it was 8:07, meaning that Blaine must have already left for school. I stretched my arms above my head as I sat up. I could hear Mrs. Anderson and Cooper in the kitchen, so I decided to stay in the room until she left for work in 20 minutes.

Just as I had expected, she wasn't thrilled about the idea of me staying here after she got back, but Blaine and even Cooper had been adamant that I had nowhere to go; that if she threw me out, she would literally be throwing me out on the street. She had agreed to give it a month, but by then I need to find another solution.

None of them knew that I had heard this conversation (I had mastered the art of eavesdropping) and I thought it best to leave it that way. I had appreciated that both Blaine and his brother had stood up for me like that, but I really hated being thought of as helpless; which is undoubtedly what Mrs. Anderson thought of me.

I didn't even know if she and I would get along, since I had done an outstanding job of avoiding her ever since she got back, but I knew I was going to have to talk to her at some point. Hopefully 'some point' isn't anytime soon. It wasn't exactly that didn't _want_ to talk to her, it was more like I didn't know _how_. Ever since I can remember I had been really bad at talking to girls… _all_ girls. Whether they were 80 or 8, I just didn't have a damn clue what to say to them. This was especially weird, since charming people was in my blood. I unfortunately inherited that from my father; who, by the way, was excellent at talking to just about anyone. I guess that's how he got to be State Attorney; by being really good with words.

I knew that Blaine thought I was afraid of his mother; that was his reasoning for my behaviour towards her. And I let him think this, because the truth was way more embarrassing.

I decided to go take a shower, even if just to pass the time. Even though the hot water always brought me pain when it streamed onto my chest, it was a good kind of pain. Then again, pain had always been something that I welcomed.

I finished getting dressed, and was about to go downstairs, when I realized that I had no idea where my phone was. After 5 minutes of searching, I found it hiding underneath the bed. I wanted to put it in my pocket, but I stopped when I saw that I had a message from Jeff:

 _Hey Seb, you won't believe this! Hunter is being demoted, they're stripping him of his Captain privileges…surprisingly enough, he's furious._

I frowned. I probably shouldn't have been surprised by this news, but I was. I had anticipated a long time ago that the school might request that a new Captain be elected, but when nothing happened, I'd just forgotten about it. Then a new thought struck me.

 _If he's being_ demoted _, then who's being_ promoted _?_

I figured that Jeff would be in class right now, so he wasn't going to respond any time soon. I went downstairs to find Cooper on the phone with someone. "Yeah, that sounds perfect. Do you think you could do it?" He was saying.

Since I didn't really have any interest in what he was saying, I just threw myself down on the couch and started flipping through the first magazine I could find.

"I know, I know. But do you think it's even remotely a possibility?" Cooper grinned at thin air. Whenever he did that, I cursed him for being the straight brother. He was just so damn hot it was unnatural.

"Thanks, man. Yeah, keep me posted." He hung up the phone and turned to me, "Dude, you realize you're reading a fashion magazine, right?"

"What?" I frowned and looked at the cover, he was right. Somehow I had managed to open it on a page where there was an article on different kinds of animal skins. I suppose that should have been a giveaway. I tossed the magazine away like it was contagious.

"Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you; have you tried eating custard yet? I have this one friend whose kid had a really bad stomach bug for like two weeks, and the only thing he could keep down was custard." Cooper asked.

"Firstly, I'm not a kid, and secondly, I don't have diarrhoea."

"I didn't say you were, or that you did. But come on, just humour me. I mean, what have you got to lose?" He shrugged.

"You mean beside healthy teeth? Dignity." I smiled sarcastically.

"You'd rather go hungry?"

"I'm always hungry, I'm used to it." I replied.

"Maybe, but how long do you think you can continue to starve yourself before you become anorexic? Or before your heart gives in? Or before your body starts attacking itself?" Cooper arched an eyebrow. I refrained from telling him that my heart was well on its way to giving up.

"As long as I can get away with it." I continued to smirk.

"Fine, if you won't do it for yourself, then please do it for Blaine. I don't think you realize how worried he is about you; it drives him crazy that you won't let him help you."

"It's nothing personal, I don't let anyone help me."

"No kidding, " he snorted, "but don't you think that Blaine deserves some kind of…I don't know, special consideration? After everything that's happened, that he's done for you, that he's had to go through _for you._ I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, I swear I'm not; but I just think it's time you give him a chance."

"A chance to do what exactly?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Help you. Save you. You name it."

"And what if I don't want to be saved?"

"Then it's all the more reason to do it. Look I gotta go meet someone, see you tonight." He gave me a half-hearted wave before heading out the door.

I sat there for a full 15 minutes before getting up and heading into the kitchen. Despite Cooper saying that he had no intention of making me feel guilty, that was exactly what he had accomplished. Then again, whenever I thought about Blaine, guilt was never that far off. So I took the damn custard out of the fridge and stared at for way too long before finally eating some of it. I was actually relieved that no one else was here, because then they would have been able to see how good it felt to eat something again.

I had to stop myself from eating everything because I knew that that would definitely guarantee me throwing up.

When I heard a message come through on my phone, I went to the living room and threw myself back on the couch. Just as I had hoped, the message was from Jeff.

 _No idea. The Principal encouraged us to hold auditions instead of just electing one of the existing members. A couple of the Warblers, including me and Nick, were selected to judge the auditions and decide who gets to be our new Captain. The only rule is that the decision has to be unanimous. If you want, you can come watch. Even Hunter and the rest of the Warblers will be watching; they're just not allowed to take part in the decision. Be at the school at 3:00pm if you're interested._

I considered this for a moment, did I actually give a damn who gets chosen to be the new Captain? I mean, yeah, I used to be a Warbler before I was expelled, but the key word being _before_. I was no longer part of their lives, and they weren't part of mine. But I suppose they had been the only element of my life that I actually liked, that I actually ever looked forward to. Should that count for anything? I don't know.

Maybe I should just go to see Jeff? He was after all my friend, and it had been a while since I had last saw him. I would never tell anyone this, least of all Jeff himself, but I actually did miss him. The way he always smiled and his constant positivity could get very sickening at times, but it was those very same things that I missed so much. I made my decision.

 _Yeah, sure. I'm bored anyway._

 ****…****

As I drove through the gates of Dalton Academy, I was filled with a sense of strange unfamiliar-familiarity. I had been here so many times before, but I had never felt more like a stranger. I even recognized some of the cars that were parked here.

It occurred to me that Jeff had never told me where they were holding the auditions, so I decided to try the Warbler practice room first. As I walked down the spiral staircase, I was suddenly reminded of my first day here. I had felt so out of place, since before that I had never been to a school that required uniforms. A lot of private schools, but never one with uniforms. Something else that had been foreign to me was the way that the boys smiled at me when they passed me in the halls or in the classroom. They were being nice to me, despite the fact that they didn't know me at all. Not surprisingly, I had taken an instant liking to this school.

Turns out my hunch had been correct, since I heard singing before I even reached the practice room. I didn't recognize the voice, but I did know that there was no way on hell he was going to become Captain of anything that had to do with singing.

I saw Jeff before he saw me; he was standing near the doorway, trying his best to smile at the guy who was standing in the centre of the room, giving what he probably thought was a good audition. "Hiya, Blondie." I grinned as I went to stand next to him.

His head spun around and he returned my smile, "Hey Sebastian. Thought you wouldn't show up."

"I cleared my schedule for this. I'm a really busy man, you know."

"I'm sure." He chuckled.

"Who is this guy anyway? And why the hell did you let him audition?" I nodded toward the guy was belting out the last few words of the song.

"We don't choose who gets to audition. Only who actually gets in." He explained as he tried to hide his grimace.

I nodded and looked at Nick as he suddenly appeared out of nowhere and spoke, "Thank you, Evan. That was…something," I heard a few people snicker; Nick glared at them, "Next up is Harry. Good luck." He smiled, then retreated into his former spot in the room. Another boy, presumably Harry, walked to the centre and started singing. I instantly noted that he was better than Evan, but still not Captain material.

"What do you mean by 'get in'?" I whispered to Jeff.

"Well, we are two members short, so we thought it might be a good opportunity to fill them. We'll pick two guys, one becomes Captain, and the other becomes a Warbler." He shrugged.

"I thought you'd already have replaced me by now." I frowned.

"You're not exactly easy to replace, Sebastian." He laughed.

"No argument here. Seen anyone you like yet?" I gestured to the group of boys in the opposite corner of the room. I assumed that those were the ones auditioning, since none of them looked familiar. Well actually a few looked vaguely recognizable, but that was probably because they had shared classes with me.

"No," Jeff groaned, "and we've already seen 6 people. I'm almost afraid that they're all going to suck." He quickly clasped his hand over his mouth and proceeded to look very guilty. "Please don't tell anyone I said that." Jeff whispered through his fingers.

"What's going to happen if none of them are good enough?" I wondered.

"We'll just promote someone that is already a Warbler, I guess."

"What about you?" I nudged his shoulder.

"Me? No way. I wouldn't know what to do." He blinked.

"Oh please, it's not that hard. I'll let you in on a little secret…all you have to do is pretend to have a clue what you're doing, and everyone will just go with it. I mean, look at me; I physically assaulted our competition. And Hunter, he forced us all to do steroids. Do you really believe either of us were good Captains?" I snorted.

"Actually yeah. You were both good, but you just didn't seem to know where to draw the line. Also, you shouldn't have treated the rest of us like slaves, you should have treated us like friends. That way we would have been a better team, enabling us to perform better together." He explained, leaning in slightly so that I could hear him.

"See? You seem to have it figured out already. I think they should just elect you and be done with it."

"That's only because you don't want us to replace you."

"True." I nodded.

I hadn't even noticed that Harry had stopped singing and walked back to the corner. Once again, Nick came forward, "Thank you, Harry. Now we only have 3 of you left," I couldn't help but notice how worried he looked, "Next up I'd like to welcome Dominic."

"You know what's weird? I'm the one who encouraged him to do this audition, but I have never heard him sing in my life." Jeff informed me as Dominic walked to the centre of the room. He immediately caught my attention.

"Hey everyone, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you what I'm going to sing, but since this feels a lot like _American Idols_ , I'm going to sing Somewhere Only We Know by _Keane_." He announced.

Mine weren't the only eyes that widened when he started singing. He was amazing. I wondered why they had even bothered to let anyone else audition; this guy was so obviously going to get the gig.

The room was completely silent except for the sound of Dominic's voice. No one spoke; heck, no one even coughed. I wasn't the only who was disappointed when his song finished. I wanted to applaud, but I knew that it was against Warbler 'tradition' to applaud anyone after an audition.

"Thank you, Dominic," Nick cleared his throat, "So next up we have Daniel."

I turned to Jeff, "I think it's safe to say he can sing."

"Yeah, no kidding." He grinned.

"I'm guessing that if you were the one who told him to audition, that you two know each other?" I asked him.

"Yeah, of course; we've been friends for two years."

I was about to respond, when I saw that Dominic was walking towards us. "I know you're not allowed to tell me anything, but how was I?" He asked Jeff.

"Oh, you know, you were so-so." Jeff's face went completely serious. Dominic went two shades whiter before Jeff burst out laughing and patted his friend on the shoulder, "I'm kidding! You were…I'm speechless."

"That either means I was good…or _really_ bad." His shoulders slumped.

"Well how do you think you did?" I asked him. He didn't look at all surprised by my presence; almost like he had been waiting for me to say something.

"Good. I think I did pretty well." He replied.

"Then why do you look so nervous?" I arched an eyebrow.

"Because I am nervous."

"But I thought you just said that you thought you did _well_?"

"Why do I get the feeling that this is some kind of trick question?"

Instead of replying, I just stared at him with a small smile on my face.

"Don't worry, Dom, you did great. You have absolutely nothing to worry about." Jeff assured him.

All three of us turned when we heard Nick's voice again, "Okay, that's everyone. If you would all kindly leave the room so that we can make our decision."

"Does that include me?" I asked Jeff.

"Yes. It includes both of you; and unfortunately it doesn't include me." Jeff sighed before walking towards his best friend.

Dominic followed me out, "Um, do you have any idea where I'm supposed to wait?"

"Nope, not a clue. But I'd suggest you do what they're doing." I replied indicating to all the other auditionees who were leaning against the wall in the hallway.

"Yeah, see, I knew that." He grinned.

"Uh-huh." I broke into a smile too.

He walked away from me and went to sit on the floor just across from the practice room.

For about three seconds I stood there wondering what I should do; I could either leave now, _or_ I could go and sit on the floor next to the really cute guy. This was definitely not one of those moments in life where you don't know what road to take.

Dominic looked vaguely surprised when I joined him, "I haven't formerly introduced myself, I'm Sebastian Smythe." I mentally reprimanded myself. I really needed to get out of the habit of saying my last name.

"I know who you are; it's nice to finally meet you. I'm Dominic Winters." He extended his arm and shook my hand.

"You know who I am, huh?" I arched an eyebrow.

"Please, Dalton may be big, but it's not _that_ big. Also, how can you expect to be inconspicuous when your father is our State's Attorney?"

"You have a point, I suppose. But uh, I don't like to admit that I'm related to him, so if you can spread a rumour that I'm adopted, that'd be great." I said.

When instead of replying, he just looked at me with a strange expression that somewhat resembled humour, I quickly wondered what I had said. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing. I just found it funny." He smiled at the floor.

"Found what funny?"

"That you want people to think you're adopted."

"Why would that be funn- oh crap, you're adopted, aren't you?"

He started laughing as he nodded. Something about his reaction made me laugh too.

"I'm guessing that they must be pretty rich if they can afford to send you here?" I asked.

"I'm guessing that you're not afraid to say what's on your mind?" Dominic was still smiling.

"You'd be guessing right." I shrugged.

"Yes, they are rich. But they're good to us, that's all I care about."

"Us?"

"My sister and I. Her name is Raquel. We're twins. Do you have any brothers or sister?"

"Yeah, a brother and sister. But I prefer to not think about the fact that I'm actually related to them." I explained.

"You really don't like your family, do you?" He blinked in shock.

I decided to choose my words carefully, since I was after all speaking to a boy who didn't have a family. I'd say that I would switch with him, but then that would mean he'd be the one stuck with my family.

"Let's just say that I don't share their points of view. We're very different people."

"That's code for something, I know it." He was smiling again.

"Did you ever know your real parents?"

"Nope. They dropped us off at the orphanage when we were about 2 months old. Maybe one day I'll try to find out who they are and why they did that, but for now I'm content."

"How old were you when you got adopted?" I asked him.

"15. It was just over three years ago." Dominic replied.

"That's a pretty unusual age to be adopted." I frowned.

"I know. But Mary and Richard, that's their names, were specifically looking for kids who are too old to have any chance of being adopted by anyone else. They did the same for about 5 kids before us; and they still keep in contact." He explained happily.

"Huh, that is pretty cool. Did you live at the orphanage before you got adopted?"

"Sometimes, but mostly we just got passed around through different foster families. Anyway, that's enough about me, now it's my turn to ask _you_ questions. Is it true that you were expelled from Dalton?"

"I'm not the only one who's outspoken, am I? Yeah, it is true." I nodded.

"How is it that we've never met? I've been going here for two years."

"Me too. You look familiar; I think I've seen you before." I neglected to mention that I actually knew exactly who he was; we had shared two classes together. His wasn't a face I could easily forget.

"Oh, I know you've seen me before. You spilled boiling coffee on me last year. I lost all feeling in my arm for about two hours." He chuckled.

"Oh…damn, how do I not remember that?" I laughed.

"Well I certainly hope you don't make a habit of throwing coffee on innocent bystanders."

"No, don't worry. You were my exception." I assured him.

"Good to know. So are you and Hunter friends? You know, Hunter Clarington?"

"I highly doubt there's more than one person in this school named _Hunter._ And to answer your question, we're more of acquaintances. Why?"

"He kind of scares me. It's why I didn't want to audition in the first place, because I was afraid he might eat me or something." He chuckled nervously.

I burst out laughing. "Don't worry, as long as you stay far away from him when the full moon's out, you'll be fine. But just in case, don't look him in the eye; I've heard rumours he's related to Medusa. Oh, and I once saw him rob a hospital blood bank." I grinned.

"Shut up," he elbowed my shoulder, "he went to military school and I don't even want to think about the many ways to maim people they would have taught him there." He grimaced.

"Don't be such a girl," I rolled my eyes, "the best thing to do with him is to stand your ground and earn his respect…because if you don't, he'll beat you up and ship you to Madagascar." I smiled innocently.

"Haha. I was only joking by the way," He laughed again, "the Clarington's are the ones who adopted me."

My jaw almost dropped, "Are you serious?"

"Yup. You should see your face right now."

"I didn't see that one coming. Wow, so you've been living with him for _three_ years?"

"No, not entirely three years. He was away at military school for most of the time Raquel and I have been staying there." He explained.

"Oh. Why did he go to military school in the first place? I've asked him before, but he just gives me a bunch of crap instead of an actual response."

"I'm not sure if I should tell you this…but I will. Apparently he went through a pretty _rebellious_ phase, and when it got to the point where he got suspended for starting a fire, his parents decided it was best to send him away to people who actually had a chance of getting through to him. And it must have worked; he is not the same emo boy I first met three years go."

"Emo? He went through an _emo_ phase?" I asked incredulously.

Dominic nodded.

I didn't get a chance to reply, since Jeff chose that moment to open the doors of the practice room and say, "Okay everyone, we have reached a decision. If you would all kindly follow me inside. You can come too, Sebastian."

I grinned as I followed him and Dominic.

"This part isn't fun for anyone, but unfortunately decisions have to be made and in this particular situation, it was up to us to make them," Nick was saying, "Now we appreciate each and every one of you who made the effort to audition, but unfortunately only one of you can be chosen to lead the Warblers. So, without further delay, the new Captain of the Warblers is…Dominic Winters!"

The whole room exploded in applause (minus a few of the auditionees and Hunter). Dominic looked shocked. I patted him on the shoulder.

"Wow, I-wow…thank you." He managed to say.

"We are very happy to have you," Jeff said, "but of course, since you have no previous experiences with leading a show-choir group, you will be mentored by our former Captain, Hunter Clarington; and if he'll agree, Sebastian Smythe." Jeff grinned at me.

I blinked in surprise but nodded nonetheless.

"Great," Nick took over, "we are almost done here, but there is one other thing. This year we didn't just lose one of our own, we lost two; meaning that there is more than just one slot to fill." At Nick's words, the auditionees perked up.

"Yup," said Jeff, "so that means we have to select one of you 9 to fill the last spot. I'm going to put you all out of your misery and just cut to the chase; Andrew, you have been selected."

The tallest auditionee broke out in an enormous grin and kept stuttering over his thank you.

"Congrats." I said to Dominic.

"Thanks. I'm still in shock to tell you the truth, I can't believe it; I'm going to be mentored by you and Hunter." His expression told me he was more nervous by that piece of information than excited.

"I can't believe it either; out of everyone they ask the two of us to do it. If you ask me, it sounds like a recipe for disaster." I grinned.

At that moment, Dominic got pulled away by a few of the Warblers, and I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. When I took it out, I frowned at the caller ID. It was my brother.

"What do you want, Elliot?" I wondered to myself why I had bothered answering it in the first place.

"There's something that I've got to tell you." I could tell he was as pleased by this conversation as I was.

"What? I'm busy."

"I don't give a damn. I don't think you know this, but when each of us were born, Dad opened up a college fund for us; now the money will only become when tangible each of us turn 17-"

"What are you getting at?" I frowned.

"Well, long story short, you just inherited $250 000."

It took everything I had to not drop the phone.


	35. Chapter 35

_**Chapter 35**_

 **Blaine's POV**

"Hey Mom." I said brightly as I walked through the front door and saw her in the kitchen.

"Hi, Blaine. Someone's in a good mood." She smiled.

"Yes; yes, I am." I agreed as I walked over to where she was standing.

"Is there a specific reason?"

"Not really. We just spent the whole of glee club rehearsing the songs that we're going to be performing at Mr. Schue's wedding reception tomorrow. Kurt and I were tasked with doing 'Just Can't Get Enough'."

"That sounds fun. How are things between the two of you?" My mom asked as she put some pasta into a pot of boiling water.

"It's…different, but the awkwardness is gone and we're still close friends. So I'm happy with our current relationship." I nodded.

"Do you still have feelings for him?" She wondered.

"Yes," I said reluctantly, "but I'm happy that we're only friends, it's a lot better than when he absolutely refused to talk to me. Maybe one day we'll get back what we had, and maybe we won't; only time will tell." I said with a shrug.

"Well I'm just happy to see _you_ happy. I was a little worried about you; you know with the divorce and everything."

"It's still an adjustment to not have Dad around the house anymore, but I'm trying to focus on positive things instead. It really helps."

"Yes it does. Have I ever told you how amazingly smart you are?" She gave me a big smile.

"Yes…but feel free to keep saying it." I grinned.

I was just about to leave the kitchen and head to my room, when something occurred to me, "Do you know where Sebastian is? His car isn't here and I know for a fact that he isn't working today." I asked my mom.

"I have no idea; the house was empty when I got home about 20 minutes ago. But I'm sure he'll be back soon." She shrugged.

"Yeah probably."

I once again turned on my heel to head upstairs, but this time I was stopped by my mother, "Blaine…we really need to talk about Sebastian."

I heaved a sigh before turning back around and facing her, "What's there to talk about? You agreed to give it a month, and it hasn't even been a week."

"I know, I know. It's just…I don't know anything about him. At all. He's somehow managed to completely avoid me ever since I got back, and I can't help but wonder why. Don't give me that look, there's something strange about that boy; I can feel it." My mom insisted.

"That is judgemental. There is nothing wrong with him, Mom."

"I'm not saying there is. But the fact of the matter is that I don't trust him." She put her hand on her hip as she looked at me.

"What the hell do you think he's going to do? Rob us? Kill us? You're right; he's probably bugged the house already and is listening in on our conversation right now." I replied sarcastically.

"There's no need for you to talk to me like that. All I'm saying is that I don't think he's a good influence, and maybe you two should stop spending so much time together."

"We don't! I have school during the day and he works; when he gets home, he's usually so exhausted he just goes to bed practically instantly. And why am I justifying how much time we spend together anyway? Since when am I easily influenced?" I frowned.

"I'm not saying that you are, Blaine. I just want you to be careful, that's all." She said.

"Be careful of _Sebastian_? You're being completely unreasonable." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Honey, when your friends stop talking to you because he's staying here and when the boy's own parents throw him out of the house, I can't help but feel that there might be a reason for that." My mom shrugged her shoulders defensively.

"I cannot believe that you just said that. His dad kicked him because he's _gay_! Does that sound like a good reason to you?"

"Wait, he's gay?" Her eyes widened.

My response was cut off by the sound of the front door opening and closing. Sebastian stopped dead in his tracks when he saw us. "I'm interrupting something, aren't I?"

"Yes," My mom replied at the same time as I said, "No."

Sebastian didn't hesitate for even a second before turning around and walking out of the house. I then proceeded to give my mom the foulest look I had ever given her before following Sebastian outside and making a point of slamming the door behind me.

I had to run to catch up to Sebastian, who had managed to walk all the way past the two houses next to mine. "Seb, would you slow down?"

He stopped dead in his tracks, causing me to almost walk right into him. "Blaine, I don't want to cause trouble between you and your mother. Whatever she told you, she's probably right."

"No, she isn't. But she just doesn't know you, that's all."

He turned to face me, "No one really does. But it doesn't even matter; I don't have to stay at your house anymore."

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"I got a call from my brother today," he began as he took a seat on a bench that conveniently happened to be around. I did the same as he continued, "And he told me that my dad had opened up a college fund for each of us, his kids, shortly after we were born. It became tangible when I turned 17." He explained.

"What?" I tried my best to act surprised.

"Yeah. I've inherited a quarter of a million dollars, Blaine." Sebastian grinned.

"That's amazing. That's really amazing." I breathed.

"I know! Now I can find an apartment, pay you back for everything and stop causing problems in your life."

"You're stupid," I poked his shoulder, "if you think I'm going to accept money from you. You're also stupid for thinking that you cause problems in my life. Unfortunately I can't stop you from finding other living arrangements, but I am really going to miss having you around all the time."

"Nah, you'll get over it. Maybe not as quickly as me though, since I plan on breaking my new bed in as soon as possible." He leaned over and nudged my shoulder with his.

"You are still so damn gross. Come on; let's go back inside, it's really cold out here." I rubbed my arms for emphasis.

"I don't think your mom's going to want me back."

"So what are you going to do? Sleep on this bench all night? Don't listen to her; she's just being overprotective or something. Besides, her and Cooper are leaving soon; my uncle is arranging a family reunion at his house this weekend, and they're both going. I of course have Mr. Schue's wedding tomorrow, so that counts me out." I explained.

"She thinks I'm an asshole, doesn't she?" He asked as we both got up and slowly made our way back to my house.

"She doesn't understand you. That's all there is to it." I shrugged.

"What were _her_ words?" Sebastian pressed.

"What does it matter what her words were? You shouldn't waste any of your attention caring about what people say…least of all mothers."

"Blaine, just tell me." He stopped walking.

"She said something about not trusting you, about you being a bad influence. But it's not true; not at all. So just forget about it, okay?"

"Hmm, who knew the myth about women being smarter than men was actually true." Sebastian said to himself as he continued moving. Somehow I got the impression he wasn't going to forget about it.

 ****…****

My mom and brother left for Philadelphia (where my uncle lived) a couple of minutes after Cooper had gotten home. I had been ignoring my mom ever since our argument earlier this evening, and Sebastian had locked himself inside the spare bedroom.

I had decided to go to sleep early that night, so by 11:30 I was already in bed. It only took me a few minutes before I had drifted off, eager for this night to be over.

I awoke to the sound of screaming. There was no doubt about it; it were coming from the room next door, and therefore Sebastian.

I jumped up and ran out of my bedroom and started banging on Sebastian's door. No reply. I then barged into the room and switched on the light, at which point my suspicions were confirmed: Sebastian was having another nightmare.

Just like the last time, he was writhing and tossing around in the bed. His eyes were shut tightly, an expression of pain on his face. He screamed again as I walked towards him, this time the words coherent, "No! Don't! Please!"

I wasn't sure what to do; something about the look on his face scared me. But it was fear for him, not of him. My mind was yelling at me to do something, to wake him up; but somehow my limbs refused to move forward. I stood and watched as tears started flowing from the corners of his eyes and he screamed again; this time louder than ever before. There were no words this time, but there was so much pain incorporated into that sound that it made me snap out of whatever trance I had been under. I ran forward and grabbed hold of Sebastian's twitching shoulders, "Wake up! It's just a dream, Seb. It's not real."

My words had the opposite effect of what I wanted them to; instead of waking up, he started crying even more. His entire body was shaking with his sobs, and I could feel tears stinging at my own eyes by now, and I was getting more determined to wake him up. "Sebastian Smythe, wake the hell up!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, but this made him cringe.

I suddenly knew what I had to do. I ran to the bathroom, grabbed a jug, filled it with water; all the while being kept company by Sebastian's whimpers. I ran back to the bed, messing some water on the floor in the process. I stood there for a couple of seconds, praying that he would wake up and I wouldn't have to do this. But when he cried out again, I waited for the second that he closed his mouth before throwing the jug's contents all over his face. He sat upright with a scream.

"Hey, it's okay. You were having a nightmare again, I didn't know how else to wake you." I knelt down in front of him.

"So cold." He stuttered. I couldn't tell whether the water streaming down his cheeks were tears or just normal water.

"Get out of the bed, it's really wet." I urged as I grabbed his arm and pulled him up. I could tell how unstable he was, so I kept my grip on his arm. "Where are your clothes?"

He gestured to a duffel bag in the corner of the room; he'd already packed everything away.

"Never mind, I'll give you something of mine." I tugged on his wrist, and he followed me as I left the room and went into my own. I let go of his forearm and started rummaging through my cupboard for something that would fit him. I could hear him shivering behind me, so I was rushing myself and getting anxious. Damn me for being so damn short.

Eventually the only thing I could find was a dark-red hooded jersey which I yanked out of the closet and presented to Sebastian, "Here, this'll fit you. Take off the wet stuff first."

He did as he was told, and I couldn't help but wince at the bruises that still covered his chest. The one's that had been indirectly caused by his father.

As he put on the jersey, I grabbed a towel out of the bathroom. I gave to him and told him he should use it to dry his hair. He nodded and proceeded to do just that, still without saying a single word.

"I really am sorry that I threw that water over you, I just really didn't know what else to do. I was panicking."

"Did I say anything?" Sebastian asked without looking at me.

"What?"

"During my nightmare, did you hear me speak? Last time you said you didn't, but I'm not going to buy that this time." He sat down on the edge of my bed.

"Yeah, I heard you. But you only said three words: no, don't, and please…that wasn't just a nightmare was it? It was a memory." I sat down next to him.

He didn't answer me; he just stared down at his hands. His silence was answer enough.

"When you spoke, were you talking to your father? Is that what you were dreaming of?" I felt terrible for asking the question, but I had restrained myself last time. Things were somehow different now.

Once again, his only response was no response at all. This time though, I wasn't sure what his silence meant; was I right, was it his dad? Or was it someone else? I prayed with everything inside me that it was the former instead of the latter. It seemed so cruel and evil that anyone had it inside themselves to hurt Sebastian.

"I'm sorry that I woke you, Blaine. I've never had those things so close together before," Sebastian said softly.

"Don't be sorry. I'm just sorry you had to go through that."

"Through what? Having a nightmare? Everyone has those."

"I've never had one like that before. I think most people would tell you the same. Seb, I didn't want to bring this up before, but now that you have the money you don't have an excuse any longer; you need treatment, medication and…therapy." I said the last part as a whisper, hoping it would cushion the blow. But I knew it wouldn't.

"You mean a shrink? You think I'm crazy?" He looked at me with hurt in his eyes.

"No, Seb, I don't. I think you've been through a lot of crap, more than a lot of people your age. And you know, things like that can be very damaging to the mind and a person's emotional system." I explained, being very careful to choose my words.

"Thank you, that's such a great way of saying I belong in a mental facility. At least you're honest, right?"

"Stop saying things like that. You are not crazy, and nor do I think you are." I said forcefully.

"Then if I'm not crazy, what am I? Messed up? Screwed up? Broken? How are any of those things better? Because I can never, I will never recover from this. I will never be me again…I will never be whole again." This time I knew that it was a tear making its way down to Sebastian's jaw.

"But why can't you just keep being you? The one you are right now. Why do you have to go back to being the boy you were before you turned into the amazing man you are now? The things that happen to us, both the good and the bad, are the things that not only shape us but also teach us and make us stronger, braver, smarter. And you Seb, happen to be one of the strongest, bravest and smartest people I have ever met." I smiled and put my hand over his.

"I'm not that strong…or brave. I'm actually just a coward." He sighed.

"Why do you keep saying these things about yourself? You need to stop putting yourself down, because none of the stuff you say is true."

"No, Blaine, if you knew some of the things I've wanted, _want_ to do, you wouldn't be saying that."

"Tell me." I urged.

"When I woke up in the hospital after you and Sam and Hunt and Jeff saved me, I hated all four of you. I was so angry. It felt like you had taken something from me, not given me something back. I wanted to rectify that right there and then in that hospital bed; but then I found out that you were all waiting for me, waiting to see if I was going to be okay. I couldn't do it. So I then decided to wait until I got back to Dalton and I would find a gun and shoot myself or something," I winced at these words, "but then Jeff had to go and try to be my friend. And I of course had to go and give a crap about the kid, which is the point at which I called you to come help me talk to him. And then you had to go and offer your house to me, which still doesn't make sense to me since you're supposed to hate me-"

"Is that why you kept getting offended whenever I said that you were my friend?" I interrupted.

"I wasn't really offended, it was more like I thought you were playing some kind of trick on me, but yeah, that's why. Anyway, then _Sam_ had to come looking for me because he wanted me to take you up on your offer-"

"He was also worried about you."

"I know, that was the problem. Then I had to go and let myself be convinced to let you go with me to my house, I still have no damn clue why I ever agreed to that; because I was right, it was a terrible idea. I hated myself even more when my dad pushed you around and I just stood there…you call that being brave? And don't even say anything, that was a rhetorical question.

I couldn't believe it, when you beat up Elliot _and_ my dad…for me. You could have left, but you didn't; you stayed. And you still somehow wanted me to stay at your house, I just didn't have it in me to refuse anymore. And things just got worse from there. I had honestly hoped that your brother or parents would forbid you from letting me stay at your house, because that would have made it easy, you know? That way you would have to stop being so nice to me, that way you would have to stop treating me like I actually deserved to be treated kindly. That way I could stop feeling like I owe you. But they never did, and you never did.

You know the ironic thing? Someone who's never heard the words 'I love you' coming from someone else's lips, doesn't ever really want to hear it. It's just too confusing. Because I heard my mom say it to Elliot and Olivia, but never to me. You know, I just assumed it was because there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't normal, that I _deserved_ to be treated that way. But then you kept insisting that you care about me, and it took me a while before I actually believed you, but when I did, I felt like crap. Everything just became too confusing and I didn't know what to think or believe anymore." He stopped momentarily as he wiped a tear with the back of his sleeve. I felt just like I had felt in The Lima Bean's bathroom; I wanted him to keep talking and stop talking at the same time. I knew that it was important for him to get this stuff off his chest, but at the same time it really hurt to listen to him talk about it. I tilted my head until it was resting against his shoulder as I waited for him to continue.

"You wanna know why I got so angry at you when you tried to get me to talk about my past? Because of how much I actually wanted to. I was terrified that I would tell you and you would find me disgusting or insane; or even worse, you would pity me. But either way I was afraid that you would look at me differently and I would…lose you. Then you got me to do it, you got me to talk. And you looked at me the same way you always did. I couldn't believe it.

But then when Tina was so surprised to see me, I realized that you hadn't told anyone but Sam that I was staying here. That made me doubt everything all over again."

His words cut through me like a knife, he was right, after the constant claims that I was his friend, I had treated him like crap. I hadn't told anyone that he was staying with me because I was….what? Ashamed? No, it wasn't that. I was scared of what the people in the glee club would think of me. I had been a coward. A mean a coward because I had never given any thought as to how Sebastian must have felt through all of this.

"There are no words that could possibly describe how sorry I am for that, Seb. That was really unfair of me, and I should have considered your feelings." I told him softly.

"I know you are," he moved his head down until it was resting on top of mine, "I didn't mean to make you feel guilty. I was going to say that after seeing Tina's reaction, and everyone else's too, I realized why you hadn't told them. Then I felt really terrible that I was causing a wedge between you and your friends, and there was nothing I could do to make it right."

"At which point did you stop wanting to kill yourself?" I asked.

"That's kind of my point, I never did. Through everything, there were still moments when I hated you so much for what you and Sam did. There were moments when I had such a strong urge to walk outside and jump in front of a bus…but you stopped me. Knowing that you cared, that you wanted me to keep on living, that you believed I had the strength to get over this, is all that kept me alive.

That night I told you that I was dying, when I ran into the bathroom, was the closest I had gotten in a while. I felt so damn alone, so damn worthless, I just couldn't take it anymore. I hated you so much at that moment, and not just because I was alive but because you were the only thing standing in the way of me ending my suffering. But then you let me talk to you…you told me you love me. Ironically, it made me miserable. Something I had wanted for so long was finally given to me, and I didn't want it anymore."

"Why not?" My eyes were closed as I rested against Sebastian. I couldn't see, but I suspected his were as well.

"Because it scared me, Blaine. I promised myself a long time ago that if I was ever to protect myself, really protect myself, I can't allow myself to get close to someone; bad things always follow. When someone you care about hurts you or betrays you, it hurts a hell of a lot more than when it's done by someone you don't give a damn about. And I've been betrayed by every single person I've ever let myself get close to, every single one. In one way or another, they took parts of myself away from me, parts that can never be replaced. Why do you think I only do one-night stands? No commitment, no feelings, and therefore no one gets hurt. It's simple. But lately, nothing's simple anymore."

"Why do I feel like all this stuff you keep feelings, the pain, the doubt, even the self-loathing, is my fault?"

"No Blaine, you're not listening to me. You're the reason I 'm able to get up in the morning, you're the reason I finally know what friendship actually feels like, you're the reason I want to be a better person, you're the reason I want more in life, you're the reason I got a job, you're the reason I had the courage to finally leave my family, you're the reason I want to get better, and you're the reason that I can finally admit that I love you."

"I love you too, Sebastian." I whispered since I was afraid that if I spoke out loud, my voice would crack. I wiped at the tears in my eyes.

"I think I just climbed three numbers on the gay scale. I need to sleep." Sebastian mumbled as me moved away from me.

"Yeah, me too; I have a wedding tomorrow." I agreed.

"I'll take the couch; the bed will still be wet." He said and headed for the door.

"No, Seb, it's too cold to sleep on that couch. Just take my bed, its big enough for the both of us." I smiled.

A look flashed across his face, a really dark look, but it went away so quickly I figured it must have been my imagination.

"Okay." Sebastian nodded. He closed the door and waited until I had gotten under the covers before joining me on the opposite side of the bed.

I was almost half-asleep when I noticed that Sebastian was still shivering; this really bothered me, since I knew that one of the side effects of heart disease was a weaker immune system, and I was worried that he might get sick. So I turned around and faced him, "I can help you get warmer, but you have to let me and not freak out, okay?"

"You're not going to tell me to take my clothes off, are you?" He replied.

"Um, no." I moved closer to Sebastian until our bodies were practically touching. I then rested my head next to his shoulder and put my arm on his mid-section. I could almost instantly hear his teeth stop chattering.

"This is weird." He said, but I could hear him smiling.

"Shut up and go to sleep." I mumbled, closing my eyes.

"Whatever you say, Dobby." Sebastian chuckled silently.

"You know what; suddenly I really want you to die of hypothermia."


	36. Chapter 36

_**Chapter 36**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

The hot rays of the sun woke me up. The light was creeping through the partially-open curtains and settling right on my face. I groaned and opened my eyes. The first thing I noticed was Blaine fast asleep right next to me. His head was on my shoulder and his arm was draped around my torso; the light of the sun made his olive-skin look golden and his dark eyelashes even longer.

My lips curved into a smile as I craned my neck to get a better look at him. Something inside of me wanted nothing more than to touch him right now; but I didn't. Instead I looked at his watch that was on the end-table next to his bed, and sighed when I saw that it was later than I thought. I knew that I needed to wake Blaine up, or he might not be ready in time for the wedding.

"Blaine, hey wake up," I said in a low voice as I gently shook his shoulder. He mumbled something incoherent as his eyes fluttered open. As soon as he had shifted his position an inch away from me, I sat up and stretched my arms.

"What time is it?" Blaine yawned.

"Just past ten." I replied.

"Oh crap. I need to shower." He jumped out of the bed and ran into the bathroom. I chuckled when I heard a noise that strongly resembled that of someone slipping on a tiled floor.

I was halfway downstairs when a thought suddenly struck me…I never threw up yesterday. I ate something and I kept it down. Cooper is a genius. If he wasn't straight, I'd ask him to marry me. Ah hell, I'll ask him anyway.

I went straight to the fridge and ate a spoonful of custard. It tasted even better than yesterday. But I knew I was still going to have to be careful, at least for now. The first thing I'm going to do after I get an apartment, is find a shrink who can help me eat again. That is a weird sentence.

I headed over to the kettle to make my breakfast of choice: coffee. Well, it's probably more like breakfast of _have no other choice_.

I almost spilled boiling water over my hand when I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. _Had I slept with that thing in there?_ I smiled when I saw who the text was from.

 _Hey Sebastian, it's Dominic, although I'm pretty sure your phone comes with the ability to save contacts, so I suppose you already know that_. _Anyway, Hunter and Nick keep insisting that my 'mentoring' start immediately, and they (not I) were wondering if you were free today? Please say no, I think Hunter's just looking for a valid excuse to verbally abuse me; he's been giving me the evil eye since yesterday._

I laughed. It was really ironic that the new Captain of the Warblers happened to be the adopted brother of the former one. I thought about this for a moment, was I really in the mood to mentor someone today? No, not at all. But hey, getting on Hunter's nerves could be fun and it's not like I have anything else to do. Well besides house hunting. I replied with,

 _Sorry to disappoint you, but watching Hunter verbally abuse you and give you death stares actually sounds like a hell of a lot more fun than my original plans for the day. No offence; it would just be fun to see him glaring daggers at someone besides me for a change. So where and when should we meet?_

"Which one?" I looked up to see Blaine at the base of the staircase, holding a tie in one hand and a bow-tie in the other. But my attention was focused on Blaine in his black-and-white tuxedo.

"Well, well, well, who knew a hobbit could look so good in a penguin suit?" I smirked.

"Would you please answer the question?" He gave me tired look.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the toadstool. The tie, it sort of makes you look taller."

"You're a jerk." Blaine said with a smile before he came to join me in the kitchen. I handed him the cup of coffee I had made for him earlier.

"Aren't you just the sweetest little birdie?" I smiled innocently.

"Bite me." He mumbled as he swallowed a mouthful of the warm liquid.

"When do you have to be at the church?" I asked him.

"In about 30 minutes." Blaine shrugged.

"How are things between you and the rest of the merry glee club?" I put my finger inside the fish bowl and tried to pet the fish, but every time my finger came close, both fish would swim away like their lives depended on it.

"It's better now. Everyone decided to put aside their differences and focus on the wedding this week. For a little while there, I think they all kind of forgot that they were mad at me." He replied.

"You do still realize that they have no reason to be, right? The way they're treating you isn't fair; you're not the bad guy in this scenario. That part belongs to me, and to the one's unfairly judging you for letting me manipulate-I mean convince you to help me."

"Very funny. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten anything. But I'm not going to hold a grudge when they finally come to their senses. I miss them too much." Blaine sighed.

"I think that'll happen pretty soon. When I find an apartment and move out, you can tell them that you kicked me out. They'll love you again." I heard my phone buzzing and looked around for it until I found it on the counter. It was another text from Dominic,

 _If you think you've been exposed to the worst of Hunter's glares, wait until someone (me) wakes him up at 6 AM on a Saturday. Once he actually had red lasers shooting from his eyeballs…yeah, we had to get him special glasses, like Cyclops from X-Men. I wish I was kidding about that. But fine, if you really want to spend your Saturday sitting in a corner whilst my lovely brother tells me how I'm going to bring the Warbler name to shame, then come to my (Hunter's) house any time you want. I'll send you the address now, I just have to double check it first._

I chuckled at Dominic's obvious tendency to over exaggerate and put the phone back down. When I looked up, I noticed that Blaine was watching me with a vaguely amused expression on his face.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Who was that from?" He arched an eyebrow.

"Tom Cruise. Yeah, he wants to start a support group for terminal shortness. He's thinking of calling it BAA…stands for Blaine Anderson Anonymous."

"I think you're right, I am going to tell my friends that I kicked you out. Only, I won't be lying." He glared.

I laughed. "You do that."

"I suddenly realized how late I am. I'll see you when I see, Sebastian." Blaine tried to suppress a smile, but failed miserably.

"Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I grinned.

"There is absolutely nothing that you wouldn't do." He paused in the doorway to look at me.

"You have a point. Don't do anything a nun wouldn't do."

" _Goodbye_ , Sebastian."

"Bye, Blaine." I said to an empty house. Knowing where he was going made it really hard to watch him leave.

 ****…****

The size of the Clarington house probably shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did. From the driveway it looked to be about 2 storeys that had roughly 15 or so rooms, but it could have been more. There was an Olympic-sized swimming pool in the back, with an outdoor Jacuzzi 10 feet away from it. I had known that Hunter's family was rich, but this exceeded even my expectations. I parked my car next to a black Mercedes and headed up to the front door. It took me way too long to decide between ringing the doorbell and just knocking on the front door, but I eventually settled on the former.

A really pretty teenage girl answered the door. Her hair was a golden brown, just like Dominic's, so I assumed that she must have been Raquel. Her eyes were also the same shade of blue as her brother's. "Hey," She smiled, "You must be Sebastian. Come in."

"Thanks." I said as I stepped inside. My eyebrows went up at my first good look at the inside of the house. I was used to grandeur; I had grown up with it. But somehow I had never pictured Hunter living in a place like this.

"Yeah, it's really big, I know," She chuckled, noticing my stares, "I'm Raquel, by the way. Dom's older sister."

"I thought you two were twins."

"Oh, we are. But I'm five minutes older." Raquel grinned.

"No, you are not. We have no idea which one of us was born first." Dominic appeared from behind me.

"People say I look older."

"Older than you were three years ago? I agree," Dominic gave his sister a look then turned to me, "Hey, thanks for coming. Wanna meet my parents, Mary and Richard?"

"Sure. But I feel like I have to warn you, I have yet to meet someone's parents that _don't_ dislike me." I chuckled.

"I find that hard to believe. Come on." He gestured for me to follow him. As we walked under the staircase into another section of the house, I kept glancing around at the photos, trophies and awards that lined the walls. The only pictures and awards that were up for display at my house were those of my father, grandfather or uncles. And now as I saw a picture of a little boy with a huge grin that could only belong to Hunter, it made me wonder if my family even had pictures of me when I was little. Sure, I had class pictures from different schools, but those contained at least twenty other children. The pictures that were taken on picture day were always thrown away by my parents. How had none of this never bothered me before?

"Mary, Richard, this is Sebastian Smythe. Sebastian, these are my adoptive parents." Dominic smiled at me. Mary and Richard were both attractive people and looked to be around 45 or so. Contrary to what I would have believed, Hunter looked way more like his mom than his dad.

"Hello." Mary smiled at me.

"It's very nice to meet you, son. Did Dom say your last name is Smythe? Is your father by any chance William Smythe?" Richard asked me. I considered saying yes, but then decided against it instead. I no longer wanted to be associated with that man.

"No, that's not my father." I replied.

"Oh yes, now I remember that he told me only had one son; Elliot, I think his name was. So I hear you were the Captain that had to stop down when my son joined the Warblers last year?" His enquiring smile was friendly.

"Um yes, but they needed a new leader anyway. I had a tendency to take competition a little too seriously." I smiled back.

"I would say Hunter suffers from that very same, uh, problem." Mary said.

"And they have to mentor me." Dominic grinned.

"Hey, I told you it was a bad idea." I laughed.

"I never disagreed. Speaking of which, we should probably get started." He suggested.

"It was nice to meet the both you." I said to Hunter's parents before following Dominic out of the room.

"They seemed to like you," He said as he headed upstairs. I followed. "But how come you told Richard that William Smythe isn't your father? Everyone knows that he is." He wondered.

"Like I told you, I don't like to acknowledge my relation to him. I'd rather just say I was a child of spontaneous conception." I shrugged.

"Who wouldn't believe that?" He chuckled, "Hunter isn't back yet, so I want you to actually teach me something before he gets here." Dominic lead me into what I presumed was his bedroom. It wasn't at all like I would have pictured it, the walls were painted dark blue; posters of _Evanescence_ , _Kiss_ , _Seether, 30 Seconds To Mars, Linkin Park_ and _Imagine Dragons_ lined the walls; his bedspread was black, and so were his curtains. This was the first time that it occurred to me that maybe Dominic had some things in his past he too would like to forget.

"I know it seems kinda…dark, but I just really like the colour black. I'm not a serial killer or anything, I swear." He laughed nervously.

"I like black too. Although, I might have been a little afraid if everything was red." I grinned.

"Then it's a good thing I got my room redecorated last week," his face went serious before he burst out laughing again, "Okay so, uh, mentor me." He stared at me expectantly.

"No pressure there. Well I never really had anyone tell me how to lead a show-choir group, and thinking back to some of the stuff I got myself into, I'm thinking that's a bad thing. My point being, I'm not really sure what to do; I had been hoping that Hunter would be here, that way I could disagree on everything he tells you. We would then just start yelling at each other, say some things about the other one's face and our posteriors; yeah, then it just gets ugly." I shrugged.

"Well as fun as that sounds, how about you just give me some tips and pointers on how not to suck." Dominic took a seat on his bed.

"Um, okay. If you don't want to suck, then I guess the best thing to do is to blow." My face was serious as I sat down beside him.

His instant reaction was a look somewhere between amused and disappointed. He arched an eyebrow as he continued to stare at me.

"Bad joke," I said feebly, "I'm going to tell you the same thing that I told Jeff yesterday; you have to make everyone else think that you know what you're doing. I mean, even when you have no freakin clue what the hell you're doing, the best thing to do is to make others believe that you do."

"But what if that thing you're doing ends really badly and it becomes obvious that you were bluffing?" Dominic asked.

"Then you just hold your head up high and get right back on that horse. I made the mistake of exploiting my position and Hunter did that too, so it's up to you to break that cycle." I said.

"What do you mean?"

"Gain their respect; make them trust you. That way, even when you do mess up, they'll know that you didn't do it on purpose. That way they'll stand by you. Be their friend, not their enemy. I learnt that the hard way." I explained.

"Okay, I think I know what you're saying. But something just occurred to me."

"What?"

"It's not that long before I graduate. I'll only be Captain for a few months, and since we've already been disqualified from competitions, there isn't going to be all that much to do." He sighed.

"You've only been disqualified from Sectionals, and therefore Regionals and Nationals; but that doesn't mean there aren't less official competitions you can take part of. Trust me; a lot can happen in the matter of a few months." I smiled slightly as I thought to where I had been only two months ago.

"You're right, I'm looking at this the wrong way. I should be thinking how much I can get up to before I graduate." He grinned again.

"That's the spirit." I agreed.

There was a few seconds of silence before Dominic broke it, "Hey, can I ask you a personal question?"

I shrugged. I didn't like answering questions about myself.

"I heard that your family, uh, kicked you out…is that true? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, it was an insensitive thing to ask."

I considered this for a seconds, "Yes, it's true. When my father heard that the school was expelling me, he said he'd had enough of me and threw me out. But honestly, I'm just happy to be done with him and the rest of them too."

He didn't say anything, just nodded.

"Now it's your turn to tell me something personal." I smiled mischievously.

Dominic looked at me, then down do the bed as if he was contemplating something. He then looked up at me and said, "I once shot a man."

I kept my expression even as I looked at him.

"He was my foster dad when I was 12. Most of the time he was fairly decent towards us; us being his foster kids. There were four of us including Raquel and I. Anyway, one day he got really bad news and started drinking like a maniac; by noon he was pissed. I still remember I was reading a book whilst the other three were playing in the living room. I don't really remember what they were doing, but they were making a lot of noise, like kids do. And this guy, Damien, he got angry and in his drunken state thought it was a good idea to grab a gun and point it at the kids. He was yelling at them to shut up but they were so scared of the gun that they just started screaming. I could tell that he wasn't stable, and I was afraid that he would shoot one of them, so I ran at him and started wrestling him for the gun. I still don't know exactly how it happened, but the next thing I knew, he was lying on the floor bleeding. He didn't die, but he is going to be paralyzed for the rest of his life." Dominic explained.

"Do you feel guilty about it?" I asked.

He paused before nodding his head slightly. "Maybe a little; I know he would never have done something like that when he was sober."

"Don't be so sure." I said sombrely.

"Why would you say that?" He frowned.

"Answer me this: would you ever, drunk, sober or high, point a gun at a little child? Or anyone, for that matter, if you had no valid cause?"

"No. No, I wouldn't. At least not while I'm in my right mind."

"Alcohol just kills your inhibitions, not your own personal morals. It can't make you do something you're not emotionally or mentally capable of doing. Trust me, I know a lot about people who use being drunk as an excuse; hell, I used it as an excuse _for_ them. But then…I guess I grew up and reality slapped me in the face. And then I wished I could go back to my ignorant beliefs, but it was too late." I shrugged.

"You know what I can't figure out? Whether you just think you know a lot, or if you do actually know a lot." His lips curved into a smile.

"Definitely the first one." I grinned.

"You know, I don't think so. I think you've been through a lot…which is saying something, since you're not even old enough to vote yet." Dominic smiled solemnly.

"I've had a fairly active life, yes." I agreed, although I doubted that he meant it as the joke I did.

"You know, if it hadn't been for my sister, I would have tried to kill myself…too." He said the last part softly.

It didn't take me even a millisecond to catch on. "Who told you? Who told you?" I said slightly louder than I had initially intended.

"No one had to, Sebastian. I was there that night; I saw you being loaded into the ambulance. It wasn't all that hard to put two and two together." He explained.

"Why would you bring that up?" I had half a mind of getting up and walking out of here right now; I was not in the mood to be judged again. And yet…there was something about this guy's courage that intrigued me. I had never met anyone who had the nerves to ask me something like that so bluntly. It made me wonder.

"I didn't mean to offend you, I just wanted to let you know that _I_ know. That we've all done things that we wish we hadn't, or wish we'd done better," He gave me a questioning look, which I ignored. "Some of us have done things to ourselves that we wish we hadn't. I don't like judging people. I mean, I wouldn't like anyone to make unfair judgements about me, so I like extending that courtesy."

"You said us," I pointed out, "What have _you_ done to yourself?" I knew my bluntness was verging on insensitivity, but I felt slightly defensive at the moment.

Dominic's face was unreadable as he stared at me for a few seconds, obviously contemplating whether or not he should be honest with me. He went with option number one, "I was- _am_ very masochistic. I would go out of my way to find ways of hurting myself. From picking fights with violent bullies to playing with fire and even crazy things like burning my skin with acid from a school's bio lab. I did anything and everything; I would often spend hours thinking of new and creative way to do it without putting myself in any real danger. I remember times when I would be locked inside a room with no way for me to get out. This would drive me crazy; I'd grab the sharpest thing I could find and cut myself in places that wouldn't be visible to anyone but me.

But my sister found out what I was doing and begged me to stop. I told her to leave me alone to live my life the way I wanted. She said that what I was doing wasn't living; it was punishing myself for things that were beyond my control. She started crying and threatened to do the same to herself if I didn't stop. I knew she was bluffing, but it made me realize how my actions must have made her feel. So I stopped. Sometimes I feel sick when I think of what I did to myself." He explained.

The more he spoke, the more I realized that he understood. He was the first person I had ever met who came close to understanding some of the things I had felt, some of the things that I had forced myself to endure. I'd never done anything as severe as some of the stuff he mentioned, but I had chosen a different method to accomplish the same goal. A goal that seemed pointless now, but there had been a time when it had made sense.

"So I guess we're both messed up, huh?" A smile slowly crept onto my lips.

"Maybe a little," He concurred, "But you wanna know the really sad thing?"

"What?"

"I never actually stopped hurting myself," He admitted, "I just found other ways of doing it. Less physical ways."

"Like what?" I asked curiously.

"Like this," My breath hitched when Dominic brought his lips up to mine. He started off kissing me softly, but it became more demanding when he noticed that my lips were returning his gesture. I didn't really know what was going on; no one had mentioned that Dominic was gay. But there was no arguing that he was quite the talented kisser.

I put one hand on the back of his neck and other was holding onto his elbow. He did me one better and placed his right hand on my lower back, pulling me even closer to him. I let my hands roam over his chest, taking the time to trail my finger down his neck. I grinned when I heard him moan.

"Not to interrupt or anything, but I doubt this is what Sterling meant when he suggested that you mentor Dominic, Sebastian."

Dominic jumped away from me so quickly that he almost fell off of his own bed. I just sat there wondering what had just happened.

"You weren't meant to see that." Dominic told Hunter.

"I bet. I'm not going to get involved in whatever the hell this is; my mom sent me to ask Sebastian if he would like to stay for dinner." He cast an amused look in my direction.

"Um," I considered the alternative, which was spending the night by myself at Blaine's house, "Sure."

Hunter continued looking amused as he exited the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

"What did I just do?" Dominic blinked at me.

"I was wondering the exact same thing." I replied.


	37. Chapter 37

_**Chapter 37**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

"My parents actually like you." Hunter said as he followed me back to my car where I had forgotten my phone.

"What?" I gave him a look.

"My parents, they like you. Raquel has brought a lot of guys here, and they've never liked a single one. They also never like the girls that Dom and I bring here either."

"So Dominic isn't gay?" I arched an eyebrow as I shut the car door behind me.

"No," Hunter snorted, "He most definitely is not."

I narrowed my eyes and walked past him.

"Sebastian, I'm just telling you the truth."

"Whatever." I shot back.

"No, listen to me. Dominic is not gay; trust me, I've known him for years. So whatever the hell you two have going, it's not real. He's just using you."

Those last four words made me stop in my tracks. A memory threatened to invade my thoughts, but I pushed it away. I turned back around to face Hunter. "Why would he do that? What could he possibly be using me for?"

"Dominic is a really good person, one of the best I've ever met, but he has one outrageously big blind-spot; he seems to have this strange _need_ to hurt himself in like every way possible-"

"But what does that have to do with me?" I interrupted.

"You're uncharted territory, Sebastian. You're his newest weapon against himself." He explained.

"Are you saying that he's using me to _hurt_ himself?" I asked incredulously.

"I think so."

"But that-that doesn't make any sense." I suddenly felt sick. Really sick.

"Look, I didn't tell you this to hurt you. I told you this to prevent you _from_ getting hurt," Hunter took a step closer to me, "You know, there is also the possibility that I'm wrong, that I got this whole thing messed up…but in the off chance that I am right, you need to be careful."

"Oh trust me, I'll be careful." I replied through gritted teeth.

I was just about to walk back inside, when Hunter grabbed my arm to stop me, "But you have to promise me that you won't hurt Dominic either. If he is doing this for the reasons that I believe, then you have to know that he doesn't even realize he's doing it; he would never intentionally use someone like that, trust me. So just go easy on him."

Without replying, I pulled my arm out of his grip and headed back into his house.

Mr. and Mrs. Clarington had already gone to bed, and Raquel had left to go to a friend's house. That only left me, Dominic, and Hunter. Before I had gone out to fetch my phone, Dominic had been in the kitchen drinking tea or something, but I noticed that he was now nowhere to be seen.

I sighed and decided to just go back to Blaine's house. I suddenly felt really uncomfortable here, and just wanted to leave. I was halfway to the front door, when I heard Dominic speak from behind me, "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Oh. You don't have to go yet, it's not that late. Unless of course you really want to go, in which case, I won't try to stop you…that would imply I have people locked up in my basement." He chuckled.

I heaved another sigh and spun around to face him. "I don't actually have anywhere to be, but I don't think I should stay here any later than it already is."

"Why?" He frowned, "Oh wait, I know what this is about. It's because I kissed you, isn't it?"

"I wouldn't say that so loud if I were you; your parents might hear." I warned.

"Do I look like I care?" He shrugged.

"You should." I replied softly.

"I think we should talk." Dominic walked forward and grabbed my hand. He then led me outside, around the house, and finally stopped when we reached a small gazebo that I hadn't noticed before. Dominic was still holding my hand as he climbed up the two steps and sat down on the small bench inside the gazebo.

"Is this private enough for you?" He smiled.

"It wasn't for me that I urged you to speak quietly, it was for you. We both know that you're not gay, so trust me, you do not want people falsely believing that you are. Take it from me, that is not a misunderstanding you want to be involved in." I explained.

Dominic looked down at the floor as he spoke, "Did Hunter say something to you?"

"Yeah, he did." I decided it was pointless to lie to him.

"What did he say?"

When I didn't say anything, he instantly picked up on my hesitation. "I'm not going to be mad at either of you, I just want to know what he said. Please."

"He said that you were using me to try and hurt yourself…is this true?" I wondered.

"I-I don't know. Sometimes my judgement gets clouded, and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. But honestly, I think Hunter's right; I think I'm an asshole."

"No, you're not; I think you're just confused. I'm not angry, Dominic, but I've been used before, and I can't go through something like that again." I told him.

"I'm sorry, Sebastian. For what I did, it wasn't right of me; no one should be treated like that." He said sincerely.

"Don't be sorry, you didn't actually do anything wrong. And you're one hell of a kisser." I nudged his shoulder.

"You're the first guy I've ever kissed. And you wanna know what's weird?" One corner of his mouth curled up.

"What?"

"I really liked it…does that make me gay?" Dominic asked me.

"Do you like kissing girls too?"

He reluctantly nodded his head.

"Then no, you're most definitely not homosexual. You might be bi, but I think it's more likely that this is just another way for you to hurt yourself. Sometimes this kind of emotional pain can be a million times worse than anything a knife could ever do to you."

"What do you mean? All I did was kiss you…why would that hurt me so badly?" He frowned.

"Pretending to be someone you're not, being with someone you don't actually want to be with, doing things that make you cringe inside; all these things are both self-destructive and painful as hell. I would know."

"But how do you know that this _isn't_ who I am?" He wanted to know.

"You're 18 years old and you've never been attracted to a guy…trust me, this isn't who you are."

"Attraction is more than just a physical thing, though. I like you for you, not for the body parts you possess." Dominic disagreed.

"You like me?" I blinked.

"I thought that was obvious when I planted one on you." He chuckled.

"I guess I hadn't really given any thought as to why you did that. Well, until Hunter talked to me anyway. Then it made sense."

"So it only makes sense to you when I kiss you to manipulate and/or use you, but it doesn't make sense that I could actually like you?" He arched an eyebrow.

I didn't know how to answer that, so I instead remained quiet.

"In my opinion, we're a perfect fit, we both have serious psychological issues." Dominic shook his head, grinning.

"I feel like I should be insulted, and yet…" I returned his grin.

I looked down when Dominic once again took my hand in his. "I don't know what _this_ is," He gestured to the two of us, "But I do know that I like you, and I know that I like holding your hand, and I definitely know that I liked kissing you, and I think I might have an idea of how we could clear things up a bit."

"Oh yeah? And how's that?"

"I want you to go out with me. And before you say anything, I know that you don't really do the whole dating thing, but I think that's just because you've never tried it. So, what do you think?" He asked me nervously.

I stared at him blankly for a few moments; no one had ever asked me out on a date. Granted, I would have said no if they had. But lately, I was starting to question everything that I had once so strongly believed, and it was making me question myself as well. I had never been involved in anything that even resembled a relationship, and I couldn't remember even having something as simple as a crush on a guy before; this made it really difficult to decipher my feelings for Dominic, and even Blaine. What I did know was that I had never felt anything like the way I felt about Dominic, and I had definitely never felt anything as complex as the way I felt about Blaine. But what exactly did that mean? Did it mean I had romantic feelings for either one? Or maybe I didn't feel anything like that for either of them; maybe I was just confusing myself? Oh no, I was definitely confusing myself.

"I don't know, Dominic. I don't think I really have space in my life for a relationship right now, and I know that's the oldest excuse in the book, but I mean it. Things are really complicated right now, and I'm still busy figuring things out. I don't think I could deal with any further complications." I replied.

"I'm a complication?"

"I didn't mean it like that. I have never ever been in anything that even came close to a romantic relationship, hell, I have a hard time with all relationships. And trust me, I would find a way to screw it up one way or another; and then one of us, or both, would just end up getting hurt and any chance of a friendship will be down the drain." I explained.

"But that's the risk for all relationships, Sebastian. And sometimes you just have to find the courage to look past all the things that could possibly go wrong, and instead focus on everything that is already right. Just promise me you'll at least think about it?" Dominic smiled warmly.

"I-yeah okay, I promise." I nodded slowly.

 ****…****

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I grumbled something about a purple fish before I was awake enough to register the incoming call. I sat up on my bed and looked around for my cellphone before finding it under the bed. The call was from Blaine. I had half a mind of pressing 'ignore'. He had never came back last night, and when I tried to call him, he'd decided to not pick up. But my curiosity got the better of me and I answered, "So you are still alive, then? Not sure how I feel about that."

"I am so sorry, I lost my phone for a while and then I got busy and-"

"Spare me your lame excuses. Is there a reason you called me or can I get back to my life?"

Blaine was silent for a few seconds, "I just wanted to say sorry, that's all. But if you're busy-"

"I am." I said and hung up the phone. I knew that he didn't deserve that, but I couldn't help but be really pissed off at him. I had been really worried when he didn't come back last night, and I hated him for making me worried.

I was just about to go back to sleep when I saw that he was calling me again. I groaned but answered it anyway, "What now?"

"Look, I get why you're pissed, well actually I don't; but please don't be. It's not like I did anything on purpose, I swear I was just busy."

"With what?"

"Huh?"

"What were you busy with?" I asked.

"Ummm, well…"

"Seriously? If that's the best you've got, then you're just wasting my time." I was about to hang up again, but before I could, he answered my question.

"I was with Kurt."

I felt my knuckles go white, my jaw tighten, and my eyes narrow. I forced myself to take a deep breath before I said something I would regret. Instead I said, "I thought he had a new boyfriend."

"He does, but apparently the two aren't really exclusive." Blaine said somewhat uncomfortably.

"Where is Kurt right now?"

"He's uh, he's probably at home." I instantly knew that he was lying.

"Don't even try to lie to me, Blaine."

He sighed, "He's asleep…behind me."

I snorted humourlessly, "I knew you were a lot of things, but cheap wasn't one of them." This time when I hung up the phone, I made sure to put it on silent, so even if he tried to call again, which I doubted he would, I wouldn't have to hear it.

I lay down and tried to go back to sleep, but my damn thoughts wouldn't grant me a second of peace. I heaved a sigh and got up for the second time today.

As I sat in the kitchen feeding the fish and drinking coffee, my mind kept wandering back to Dominic. I kept thinking about the things he'd told me; about his severe masochism, about him possibly being bisexual, about him telling me that he liked me, about him shooting that guy when he was a kid, about him not knowing his real family, about him being tossed around from foster home to foster home, even his comment about him not being physically attracted to him. He was without a doubt the most interesting person I had ever met, and probably one of the most intelligent. He was also beautiful, nice, unique, kind, different and amazing…so why didn't I say yes when he asked me out? What was stopping me?

The answer came to me so suddenly that my eyes widened in horror. It had been right in front of me for so damn long, and I never had a clue. But this newfound realization was everything but good news; quite the contrary, I couldn't think of anything worse.

There was no way I was going to let this control my life or my actions.

I quickly grabbed my phone out of my pocket and dialled the desired number.

"Sebastian? I honestly did not expect to hear from you today."

"I want you to meet me at The Lima Bean in an hour; could you make that?" I cut right to the chase.

"Yeah, sure. But uh, why?"

"You're just going to have to wait and see." I shrugged, despite the fact that he couldn't see me.

"You're intriguing, I'll give you that."

"I'm a lot of things…like I'm sure you'll soon figure out." I grinned.

"I think I'm figuring that out right now."

"See you soon." I pressed the red button and headed back upstairs to take a shower.

 ****…****

An hour later I had parked my car outside the notorious coffee shop. I could tell by the looks of the parking lot that The Lima Bean was having a busy day. I had almost reached the entrance doors when a particular vehicle caught my attention. I slowly turned around and saw that I was right; Blaine was here. I groaned inwardly. I knew that if Blaine were here, so were his friends. And I had a strong feeling that those friends included a certain NYADA student.

I heaved a sigh and went inside. I hadn't been wrong when I predicted that this place would be busy; they were indeed packed. Despite this, I instantly spotted the two people I had hoped to avoid for the rest of my life: Kurt Hummel and Santana Lopez. I also spotted Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson, Tina Cohen-Chang, Mike Chang, Quinn Fabray, Mercedes Jones, Artie Abrams, Marley Rose, Jake Puckerman, Ryder Lynn, Noah Puckerman, Brittany Pierce, Sam Evans, and of course, Blaine Anderson.

I made sure to stay as far as possible away from them; I was not in the mood for any kind of confrontation right now.

I had just taken a seat at the opposite side of the room, when I heard a voice from behind me. "You look kind of familiar; do I know you from somewhere?"

I grinned as Dominic took the seat opposite me.

"Nope. I would definitely remember a face like yours." Was my response.

"Is that your subtle way of telling me I'm funny-looking?" He returned my grin.

"Not at all. It's my subtle way of telling you that you're hot." I told him. This made him crack up.

"You're acting so different. What changed?" He wondered.

"Let's just say I had an…epiphany."

"Epiphany? I didn't think people actually had those. Huh. So if I may be forward, why exactly did you ask me to meet you here?"

"It was my unique way of saying yes." I explained.

"What do you mean?"

"I told you I would think about it, and I thought about it. And I decided that I do want to go out with you."

His eyes widened slightly, "Are you serious?"

"You seem more than moderately surprised." I noted.

"Well I thought you had just agreed to humour me, I didn't actually think you meant it. I'm really bad at asking people out…especially guys, apparently." Dominic said feebly.

"No, I think you were perfect. But there is one thing I have to ask you; are you sure about this? If people find out that you're going out with another guy, then people are going to start saying that you're gay, whether you are or not. You're going to be teased, made fun of, laughed at, possibly harassed, and some people might even try to hurt you. Are you sure you're ready for all of that?" I asked earnestly.

Dominic stared at me for a few seconds before a small smile crept onto his lips, and he put his hand over mine. "It's really nice of you care so much, but trust me, I can handle it."

"Good." I smiled back.

"So, Sebastian Smy-I mean Sebastian No-Last-Name, will you go out with me? I know you already said yes, I just want you to say it again." He had a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Yes, Dominic Winters, I will definitely go on a date with you…ouch, I think that's the gayest thing I've ever said. Excuse me while I go and get coffee. Black and no sugar; a man's drink." I laughed at the look he gave me.

I had just placed the order for two coffees when I heard a familiar voice beside me, "And you know, I was having such a good weekend."

I turned around and stood face-to-face with Santana Lopez. For the millionth time today, I groaned on the inside. "Well if it isn't my favourite person on earth." I smiled sarcastically.

"So I see you still actually believe that there's a point to your existence." She returned my provoking smile.

"Aww, shame. Aren't you just the projector? But I feel like I have to inform you that not everyone is such a bad girlfriend that they change their ex's sexuality."

That comment wiped any traces of a smile clean off her face. She narrowed her eyes and flared her nose, "Yeah well, most of us can actually take rejection; we don't throw a tantrum and assault the person who rejected us. No, that's all you."

"Really? That's the best you got?" I raised my eyebrows expectantly.

"What's wrong? Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"Quite the contrary. I'm feeling pretty good right now; it seems you've lost your touch, Santana." I smirked.

"Oh please don't say my name, words seems to lose all worth when they exit your funny-shaped mouth. I would also appreciate it if you could stop saying words altogether; it kind of puts a damper on the pride I have for possessing vocal chords…and lungs. You know what? You should become a hermit; for the sake of America's eyes, you need to stop showing your face in public."

"And for the sake of America's ears, you should stop singing. Someone must have been high as a kite when they told you that you actually have talent. And the person who told you that you actually have a shot at making it in New York must have been somewhere near the heavens, because I know a goldfish with more aptitude than you, and I'm pretty sure he's having a mid-life crisis. Why don't you do us all a favour and move to Honolulu?"

I could tell that my insulting her abilities had seriously pissed her off, "And why don't you do us all a favour and just drop dead? Oh wait, I heard that you did; but then hell sent you right back."

My breath hitched. How could she possibly know? Who would have told her?

"Yeah, Satan sent me back with a message for you; he said he wants his face back."

Just as I said this, I saw Kurt coming up behind Santana. The closer he came, the more I wanted to punch his face in.

"What the hell is taking so long? Are they brewing the coffee beans- Oh you have got to be kidding me! Now I remember why I don't come back more often." Kurt narrowed his eyes at his when he saw me. Trust me; the gesture was more than returned.

"Hiya, Princess. Congratulations, by the way. They said that there was no way you could possibly look more gay, but you showed them alright." I pasted a smirk on my face, despite the fact that my blood was starting to boil. Before captain of the gay squad could respond, Dominic appeared at my side.

"I think it would be faster to just plant the coffee beans ourselves." He grinned at me. Seeing his smile and having him beside me made me calm down slightly.

"Who's this? The newest range in gay prostitutes? Because there is no way in hell he would sleep with you unless he was payed." Santana snorted.

Right now, there was nothing I wanted more than to punch her in the face; my arms were literally aching for it. But I knew that I couldn't, I was brutally outnumbered; not to mention that somewhere very deep inside, Santana was still a girl. Although right now, her resemblance to a demon was way more noticeable.

"What did you just say about him?" Dominic's eyebrows went up, "And me too, for that matter. Who the hell gave you the right to talk to people like that?" I had never seen anger present on Dominic's face before. It somehow didn't suit him.

"She didn't mean it, okay? Her mouth gets carried away sometimes." Kurt said, casting a dark look at me.

"I wasn't talking to you," He glared at Kurt, "I was talking to her. Apologize to Sebastian."

"You have got to be kidding me; I'd rather throw the boiling coffee down my shirt." She replied.

"Either one is fine by me, bitch." Dominic glared.

"What did you just call her?" Kurt took a step forward.

"I believe he called her a butt-sniffing, grass-crapping, mutt-screwing _bitch_." I said as venomously as I could. I knew it made me an asshole to say, but right now I was so angry at both Santana and Kurt that I didn't care.

There was a split-second where both their mouths fell open, but the next thing I knew, someone had punched me in the face. I staggered backwards and fell against a chair. I clenched my teeth in pain as the edge of the seat caught me in the centre of my spine.

"Santana!" I heard Kurt exclaim, indicating that it had been her who had thrown the punch. Well that's emasculating.

With shaking arms Dominic helped me up. He was obviously just as angry as I was right now.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" He yelled at Santana. Only he didn't say 'hell'.

"A lot apparently." I mumbled.

"What's going on here? Sebastian?" Blaine approached us, followed by the other members of New Directions, past and present. They all stared at us, wearing expressions of either shock or confusion.

"The psychotic bitch punched me." I said through gritted teeth.

"What?" Blaine blinked at Santana.

"She was provoked! You should have heard the things that he was saying about her; if she hadn't hit him, then I would have." Kurt was still glaring at me.

"Oh please, she started it. You can't just go around saying things like that about people." Dominic responded.

"I agree. But Sebastian doesn't count, since he's not a person. I don't know what the hell he is, but it ain't human." Kurt's eyes remained narrow.

"If you keep saying things like about him, _I'll_ be the one punching _you_." Dominic warned.

"Don't talk to my brother like that." Finn took a step toward him.

"Don't tell me what to do." He replied, also taking a step forward.

"Dom, don't. These freaks aren't worth it; let's just go." I placed my hand on his arm. He looked at me, then nodded.

I took his hand in mine, then led him away from the members of New Directions, and didn't stop walking until we had reached my car.

"Who were those people?" He frowned.

"New Directions. I'm sure Hunter must have told you about them." I leaned against the hood of the car, and made sure that my nose wasn't bleeding. It wasn't.

"Those guys are the competition that everyone keeps going on about?"

"Yup. They're also a bunch of D-bags." I said bitterly.

"Are you hurt?" Dominic asked as he gently touched my face.

"Nah, she's a girl, remember?" I grinned, "Let's go somewhere else for our date."

"As long as I can drive." He smiled hopefully.

"Fine." I agreed, and handed him my keys.


	38. Chapter 38

_**Chapter 38**_

 **Blaine's POV**

I ran up the stairs as fast as my legs would allow me and barged through the desired door. Despite my heart racing the way it was, I breathed a sigh of relief. All of Sebastian's stuff was still here, meaning he would have to come back. Meaning I would have one chance to apologize; possibly _only_ one chance.

I hated myself so much right now. I had noticed Sebastian the second he had walked into that coffee shop; I had seen when that guy went and sat across from him; I had seen when Santana started arguing with him; I had seen when Kurt got up and joined them; I had seen when Santana punched Sebastian. And through all of this, I did absolutely nothing. I hadn't even defended Sebastian when everyone else ganged up on him. There was no denying how much a douchebag I was.

For the fifth time in the last two hours I tried calling Sebastian, but just like all the other times, he didn't answer. I heaved a sigh and threw myself down on the couch, waiting anxiously for him to come back.

At some point I must have fallen asleep, since the next thing I knew it was dark outside and there was a noise coming from upstairs. I got up and made my way to the spare bedroom; sure enough, there was the former Warbler hurriedly packing all of his remaining possessions into a backpack. He must have heard me coming up the stairs, but he obviously chose to ignore me, since he kept his back facing me and didn't say a single word.

"Sebastian." I said.

He visibly tensed up at my mention of his name, but he still remained quiet.

"Sebastian." I repeated slightly louder.

"What?" He snapped.

"Are you ever going to look at me?"

"Not planning on it, no." He said as he stuffed a toothbrush into his bag.

"I really need to talk to you." I pressed.

"No, you want to apologize. Well let me spare you the trouble by saying that I don't give an F-ing damn about your sorry. So please just let me finish packing in peace so I can get out of here."

"Where are you planning on going?"

"A local drug lord offered me sanctuary at his factory. I'm going to live down there until I can start a business of my own; yeah, I'm thinking of becoming a mercenary."

"I'm serious. You can't stay in your car."

"I have money now, remember? I don't have to." Sebastian replied venomously.

"Oh trust me, I know." I mumbled to myself.

He carried on ignoring me as he slung the backpack over his one shoulder, and his duffel bag over the other. He no longer had a choice but to face me, since I was standing in the doorway. I was surprised to see that his eyes were completely devoid of anger, but I wasn't surprised to see that sadness was the substitute for said anger.

Sebastian took a deep breath before saying, "Goodbye, Blaine."

"I'm not moving until you talk to me." I said with resolution.

"This again." He groaned.

"Yes, this again. I screwed up today, Seb. I really did. But I'm so-"

"If you say sorry, I swear I'll eat my ears. I told you that I don't want your apology. Right now, all I want is to get out of here." He spoke in a tired voice.

"Why won't you just let me say what I need to say?" I asked.

"Because I don't want to forgive you. If I do, then we'll just go back to what we were before."

"And what's wrong with that?" I took a step forward.

"It was a lie. I falsely believed that I could trust you; but today you proved to me that I can't." He shrugged.

I did my best not to pay attention to the pang of hurt that came with Sebastian's words. I hadn't been aware of how much pain my actions had brought him.

"You can trust me! Today was-"

"Today was what? Are you going to tell me that it didn't count?"

"No, I wasn't going to say that-"

"Then what? You know, I could have looked past the fact that you just stood there, I could have looked past the fact that you basically acted like everything that has happened these last few months never happened, I could have looked past the fact that you didn't seem to give a damn that your friend assaulted me; I could have forgiven you for any one of those things. But you wanna know the one thing that has been eating away at me all day? You told that Mexican bitch that I attempted to kill myself? And if you told her, that means you told everyone else too."

I opened my mouth to respond, but I quickly realized that I had no idea what to say to that; he was right, I had told them all. I had betrayed him.

Sebastian continued, "You told them something very personal about _me_. And I don't even want to know what you told them about it, because to this day you've never even asked me why I did it. It's a part of my life, a part of me that I find really hard to talk about, to even think about. And then you went and told people that you _knew_ don't like me…I mean, what the hell did you even gain from doing that?"

"I didn't do it to hurt you, Seb, I swear. I was hoping it would make them lay off you." I said feebly.

"And did it work?" Sebastian arched an eyebrow.

I sighed and shook my head at the same time.

"Didn't think so. And I suppose it never occurred to you that you could just _tell_ them to lay off me?"

Once again, I didn't know how to respond.

"I would have done that for you, you know. And no, not because I have no inhibitions when it comes to telling people things, but because you're my friend. Key word being _friend_. Something I thought I was to you." His eyes were filled with disappointment.

"You're overreacting; of course we're friends."

"You think I'm overreacting?" Sebastian dropped the bags he was holding as he stared at the floor, "Do you remember the night that I first told you I was dying? Well, do you remember it?"

"Of course I remember it." I replied as if it was self-evident. Which it kind of was.

"There were four things you told me that night that no one had ever said to me…do you know what those four things were?"

I nodded, although I wasn't entirely certain.

"You told me that you loved me; you told me that you would never consciously hurt me; you said that you would always be by my side; and you promised to protect me from anyone else who ever tried to hurt me. Well, today I realized that you lied to me…about all of that." Once again it was obvious to me that Sebastian wasn't even the least bit mad at me; he was just hurt. Really hurt. And to think that I was the one who had made him feel that, made _me_ want to throw up.

"No, Seb I didn't. I didn't. I really didn't." I said softly.

"Really? Because from where I'm standing, it really seems like you did. You knew it would hurt me when I figured out that you never told Kurt that we were friends, because if you had, he would not have been saying the things he said in front of you; and you definitely made no attempt to protect me, that was made blatantly obvious when you just stood there. Both these things prove that you were not on my side; you were on theirs. And all three things together confirms my theory that you lied about loving me as well…you can't love someone you're ashamed of." Sebastian stated with a sigh.

"I'm not ashamed of you, I'm not. I have no idea what was wrong with me today, and I can't explain to you how sorry I am. I wasn't me. Please Sebastian, you have to believe me. Please." I begged. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. They were tears of desperation, since that was what I felt right now.

"I can't, Blaine. I'm sorry too, but I have to go now." He avoided my gaze as he bent down to pick up his bags.

"Don't go." The words came out as a whisper.

"We knew this would happen. I told you yesterday that it was time for me to go; on the bright side, your mom will be happy." He have a one-shouldered shrug.

"I don't care. Your happiness is what's most important to me now."

"We both know that's not true. But I have to thank you; these last few months with you have been the best of my life. You gave me back hope of a better life, you made me realize that I still have a shot at this whole thing. And this time I'll be sure to do it right." He gave me a platonic smile. Something about the way he was speaking, about the way he was saying these words, was causing the hairs at the back of my neck to stand on end.

"Why are you talking like that? Like-like we're-"

"Something of the past? Because we are. I don't think we should be friends anymore, Blaine."

My entire body went numb. I couldn't have just heard those words, he couldn't have just said them. This couldn't be real.

"What? Because of what happened today?" I asked incredulously.

"No, it isn't just that. It's-it's…I can't really tell you; you're just going to have to trust me."

"Trust you that we need to end our _friendship_? No, no I refuse to do that. I'm not going to give up on you. Never." I took another few steps forward; I was now standing right in front of him.

"It's not about giving up. It's about knowing what's best for the both of us." Sebastian said quietly, his gaze on mine.

"I don't believe that either. How could that be better for either of us? You just said it yourself, that I make you happy."

"You _made_ me happy, Blaine. But you can't do that anymore; I wish you could, but you can't." His voice was now nothing more than a whisper.

"You can't stop me, you know. You don't have to want to see me anymore, but I'll find you. I'll stalk you if I have to; I'm not letting you out of my life so easily." I argued.

He heaved another sigh, "I don't think you completely understand what it is I'm saying. When I said I'm going to live my life right, I meant that I needed a fresh start."

It took a few seconds for his words to sink in. But when it did, my jaw dropped and my eyes widened. My heart started to beat so fast, I wouldn't have been surprised if it leaped out of my chest. My throat dried up, and my head felt dizzy. "You're leaving?" I breathed.

"I think I have to. This town just has too many bad memories and reminders; I need a change of scenery. I need to start sorting out my life." He explained.

"But why can't you do that here?"

"Because it's too hard. I need to find a place where no one knows me, where there's no one to pity me or judge me; where I can be someone else."

"You don't need to be someone else. I love you so much just the way you are; you're amazing…why won't you believe me?" I wondered.

"You're biased. You see things that no one else sees; but I'm happy about that, it means that you care about me." I suddenly understood the pain that kept being reflected in his eyes; he was unhappy about leaving. It was probably one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do; and here I was, making it even harder for him. If this was something that he really wanted to do, then I needed to push my own selfish feelings aside and focus on what was best for him.

"Of course I care, Seb. For the past few weeks you've been one of the best friends I've ever had, and just by being in it, you've made my life better. So thank you for that, but if you're sure that this is what you need to do, then I'm not going to stop you." I had to physically force those words out, but the effort brought even more tears to my eyes.

He stared at me with an expression that was hard to read, but I somehow got the feeling that my words were not the one's he had wanted to hear. This confused me; did he or did he not want me to stop him from leaving?

"You'd just let me leave right now, never to come back again, never to see me again?"

My throat dried up even more, "I don't know what you want from me. I thought you didn't want me to stop you from going." I told him exasperatedly.

"Don't you get it? I want you to be sad that I'm leaving, I want you to fight with me, I want you to tell me that I should stay, I want you to tell me that you're going to miss me, I want you block my way out of here, I want you to beg, I want you to swear to me that you love me, I want you to tell me that I make your life better when I'm in it, I need you to need me to stay."

"You don't think I want you to stay? You don't think the thought of having to live without you scares the crap out of me? Of course it does! Of course I love you! But it's because I love you that I can't be selfish; if you really want to go, then I have to let you go." A tear finally broke free and started making its way down my cheek.

"'If you love something, set it free.'" He quoted.

"Exactly." The more I stared into his eyes, the more I couldn't control the salty liquid escaping from the corners of my eyes. And when I saw a tear glide down Sebastian's face, I felt a lump form at the back of my throat. I put my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest: right where his heart was.

He dropped the bags for the second time and used his arms to pull me even closer to him, and buried his face in my neck.

"I don't want you to ever leave me, but if you really have to, then I won't stop you. But you have to know that I will never ever forget you; the colour of your eyes, the way you smile, the sound of your voice, the smell of your skin. I'll never forget the way my heart stopped when I saw you half-dead in your dorm room, the way my heart broke when I thought you were dead, and the way it smiled when I was told that you were still alive. I'll always remember the moment when I first realized how amazing you really are; it was when you called me to ask for my help because you were afraid of saying the wrong thing to Jeff. That was also the first time you ever asked for my help.

And I'll definitely never forget the moment I first realized I loved you; it was the same morning that my brother showed up, you and I were talking about China or something silly like that, and then there was a moment when you smiled at me...oh man, what I felt for you in that second made me want to throw my arms around you on the spot. It made me aware of how strong my feelings for you actually were." I was amazed that I was still capable of speaking properly, Sebastian's shirt was soaked with tears and my voice was cracking.

"For me it was a few days after," Sebastian's breath tickled my neck, "The night I told you about my uh, childhood. I expected you to look at me with pity or disgust or something, but you didn't. You just told me that you were happy you got the chance to punch my dad in the face. I wanted to kiss you...I almost did." I didn't know it was even possible, but Sebastian tightened his embrace of me. I responded in kind.

The thought of having to let go of him now, of having to watch him walk out my front door never to come back to me, it suddenly made it impossible to hold back. I started sobbing against Sebastian's chest.

"I love you so much, Seb. Please never forget that. Please don't let what happened today be the thing that you remember about me. Please." I wasn't sure if he could make out a single word I said, but I needed to say it anyway.

"Don't worry, Hobbit. There are two things I will never forget about you; your heart and your eyes. Those have always been and will always be my favorite things about you." He whispered.

"Why do you have to leave me? Why?"

"I can't answer that question, Blaine." I could hear the shakiness in his voice as he spoke.

"Please stay one more night, just one. I can't watch you walk out that door, I just physically can't do it." I was crying so much that I started to cough.

"Okay. Just one more." He buried his face even deeper in my neck, and I could feel the warmth of his cheek against mine.

Slowly but surely, Sebastian removed his arms from my back, and gently placed them on my shoulders. He then slowly started pushing me away from him, until I was forced to let go. He stared at me for a few seconds before raising his hand up to my face and using his fingers to wipe away my tears.

"Your eyes look even more beautiful when they're wet." He smiled affectionately.

I didn't reply; I couldn't. I was afraid I would start crying again if I did.

"You're shaking. I think you should sit down." Sebastian suggested as grabbed my hand and led me to my bed, pulling me down beside him. I was happy that he didn't let go of my hand.

"Do you think there's a chance I could wake up from all of this? That this day was just a bad dream that will be gone tomorrow?" I smiled humorlessly.

"Of course there's a chance." He was still whispering.

I nodded. We sat like that for what felt like hours, but it couldn't have been more than minutes. There was so much that I still needed to say to him, but right now, I couldn't think of a single word. Then something suddenly came to me.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." He smiled sadly.

"Why did you try to kill yourself that day? You're right, I have never asked you. And if I'm never going to see you again," Saying that out loud felt like knives were being forced down my throat, "then I need to know."

"Are you really sure you want to know the answer to that? Because trust me, you are not going to like the answer."

I thought about this. Did I want to know? Could I handle it? No, no I couldn't. But this wasn't about me, this was about the boy sitting next to me. If he'd never been able to talk about it before, maybe now was the time. "Please tell me."

"That day was the five year anniversary of the night that ruined my life, the night that ruined my childhood, the night that will be forever carved into my brain...the night that I was raped." His voice cracked on the last word.

My breath caught and my heart stopped. No. No. No. No. He had not just said that. No. Why? As these words flew through my head, so many things started to fit into place, so many things started to make sense. If I were being honest, this had always been a suspicion of mine; but to hear him say it out loud hurt almost too much to bear.

"You don't have to say anything," Sebastian looked away from, "But you're the only person on earth besides me that knows. I mean, I tried to tell my dad, but he didn't believe me. Or maybe he didn't want to believe me; either way, I was never the same after that."

"Who was it? Who did that to you?" I had never heard my own voice sound so venomous.

"My father's best friend, Gregory Saunders. He died in a plane crash when I was 14." Sebastian explained.

"I hope he bled out...slowly."

"He's the reason I keep getting nightmares; I'm always forced to re-live the whole damn thing. Oddly enough, a person never gets used to it." A fresh tear tolled down his cheek.

Looking into his bright green eyes, I felt sick to my stomach that anyone could ever hurt this boy like that. He was so beautiful and perfect, and that sick man had stolen a part of him away; a part that could never be fixed.

"I hate him more than I even thought possible." I told Sebastian as I wiped away the tears on his face.

"Don't even think about him, Blaine. You'll only make yourself angry; trust me, I speak from experience. Just forget him, he's gone. For good."

"Like you will soon be from my life." I knew it was mean of me to say, but my time with him was getting less and less by the second.

"That's not true, I'll always be right here." He placed his finger against my head.

"But most importantly, you'll always be here." I grabbed his hand, and held it against my heart.

"I love you too." His smile was filled with melancholy.

"I love you more." I grinned through tears.

Sebastian fell backward into a lying position and pulled me down next to him. He chuckled when I almost fell on top of him. To spite him, I put my head down on his shoulder and lay like that.

"Blaine," Sebastian whispered as he gently placed his hand on the side of my cheek. He used his hand as leverage to tilt my head upward; I knew what he was doing even before his lips met mine.

His mouth tasted salty because of all the tears, but if anything, that made the moment even more amazing. Despite his lips being warm and soft, the kiss was anything but gentle. Quite the contrary, it was fast and demanding, and within a few seconds my heart rate had climbed to about 2560 beats per minute.

Soon enough, Sebastian was on top of me with his hand roaming over my torso. I was torn between gasping for breath and keeping my lips locked on his. But soon enough, my need for oxygen won, and I pulled away.

"We need to stop. Now." Sebastian whispered. I knew what he was saying was right, but the feel of his breath on my ear put other thoughts into my head.

Luckily for me, Seb had more self-control and moved away from me. He sat up and stared at me.

"I really have to stop kissing people." His straight face soon turned into a grin.

Instead of responding, I just frowned.

"Never mind." He said.

"What exactly did that mean? The kiss, I mean." I wondered.

"It meant goodbye." Sebastian smiled sadly.

I moved up on the bed until my head was resting on the pillows; I stretched my arm out slightly, "Come here." I told him.

He obliged and lay down beside me; his forehead resting against my temple and his arm draped over my chest. I found his hand beside me, and wove my fingers through his.

"I have to ask you one more time: are you sure you have to leave?"

He was hesitant in his reply, "Yes."

I shut my eyes tightly; I'd already cried enough for one lifetime.

"Tell me goodbye, Blaine. You have to say it. Please." Sebastian pleaded.

"I can't." I told him honestly.

"If you don't, then you're never going to be able to."

I clenched my jaw as I said the next two words, "Goodbye, Sebastian."

"Goodbye, Blaine." I could feel him smiling.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

 ****...****

I rubbed my eyes as I sat up. What was I doing in the spare bedroom? A second later, all the memories of last night came flooding back to me.

I looked beside me. There was nothing. There was no one.

"Sebastian!" I couldn't help but yell.

I got out of the bed and saw that his bags were all gone. I ran downstairs; there was no one there either. I opened the front door and checked outside for his car...still nothing.

I sat down at the counter and buried my head in my hands. It had been real, not a nightmare; Sebastian had truly left.

Something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye; there was a piece of paper that I hadn't noticed before. Upon closer inspection I saw that it was a note. From him.

 _Blaine,_

 _If you're reading this, that probably means I'm dead. Just kidding (I've just always wanted to say that)._

 _If you're reading this, it actually means that you're awake. Well, I hope that you're the one reading it, otherwise this could get pretty awkward._

 _I'm not in Lima anymore, I would be at least three cities away by now. But there are two things that I have to tell you: the first is that I have a special surprise for you, you'll figure out what it is soon enough._

 _The second thing is the reason that I had to leave so suddenly. There are actually two parts to this explanation._

 _A few days ago, I got a call from a woman who claimed to be my aunt on my mother's side of the family. At first I didn't believe her, but I soon realized that she was speaking the truth. She asked to meet me, since my dad had kept the two of us apart for the last 18 years. So that's where I'm going, to stay with her for a little while (don't even bother trying to find me, I assure you, you never will)._

 _The second part of the explanation is the hardest. But first, I would like to tell you that today is my birthday. I am officially 18 years old (yes, I lied about the date of my birth, sue me). And it has been the best day of my life, and all thanks to you. You gave me the best present ever (technically, the only present ever) when you kissed me last night._

 _And that makes way for the punch line...Blaine, the reason I had to leave was because I realized that I was in love with you. So very much in love with you. I couldn't stay there and watch you have feelings for someone else; it hurt too much, so the best course of action was to leave. Also, your ex-boyfriend is a chick. Just putting that out there._

 _Anyway, that's pretty much all I had to say. So be happy and don't do drugs._

 _Goodbye and love you forever,_

 _Sebastian._

I stared at the note in my hand with a jaw that was lying on the floor. Sebastian was _in love_ with me? How did that even happen?

I was still sitting there wondering what kind of alternate universe I had woken up in, when I heard a knock on the door. I had some false hope that Sebastian had changed his mind and come back, so I hurried to open it.

But the person standing there was definitely not Sebastian Smythe. Oh no, the person standing there was the last person on the planet I ever thought I would see again...it was Jordan Soldier. My childhood best friend I hadn't seen in almost 5 years.

I quickly realized that this was the surprise Sebastian had been talking about. And seeing Jordan standing there with a big smile on his face almost made me want to cry. Both because of how happy I was to see him and because I couldn't believe that Sebastian had done this for me.

Thinking back to the last thing Seb had said to me, I couldn't help but think to myself, _I love you most._


	39. Chapter 39

_**Chapter 39**_

Blaine's POV

Three months later

"I can't believe that senior year is almost over." Sam sighed as he put his arms behind his head.

"I know. It feels like just yesterday when the school was holding auditions for _Grease._ I still say you would have made a great Danny Zuko." I pointed out.

"Nah, my heart was in Kenickie; but you, you were everyone's first choice for the lead."

"I don't think I could have effectively portrayed affections for Marley when I was still so heartbroken over Kurt. And Ryder did an excellent job…despite the fact that he looks absolutely nothing like John Travolta." I chuckled.

"Who did you play, Blaine?" Jordan asked curiously.

"Teen Angel." I admitted somewhat reluctantly.

Jordan laughed.

"What's so funny?" I asked defensively.

"Nothing, I just can't really picture you all dressed in white and whatnot. But I'm sure you were great nonetheless; not that I would know, since I still haven't heard you sing." He replied.

"Be patient…and come watch us at Regionals." I grinned.

"I'll have to think about it. You know, I have a really tight schedule and I get tired very easily." Jordan laughed.

"Sure you do; because sitting around waiting for September to come would tire anyone out."

"Hey, that's offensive; I'm _lying_ around." He snorted.

"So when was the last time you saw Blaine?" Sam asked him, bringing a purpose to our otherwise pointless conversation.

Jordan and I traded glances. Neither of us had ever explained to my blonde best friend what had happened all those years ago. No one had ever told him that the last time I saw him was when he was lying in a hospital bed because me.

"We were what? Almost 15 at the time, I think. Yeah. But then my family decided to move to Albuquerque of all places." Jordan saved me.

"Huh. What's it like being home-schooled?"

"Different…but somehow peaceful. And it gave me the benefit of graduating a year early." He shrugged.

Sam grabbed his phone out of his pocket when he felt the vibration, "Its Brittany. Be right back." He got up and jogged away.

"I am now one hundred percent certain." Jordan announced as he sat up, putting his arms around his knees.

"Certain of what?" I wondered, also shifting out of my lying position.

"You're not the same person you were back in junior high. And I don't just mean that you got older; you changed." He stared at me with those piercing blue eyes that always used to unnerve me when he would look at me for extended periods of time, but not anymore. Now I returned his gaze.

"That doesn't sound like a good thing." I arched an eyebrow.

"Why does it have to be good or bad? I mean, just because you're different doesn't mean you're any less awesome than you were before…it just means exactly that. You're different." He explained.

"I see. But which do you like better? And I want an actual answer."

He scrunched his face up as he thought. I couldn't help but laugh; it was something he'd done his whole life.

"This you," Jordan said finally, "It's something new. Different. Interesting. I'm getting to know you all over again and I love it. 'Cause you have to get to know me too."

"I'm just so happy that you're here right now; that I get to have another shot at our friendship, since I completely screwed up the first one. Can I ask you a question?" It was something I'd wanted to know ever since he got here, but I'd never been able to muster up enough courage to actually ask.

"Sure."

"How did Sebastian convince you to come back here? How did he even find you?"

A knowing smile spread across Jordan's features when he heard those words. He'd been expecting the question.

"Well, I asked him how he managed to get a hold of my cellphone number, which is how he initially contacted me, to which his reply was 'I know people'. At first I thought he was creepy; not knowing at all who he was or what he wanted from me. But then he gave me his name and told me that he was a friend of Blaine Anderson…not surprisingly, I started to pay attention." He grinned.

"What he did he say afterwards?" I couldn't help the big smile that crept onto my face.

"He said that you told him about me; that you told him how guilty you felt about everything that had happened between us; that you really wanted the opportunity to apologize and possibly rekindle the friendship. I was in shock. I'm ashamed to admit that I thought you had completely forgotten about me. So his words totally confused me; but there was something else that also didn't quite make sense to me…why weren't you the one telling me all this instead of him? I asked him and liked his response. He said that this was all a surprise for you; that you had no idea he was even doing this."

"I really didn't." I said softly to myself.

"The next thing I asked him was why you had never tried to find me yourself," Jordan began. I frowned slightly, curious about what Sebastian's answer to that would have been, since I had never told him why I never tried to track Jordan down. I listened intently as he continued, "He was a bit hesitant in his reply, but he eventually said that you had been too afraid to. Afraid that I would hate you; afraid that I wouldn't be the same person you used to know, in the sense that I had become bitter and depressed because of what happened to me; afraid that I wouldn't accept your apology, and even afraid that I wouldn't be alive anymore." He explained.

"He said all that?" My eyes widened slightly. Sebastian had been spot on; apparently he could read me like a book.

"Mhmmhmmm. But you wanna know the ironic thing? I had almost the exact same fears. That _you_ would hate _me_ , that _you_ wouldn't accept _my_ apology."

"What? Why? You have nothing to be sorry for; you did nothing wrong."

"That's not entirely true, Blaine. I shouldn't have kissed you; I should have talked to you. And I shouldn't have begged my parents to move. I also shouldn't have confronted you in front of everyone; that should have been done in private. And I definitely shouldn't have gotten mad at you for trying to help me. So you see, I do have some things to apologize for; we both do. But I cannot stress enough that what happened to me was not your fault; you didn't push me in front of that car. I did that to myself. So please, I need you to stop feeling guilty; I need you to stop looking at my prosthetics with that sad look in your eyes; I need you to stop thinking that my life was ruined because of you, when the truth is that I am now happier than I've ever been-"

"But-"

"No, but nothing. Blaine," He took my hand in his and squeezed it, wearing a warm smile on his face, "I forgave you a really long time ago; in fact, I was never actually mad at you. Maybe a little disappointed, but that doesn't matter because I got over it. Notice my choice of words, _got over it._ And that's exactly what you should be doing; moving on. I think the problem is that you're holding on to the bad things that happened when you and I were friends, whilst I choose to remember the good things more vividly. Because that's what matters to me, that's all that ever mattered to me. So listen to me very carefully when I say that _I forgive you,_ so now you should just forgive yourself."

"You were always smarter than me." I grinned.

"Yes; yes, I was... Nah, I'm just kidding, you can be plenty genius when you really want to be."

Just as he finished his sentence, Sam reappeared and took up his seat on the other side of me. "So, what I miss?"

"Nothing much, just catching up a bit." Jordan cast a secret look in my direction.

"Hmmm. Brit says hi, by the way. Although she still keeps insisting that Jordan is Artie's robotic brother." He shook his head. This made the golden-haired boy sitting next to me burst out laughing. Sam and I joined in.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? I'm seriously starting to think that you're stalking us." A voice said from behind us.

I turned around slowly and looked at the three newcomers. "Actually Hunter, since we were here first, it's more likely that you're the one stalking us. But I'm sure the more logical explanation is that you wanted to spend some time at the only lake in the whole of Lima, just like us." I gestured to my companions.

"There's that," He shrugged, "But I must warn you that dock is pretty old, so I'm not sure putting all that much weight on it is such a great idea." He replied.

"Please dude, do you see the size of this thing? We're fine." Sam pointed out.

"Have it your way, but I'm staying here on the solid ground where I can't fall 15 feet into a large body of water."

"You are such a wimp, little brother." Dominic grinned before dramatically putting one foot onto the dock and feigning delight when it didn't break beneath the weight.

"Firstly, I'm older than you; and secondly, it's called _intelligence_. But go ahead and be my guest, one less mouth for my parents to feed." He gave a sarcastic smile.

Dominic rolled his eyes and abandoned Hunter and Jeff to take a seat on the other side of Jordan, whom he greeted by grinning and saying, "Hi."

"Hey." Jordan grinned back.

Jeff gave Hunter an amused look before following his friend's example and taking the seat on the other side if Sam.

I looked to Hunter, "Come on, Clarington, you don't want to stand there on your own, do you?"

"I'm good here." He shrugged and sat down on a large rock.

"Oh for goodness' sake, Hunt, grow a pair and come over here." Dominic groaned.

"Fine, I will; but it will only be to come and repeatedly slam your head against solid objects." He glared at his adopted brother, but finally stepped onto the dock and went to sit in front of me.

"What are you going to do after graduation? College or the FBI?" I asked Hunter, whilst the other four engaged in conversation of their own.

"Funny, but you're way off; I was thinking maybe the CIA." He said with a straight face, but I saw the glint of amusement in his eyes.

"I'm serious. What do you want to go do after high school?"

"I don't know; not for sure, anyway. I definitely considered going into the army."

"Really? That's actually pretty cool…and dangerous. But I'm sure a lot of people would feel safer knowing that you were out there fighting for our country." I told him.

"Whoever said anything about going into the US military? No, I was thinking of maybe moving to Iraq and possibly committing a felony or two."

"Oh haha. No wonder you and Sebastian always butted heads, you both make it almost impossible to have an actual conversation with you, since you won't cut the sarcasm." I gave him a pointed look.

"It's my defence mechanism; yeah, it's how I cope with all the crap in my life." He gave me another dry Hunter smile.

"I give up." I mumbled and threw my hands up in the air.

For the next few minutes I listened to Dominic and Jordan argue over who has the highest GPA (they were tied) until Hunter spoke again, "I was serious about going into the army. I want to be a pilot."

I raised my eyebrows, "Wow, I would have pegged you as more of a weapons man; you know, AK47's and such."

"My grandfather was a fighter pilot in World War II; he died shortly before I was born. But I've heard a lot of stories, seen a lot pictures. If I were to admit to having an idol, it'd be him."

I smiled. "My great-grandfather was also in the war. I never met him either; he died from battle wounds shortly after it ended. But I did hear some pretty cool stories, like how he gave refuge to a dying Jew. He nursed the man back to health, helped him find his family and even managed to find them all a place to hide until the war was over. I can see you doing something like that."

"My grandfather fooled the Nazis into thinking he was German; he was an internal spy of sorts. It was a job that had to be done, but that no one ever volunteered for. He was the first to offer himself up willingly; and ironically enough, the only one in his troop who actually survived. Can you imagine that? Giving up your life to save others; if I'm going to go, that will be how." He stared at the sun that was being reflected off the surface of the lake.

"No one can belittle your bravery, that's for sure. I don't think I could do something like that." I said honestly.

"Oh, I don't know. Not everyone is cut out for the military, but there are other equally effective ways of saving lives. And I'm not just talking physically." Hunter gave me a sharp look.

"Then what are you talking about?" I asked cautiously.

"I wasn't planning on telling you that I knew, but what the hell? That money that was given to Sebastian by his father; it was sure as hell not inherited…it was you, you made his dad give him that quarter of a million dollars."

My eyebrows went up slightly and I heaved a big sigh. Hunter was a heck of a lot more intelligent than I had given him credit for. "I don't see a point in denying it; you're right, it was me. I figured that after all the crap his dad had put him through, it was only fair to give Sebastian the resources with which to move on with his life." I shrugged.

"How? How did you get the abusive douchebag to cough up the cash?" He arched a curious eyebrow.

"I went back to his house and confronted him. I made sure that he was the only one home, and just before he slammed the door in my face, I told him he'd better talk to me if he cared about his career…and his freedom. That got him to listen. I had absolutely no intention of staying inside that house any longer than necessary, so I cut right to the chase and told him that I would stop at the police station on my way home if he didn't cooperate with my terms. He tried the whole 'you have no proof' card, so I told him that I didn't need any. Testimony from Sebastian would be enough to make him lose his job, and that's if we _didn't_ win. The guy went all pale and asked me what I wanted. The rest is history." I explained.

"Wow, Anderson, who would have thought someone so small could have such a big backbone?"

"It wasn't bravery, Hunter, it was fear. Sebastian refused to let anyone help him get better, so I figured that I would have to find a way to make sure that he helped himself."

"Get better? What exactly is wrong with him?"

"If he never told you, then I'm not so sure I should either." I said hesitantly.

"Oh come on, don't be such a wimp. What the hell do you think he's going to do? Change his cellphone number again? When was the last time you spoke to him?" Hunter arched another eyebrow.

"The night he left." I admitted with a sigh.

"Exactly my point. He's made it pretty obvious that we're no longer part of his life, and although I'm not saying you should do the same, I don't think you owe him anything."

"That's not really how I choose to think about it…"

"Believe what you want, but either way, he's not even going to know you told me. Besides, Sebastian and I were friends…in a way."

"I guess you're right," I paused shortly before continuing, "He's Bulimic, has something called Rumination Disorder, and was diagnosed with heart disease about two years ago."

"Ouch; that's quite the hand he's been dealt there. No wonder he needed all that money." Hunter said pursing his lips.

"Yeah. And I don't even want to think about what would have happened to him if I hadn't convinced him to stay at my house that first night."

"Probably nothing good; his will for survival was…lacking. This is what I meant when I said there are other ways of saving people. I can't deal with the emotional stuff; my urge to punch people who cry is just too overpowering." He smiled dryly.

I suddenly remembered that there was something I wanted to ask him, but as hard as I wracked my brain, I just couldn't remember exactly what it was.

"Blaine? I don't want to know what you're thinking of, but you look slightly constipated." Dominic chuckled. I had almost forgotten he was there.

I frowned at him, but otherwise didn't reply. Then it hit me.

"Hunter, what exactly did you mean when you told me that Seb reminded you of your brother? Remember, that's what you told me when I asked you why you cared so much about him?" I made sure to keep my voice low enough so that no one else would be able to hear me.

Hunter stared at me for a few moments, probably surprised that I hadn't forgotten. He held my gaze as he replied, "I didn't always used to be an only child. I had a brother, Kellan; he was three years older than me. When he was 17, him and his friends went to a house party and got really drunk. In his intoxicated state, he thought it was a good idea to jump off the second floor balcony and into the pool; he fell incorrectly and collided with the corner of the swimming pool. He damaged his spine and cracked his skull; he was dead within an hour.

I said that Sebastian reminded me of him because he does. They look kinda similar, but his personality is what bears the most resemblance." Hunter explained.

"That must have been really tough on your family. I'm sorry, for what it's worth." I told him solemnly.

"Well as much as I would love to continue trading sob stories, I think I'm going to head to the only place in town where there is actually decent coffee…when they don't put pencils in it, anyway."

Jordan must have heard this, because he said, "I think I'll join you. I'm freezing my legs off here." He chuckled at his own joke. Everyone else just stared at him.

"What? It's not like I don't have a leg to stand on," He laughed again. The rest of us just kept on staring. Jordan sighed dramatically, "Fine, I get it; you're all putting your foot down. Okay, I'll stop now. But I do still want that coffee."

"Me too." Jeff said.

"Me three." Dominic agreed.

"Me five." Sam said, then quickly added, "Please, like Blaine is going to turn down coffee."

"That's true." Jordan patted my shoulder as he stood up. I got up too, followed by the other four.

The six of us had been walking for almost a quarter of a mile when I realized that I had forgotten my phone on the dock. I slapped my forehead and told the others to go on without me; that I needed to go meet my brother at home anyway. I told them I'd meet them at The Lima Bean in a few hours if they were still there.

I half-walked, half-jogged all the way back to the lake. The cold air was making my throat dry up, which didn't really make sense, since it was almost summer. It didn't take me any time to find the spot where we had been sitting, but I had to look around for a couple of seconds before I had successfully located my cellphone. I picked it up, and had taken a single step forward when I heard the distinct sound of wood cracking. I didn't even have time to curse before I had fallen through the timber, and splashed into the water underneath; taking a part of the dock down with me.

I gasped when my body plunged feet first into the freezing contents of the lake. Ignoring the pain from the pieces of wood that had landed on my head, I quickly swam back up to the surface, only to realize that the remainder of the dock was fifteen feet above water level, and the wooden poles that were supposed to keep the structure up, had been attached to the part of the dock that had snapped in two and fallen into the water. _Oh crap_.

I swam to the banks of the lake and saw that they were too steep for me to climb; and the fact that it was made out of loose sand didn't help either. By this point, I could tell my mind was on the verge of panic, but I pushed it aside and tried to think of a logical solution to my problem. I came up with one.

"Help! Help! Sam! Jordan! Hunter! Jeff! Dominic!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I screamed their names over and over and over, but I knew that by now they were way too far away to hear me. That didn't stop me from trying over and over and over again, though. For twenty straight minutes I called out for help, but when nothing happened, I decided to give it a rest for a while. Emphasis on _rest_ , since my limbs were tired of keeping me up, and the cold was eating away at my energy.

When my eyes started feeling droopy, it occurred to me that maybe the dense wooden chunks that had collided with the top of my head had been more serious than originally anticipated. Now my brain was in full panic mode, but I didn't care; all I cared about right now was grabbing onto the sand that made up the wall surrounding the lake. It was the only thing to hold onto. But I soon found an error in my plan; the sand was wet and slippery. Every time I would try and grab on, the sand would fall off and land in the water.

The only thing giving me hope was that Cooper would notice I'm late, and contact Sam or Jordan. Then they would realize what had happened and come back for me...right? Who am I kidding? There's no way that my brother is going to take notice of my absence, and there's no way the others will know something has happened to me. I started picturing what the heading will be for the newspaper article wherein my tragic death will be explained.

 **'High School senior drowns in nearby** lake' or **'Blaine Anderson, 18, a victim of negligence'** or maybe **'Teen dies after falling into lake when dock collapses'.**

 _Snap out of it, Blaine. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and find a way to get out of here._ Only one problem with that: there was no way out. I had tried everything, but had accomplished nothing.

I took a deep sigh and forced as many thoughts through my head as possible. The longer I keep thinking, the longer I keep my head above the water. I thought about my mom, my dad, Cooper, Sam, Jordan, Tina, Kurt, Jeff, Hunter, Dominic, Mr. Schue, Finn, Artie, Coach Sylvester, Marley, Kitty, Jake, Ryder, Quinn, Mike, Mercedes, Santana, Wade, Puck, Joe, Brittany, Rachel, Coach Beiste, Ms. Pillsbury, Becky, and even Principal Figgins. But there was one person who came to mind more often than anyone else; and of course it was Sebastian.

I remembered how I hadn't been able to sleep for the first few days after he left; how I hadn't been in the mood to eat. Having Jordan around had been the only thing that could cheer me up, but even that only worked to an extent. The only things I had to remind me of him was an old T-shirt he had forgotten at my house, a black rubber bracelet with faded words on it, and a picture of the two of us that had been taken by my brother when he had been trying to fix his camera. It hurt to think that that picture was now gone forever, since my phone was somewhere at the bottom of the lake, and I was pretty sure Cooper had deleted the picture off his camera.

Eventually I lost track of time and it became dark, but I didn't even notice what was going on around me until I started to cough. My head had sunk slightly, causing water to go into my nose. I decided to try grabbing onto the sand again, but my arms were so tired and numb that they were just too heavy to lift out of the water. Eventually they just stopped moving altogether.

I opened my mouth to scream again, but nothing came out. I stared up at the stars that had recently come out to shine (indicating that I had probably been here for at least 4 hours) and wondered if that would be the last thing I ever saw.

My eyes became too heavy to manage, so I closed them to give myself some peace. I was barely aware as my head slowly became engulfed in the lake, and water started to creep into my mouth, lungs, nose and ears. I opened my eyes one last time, and saw only black. I could practically feel my heart beat slowing down before my body started to jerk from the lack of oxygen.

I knew that I was slowly losing myself, so I managed to force one last thought of Sebastian into my head, before my awareness was stripped and my body started to sink.


	40. Chapter 40

_**Chapter 40**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

The sound of the blender woke me up. I threw off the covers, only to pull them right back up; it was freezing cold. So I reached over and grabbed my jacket that was half-on, half-off the nightstand, and put it on before re-attempting to leave the warmth of my bed.

It was at this point that I realized Alex wasn't here. That would explain the sound of the blender.

"Oh, so you are actually still alive." Alex grinned as soon as I walked into the kitchen.

"Somewhat," I yawned, "What on earth are you making?"

"Protein shake." He replied, putting a piece of apple into his mouth.

"Since when does that require a blender?"

"Since now."

"Whatever. How much is it going to take for you to make me breakfast?" I yawned again.

"And what exactly is wrong with your hands?"

"They're tired from sleep-deprivation thanks to your snoring." I smiled sarcastically.

"I only snore to drown out the conversations you have with yourself in your sleep." He shot back.

"Fine, we're even then. Now, are you going to make me breakfast or not?"

"Well, when you put it that way…" He said as he threw a whole apple into the blender.

"I don't think you're supposed to do that." I pointed out.

"Hey, no backseat shake making. But yeah, I'll make your damn breakfast; but then you eat what I make."

"Thank you, Alex." I grinned.

"Uh-huh. Don't you have pills to take or something?" He arched an eyebrow.

"Ugh, don't remind me." I groaned.

"Come on, Sebastian. You know you have to take them every day; if you don't, then they won't work."

"They've already worked."

"And in order for them to carry on working, you need to carry on taking them." Alex gave me a pointed look.

"Yes, _mother._ Fine, I'll go back to my room and drug myself." I dramatically slouched my shoulders and started heading out of the kitchen.

"Heart-warming words those."

I took out the three million medication bottles from my nightstand, filled a glass with water, and slowly made my way through my prescriptions. By the time I was done, I had a strong urge to bite someone. Drinking half my body weight in pills every morning definitely made me irritable.

When I got back to the kitchen, Alex was busy frying something on the stove and Arielle had come out of her room and was now busy making coffee. "Do you want some?" She asked me.

I grunted my response. This made her smile and turn to her son, "Tried to get out of taking his medication again, didn't he?"

"You know it." Alex said.

"That stuff tastes like crap and it makes me want to punch someone in the face…I really don't see why I have to keep taking it." I replied, pulling a face as an aftertaste hit me.

"When was the last time you tasted crap?" Alex sniggered.

"Oh shut up." I rolled my eyes.

"It's for your own good and you know it. Now, I have a proposal for you." Arielle addressed me.

"I'm listening."

"I'm on my way to go see a friend of mine who just got back into the country, and I think you should come with me. You've been cooped up in this house for far too long, and it's time you go out and un-coop yourself."

"I leave this house twice a week to go to those stupid psychotherapy sessions you make me go to." I pointed out defensively.

"Not what I meant. I have some business propositions I want to discuss with Sarah, but she has a son only a bit older than yourself that I'm sure you'll get along with."

"I don't get along with anyone." I mumbled as I threw a beetle into Alex's protein shake when he wasn't looking.

"Either you go willingly, or I drag you out by the ear; either way, you're coming with me." Arielle put her hands on her hips.

"Fine, I'll go get dressed. But I assure you, I am not going to bother being anything but myself." I gave her a glaring smile.

"You don't have to be; you're perfectly perfect just the way you are." She told me as I left the kitchen.

"Don't patronize me."

 ****…****

A few hours later we had parked outside a large house that I assumed belonged to her friend, Sarah. I didn't really care. I just wanted it to be over so I could go back to watching pointless _YouTube_ videos on my phone. In the last two weeks I had slipped into a kind of boredom that I didn't think possible, but here I was, living proof.

I followed Arielle as she ascended the stairs leading up to the front of the house, and just stood back as a lady around 45 answered the door and embraced my aunt. I had hoped that I would just blend into the background, but alas, the one time I wish I was invisible, I had to be blatantly noticeable.

"You must be the young nephew I've heard so much about." She smiled at me. I was more than a little surprised by her English accent.

"How many nephews do you have?" I gave Arielle a look.

"One less if you don't stop being rude." She gave me a subtle warning look.

It should probably have annoyed me that she spoke to me like I was a child, and yet, I was actually pretty cool with it. I'd never had a mother who scolded me when I was wrong, or attempted to correct my incorrect behaviour. Even though I'd only lived with Arielle Burke for 3 months, she was more of a mom to me than my own had ever been.

"You're right, I'm sorry. It's nice to meet you, I'm Sebastian." I extended my hand.

"Sarah. You know it's funny, I can actually see the resemblance." She grinned.

"Really?" I couldn't hide the hint of delight in my voice.

"Definitely; especially in your face shape. Oh, I'm sorry, come inside."

As I followed the two women into the house, it suddenly occurred to me that before Arielle, I had never gotten along with a female before. I mean _really_ gotten along with. Usually I didn't know what to say to them or what to do around them, but with her, none of that stuff had ever been a problem. It's like I felt accepted the second I had walked into her house. And although regret of leaving Ohio would plague me sometimes, she was the one thing I would never change.

"Would either of you like something to drink?" Sarah wondered.

"Tea would be lovely." My aunt replied.

"When in Rome, huh?" I grinned at her. Sarah found this hilarious and started laughing.

"Would you like anything, Sebastian?" She asked me.

"Coffee please."

She nodded, "Let me go make that quickly."

"How about you just show me where and I'll make it? You two can catch up or gossip or scheme or whatever it is you two wanted to do." I suggested.

"We're actually going to do all three. I like him, he understands me so well," Sarah smiled, "Let me just call my son to help you. Adam!"

My lips curved slightly as I saw a guy in his early twenties walk into the hallway. I'd never really been attracted to blondes, but this guy was an exception.

Yes- Oh, hello there." He smiled when he saw my aunt and me.

"Adam, you remember my friend, Arielle Burke, don't you? And this is her nephew, Sebastian." Sarah gestured to me. Adam's eyes met mine and I realized for the first time just how blue his eyes really were.

"It's nice to meet you," He shook my hand, then turned to my aunt, "And it's very nice to see you again."

"You as well. Are you still in NYADA?"

"Yes I am; it's amazing." Adam smiled warmly.

"Would you please help Sebastian? He offered to make us some tea." She said to her son.

"Of course. Follow me." Despite the fact that I had mentally groaned when I heard he was in NYADA, I couldn't get enough of his accent.

"How long have you been in New York?" I asked him.

"Four years now. My parents moved here just after I graduated high school. How about you? I heard you only recently went to live with Mrs. Burke." He said as he handed me 3 mugs.

"You heard right. It's only been three months now."

"Where did you live before?" Adam asked.

"Ohio, LA, Paris, Florida. I've been all over." I explained.

"That must be fun, going to so many different places."

"I guess. But I think New York has been my favorite so far. What's NYADA like?" I wondered curiously.

"It's really tough sometimes, but then there are those moments when you realize that you're exactly where you're supposed to be." His smile widened.

"What you there for? Acting? Dancing? Singing? All of the above?"

"Technically it's theatre, so all of it. But I got in because of my acting and singing skills; my dancing could do with some work," He chuckled, "Why? You interested in applying?"

"Nah. I mean, I'm good with all three of those things, but I don't think that's where I'm heading with my life."

"Really? You're good with all three? Now you sound like my boyfriend." Adam snorted as he poured boiling water into the cups.

I laughed silently. I had secretly suspected that he was gay, and now my theory had been confirmed. Another thought popped into my head.

"Hmm. If you don't mind me asking, what's his name?" I did my best to sound casual.

"Kurt." That one single word pretty much confirmed my second theory.

"Kurt Hummel?"

Adam turned and frowned at me, "Yeah. How did you know?"

"I said I came from Ohio, remember? To be more specific, Westerville and Lima. Kurt and I have met on several occasions."

"Small world," He was smiling again, "Are you two friends?"

"Yeah right," I snorted, "Not even when hell freezes over."

"Ouch. It sounds like you two really didn't get along."

"That's an understatement."

"Why not? I mean, he pretty much seems to get along with everybody. Is it-is it because he's gay?" Adam wondered cautiously.

"I would be one heck of a hypocrite is that were the reason. No, it has absolutely nothing to do with his sexuality. We just don't see eye to eye; never have, probably never will." I shrugged.

"I see."

"Is it going to be awkward now?" I gave him an amused smile.

"No, why would it? I judge people for myself, not based on what other people think of them. Just one more question before changing the subject: how did you meet him? Were you two in the same school?"

"Hah. I think I'd rather be friends with Hitler than go to a public school. No, I was in Dalton Academy; McKinley's glee club's rival." I told him.

"Ohhhhh, now I know who you are. The name took a while to click."

"Okay, then I think it's appropriate to re-ask: are things going to be awkward now?" This was by far the most interesting conversation I'd had in the last few months, and I'm sure my face showed it.

"No," He chuckled, "You're very different to what he described. And I think you're interesting."

"Although I would suggest that you say nothing of this to him, since I'm pretty sure he hates me more than I hate him. I doubt he's going to be happy that you're conversing with the enemy."

"Okay, now I think is a good time for a subject change. But first, I say we bring the ladies their tea." Adam handed me one of the cups, and took the other one himself. Sarah and Arielle were in the dining room, laughing and chatting merrily. They thanked us and subtly motioned for us to go occupy ourselves.

"You said you were good with acting, right?" Adam asked me.

I nodded.

"Then do you think you could help me run lines? It's part of an assignment that we have to perform on Monday."

"Sure," I shrugged, "It will be the first productive thing I've done in the last two weeks."

"Great," I followed him as he walked down the hallway, "What did you do before the last two weeks that was productive?"

"I finished high school. Due to some unforeseen problems back in Ohio, I wasn't able to graduate, so I just wrote the exams and got my diploma."

"Are you going to go to college?"

"I haven't really decided yet. Maybe. But I have no idea what I would go study." I told him honestly.

"Where do your interests lie?" I realized that the room we walked into was his bedroom. He grabbed a backpack and started looking through it. After a few seconds, he took out a small stack of papers that I assumed must have been his script.

"Interests? Singing and dancing are pretty much the only two things I've ever really been interested in, but I know that that is not what I wanna go do."

"So nothing else tickles your fancy?" Adam wondered.

"'Tickles my fancy'? Wow, you really are British."

He grinned and handed me a couple of pages, "You be the one called Kalon; I'm Navid."

"Okay, what is up with these weird names?"

"I have no idea. Especially since they thought it was a good idea to give a blonde English guy a character called 'Navid'. But oh well, that's why they call it acting. You ready? Just start from the top."

"Okay," I nodded before reading the first line, "'I never meant to hurt you, I swear.'"

"'Then why did you do it? Surely you must have known what this would do to me?'"

"'Yes, I did. That's why we decided to not tell you; at least, not right away.'"

"'Were you going to let it continue? Have you made your choice? Have you chosen her over me?'" This was the first time Adam looked up from his sheet of paper.

"Momentary cut. What in the hell is going on here? Because I have no damn clue."

"Kalon and Navid have been best friends for 9 years, ever since they were little kids. Then Navid meets this girl called Steffany, and they start going out. But Kalon starts to fall in love with her, and naturally, starts seeing her behind his friend's back. It isn't explained how, but eventually Navid finds out and that's what our scene is about." Adam explained.

"Okay, I think I got it now. 'No, of course I haven't. I couldn't. You are my brother, in almost every sense of the word.'"

"'There was a time where I would have said the same, but now? I feel betrayed. I feel used.'"

"'By whom?"

"'The two people I used to love most on this earth.'"

"'What do you mean 'used to'?'"

Before Adam could read his next line, I heard my aunt calling my name. "Sebastian, I think you're going to want to see this."

"Be right back." I said before heading over into the dining room. The TV was on and both women were staring at it. I frowned, and stared as well, since Arielle wasn't giving me any indication as to why she had called me over.

There was a male news anchor on the screen, and I had to strain myself to hear what he was saying until Sarah turned the volume higher.

"And now for our last story of the evening. In Lima, Ohio yesterday there was a terrible accident involving a young man and an old dock. Apparently this boy and a few of his friends were enjoying some time in the sun yesterday, lying around on an old quay that was suspended over a lake. As it was getting late, the boys decided to head over to a local coffee shop instead. The group had gotten a fair amount of distance between themselves and said lake, before the victim suddenly realized that he had forgotten his phone. So he told his friends to go on without him, and that he'll catch up later."

The more he talked, the more I could feel my heart quickening. I mentally forced myself to calm down and listened further.

"Since we have no witnesses, we can only guess about the events that transpired next. We suspect that the dock had been weakened as a result of its age, so with the weight of all the people who visited the lake over the past few years, it must have been severely destabilized. It's not really a surprise that when our victim set foot upon the structure for the second time that day, it collapsed and all but split in half. A third of the dock went down with the boy."

By this point my fingers were intertwined, and in front of my face as I waited in painful angst to hear the end of the story as well as the identity of the victim.

"The child was out there in the water for hours. It is suspected that he acquired a minor concussion as a result of the wood making contact with the top of his head in the fall. This mixed in with the temperature of the water made for unforeseeable circumstances, yet the boy fought bravely. For nearly five hours he kept his head above the water and called for help. We can now reveal that the identity of the child is 18 year-old high school student, Blaine Devon Anderson."

My heart stopped. My mouth dried up and my eyes filled with tears. I went numb and lost feeling in every part of my body. My mind kept repeating, _No, no, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening._

After a few seconds of this, I once again had to force myself to calm down and listen to the man on the TV.

"Blaine's friends went back later that night when they couldn't get hold of him. By that time it was pitch black, making it pretty hard to see, but the group of 5 found their way back to the dock…or what was left of it. It was instantly obvious that something very bad had happened, and four of the boys jumped in after their fallen friend. Unfortunately, they were too late. Blaine was already dead.

It was a terrible tragedy that victimized an innocent child. Its times like these we wish we could lay the blame on someone; someone who could be punished for killing this young man. But alas, it was just a terrible accident."

I had stopped listening. I had stopped feeling. The tears that had been burning my eyes spilled over and ran down my cheeks. My legs no longer had the energy to keep me up, and my knees buckled forward. I tried to breathe, I tried to form a word…but there was nothing. I wanted to cry, and although there were involuntary tears rolling down my face, I couldn't even do that. I had utterly and completely lost control of myself.

The only thing I was capable of, was thinking of Blaine. The one person I loved more than anything and anyone. And now he was dead. Now he was gone. Forever.

I would never again be able to hold him in my arms, never again be able to see his beautiful eyes smile, never again be able to make him laugh, never again be able to hear his voice, never again be able to kiss his lips, never again be able to tell him how much I love him.

The next thing that went through my mind was that this was all just a dream. This couldn't possibly be real. I was going to wake up very soon and praise the Lord that he was still alive. I wasn't going to be here kneeling on the flooring, regretting that I hadn't spoken a single word to him since the day I left. I wasn't going to be kneeling here hating myself for ever leaving in the first place. I wasn't going to be kneeling here wishing more than ever that I wasn't alive to be feeling this.

I had never lost anyone that I cared about, and now to lose the person I cared about most…I couldn't handle it. Every second that went by just added to my suffocation. How can I still be breathing when my lifeline was dead?


	41. Chapter 41

_**Chapter 41**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

"Okay ladies and gentleman, the plane will be landing shortly. Thank you for choosing this airline and we hope you've had a good flight."

I was barely listening to a single word the flight attendant was saying. All my attention was focused on looking through the window at the familiar airport that was slowly coming into sight. I was aching to get off this plane. I was aching to get to Lima.

As soon as the aircraft's doors opened, I was the first out and practically ran toward the back entrance of the airport. I didn't stop moving until I had run through the whole building at full speed, and stolen a cab from a middle-aged business man.

"Get me to Lima." I ordered. The driver nodded without a single word and started the car.

I stared at the stars through the window as I thought about what the hell I was going to do when I reached my destination. He was already dead, there was no changing that. So why had I climbed on the first plane I could find to get back to Ohio? It didn't take me two seconds to figure out that I actually did know the answer to that question. I had come here for closure. I needed to know exactly what had happened and I needed to know exactly why it had happened. I was never going to be content until I knew the whole truth. Well, as close to content as I would ever be, considering the circumstances.

"Do you have a specific address you want to get to?" The driver spoke for the first time, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Um, yeah," I gave him the directions to Blaine's house.

And before long, we were there. I paid the guy his money, took a deep breath, and then got out of the car. I nervously walked toward the front of the house and took another deep breath. I decided to stop wasting time, so I knocked on the door. I waited for a minute, but nothing happened; I knocked again. Still nothing.

Logically, it made sense that no one was home, but my frustration didn't care about logic right now. I banged on the door until my hands were throbbing and I had no strength left in my arms.

I then sighed in defeat and sat down on the porch step, burying my face in my hands. If I hadn't been such an idiot, I would never have thrown away my old phone without copying over all my contacts. Now I was stuck with this technological piece of crap that served absolutely no purpose except to mock me. The only number I had bothered to memorize was Blaine's, and I doubted that would help right now.

My head shot up. That's it. I could call his number; it was possible that someone else was in possession of Blaine's cellphone.

I fumbled to get my own phone out of my pocket and instantly started dialling the right numbers. The only problem was that my hands were shaking so much, I had to re-dial the number three times because I kept pressing the wrong buttons. Eventually though, I got it right and it started to ring. I sat there anxiously tapping my leg as I listened and waited.

My hope had almost died out by the time it reached its 15th ring, but then the phone made that clicking sound and I heard a male voice at the other end. For one small split-second I imagined it had been Blaine's voice, but I then realized I was right about the last name, just not the first. It was Cooper.

"Hello? Blaine's phone, this is his brother speaking."

I wanted to say something, anything, but no words would come out. If I talked to him, and he told me everything, then it would be too official. It would be too real. It would be over, and Blaine would really be gone. I sighed upon realizing this, and was just about to hang up the phone when Cooper spoke again, "Sebastian? Is that you?"

I froze. "Y-yes."

"I was wondering when you'd call. I suppose you saw the news?" I could hear the shakiness in his voice.

"I did." I nodded.

"We would have told you ourselves, we would have called, but no one knew how to contact you-"

"Please, you don't have to explain." I spoke through clenched teeth, since it was all I could do to stop myself from crying again. I didn't even want to imagine what Cooper must be going through, and here he was, apologizing to me.

"I think we need to talk. Are you in town?"

"Yeah. I'm in front of your mom's house." I explained.

"I'm on my way right now."

"Cooper…" I had no idea what I was about to say.

"I'll see you soon." He hung up the phone.

I stared down at the ground and closed my eyes. My thoughts went to the first night I had stayed over here, after we had gone to my parents' house. I thought about the things Blaine had said to me, about how he promised to protect me from my father. How he had literally argued with me so that I would stay with him; all because he wanted to protect me.

How was it fair that someone like that, someone with such a big heart, has to die before their life has really begun? And someone like me, someone's who's been nothing but selfish for as long as he can remember, is still alive? Maybe it's punishment for everything that I've done, since I couldn't think of a single thing that could possibly be more painful.

There I go again, thinking everything's about me. This is about Blaine. This is about Blaine's family.

These thoughts kept ricocheting around my head, but stopped when I saw a car approaching. I quickly decided to put my own personal feelings aside, since any pain I was going through right now, would be nothing compared to what Cooper was feeling.

I watched as he stopped the car, got out and came to sit down next to me. Somehow I expected him to look different, but he looked exactly the same he had 3 months ago. Except for something in his eyes that had definitely not been there before.

"Hey." He said.

"Hi." I tightened my jaw again.

"You look like I'm feeling."

"Trust me, I look a lot better on the outside than I feel on the inside." I looked at the floor again.

Cooper smiled slightly, "Don't we all? I need to tell you something, Sebastian...it's about Blaine."

"What?" My voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Firstly, the news people got their facts wrong. My dad considered suing them, but then figured it was unnecessary hassle right now. I was just afraid that you would see it and find out like this." He told me.

"It's my own fault the way I found out. I don't really know why I decided to cut contact with everyone in this town. It was stupid. Which-which facts did they get wrong?" I almost didn't want to know.

"The part about Blaine being dead."

My head shot up again. "What?" I searched his eyes for a sign that he wasn't being serious, that he was making it up. But there was nothing.

"I mean, technically he did die, since he stopped breathing for a few minutes. But Hunter and Jeff performed CPR on him, and got his heart to start again. This was two days ago." Cooper explained.

"Hunter and Jeff?" I frowned. "Never mind. Where's Blaine now? Is he okay?"

"That's the thing I needed to talk to you about. His body's alive, but it's almost like his mind isn't."

"He's brain dead?" My jaw dropped in horror.

"No, not exactly. But he is in a coma, and the doctors have no idea when, or even if, he's going to wake up. My mom is out of her mind, and right now my dad is the only person who can get her to stop crying. Honestly, I was so relieved when you called; it gave me an excuse to get away for a while. We've been sitting in the hospital for two days now, and the fact that nothing's changing is getting really frustrating." Cooper ran his fingers through his hair.

"Is it bad that I'm really happy he isn't dead? I mean, I can't imagine how tough it must for you guys, but he's still breathing; there's still hope."

"It isn't wrong at all. I don't even want to think about how I would have felt if I saw on the news that someone I love had died, only to find out that the stupid reporters liked the melodrama of it all and decided to 'forget' to mention that he wasn't actually dead. Do you want to come back to the hospital with me? You won't be able to see him I'm afraid, since they're not letting non-family members in. But Sam is there, as well as Jeff and Jordan."

"Yeah, I'd like that." I nodded slowly.

"Come on, I'll drive you."

…

I'd been in the hospital plenty of times before, but never before had I felt so torn about being here. On the one hand, I needed to be here, I needed to be as close to Blaine as I could be. But on the other, I was scared. Bad things happened in hospitals, for example coma patients dying. I'd seen things like this on TV before, and most of the time I would be rooting for the people in the coma to die, just to bring some kind of entertainment value to the whole thing. But right now, Blaine dying was the absolute worst thing I could think of. I couldn't lose him a second time.

I followed Cooper as he led me to the correct waiting room. I wasn't even vaguely aware of where we were going; my thoughts were a hell of a lot more noticeable. It dimly occurred to me that the last time I was here, I was the one at risk of losing his life. This almost made me wish once again that I had actually died that morning, but I quickly pushed that thought away. My psychiatrist won't stop telling me that I need to stop focusing on my regrets, and instead focus on my accomplishments. My usual response was a snort and snarky comment about how I've actually never accomplished anything.

I only started being aware of my surroundings the second I saw two very familiar blonde-haired boys. My eyes especially drifted toward the on the left; besides Blaine, he was probably the one person I had missed most.

"Sebastian," He said when he saw me. He then rose from his seat and walked towards me, only stopping when he was standing right in front of me. He stared at my face for about a second before putting his arms around me. Although the embrace was very welcome, at the same time I didn't want him to hug me. People hugging me right now just made me want to cry. So I buried my head in his shoulder and did my best to stop the tears. "Hey, Jeff." I told him softly.

"Hey, Seb. Long time no see." I could hear him smiling.

"Yeah." I nodded slightly.

"I'm guessing you saw the news. How are you holding up?"

"Not so good." I admitted.

"He's going to be fine. We both know he's not the type to go down without a fight."

I pulled out of his arms to look him in the face, "But what if he just never wakes up? His brain activity could get less and less and less, and then one day they have no choice but to declare him brain dead."

"You're getting ahead of yourself. The doctors said that they have no reason to suspect a decrease in his mental state. They suspect that this might just be his body's way of coping with the shock of it all. And if that is the case, which they believe it is, then it'll ware off in a matter of days, if not hours, and he's going to wake up just as he was before. Plus I've been praying non-stop for the past few days, so there's really no way he's _not_ going to wake up." Jeff grinned reassuringly.

"Thank you, Jefferson," I put my arms around him again, "I heard you and Hunter saved him. So thank you. And I know you did it for him, but I still feel this really strong urge to thank. So thank you."

"It was a team effort. Dominic and Sam got him out of the water, Hunter did the CPR and I gave him mouth-to-mouth. I cannot tell you how happy I was when his heart started going again; we had no idea how long he'd been under." He explained.

Hearing these words made it all that much harder to stop the tears from spilling over. It made me realize how close it had been; if they had been stalled for as little as 10 minutes, Blaine really would be dead right now.

"Thank you." I repeated in a whisper.

"Hey come on, it's going to be okay," Jeff said as he moved his hand up and down my back in a soothing motion. Oddly enough, this didn't work. Unable to stop it, a tear found its way down my cheek. I buried my face even deeper into his neck, not wanting anyone to see me cry.

"You know, if you're not careful, people might start thinking that you actually do have feelings. Wouldn't wanna ruin your reputation, now would you?" He was smiling again.

I snorted and pulled away, wiping at my eyes. My blonde friend smiled at me one last time before turning around and resuming his seat. For the first time I noticed the golden-haired boy sitting next to Jeff. I assumed that this was Jordan, since I'd never actually seen him before. He must have been thinking something similar, since he held my gaze.

"Oh yeah, you two haven't met yet. Sebastian, this is Jordan; Jordan, this is Sebastian." Jeff said, gesturing to each of us in turn.

"It's nice to finally put a face to your name." I extended my arm.

"You two," He smiled, "Well technically, I've seen pictures so I knew what you looked like. But it's still really great to meet you. I've heard a lot." Jordan shook my hand.

"Same here," I nodded and took the seat between the blondes, casting a look toward the one on my left, "Hey, Sam."

"Hi, Sebastian. You look good." He gave me a friendly smile.

"Thanks." I replied, looking at my watch. It was 21:37. I sighed and slouched my shoulders; I had only been here for a few minutes, but the frustration was already affecting me. I had no idea how everyone else had been doing it for two days. I was going crazy after two minutes.

"You're going to have to be patient, Seb. Otherwise you'll drive yourself mad with anxiety." Jeff pointed out, obviously noticing my un-comfortability.

"Yeah, I get the whole 'patience is a virtue' thing. But there's just one problem; I have no virtues. And if I did, it certainly wouldn't be patience." I sighed again.

"No kidding." He snorted. Normally I would probably have given him some kind of glare, but right now I couldn't care less. My attention was all focused on wishing for Blaine to wake up, to get better.

30 minutes went by in absolute silence, until it was broken by the sound of a familiar voice saying. "Did we miss anything? I guess we did." I looked up to see Hunter and Dominic standing a few feet away. Dominic had been the one who had spoken.

"When did you get here?" Hunter asked as he walked closer.

"40 minutes or so." I shrugged.

"I'd say it's good to see you, but considering the circumstances…" Dominic had a small smile on his face.

"It's still good to see you, Dom. I never officially said bye to you, so this is just a little bit awkward." I returned his slight smile.

"Nah, we're cool. Although it wouldn't have killed you to call once in a while." Since Sam had moved over when he changed positions, Dominic had space to take the seat next to mine.

"So clingy." I shook my head.

Dominic grinned and gave me a one-armed hug. Thinking back to what Jeff had said about Dominic being one of the guys who dived in after Blaine, I wanted to put both my arms around him and squeeze as hard as I could, but considering that would be really weird, I settled for a smile.

Hunter remained silent and took the seat next to his brother.

Something occurred to me and I turned to Jeff, "Do you know who Blaine's doctor is?"

"He has a few, but you'll recognize the one; Doctor Gordon. He was yours last time you were here. I really don't like that guy." Jeff grimaced.

"Is he the one who accused me and Blaine of trying to kill Sebastian?" Sam asked.

"That's the one. He gave me this patronizing greeting when he saw me. I expect he'll do the same for you three when he sees you." He said to me, Sam and Hunter.

"I just hope he's a better doctor than a detective." Hunter pointed out to no one in particular.

"Yeah." Jeff agreed with a yawn.

"How long have you been here?" I asked him.

"Since Blaine was admitted. He refuses to leave." Dominic replied.

"Jordan's also been here the whole time. And it's not like we haven't slept; I was asleep for at least 4 hours last night." Jeff said feebly.

"What about eating? Or showering? When was the last time you did that?" I pressed.

"Are _you_ seriously lecturing _me_ on not eating?" He looked amused.

"Now you know how annoying it is. But I really think you should go home, kid. Get some rest and come back tomorrow." I suggested.

"A bed sounds pretty good right about now. But what about them?" He pointed to Hunter, Dominic and Jordan. "If I'm going, they're going. Besides the two hours they left to go do homework, they've also been here the entire time."

"Jeff has a point," Dominic agreed, "I would kill for a hot shower. Wait, was that a bad choice of words?"

"My mom _has_ been bugging me and Dom to go home for the last day. I think I also need a shower." Hunter agreed.

"I need to take off these damn prosthetics, they're seriously making me itch." Jordan pulled face as he scratched his knee.

"I need to help my brother with his homework tomorrow morning; I should get some sleep as well." Just like everyone else, Sam was reluctant to leave.

Despite this, the five boys rose together (this was made even weirder by the fact that they were all almost the exact same height. Dominic being slightly taller than everyone else, and Jordan slightly shorter).

"Are you going to be okay on your own?" Jeff wondered.

"I'm a big boy now, remember? I turned 18 a few months ago."

He rolled his eyes and smiled at me before following the other guys out.

And then there was one.

I didn't mind being on my own. In fact, in this current situation, I actually preferred it. It meant that I didn't have to pretend to be okay, because I seriously wasn't. And if Blaine didn't wake up, I doubted I ever would be.

"Did you actually manage to convince those boys to leave?" Cooper appeared out of nowhere and sat down next to me.

"Yeah. Teenagers really shouldn't go two days without showering; the stench was making me see spots." I mumbled without looking up.

"Well I also talked my parents into getting some rest. The more tired my mom gets, the more she worries. So we're going to head home for the night, but since I don't want my baby brother to be alone right now, I got special permission for you to stay with him until we get back. Is that okay?" He asked me.

"Wha-yeah, of course it is." I stammered. Seeing Blaine was the one thing I'd wanted to do for the last 3 months. Although, in my daydreams he wasn't in a coma.

"Cool. So his room is down that hall, 5th one on the left. The door will be closed, but that's only for privacy purposes. See you tomorrow, Sebastian," Cooper squeezed my shoulder and rose from his chair, heading toward the elevator. He stopped midway, and turned back to me, "You should talk to him. The doctor said it helps." With that, he left.

I nodded to myself and stood up as well. I felt really bad for Cooper Anderson right now. It seemed like he was constantly trying to make everyone else feel better; and this made me wonder if there was anyone doing the same to him. I once again realized that whatever I was feeling right now, had to be a lot worse in his mind.

I made my way down the hallway and stopped in front of the 5th door, taking a deep breath before opening it. I closed it before casting a glance at the motionless boy on the bed. I still refused to look at him as I walked around and sat down on one of the chairs that had obviously been put there by his family.

But I knew I needed to stop stalling the inevitable, so I brought my head up, and looked at him. I smiled sadly. There Blaine was, looking more peaceful than I had ever seen him, but I imagined that whatever was going on in his head right now must have been anything but peaceful. He just looked like he was sleeping, like he would have to wake up soon, since it was very uncommon for people to sleep for more than two days. But the problem was that he wasn't sleeping, and there was a big chance he would never wake up.

I reached up and grabbed his hand, squeezing it with the both of mine. I didn't like that he felt cold, I really didn't like it. I brought his hand up to my face and kissed it. "Hey, Blaine. It's been a while, hasn't it? You look good; hell, you always look good. Especially now that there isn't a trace of gel in your hair. It really suits you.

So uh, what have you been up to? Hanging out with the Warblers, apparently. You know, I've actually given some thought as to whether or not you and Dominic would get along. I've never been able to figure that one out. You two are very different from one another, but then again, so are you and I.

But I did always know that you and Hunter would get along. Probably better than him and me, since I've always gotten the feeling that he _really_ doesn't like me. I don't actually know why that is. I mean, look at me; how can anyone not love this? It could be that he's struggling to come to terms with his attraction to me, but even I doubt that.

I had actually been meaning to ask you: did me leaving Lima actually pay off? I mean, how are things between you and Tina? And the rest of your very diverse friends? I hope they realized how selfish they were being, because your kindness didn't merit that kind of backlash.

Okay, its official, I am really bad at this whole talking thing. Well actually, I'm pretty good at manipulating people to get what I want, but being honest is a bit harder. Is that pathetic? Obviously _you_ would say no, but that's only because you don't want to hurt my feelings. You shouldn't though, worry about that. I'm pretty good at taking brutal honesty. It's kinda all I've been hearing for the past couple of months.

Since I know that you would ask me if you were awake right now, I'm going to answer your question. I actually get along really well with my aunt. Her name is Arielle, she's pretty amazing. People keep saying I look like her…isn't that cool? She has two kids, Alex and Riley. Riley is the eldest, she's 21; Alex is only a couple of months older than me. We're always arguing about something or other, but we never really mean it. I think he's just always wanted a brother, or someone who was like a brother." I heaved a sigh and squeezed Blaine's hand again.

"Why the hell am I talking about _that_? There is so much that I want to tell you, but for some reason my mind is drawing a blank. I don't know what to say or how to say it.

I'm really sorry I left, I really am. In some ways I regret it, but in others, I think it might have been necessary. I'm finally making a dent in this whole getting-my-life-back-on-track thing; you know, I'm finally starting to get better. I can eat almost anything now, and I've been taking medication for my heart. I've gained 15 pounds since you last saw me…the more I saw that out loud, the fatter I feel. Although, I have a strong suspicion that most of that comes from the tons of pills I have to ingest every day.

Arielle is also making me do psychotherapy," I grimaced as I said it, "It makes me feel gayer that I know what that word means. But I think its helping. Especially with the depression." I spoke softly as I stared at his face.

"I really miss you, Blaine. I've missed you since the second I walked out of your house. I honestly never planned on coming back here, but then I saw that story on the news. You wanna know what's worse? They said that you were dead. For half a day I thought you were gone. Those were by far the worst 10 hours of my life. It felt like my heart had been ripped apart and burned at the stake. I physically couldn't breathe, I couldn't stand, I could barely form a single thought. For as long as I live, I don't ever want to feel something like that again.

This is my way of begging you to come back. I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, then you can't give up. You need to keep fighting whatever battle is going on inside your mind, and you need to come out victorious. You have so much to live for, you still have everything ahead of you. There are still so many things you haven't seen, or felt, or experienced. You have so many people who love you.

Your parents refused to leave your side, they've been here since the second you were admitted. Cooper had to practically drag them away so that they could get some sleep. And the same goes for Sam, Hunter, Jordan, Jeff and Dominic. They've also been here the entire time, hoping and praying that what they did to save you was enough. And your brother told me that the entire glee club was here for more than a day, but their parents forced them to go home for the rest of the night. Your brother also mentioned that Gay-face, I mean _Kurt,_ has been phoning hourly to find out if anything has changed. Him, Lopez and Berry are flying down here tomorrow; this of course means that they're going to be skipping classes at their precious NYADA. So, you know, if you care about your ex-boyfriend's future, you'd wake up now."

I looked at him expectantly, but still, he remained absolutely motionless. I slouched in my chair.

"Am I crazy for believing? Am I insane for hoping? I don't know the statistics, but it almost feels like there are more people who never come out of a coma than there are people who do. I want to keep this faith, I really do. For as long as you breathe I'm going to try and hold on, but it's so much easier said than done.

Can I tell you something? You know how my family is Catholic? Well I used to go to Church with them when I was a kid, but when my dad found out I was gay, he thought me too 'unholy' to step foot inside God's house. So I stopped going. I also stopped believing in Him. I figured that what my dad said was true, that God hated me because I liked guys. So I figured, if He hates me, why bother?

Anyway, my point is that I haven't prayed in over 5 years. But right now, I need every bit of hope and faith that there is available, and since Jeff opened my eyes a bit, I'm going to pray for you."

I closed my eyes and held Blaine's hand in front of my face, kissing it again before I looked up toward the ceiling and started speaking,

"So, hey God. I know it's been a while, but I really need to ask a favor. I know that I don't deserve it, I know that. I've been a pretty bad person for most of my life, and I've never really tried to make up for that. And I'm sorry. But this isn't about me; it's about this beautiful boy right next to me. As I'm sure you know, he's pretty damn-I mean **dang** amazing guy. His heart is gigantic, and he's got all his priorities straight; everyone likes him and he's one of the kindest people I've ever met. He saved my life in more ways than one, and I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. A lot of hearts will be broken if he doesn't wake up, and a lot of lives will be ruined. A mother and father will lose their child, a man will lose his brother, many will lose their friend, and I'd have lost my salvation. So here I am, begging with everything that I am, everything that I could ever be, that you please, please save him. I know that he would make one incredibly remarkable Angel, but he could do that here on earth too. He's my angel.

I'm sorry that I trusted my dad instead of my own heart, and I'm sorry that I stopped believing. I am truly sorry. And I know it's not my place to decide when a person's time has come, but I am pleading with you to not let it be his. I know you're a pretty busy guy, and I know that compared to global warming and hunger this is a pretty trivial matter, but it isn't trivial to me or anyone else who cares about him. When I thought he was dead, it felt like my whole world had been taken from me. So what I'm basically saying, is that although this isn't the end of the world, it could be the end of mine."

It was as I opened my eyes that I felt Blaine's hand move in mine. My heart picked up and I looked back at his face. His eyes were moving and he started to moan.

"Blaine!" I rose from the chair so quickly that it almost fell over. "Blaine, can you hear me?"

His eyes slowly opened and he met my gaze. My heart almost broke for the second time in less than 18 hours when I saw a small smile form on his lips. "Hey, Seb." He whispered.

The emotions I felt right now were so overpowering that I felt tears burning in my eyes. I did my best to push them back. "I need to go call the doctor or nurse…or any other hospital employee." I moved to the door, but was stopped by Blaine's grip on my wrist.

"No, don't. They'll call my parents and make you leave. I don't want you to go." His voice was almost back to normal.

"Okay." I nodded slowly and went to stand right next to the bed, not letting go of Blaine's hand.

"Is it night?" He wondered.

"Yeah. It's probably almost 11."

"The light is hurting my eyes." Blaine said, continually blinking.

"Do you want me to put it off?"

He nodded.

It took me a minute before I found the light switch on the wall and pressed the button. I was a little disappointed, because now I couldn't see Blaine anymore.

I moved slowly in the dark until I had reached the bed again. I felt his hand on my arm.

"Lie with me. Please."

Without responding, I kicked off my shoes and slowly climbed onto the bed, making very sure not to touch Blaine; I had this irrational fear that I would somehow hurt him.

I heard him chuckle before he said, "You don't have to be so careful. The only external injury I have is to my head, and I can't feel anything. Give me your hand."

I did as he requested, then moved closer to him until our shoulders were touching. He laced my fingers through his and pulled my arm until it was wrapped around his torso. I smiled and rested my forehead against his temple.

"I really missed you too." Blaine whispered.

"You heard me?"

"Yeah, I did. See, was that so hard to say?"

I laughed. "You sure don't let things go, do you?"

"This doesn't feel real, somehow." Blaine mumbled almost incoherently.

"You probably have some drugs in your system because of the head injury. But I don't, and this doesn't feel real to me either."

"Do you think I'm in Heaven?"

"I doubt it," I snorted, "What would I be doing here? Hell doesn't even want me, remember?"

"This feels like Heaven." Blaine repeated, obviously ignoring my last comment. He sounded really out of it; I suspected he would fall asleep again pretty soon.

"I'd be okay with it if it were." I said softly.

"Don't leave me, okay?" He whispered.

"I won't." I promised as I kissed his temple.


	42. Chapter 42

_**Chapter 42**_

 **Blaine's POV**

I woke up drenched in sweat with my heart beating rapidly. I sat upright, confused by my current location. Why was I in the hospital? It took me a second before all the memories came flooding back to me, but when they did, I was left with another question: where was Sebastian? Why wasn't he here? It occurred to me that I could have been dreaming when he came to see me last night, and that the whole thing had just been a figment of my imagination. Could I actually have dreamt that whole thing? Who am I kidding, of course I did. He specifically told me that he was never coming back; I was stupid to think otherwise. I heaved a sigh and lay back down, feeling utterly miserable. I had missed having him around so much that my stupid brain had tricked me into feeling better. Manipulative little brain.

I put my arms behind my head and stared up at the ceiling, realizing for the first time that I was actually alive. Somehow someone must have found me and pulled me out of the water before I had a chance to drown. I suddenly longed for someone, anyone, to come in here so that I could ask them who had saved my life, because I owed whoever it was a huge thank you. I owed them way more than that, to be honest. How the heck do you re-pay someone for literally being the thing that stood between me being here and me _not_ being here right now?

An object caught my attention out of the corner of my eyes, and I saw that it was my cellphone. But how is that possible? It fell into the lake when I did…unless I dropped it when the dock broke. In which case it must have slipped out of my hand and landed on the part of the quay that remained intact. I reached for it to make sure that it was indeed mine. And it was.

It was as I was looking through my call log that I saw someone had phoned me from an unknown number early last night. This could potentially mean nothing, but there was also a chance that my 'dream' last night hadn't been a dream at all.

"Hey you." I turned toward the source of the voice and saw that it was Kurt. I smiled and motioned for him to come closer.

"Hi." I replied.

"You know, you keep coming in and out of consciousness. Although this is the first time that you were awake enough to actually talk to." He moved to the right side of the bed.

"Really?" I frowned, "I don't remember."

"The doctor predicted that something like that might happen. Do you at least remember why you're here? Wait, you do know who am I am don't you?" Kurt's eyes went wide.

I laughed, "Ummm, I think so. Didn't we used to go out or something?"

"You are correct," He returned my smile, "But seriously, is there anything you don't remember or something that doesn't make sense to you? Your parents are down in the hospital cafeteria, but they asked that I fill you in on everything if you woke up."

"No, I think I'm pretty clear on everything. Except…"

"Except what?"

"Do you know who pulled me out of the lake? Whoever it was got me out of there just in time and I really need to thank them. A few minutes later and my heart would probably have stopped."

"It did, Blaine. Your heart did stop. But the guys who pulled you out effectively performed CPR and got it working again. If they had waited for the ambulance, you would be dead right now." Kurt looked away from me as he said the last part.

His words left me in shock. I had died? I had actually been dead? I recovered quickly and said, "But do you know who did it? Who saved me?"

"No, I don't know their names. Your mom just said it was some friends of yours." He shrugged.

I frowned again; they were friends of mine? I assumed that it had just been people who happened to be in the right place at the right time. If it had been people who knew me, that would mean it had to be people who were looking for me. And there were only five people who knew that I was at the lake that day. They had to have come back for me.

"Blaine? You still with me?" Kurt wondered.

"What? Oh yeah, sorry I zoned out there for a second. Hang on, what day is it?" I asked.

"It's Friday. You fell into the lake on Tuesday."

"I've been in a coma for almost 3 days?"

"Sort of. Since last night you were constantly in and out of consciousness, but this is the most awake you've been yet. I got back to Lima this morning, so did Santana and Rachel. I think they're with your parents. The doctor said that more than one person wasn't allowed in the room unless they were family members, so they said I should come. Is that okay?" Kurt wondered.

"Of course it is. It's really good to see you." I smiled again.

"You too. Although I would have preferred if you _weren't_ in the hospital, but things happen I guess."

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess they do. Look Kurt, there's something I've got to tell you."

He gave me an inquiring look. But I never got the chance to respond, since at that second I got distracted by another voice exclaiming my name from the doorway. I barely had time to see that it was Sam and Jordan before the pair all but jumped on top of me. I laughed as they both hugged me at the same time, pinning me down with their weight. They only remained that way for a few moments before quickly sitting up and grinning at me.

"Nice to see you both too." I chuckled.

"The damn doctor wouldn't let us near your room, so we got Cooper to create a diversion and then we just snuck in. He neglected to mention that you were conscious." Jordan explained.

"I only woke up about 20 minutes ago. Still trying to process everything, I think." I noticed the way Kurt was looking at Jordan, and it occurred to me that two hadn't met yet. "Oh yeah, I completely forgot. Jordan, this is Kurt; Kurt, this is my best friend from middle school, Jordan."

"Oh, you're Kurt. I've heard a lot." Jordan smiled at my ex-boyfriend.

"It's nice to meet you." Kurt returned the smile, but I could see a hint of confusion in his eyes. I'd never told him about Jordan before.

"You know, you two shouldn't be in here." The doctor appeared in the doorway and cast a pointed look in the direction of my two friends.

"Please can they stay? Please?" I asked him.

He gave a reluctant sigh, "If you want them here, then I suppose it's alright. But you need to be careful to not strain yourself; as strange as it may sound, resting is very important for your health right now."

"Thank you and I promise." I nodded solemnly.

He gave me a nod in return and then left.

"I really need to know," I turned back to the guys sitting in front of me, "What happened? At the lake, I mean. How did you know to come looking for me?"

"We didn't. At least not for certain. See what had happened was we waited for you at The Lima Bean for hours, but when you never showed up, I remembered the thing Hunter said about the dock being old. So being the cautious person that I am," Jordan snorted, "I called Cooper to confirm that you were at home, but when he told me that he hadn't seen you since that morning I became really paranoid and insisted that we immediately head back to the lake. Of course we tried calling you too, but it just kept on ringing."

Sam nodded, "Yeah, and when we finally did get back to the lake and saw that your car was still there and that half the dock was gone, I don't think I was the only person whose heart sunk into his throat."

Jordan frowned, "Um Sam, how the hell does someone's heart _sink_ into their throat when the former has a lower placement in the human body than the latter?"

"Really? You just had to point that out?" Sam glared.

"Anyway," Jordan returned his attention to me, "The night-ness of it all made everything all that much harder. But when we found your phone lying on the wood we were relatively certain that you were under the water. Hunter, Dominic and Sam dived in immediately; Jeff and I waited on the dock. And I can honestly say that time had never moved slower than in those few minutes. It was Sam and Dominic who eventually found you and brought you back to the surface; and whilst I pulled you out of the water, Jeff was pulling up Hunter, since his military training gave him an edge on the whole CPR thing. No time was wasted. As soon as your back touched the floor of that quay, Hunter was already pressing down on your chest. He would count 15 and then Jeff would blow oxygen into your lungs; this went on for about 5 minutes I think before your heart started up again. Couple minutes after that the ambulance arrived and you got admitted into this hospital." Jordan explained.

"Then I called your brother, who told your parents. I guess you already know the rest." Sam shrugged.

"Wow," My eyebrows went up, "I don't even know what to say to that. How does a person say thank you for saving their life? You two are amazing, absolutely amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I literally owe you everything. You must actually be the greatest friends who have ever existed." I hugged them both.

"Ah well, you know, we didn't have anything better to do at the time," Jordan shrugged, "So we figured if we saved you, we'd look like heroes, and if we didn't, maybe you left us something in your will. Either way we get something out of it."

I laughed, "Well at least you care."

"Hey, Squirt." My brother said from outside the room, wearing a huge grin on his face.

"Hey, Coop." I returned his smile.

"That is the third time you've said hi to me this morning, but I'm guessing you can't remember the other times, huh?" He walked forward and stopped next to Kurt.

"Nope, I don't remember much from the last few days." I admitted.

"Well let's just hope that the third time's the charm."

"When can I leave? When can I go home?" I asked him.

"Woah there; slow down, cowboy. I don't think you should be worrying about checking out until you start to differentiate between reality and dreaming."

I didn't even try to argue. I knew he was right. "Fine. Can I at least get some actual clothes to wear?" I grimaced as I looked down at the hospital gown thing I was currently dressed in.

 ****…****

I groaned as I started to recite the lyrics to 'Why Am I the One' by _Fun._ for the 13th time in the last 10 minutes. I was so bored, and since my phone had died hours ago, I had absolutely nothing to do. At around 3 PM the doctor had insisted that all my visitors leave for the rest of the afternoon so that I could have some time to sleep, or as he kept calling it, _rest._ The only problem was that I was nowhere near tired and now I had no way to entertain myself.

I smiled as I thought back to earlier today when my parents had come to check up on me. It had been a while since I had seen my mom and dad in the same room at the same time; ever since the divorce they miraculously managed to avoid each other whenever my dad came to Lima to see me. What amused me most though was how the two had constantly dropped subtle hints to Kurt, Jordan and Sam that they wanted to be alone with their son (me, obviously), only to be completely ignored by my three friends. But I was happy that they had ignored my parents; I barely ever got to see my ex-boyfriend, and the other two were part of the reason I was still alive. If there was anyone I wanted here to keep me company, it was them. Well, them and a certain lanky brunette who's current location was still unknown. I had wanted to ask my brother if Sebastian had actually payed me a visit last night, but for some strange reason I hadn't been able to. It wasn't that I didn't want to ask the question in front of Kurt, although I doubted that would have been a good way for him to find out about my friendship with the former Warbler; I just physically hadn't been able to form the right words. I suppose I was afraid of facing the possibility that Cooper might have said no. Because Sebastian had asked me to not go looking for him, I hadn't, but that didn't mean I was so accepting about casting him from my life. I was still relatively unsure why he had left in the first place; if he wanted to go live with his aunt, he could have done so without completely cutting me out of his life. And if it was because of the other thing, the thing I was still trying to process after 3 months' time, then he should have talked to me about it. Our friendship was way more important to me than possible feelings he might have, or think he has, for me. And besides, I distinctly remember a conversation the two of us once had wherein he basically told me he doesn't believe in real love, and finds the whole idea of romantic relationships to be pointless and unrealistic. Honestly, I was seriously coming to the conclusion that Sebastian was one confused boy.

"Hey there, Killer." I jumped at the sudden voice. There stood the devil himself, as real as I was.

"Sebastian." Was all I managed to say.

"You look surprised to see me. Which probably means you don't remember last night; that could either be a really good or really bad thing." He wore an amused smile.

"I do." I breathed. At least I was regaining the ability to speak like a normal person again; my word pronunciation count had doubled.

"Now I'm relatively certain that both of us have amnesia, since I don't remember proposing to you. But I'll accept the benefits of a groom's wedding night any time." His smile turned into a cheeky grin.

I wanted to laugh, but at the same time I felt like crying. Not because I was sad; it was exactly the opposite. I felt so happy in that moment, to have Sebastian with me right now, and knowing that my dream hadn't been a dream at all. Knowing that it was indeed his voice that had given me the determination to open my eyes and escape the cruel restraints of a coma.

Sebastian must have noticed the array of emotions evident on my face, since his smile quickly disappeared only to be replaced with a frown. "Blaine, what's wrong?" I noticed a slight twitch of his leg, as if he wanted to take a step forward. This made me realize that he was too afraid to come any closer to me, since he probably thought that his presence was upsetting me. If only he could read me like I could read him sometimes.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing." I assured him as I swung my legs over the side of the bed and put my feet down on the floor.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sebastian was evidently confused.

I ignored him as I continued to impersonate actual walking, since my legs were unstable from the long period of disuse following the strain that had been put on them to keep me from drowning. Despite almost falling over quite a few times, I finally made it to where Sebastian was still eyeing me like I was busy reciting the alphabet in Elvish. I looked up at him and smiled. "I do remember, Seb. Everything."

His features shifted as my words finally clicked. He un-furrowed his brow and exposed his teeth in yet another grin; this one portraying relief. "Good."

I quickly put both of my arms around his waist, and pulled him toward me. I held him tightly and closed my eyes, thinking of all the times I had wanted to do this after he had left. He returned the hug and bent forward slightly to bury his face in my neck. We stood like that for several minutes until I felt like my legs couldn't handle my weight anymore, so I pulled away. I grabbed his wrist and led him to the bed where I not-so-gracefully fell onto, since apparently the joints in my knees had decided to stop working momentarily. At least I was wearing clothes that actually covered the back of my body. Sebastian on the other hand was doing his best not to laugh at me as he took a seat on the bed like an actual normal person.

"I've always admired your grace." He snickered.

"And your maturity." I told him dryly.

This made him laugh even more. When he eventually stopped, he cast a look at the door and said, "You know, if they catch me in here I could probably go to prison."

"Yeah, I doubt they'd call the cops on you. And since when do you care about rules...or laws?"

"Since I could get banned from visiting you again." The way he smiled as he said that made me think he couldn't actually give a damn about what people tell him he can or can't do.

"Like you'd listen. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Curiosity flared in his eyes.

"Why did you leave? I know it's stupid, and logically I know that you had to, but last night you promised me that you wouldn't leave me. And when I woke up this morning, you were gone. I thought I had dreamt the whole thing; I thought it had all just been my imagination. It didn't even occur to me to be happy that I was alive; I was too busy feeling disappointed that you weren't beside me."

For a second I could have sworn I saw guilt reflected in his eyes. "I-I had to." Sebastian refused to meet my gaze.

"Why?"

"Your parents, they made me." He admitted with a sigh.

"What?" I frowned.

"Early this morning when I woke up, I went to the doctor and told him that you had been conscious for a few minutes last night. He immediately told someone to call your parents and then he did some kind of evaluation on you. By the time he was done, your family had arrived. When the doctor told them the news, your mom started crying and your dad told me to go home, since all you needed was your family. I figured he was right, and so I left." He explained.

"But why didn't you come back?"

Sebastian heaved another sigh and looked at the door before diverting his attention back to me. "I did. Before I could even get close to you, your mom spotted me and told me to leave. I get that what she's going through must be tough, but I couldn't help but get pissed off. She had no legal right to tell me that I couldn't see you, and when I told her this she called your father, and things kind of got ugly." He grimaced slightly.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Tell me."

"Your dad knows, Blaine; he knows that it was me who threw that slushie at your face. Did you tell him? I'd understand if you did, it's just that-"

"No! I swear, I never told either of them." I said.

"Well they found out somehow, and they are not happy. At first they informed me of all the emotional trauma I had put you through, to which I replied that you were over it and had been for a while. They really don't like it when I say things like that. Then your mom told me how unhappy you were when I left, and that she wasn't going to allow me to hurt you like that again. I told her that hurting you had never been my intention, and that it hadn't exactly been easy on me either, but my leaving had nothing to do with you. This argument between your parents and I went on for about 20 minutes until they apparently forbid me from seeing you again. I told them that they had no power over me or my actions. This pissed them off so much that they told your doctor I wasn't allowed to come anywhere near you. He tried to tell them that the decision is technically up to you, since you're 18, but I think they frightened him so much that he just agreed."

I couldn't remember the last time that I had been so angry at my parents; they had no right to do something like that. "I'm sorry, Seb. I'm really sorry. I knew that my mom didn't like you, but I never thought she would ever resort to doing things like that."

"You can't be mad at them, Blaine. It's their job to protect you and keep you safe; if I knew someone like me and I had a kid, I'd probably do the same thing."

"You're defending them?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I am. They're not wrong, you know. I am an asshole and I did almost blind you. I got kicked out of both high school and my house, and then I was a nuisance at your house for weeks. I did leave you and I did it in a cruel way. When has being my friend ever actually worked out for you?" He snorted humorlessly.

I stared at him with my mouth partly open, "What kind of a question is that?"

"A good one." His eyes bore a foreign intensity as they stared into mine.

"No, a ridiculous one."

"Really? Is it? Then you wouldn't mind answering it." He arched an eyebrow.

"When I said that it was a stupid question, it wasn't because I didn't have an answer, it was because that's a stupid way to think about it. Being someone's friend isn't supposed to 'work out for you', that implies that the relationship was built on selfishness or greed. I'm not friends with you to get something out of it, because I already get something. I get you. And that, Seb, is way more important to me than some silly mistake you might have made in the past. We all make mistakes, trust me, but I need you to know that you are so much more than the bad things you do in life. You're also way more than the good things you do. The effect you have on the people around you, how they see you, what they think of you; that's what matters." I told him as I put my hand over his.

"Well, what 'effect' do I have on _you_?" Sebastian asked, the curiosity flaring up again.

"You make me smile. You make me happy. Being with you and thinking about you makes me feel more...real somehow." I explained.

"And how do you see me?"

"I see an amazing, intelligent, passionate, loyal, honest, trustworthy, independent, brave, strong, talented, unique, and beautiful young man."

"And what do you think of me?" The corners of his lips curved slightly.

"I care about you way more than you or my parents seem to realize if you think I'm just going to allow anyone to tell me that I can't have you in my life. Because I can, and I swear to you that I will. Whatever it takes. Say what you want about how you ruin my life, as long as you respect my right to have an opinion as well. And in my opinion you make me happy the minute you walk into a room; does anything else really matter?" I took his hand that I was holding in mine and brought it up to my lips, kissing it just like he had done with mine not 24 hours ago.

"Blaine, you don't get it. Don't let me come between you and your parents; they're way more important than I could ever be. If they tell you to stay away from me, and you disobey them, someone's going to end up getting hurt."

"Firstly, I'm not a child anymore, Sebastian, they can't tell me what to do anymore. And if they really want what's best for me, if they really care about my happiness, then they will have to accept the people I have in my life. I know why you're saying these things, I realize how difficult this must be for you to understand, but think of it this way: if, for example, a family member of yours told you that you could never see me again, would you listen to them just because you care about them or because they're related to you?"

"No. I'd never listen to anyone who told me that I _had_ to stay away from you. But you and I are not the same." He looked down at his hand that was still being held by mine, then looked back up and met my gaze.

"Trust me, there's no one on this planet who's the same as you," I snorted, "I know that sometimes it feels like there's so much trying to get in the way of what we have, that it seems pointless to even try. But it isn't, and I will never stop trying. I made the mistake of letting you go once, but now that I've learnt from my mistakes, it won't happen again." I was struggling immensely to come up with the right words to explain to him how I felt; both about him and about us.

"I can't tell you how happy I am that you're alive." Sebastian wore a sad smile as he used the back of his fingers to gently brush against the side of my cheek. I was surprised at the amount of intimacy he had managed to incorporate into such a simple gesture. I smiled warmly, hoping he would see everything that couldn't be put into words, everything I felt but didn't know how to say.

"Blaine, I don't want you to think that I won't fight for you, because I will. But I can almost guarantee that someone's going to get hurt, and I really don't want that person to be you."

"Sebastian, you have been hurt more than any other person I have ever met. And I'll be damned if I'm the one to do that to you again, so I swear to you that _I'll_ be the one fighting for _you,_ and there's absolutely nothing you can say that will stop me." I shrugged and then grinned at him.

"If you don't shut up soon, I might actually propose to you." He chuckled as he scratched his head in a manner that very strongly resembled nervously. If I didn't know any better I would have said that he was embarrassed.


	43. Chapter 43

_**Chapter 43**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

I took a deep breath and rubbed at my eyes. I knew I should have been more honest with Blaine about the fight I had shared with his parents, but I also knew that his health was much more important. Blaine had definitely not been wrong when he made that reference to all the things that seemed to be standing in the way of our…what exactly? Friendship? Relationship? Whatever I chose to call it, it still felt like the best and worst part of my life right now.

I suddenly had an overpowering urge to get out of here, to leave this forsaken town and get back to New York. Get back to my family. Get back to the only people who seemed to accept me for who I really was. Well maybe that was a bit harsh, considering that I did have friends here too. Nevertheless, it just wasn't the same. Despite how miserable I had been because of my distance from Blaine, they (being Alex, Riley and especially Arielle) had still managed to find a way to make me feel like there was still hope of a promising future. And then of course I just had to come back here to this hell pit and feel like a worthless piece of crap yet again. It really was a vicious cycle.

I knew that I shouldn't let it get to me, but the look on Blaine's mother and father's faces when they were all but screaming at me to stay away from their son…it had really hurt. Not because it was obvious that they hated me; a lot of people hated me. No, it bothered me because of how aggravating it was that they couldn't see how much I cared about Blaine. All they saw when they looked at me was the guy who had assaulted their son with a rock-salt slushie, the guy who had tried to drive a wedge between Blaine and Kurt, the guy who manipulated people into getting what he wants. And yes, maybe I did do all those things, but none of it was personal; I did a lot of bad things to a lot of people, simply because I was an angry spiteful person who couldn't take his frustration out on the people who really deserved it. And I'll be the first to admit that that is not an acceptable excuse, or any excuse for that matter. But it didn't mean I was a bad person, did it? I mean, what exactly is the difference between someone who's good and someone who's not? Is it their actions? Their mistakes? Or has it more to do with their intentions and the underlying causes of their behaviour? I'd heard once that a mistake is no longer a mistake when someone who knows what's right and what's wrong still chooses to go with the latter, despite contemplating all the consequences. Or maybe that was just me?

I heaved a sigh when I realized that instead of reassuring myself, I had done the exact opposite, which was to put extra doubts into my mind. It made me wonder if maybe Blaine's parents weren't right after all. I wasn't a good person; my past made that very clear. But Blaine? He was virtually perfect. They were right, he did deserve better. And although I would never audibly admit that _Kurt Hummel_ of all people was better than me, I knew it on the inside. Yes he was incredibly freaking irritating and made me wanna shave my face off every time I saw him just to ensure that my sexuality could never make me look that gay. But it was obvious that he loved Blaine, and as much as it hurt me to think about, it was also obvious that he loved Kurt in return. More than he loved me.

If I had wanted to go home before, I was now mentally preparing the kind of poisonous plants I could throw into Alex's food.

"Sebastian Smythe?" I had momentarily forgotten that I was sitting at a table in a hospital cafeteria, but the sound of the voice instantly brought me back to reality. Great.

My instant reaction to the familiar face was a frown, but it was quickly replaced with a casual grin. "Dave Karofsky. Still as furry as always I see."

"I'm not even going to pretend to have a clue what that's supposed to mean. What are you doing here?"

"Um, it's actually a really long story. The real question is what are _you_ doing here?" I arched an eyebrow.

"My dad's undergoing tests; I'm just here for some support. That is, I _was_ here for support until the stupid doctor told me to get lost." Karofsky rolled his eyes.

"I know the feeling." I snorted and motioned for him to sit down. He seemed somewhat reluctant but took me up on the unspoken offer anyway.

"What do you mean? Is that why you're here too?" He asked.

"Which part?"

"The part about being here for support and getting the boot because of it."

"Actually, that sums it up pretty well I would say." I nodded and glared at a small kid whose empty juice box had been thrown at my feet. His mother gave me an apologetic look before grabbing her son by the hand and leading him away. I felt a small pang in my chest when I saw what I assumed to be the boy's father approaching him with a big grin on his face. The man then hoisted the young child into his arms and squeezed hard, but only just hard enough to make the boy giggle. The three of them then walked toward the exit, smiling and grinning the entire time. Despite the fact that those people were in the hospital, implying that one of them, or someone else they knew, was or had been sick or injured; I still couldn't help but feel that they had it all and possibly didn't even realize it. Maybe it was an uninformed observation/judgement, but they had everything I never did, and probably never will have.

Karofsky noticed where my eyes were fixed and shifted in his chair to get a better look. What he saw caused him to frown and turn back to me. "Are you here for your parents?"

I shook my head slowly. "No. I don't really have any parents."

"That makes no sense; everyone has parents. How else are you alive?"

"Dave, just because they gave birth to you, does not give them the right to call themselves 'parents'. It's about way more than that." I explained, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly sad and lonely. Damn I hated this stupid town.

"I'll take that as a no then. Well if not them, then why are you here?" He wondered.

"That's actually a really good question. Why the hell am I here?" I frowned.

"Okaaayy, you're acting stranger than usual. Please don't tell me that _you're_ the patient and they just discovered a major brain tumour in your head." Karofsky chuckled but I could tell that there was a small part of him that actually seemed worried I might reply with a yes.

"Nope, I'm not the patient; but maybe I should be. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting a different result. That pretty much sums up my life pretty well."

Karofsky was silent as he stared at me with a furrowed brow. I didn't really care if he thought I was crazy. I had sort of crossed the bridge where people's opinions of me mattered to me…as long as those opinions don't belong to the parents of someone I love.

"I don't think you realize how much you resemble a lost puppy right now. Can I buy you some coffee; maybe I can even help you with whatever's weighing your mind down so much." He suggested.

"Not interested." I mumbled.

"In…coffee?" Karofsky frowned.

"In you."

"Don't flatter yourself, Smythe," He snorted, "You're not my type."

"Oh, so you have a type now? Look whatever, do what you want." I shrugged.

"Fine, I can take hint; despite them being seriously confusing. I'll see you around." He rose from his chair and gave me a single nod of his head.

"Dave, wait," I got up too. He turned around and looked at me expectantly.

"I'm just in a really bad mood, but it has nothing to do with you. So if you still want, I'd appreciate some caffeine."

Karofsky nodded again and headed in the direction of the coffee dispenser. I stayed where I was and heaved another sigh. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me all of a sudden; I had never doubted my relationship with Blaine before. But now all of a sudden, it didn't feel like it was enough. Sure I loved him and I didn't doubt that he loved me too, and it's not like I wanted him out of my life…it's just that there comes a point where obliviousness becomes ignorance, and bliss turns into sorrow. I felt like I had reached that point; like fighting was becoming too hard and ignoring the universe's numerous signs made me an idiot for clinging onto moronic hope.

"Seriously dude, you look like you're trying to come up with an instant solution to global warming and failing miserably. What's up?" Karofsky handed me a coffee.

"Trust me, you don't want to hear about my messed up life. I've switched shrinks 3 times because I leave the psychologist in need of a psychiatrist." I snorted.

"I didn't know that you were in need of therapy."

"I'm the reason they _invented_ therapy. But I prefer not to talk about it if you don't mind." I smiled sarcastically.

"Are you on anti-depressants?" He asked me, obviously ignoring my last request.

"Not that it's any of your business, but yeah I am." I confessed reluctantly.

"Do you take them every day?" Karofsky pressed.

I didn't understand why he was asking me these questions, but I replied anyway. "Um yeah. Well except for today, since I haven't been home yet."

"Ahh that explains it." He raised his chin slightly as if something just occurred to him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know if you knew this, but depending on the strength and type of anti-depressant, and also the person taking it, it can have an almost instant effect when you go off them. I thought I recognized that look on your face; it's the same one I used to have." Karofsky explained.

"Oh," I said more to myself than him. That would explain the weird thoughts. "Are you still using?"

"Dude, you make it sound like I'm a drug addict. I'm not on the serious stuff anymore, no; but I do take one every now and then when I don't feel quite like myself anymore."

"Then I guess I could use one right now." I admitted with yet another sigh.

"I agree. You look like someone just drove over your favorite kitten."

"Ha," I chuckled, "I don't even like cats."

"Then what is it? I'm not going to tell anyone if that's what you're worried about." He assured me.

"I don't know if it's the lack of drugs talking, but I don't really care who the hell you tell. I'm not ashamed of anything; well, at least nothing contributing to the current situation." I told him.

"Then why don't you want to talk about it?"

"Because I think it'll just be a waste of time. I don't see how _talking_ about it is going to solve a damn thing. It's not going to change anything, I doubt it's going to make me feel any better, and I know it's not going to make you feel better…so why bother?"

"If you were me, and you were looking at yourself right now, you'd know why. It's kind of creepy how out of character you're acting at the moment, and I'm curious as to what or _who_ has that effect on you." Karofsky said.

"I thought we agreed that it was the medication, or lack thereof, that was making me act this way." I arched an eyebrow.

"Think of it this way: a reaction needs two or more elements thrown together in order for it to be effective; if all the components weren't there, it would have an entirely different result. In a way, the same thing could be said for people. There's another element in this equation." He leaned forward on his elbows.

"You have weird metaphors," I shook my head, "But I suppose I get what you're saying. There is another element."

"Do you want to tell me what that is?"

"Not particularly, but since I don't really have anything else to do right now, what the heck. It's Blaine; he's the reason I'm here right now." I disclosed.

"Blaine Anderson? Kurt's ex-boyfriend?"

"That's the one. But I don't know why that surprises you so much; after all, you did see the two of us together at Scandals."

"Well yeah, but I didn't get the boyfriend vibe from the two of you. I believed you when you said that you two were just friends."

"We are just friends. Who said anything about a boyfriend?" I asked defensively.

"I have a lot of guy friends, but none of whom would make me sulk by myself in the middle of a hospital cafeteria. Come on, I thought you said you weren't ashamed of anything."

I opened my mouth momentarily, all ready to deny his accusations and come up with a believable lie, but closed it again when I realized that he was right. I had claimed to not be ashamed, so why was I afraid of admitting the truth? Telling Blaine that I loved him was one thing, but telling other people seemed a heck of a lot harder, and I didn't know why. But something I did know was that if there was one thing in my life I was proud of, it was my friendship with Blaine Devon Anderson. "I was serious when I said that he and I were just friends-"

"But you wish you were more? I know that feeling."

"Anyone could have told you that." I narrowed my eyes at him, spiteful because of his interruption.

"I get the feeling that there's more to the story. And by the way, why is Blaine in the hospital?"

"A dock broke and he fell into a lake. He nearly drowned, but he's fine now." I explained as quickly as possible; I still didn't like to think about it.

"I see. But I still don't exactly understand why you're sitting _here_." Karofsky gestured to our surroundings.

"Haven't you heard? I'm the guy people point to in the streets and whisper to their children, 'Stay away from him, he's sure to ruin your life'. Kids fear the bogeyman and parents are afraid of guys like me; whether they're _my_ parents or not." I grinned humorlessly.

"I'm sorry, you lost me." He looked confused.

"Blaine's parents told me to stay away from him. They even told his doctor to make sure that I never go anywhere near his room."

"I'm not even going to ask why they did that, but since when do you care what other people tell you to do? You struck me as the type of guy who would go ahead and do it anyway."

"It's not really that simple. I understand why his parents did what they did and I even agree with them. They're just trying to protect their son, and it would make me feel like crap if I went behind their backs and made their child lie to them. And for what? What would really be the point?" I slouched my shoulders as I realized that voicing my questions out loud didn't make them easier to answer. In fact, it left me more confused than before.

"Okay, I think I'm finally starting to understand why you're down here brooding. Kind of. I don't really know what you did to Blaine to make his parents hate you." Karofsky frowned.

"I kind of assaulted him with a slushie." I said feebly.

"So? I think I did that to pretty much every single kid in that school." He chuckled.

"Did you put rock-salt in yours, causing the assaultee to end up in the hospital because they needed immediate eye surgery?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You did what?" Karofsky looked like a mixture of amused and shocked.

"Yeah I know, it definitely wasn't one of my proudest moments. But the slushie wasn't even meant for Blaine; he just jumped in front of me at the last second."

"Then who was it meant for?" He wondered.

"Kurt Hummel."

"Why would you-never mind. But man, if that's the only reason that his parents want you to stay away from him, then you shouldn't listen to them. You admitted that it was a mistake, and Blaine had obviously forgiven you, so what's the problem?"

"Because there's more to it than just that, Dave. Things I could never even begin to explain to you." I sighed again.

"That may be true, but things can be really simple if you just prioritize them correctly. I cannot believe I'm asking you this right now, but do you love him? Let me rephrase: are you _in_ love with him?" He asked me.

"What does it matter if I am? He's never going to see me in the way that I see him; hell, he doesn't even want to tell his stupid ex-boyfriend that he and I are friends."

"But maybe that has more to do with Kurt than it has to do with you." Karofsky suggested.

"It probably does. I mean, it's pretty obvious that he's still hung up on him, but sometimes I just wish he wouldn't make it so obvious that he will always choose Kurt over me." Once again, I felt pathetic for saying those words out loud. In fact, everything about me felt pathetic right now. The way only my dad had made me feel.

"You know this kinda sounds like a conversation you should be having with Blaine, not me."

"I can't. I can't say that to him; he doesn't deserve it. Especially not now."

"No offence, but being someone who's never been particularly fond of Blaine, it honestly sounds to me like this guy has a nasty habit of using people. First he cheated on Kurt, and yes I realize that technically it's not what we were talking about, but it remains relevant." He pointed out.

"He is not using me, Karofsky." My narrowed my eyes angrily.

"Woah, calm down. I didn't mean to offend you, man. I'm merely making an observation." He showed his palms defensively.

"Well you're wrong."

"Then why are you getting so angry? If you didn't think there was any truth to what I'm saying, then you wouldn't be so offended. I'm not saying Blaine is doing it purposely or that he even realizes he's doing it, but if the guy makes you feel like a second choice, and if he doesn't want to tell his first choice about you, then something's up. Just sayin'."

"You don't know what you're talking about." I felt like yelling at him and punching him through the face, but instead I clenched my fist and tightened my jaw.

"Then prove it. Tell me why I'm wrong." Karofsky shrugged.

"Because-because…" I trailed off trying to think of a reason, an excuse, anything to prove to Dave that he was wrong about Blaine, that he would never do something like that to me. But I couldn't come up with a single thing. Not one. "He loves me." I said softly. It was the best I had.

"No one is denying that. Like I said, he probably doesn't even realize what he's doing, but then it's up to you to _make_ him realize."

"Why are you saying these things?" I asked sadly. Karofsky had just made me feel more pathetic than ever.

"It's not to hurt you, if that's what you're thinking. Look, I know you believe that he's too good for you, but I believe the opposite is true. Maybe I'm biased, since I've never liked that guy, but still." He responded.

"You don't like him, but you like _me_? I'm a complete asshole." I snorted.

"Oh I know, but you're a loyal asshole. And loyalty is really scarce among young people these days. Not because they don't possess it, but mainly because most people have a hard time figuring out who deserves it. Whereas you," He pointed at me, "Seem to think that everyone deserves it."


	44. Chapter 44

_**Chapter 44**_

 **Sebastian's POV**

"I never asked, what kind of tests are your dad here for?" I asked Karofsky as the two of us got up to throw our empty coffee cups into the recycle bin.

"Just some annual ones he does every year. It's more of a check-up than anything else, but it's better to be safe than sorry. See, we have a history of heart problems in the family." He explained with a shrug.

Before I could stop myself, I emitted a snort. This earned an offended look from the burlier male.

"Oh please, I wasn't making fun of you, Yeti. It's just that my family also has a history of heart problems…pretty serious ones at that."

"Really? Huh, weird. My dad wants me to undergo tests as well, but I'm not even 20 yet; I mean, what are the odds, right?" Karofsky said nonchalantly.

I stopped walking for a second and turned to him, "Trust me, the odds are bigger than you think. What was that advice you were giving me just a minute ago? 'Better safe than sorry' I believe it was." I gave him a pointed look.

He frowned at me for a few moments before he shook his head and started chuckling, "Would never have pegged you as the cautious type, Smythe. But just out of curiosity, have _you_ gone for any tests?"

"Actually I have. And don't call me Smythe." I tried not to snap at him, but my attempts were feeble.

"Sheesh, when did you get so damn defensive? So what do want me to call you then? _Sebastian_?" Karofsky was amused.

"I don't really care what you call me, as long as it isn't Smythe. I am currently denying my relation to those people, but it doesn't work very well if people keep addressing me by _their_ last name." I replied.

"Okay then," He frowned again, "Does that mean you're like one of those celebrities with no last name? Because I feel like I have to point out, whenever someone hears the name _Sebastian,_ they think of the crab." Karofsky chuckled again.

"Ha ha. But no, I was kinda thinking of using my aunt's last name, Burke." I shrugged, slightly embarrassed, since this was the first time that I had admitted my intentions to change my last name aloud.

This time it was Karofsky who stopped in his tracks and looked at me. "I know this is none of my business, and you're probably going to bite my head off for saying this, but I had no idea things were so bad with your family. I remember what you said about your dad being homophobic, but I pretty much just assumed that all dads are like that at first."

I heaved a sigh and looked Dave in the eyes. He held my gaze. Only then did I nod and say, "Maybe you're right, maybe they're all a little sceptical at first; but this would imply that, at some point, their minds become less narrow and more accepting. Like your dad, I would imagine. But I wasn't as lucky, and things never got better for me; at least not until they kicked me out. My only regret is that I didn't leave sooner."

"Well you're brave, I'll give you that," He seemed to consider something for a moment, "Can I tell you something?"

"If this is about your fetish for guys who dress like girls, trust me, everyone already knows." I smirked.

"Ignoring that. What I was actually going to say, is that you're a completely different person than what I originally thought. We actually have more in common than you might think." Karofsky smiled.

"Is this you trying to hit on me? Because if it is, you're failing miserably."

"How many times does one have to tell you that they're _not interested_ before you take the hint?" He rolled his eyes.

"As many times as it takes for me to actually believe them." I grinned.

I could tell he was about to say something, but never had the chance to find out exactly what it was, since it was at that exact moment that we were rudely interrupted by the sound of someone stoning a cat. "I cannot believe this. _You two_ are actually having a conversation?" Oh wait, it was actually just the sound of Kurt's voice. My bad.

Karofsky and I reacted simultaneously; the only difference being _how_ we reacted. Whilst I was busy rolling my eyes and groaning internally, Dave jumped like he was trying to hide something and smiled at the newcomer. Correction, three newcomers: Hummel, Berry and Lopez. Seriously, did those three always travel in a pack?

"Hi, Kurt. Santana. Rachel." Karofsky nodded and smiled at all three. I felt like puking.

"Well as much as I enjoy feeling sick to my stomach, I'll hopefully _not_ be seeing you three later." I narrowed my eyes and was about to walk away, only to be stopped by Santana's next comment.

"Oh no, I think they make such an adorable couple. Between the two of them I'm sure they'd be able to come up with an _effective_ way to off tall, dark and lonely over here."

The anger that swelled inside of me was sudden but venomous. In fact, it was overwhelming that I couldn't control my actions when I spun around and all but lunged for the bitch with my arms extended. But luckily for her, and probably me too, all the years of football had trimmed Karofsky's reflex time. He grabbed my arms just as I got within touching distance of Santana. "No Sebastian, don't!"

I mildly struggled in his grip, but came to my senses soon enough and forced the anger that was still gnawing at my control to subside. Karofsky was eyeing me carefully, only letting me go when he was satisfied that I wasn't about to assault a girl.

Meanwhile Kurt and Rachel were staring wide-eyed and open-jawed at the little scene that had just taken place in front of them. Santana, on the other hand, had crossed her arms over her chest and was staring at me with a deathly glare. "Damn Karofsky, why'd you have to go and get involved? This could have been fun."

"Shut up, Santana. You're doing this on purpose." Karofsky narrowed his eyes at her.

"Of course I am. But it's not my fault that he makes pushing his buttons so much fun…and so damn easy."

"That's enough, Santana." Kurt said with more force than I had known he possessed.

"Fine. I don't know why you people are getting so worked up over this; it was just a joke." She rolled her eyes.

"It was mean and insensitive. Apologize…to both of them." Rachel spoke for the first time.

"No way. How's it my fault that they're touchier than a bunch of teenage girls who have just found out that _Vampire Diaries_ was cancelled?" She scoffed.

The longer I stared at her smug face, the more violent my impulses were becoming. My fists were clenched, and although I knew I couldn't really do it, I kept imagining my knuckles denting her skull.

"What are you doing here anyway? Mental evaluation?" She noticed the way I was staring at her, and mimicked my look.

"Something like that. What about you? Still trying to figure out why daddy never loved you?" I snarled.

"For your information, we're here to lend support to a friend. Something I'm sure you don't know the meaning of." Kurt said. Probably because he was afraid Santana's reply would have aggravated me even more.

"I'm guessing you're referring to Blaine. Yeah, I heard about that. Been all over the news and everything. Not that I know why; people die all the time."

"He's not dead, you moron!"

"I bet he wishes he was. I know I would if I had to wake up to a voice that sounds like the rear end of a donkey." I smirked. Sarcasm was helping to keep the anger in check.

"Says the one who sounds like a freaking nasal infection." Kurt glared. Out of the corner of my eyes I noticed that Karofsky was shaking his head and looking mildly amused.

"Aww, are your insecurities bothering you again? I would be ashamed too if my voice was higher than those of my two best friends…who are both _girls_." I took a step toward Kurt.

"Really? That's the best you can do? I'm really disappointed Sebastian." He copied my action and stepped forward as well.

"Oh, you don't know half of what I can do." I scowled, looking down at him.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You'd like to know, wouldn't you?" I narrowed my eyes even further.

"I hate to interrupt whatever you two are doing, but _how old are you_? Seriously, you're acting like two 12-year olds fighting over a girl…apart from the fact that you're both gay." Karofsky said.

"Stay out of this, Dave," I snapped, "The two of us have some unsettled business."

Karofsky rolled his eyes at me but otherwise stayed quiet.

"Please, we'll have unsettled business for as long as you keep breathing." Kurt responded.

"Which hopefully won't be much longer." Santana added.

"I'd say 'let's settle this like men', but that would technically be incorrect, since calling you a man makes _me_ feel emasculated." I snorted.

"And calling you human makes me feel like there really is no hope for our race. But I guess that was true since the day you were born…or hatched."

"Oh how original. You know, when they said that they don't accept just anyone into NYADA, I assumed that meant it was hard to get in. I wasn't aware they meant that they only accept candidates _without_ any talent."

"Then you should totally apply."

"I don't think I could survive a day within close proximity of you without-"

"Slitting your wrists?" Santana chimed in.

"I was thinking more along the lines of slitting _his_ wrists." I used a single nod to gesture to the boy in front of me.

"What exactly will you be using? The stained blade you keep in the pocket of your jacket?" Kurt snapped.

That comment wiped the sarcastic smile clean off my face and replaced it with a virulent scowl instead. It pissed me off that they were making fun of things that were anything but funny; things that they clearly didn't understand. "Your ignorance is quite amusing." Was my reply, despite the fact that the expression on my face was about as far from amused as possible.

"Wait, don't tell me that you actually keep a blade in your pocket? Talk about pathetic," Kurt snorted before his eyes went wide, obviously realizing what he'd just said. "Wait, Sebastian, I didn't-" He didn't have time to finish his sentence before I just wasn't physically able to quell my urge to punch someone anymore, and so I punched him in the jaw. Kurt staggered backwards and almost fell over, but Rachel and Santana grabbed hold of him, steadying him in the process. Once again Kurt was staring at me with wide eyes, only this time they were full of tears because of the pain. The guilt hit me like a bullet when I realized that he didn't look angry, not at all; the only emotions present on his face were confusion and hurt. It made me wonder if he'd ever been hit before. I guessed the answer was a definite no.

I was just about to open my mouth, although I want entirely sure what I was going to say, when I heard a man's voice yelling "What the hell!" In our direction. I looked up to see a man in a baseball cap jogging towards us with a less than happy expression on his face. The resemblance made it obvious; this man was Kurt's father. I started to panic a little on the inside. And I started to panic a lot when the man finally reached us.

"Kurt? Son, are you alright?" He asked.

"I-I'm fine, Dad." Kurt stammered.

Mr. Hummel spun around and faced me. "Did you just do what I think you did? Did you just punch my son?"

I was at a loss of words for a few moments. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, that I hadn't meant it. But the only thing that came out in a soft voice was, "Yes, sir."

He looked furious; I could have sworn that I saw veins sticking out on his neck.

"Dad, its fine. It's no big deal, really. There's no need to get yourself so worked up…please." Kurt pleaded.

"It is not 'okay'. I'm not just letting this punk get away with assaulting you." Mr. Hummel replied without taking his eyes off me.

"You're right, I shouldn't get away with it. You can call the police if you want," I suggested feebly, earning a frown from Kurt's dad.

Santana chose now to say, "Oh please, his father is a state's attorney."

"That wouldn't make a difference, but if you don't wanna do that, then hit me. Get me back for hurting your son." I told Mr. Hummel.

"Dad, don't hit him please." Kurt said.

"I'm not going to. What's your name, kid?"

"Sebastian." I offered.

"Sebastian who?" He asked impatiently.

"Um," I didn't know what to tell him. The obvious response would be to say Smythe, but since I didn't really consider that my last name, it would feel like lying. And if I said Burke, then Kurt, Santana and Rachel would think that I _was_ actually lying.

Luckily, I didn't have to answer the question, since Karofsky answered it for me. "His last name is Burke."

Mr. Hummel shifted his attention from me to the brawny guy standing next to me. "You know him?"

Dave nodded.

"Burke my ass, his last name is Smythe." Santana said.

"No, it isn't. I don't live with my parents anymore." I explained, doing my best to keep the malice out of my voice.

"Neither do I, that doesn't mean your name changes." She interjected.

"It does if I want it to." I snapped.

"So what is it now? Burke or Smythe?" Mr. Hummel asked me.

"It's Burke, sir. But if you don't mind me asking, why do you want to know?" I wondered cautiously.

"I want to speak with your parents."

"I would strongly advise against that. Like I said, I don't live with them anymore, and we haven't spoken in months." I knew I was stating it lightly, but I didn't feel the need to go into my personal business right now.

"Then who do you live with?" I could tell Kurt's dad wasn't happy with my response, but he went with it anyway.

"My aunt, Arielle Burke. But she-she doesn't live around here."

"Dad, please just drop it? It doesn't matter, and it won't happen again. You're making a big deal out of nothing." Said Kurt.

"No, you're not making a big enough deal of it. You can't just let people punch you; you have to stand up for yourself. And he," The man's finger pointed at me, "has to learn some responsibility for his actions."

"You have no idea." Santana snorted.

"So," Mr. Hummel continued, "you have a choice. Either I speak to your aunt or I speak to one of your parents." He shrugged.

"My aunt," I heaved a sigh, "but like I said, she doesn't live here. You'll have to phone her; I can give you her number."

And that's exactly what I did. Kurt's dad moved away from us, making sure I couldn't hear what he was saying. I don't know why, but for some reason I was nervous. I really didn't want Arielle to be disappointed in me; I couldn't deal with another parent figure that didn't want me. I just couldn't. And yeah, I knew I was being melodramatic, but it's safe to say that all the years of abuse had made me slightly paranoid. Whilst Mr. Hummel was busy on the phone, I took this opportunity to speak to Kurt. "I'm sorry, for what it's worth."

"I know." He nodded.

I nodded too, not that I had any idea why. I then looked at Karofsky who had been staring silently at the floor, but looked up when he felt my eyes on him. "Thank you." I whispered. I knew he would understand what I meant, and I was right. He gave me a small smile.

It was then that I noticed Mr. Hummel walking back to us. I couldn't help but tense up and wonder why the conversation had been so short. I looked at him expectantly when he reached us.

"Well everything's been sorted now. And I don't even need to hit you or call the police, but she said she wants you to call her as soon as you can." Mr. Hummel informed me. I frowned; that was it? Seriously?

"I don't understand." I told him.

"Talk to your aunt," He urged and then addressed his son, "I'm going to head home now. You coming?"

"Um, yeah. They told us that it was too late for visitors now anyway; we'll go see Blaine again tomorrow." Kurt agreed.

"We'll walk with you." Rachel smiled, obviously happy to finally be leaving.

"See you, _Smythe_." Santana smirked before turning around and heading toward the elevators.

"Goodnight Mr. Hummel. You too, Kurt." I said cautiously.

"Bye, Sebastian. Dave." Kurt forced a smile before following the girls.

Mr. Hummel gave me a strange look before nodding his response and trailing after his son.

Both Karofsky and I were silent for the next 4 minutes, just standing there staring at nothing in particular. He eventually broke the silence, "I did not realize how much Kurt and Santana hated you…or you them. Has it always been that way?"

"Pretty much."

"Well my dad's probably done by now, so I should go. I'll see you around, Sebastian." Karofsky smiled.

"Yeah, you too, Dave."

Even after he left, I remained exactly where I was, standing outside the hospital cafeteria and wondering where the hell I was going to sleep. I didn't have a lot of money with me, so a motel was out. I considered calling Arielle back now, but instantly put that thought out of my mind. I was still anxious about what exactly had been said in the conversation between my aunt and Kurt's father, and I wasn't in the mood to find out right now. I heaved a sigh and for the second time that day, I felt hopeless. I felt miserable. And even though I knew it was probably because of the medication, I also knew there was more to it. This town and the people in it somehow had the ability to, without exception, make me feel lonely and out of place. Like I didn't belong. Any normal sane person would obviously have figured that there's a reason for these feelings and had the intelligence to stay away from here, but not me. No, I came back. But I did take comfort in the fact that I knew I wasn't going to be staying. Not again. Never again.

This still did not provide a solution to my current problem, which was finding a place to sleep for the night. As if the universe had heard my plea, a text suddenly came through on my phone. I smiled when I realized that it was from Blaine.

 _My parents just left. They won't be back until 10 tomorrow…do with this information what you will._

By the time I had read it through for the second time, I was grinning. He wanted to see me. For the second time that day, I was going to have to find a way to sneak into Blaine's room. And it was just a minute ago when I was complaining about not having anything to do.

I accomplished my task without any hassle, and so I found myself closing the door and facing Blaine only 15 minutes later.

"Hey." He grinned when he saw me.

"Hey." I returned his smile as I sat down at his feet.

"Funny seeing you here." He shifted into a sitting position.

I chuckled, but it was as I looked into his light-induced dark eyes that I realized I had to tell him about the events that had transpired between his ex-boyfriend and me. This instantly wiped the smile from my face.

Blaine noticed the change in my features and frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I kinda have to tell you something…and I think you're going to get really mad at me."

"What is it, Sebastian?" He moved closer to me.

"You have to promise me that you're not going to hate me. Please. You have to promise." I knew my begging was pathetic, but my stupid paranoia just wouldn't leave me alone.

"I could never hate you, silly. You can tell me anything." He assured me.

"Okay," I nodded, "I sort of kinda punched…Kurt." I spoke as softly as I could, but I doubted it would make a difference.

Blaine's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped slightly. "What?"

"We were arguing, in a way, and then I got pissed off and I did it without thinking, but I swear I didn't mean to, I swear. I apologized and I think he forgives me." I explained.

"Sebastian," Even with only that one word I could tell he was mad at me.

"I know it was wrong of me, I know. And like I said, I didn't mean it, it just happened. If I could take it back, I would. Please forgive me, Blaine. Please."

"This isn't about _my_ forgiveness, Sebastian. I just can't believe you of all people would do something like that." Only now did it occur to me that it wasn't anger I was seeing on his face, but disappointment. That dreaded thing that made me wish he were angry.

"'Me of all people'?"

"Someone who was a victim of physical abuse." He replied, refusing to meet my gaze.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I gulped.

"You know what it feels like to be unjustifiably assaulted."

"I wouldn't say it was unjustified. He was being a jerk; you didn't hear what he was saying about me."

"So you're saying it was his fault?" Blaine asked pointedly.

"No, of course not. But you know I wouldn't just go around hitting people for no reason." The more I tried to explain, the more I could feel my resolve starting to slip away.

"So you're saying you had a good reason for attacking him?" His eyebrows went up.

"I didn't _attack_ him, Blaine." I said with a sigh.

"We both know that you hate him." He shrugged indicatively.

My eyes narrowed, "Hate is a strong word, but yeah, I don't like him. I don't really see what that has to do with anything."

He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted when his phone rang. He looked down at the small screen, then back up at me. "It's Kurt."

"Answer it." I said with mild irritation before getting up from my seat on the hospital bed.

Blaine's movements were reluctant as he brought the phone up to his ear. "Hey."

I could do nothing but listen to the receiving end of the conversation, and I certainly did not like what I was hearing.

"Yeah? No, I didn't-…wait, he did _what?_ Does it hurt? What did he say? Oh. I guess he could have," He looked up at me when he said this, and it made me want to be anywhere but here right now. "Well I don't know about that-…I know, but maybe he's got stuff going on in his life right now…that's true, I suppose. I know, I know. Why would I run into him? I doubt that. Kurt, that's a little-…Karofsky?" Once again he looked up at me, and once again the expression on his face made me cringe inwardly. "No, I definitely did not know that. Yeah, I'm really sorry. No, I already told you. That I don't wanna see him. You should be; I'm angry too. Okay. Yeah. I gotta go, but I'll see you tomorrow, 'K? You too, bye." Blaine hung up.

"I'll save you the trouble and just let myself out." I said softly and headed toward the door.

"You conveniently neglected to mention that you almost assaulted Santana as well. And that Karofsky was there."

"You know," I turned around and faced him again, "When the bitch assaulted me, you didn't even blink. But when I _almost_ return the favor, you get pissed off at me. And I know why. This isn't about her, it isn't about Karofsky either. It's about Kurt. You're only mad at me because I hit your precious ex-boyfriend. Or is it boyfriend now? I just can't keep up with you two."

"Sebastian," Blaine also got out of the bed.

"And I bet that if the tables were turned and it was _him_ who had punched _me_ , you wouldn't even care." I shook my head.

"If that were the case, then I can assure you that Kurt's knuckles would hurt a hell of a lot more than your face."

"That's not the point!" I exclaimed.

"Keep your voice down," He hissed, "And the only reason you're saying these things is because you're jealous of him; you've always been jealous of him." Blaine pointed out.

His words brought tears to my eyes. "You're right, maybe I have. But that's only because whenever he's around, or even just talking to you on the phone, you completely forget that I exist. It's like you only care about me when it's convenient, but as soon as _he_ enters the picture, you're too ashamed to even be seen with me. And don't even bother denying it, Blaine, because he's clueless to the fact that you and I are friends."

"I wasn't going to deny it." Were the only words to come out of his mouth.

There was an internal pressure that suddenly made it that much harder to keep the tears from spilling over, but I forced them to stay put. I wasn't going to let Blaine see me cry over him. "It only took you this long to be honest with me. Well at least I now know where we stand."

"Sebastian, I didn't mean that. Please can we just-"

"Just what? Forget this ever happened? You'd like that, wouldn't you? You couldn't possibly do something that would make you deal with the kind of pain I've had to live with for my whole life. No, you couldn't possibly do something that would complicate things. You're way too much of a coward to make any kind of difficult decision." I turned all the pent-up sadness and frustration into anger. And anger was something I had plenty of.

"Who are _you_ calling a coward? Don't flatter yourself into thinking that you actually deal with anything; all you ever do is run away. You ran away three months ago, you were just about to run away again, and you tried to kill yourself; these are not the actions of a brave man. Even the way you choose to avoid all the emotional scarring that _will never go away_ unless you do something about it, which we both know you won't. Call me what you want, but at least I'm not a hypocrite."

"No, you're just a liar. A people-using, self-serving, deceitful liar who makes empty promises with no intention of ever keeping them. But what's even worse is that I'm pretty sure I'm the only person you treat like this; making me believe that you care, only to drop me when my use is outdated. Just like my father, just like the man who…ruined me, you seem to forget that I'm actually a person." Even the anger wouldn't come anymore. All I was left with was a numb gnawing feeling tugging at my heart.

"I meant everything I said to you when I said it, but caring about you isn't easy, Seb, and-"

"Don't call me that." I snapped.

"You left. _You_ left _me._ Don't you realize that that was painful for me? What I felt for you had been so…intense, but somehow the distance lessened the intensity and I was left with this strange guilty sensation that I had to carry around with me everywhere. I felt guilty about letting you go, I felt guilty about not trying harder to help you, I felt guilty about all the times I made you cry, I felt guilty about kissing you, but most of all, I felt guilty about making you believe I felt something for you that I didn't actually feel. I'm not saying that I don't care about you, because I swear upon my life that I do, but I just don't think-"

"That you love me?" I held my breath as the words escaped my lips.

"I did. I did love you, when I said it that night in The Lima Bean's bathroom, I meant it. But something happened, and I just-you're right about the fact that I haven't treated you fairly, and if I really loved you, then I wouldn't…" He trailed off.

"Blaine, you obviously don't know what love really is if you think it can dissipate within 3 months? Or even 3 years. Real love doesn't go away…at least not for me."

"Aww, Seb," He took a few steps forward, "How you kept your heart so pure, despite being bruised and battered, is a miracle. But you have to understand that you are the exception; I've never met anyone like you and I doubt I ever will. I'm not sure what is about you, but whenever I'm with you, I feel better, I feel more real somehow. But for some reason my heart refuses to hold on to you permanently, and there are no words to tell you how much I wish this wasn't true. I wish I could love you and we could be happy together," Blaine took my hand in his and looked up at me. I noticed for the first time that he too was holding back tears. "But love cannot be forced, and you deserve better than that; you deserve better than me. I will only keep on hurting you."

"What about everything you said to me this afternoon? You said you'd fight for me…did you mean any of it?" I was almost afraid to ask.

"In a way, yes, I did mean it. Just not the way you think. When I said I would fight for you, I was talking about your happiness and well-being, not our relationship. But I truly was happy when you came back for me, hearing your voice saved me. I just can't be the one to save you." Blaine's voice cracked on the last word.

"It's too late now, no one can save me anymore." My shoulders slouched and I back away from Blaine.

"Yes, they can! I never possessed the ability, Seb, but that doesn't mean someone out there doesn't. You just can't give up." He almost sounded afraid as he took another step toward me.

"You don't understand. There was only one thing, one part of me that still felt right, that still gave me hope. It's gone now." I whispered as the realization struck me. There were no more tears, now I felt nothing but numb.

"No, don't say that. You can't let me destroy your heart. Please." He sounded like he was pleading. I didn't care. Not anymore.

"It's too late for that. I have to go." My brain was telling me to turn around and leave, but for some reason, my body wouldn't comply. I couldn't stop staring at Blaine's wet eyes, and I couldn't stop feeling guilty because I knew it was my fault.

"Go where?" He asked me softly.

"That's a good question." The words were more for myself than for Blaine.

"If you leave now, will I ever see you again?" Blaine was once again standing in front of me and looking up at me with sad wet eyes.

"Like you care." I whispered.

"Don't be like that, please?" He begged.

"I need to go." I repeated for no reason.

"Promise me I will see you again. Promise me, even though I know I don't deserve it."

After staring at his face for an entire minute, I nodded. "I promise."

Blaine gave me a sad smile and watched me as I slowly exited the hospital room. I mechanically made my way down to the reception and out of the building. It took me a few seconds to understand that the water seeping into my clothes came from the rain that was mercilessly pouring down on me. Any other day and this might have bothered me, but right now I couldn't bring myself to care.

I walked and walked and walked, only stopping when I reached some kind of park. At least that's what I assumed it to be, since I could barely see my hand in front of my face. I found the nearest bench and sat down, pulling my knees up to my chin. It was still raining and even though I didn't feel cold, I must have been, since I noticed I was shivering.

I replayed my conversation with Blaine over and over and over again, but each time I would stop on the part where he admitted that he had lied about his promises. The part where he told me that he didn't love me. The only person to ever say those words to me, and they weren't even true. It was as I was trying to wrap my head around this that I felt a sudden painful tug at my heart. At first I thought it was a physical thing, and I couldn't stop myself from wishing that it was a heart attack. Death was sought after right now. But then I realized that it wasn't a tangible thing at all, but instead came from deep inside.

It felt like I had been impaled with a metal spear as the first sob escaped my throat. Next came the tears. And a couple minutes later came the overwhelming desire to draw blood. My blood. But I resisted that urge and wrapped my arms tighter around my knees and buried my head.

For hours I sat there crying and for hours I forced myself to stay put, because if I didn't, I knew I was going to do something awful to myself. Eventually the rain stopped and the sun started to creep up over the horizon. I started hearing bird songs and even saw a squirrel or two clamber around the trees. I didn't give a damn about any of it. When I lifted my head to rub at my still damp eyes, I saw another pair of squirrels not 10 feet away from me. They seemed to be fighting over some kind unidentified nut; the one was trying to rip it out of the other's hands, but the former was determined and refused to let go. Eventually though, the thief won and took hold of the nut, running in the opposite direction to get away from his opposition. I expected the little squirrel to just sit there and admit defeat, but he didn't. Instead he puffed himself up and ran after the rodent bandit.


	45. Chapter 45

_**Chapter 45**_

 **Blaine's POV**

"So, why'd you want to meet me?" I asked Kurt as I took the seat next to him at the small table in the corner of The Lima Bean. He gave me a small smile before taking my hand in his and moving his chair closer to mine. I was both confused and intrigued by his behaviour.

"Well, I wanted you to be the first to know that Adam and I have officially broken up." Kurt announced, not looking nearly as upset as I would have expected.

"Wait, _what_? But why?" I frowned.

"We got into an argument after he claimed that I still had feelings for you and that I was only stringing him along. This wasn't the first time we had that fight, so I told him that if he couldn't accept my friendship with you, then it would just be better to end it now. He agreed and hung up on me." Kurt explained.

"I'm so sorry. I feel like it's my fault…can I be honest with you?"

"You know you can."

"If he was giving you a 'me or him' ultimatum, you should have chosen him, Kurt. You know how much I value our friendship, and I always will, but I really don't want to be the thing that stands in the way of your happiness. It isn't fair. To anyone." I told him.

"Firstly, Blaine, it wasn't your fault that Adam got jealous. And secondly, you're not the thing standing in the way of my happiness, I think you're the cause of it," If I'd been confused before, I was now utterly lost, "See, I thought about it for a bit, and I realised that maybe Adam hadn't been entirely wrong to think that I still had feelings for you. When Sam called and told me what had happened to you, I felt like I couldn't breathe, like my heart had just stopped. Like a part of myself had been taken away from me. I finally understood that I don't ever want to lose you, like _ever_. Only after this did I realise that Adam was indeed right, that I never actually stopped loving you, Blaine."

My mind automatically thought back to all the times I had dreamed of these words coming from Kurt's mouth, and there had been a _lot_ of times. So why was I suddenly torn? Why did I have this urge to tell him that I wasn't interested? Was it because I actually wasn't, or because I was too busy thinking of someone else that I couldn't even trust my own feelings anymore? I thought option two was the most likely.

"Wow, Kurt, I don't really know what to say." I admitted.

"I know it's a lot to take in, especially after everything that's happened, but I just really needed you to know. I know that we hurt each other last time, but that's unavoidable when people care about each other. So I can't promise we won't fight, I can't promise we won't get mad at each other, I can't promise it will be easy, but I can promise that it will be worth it. I forgave you a long time ago, and I hope that you've done the same for me, so I was thinking, _hoping,_ that we could start again, from the beginning." I noticed that Kurt wasn't even the least bit nervous as he said these words, almost like he was certain of my answer…or maybe he just had confidence in himself.

I was touched by Kurt's words, but it didn't do anything to chase away the fears and inhibitions that still resided in my mind. My heart and brain were involved in some kind of internal civil war, but I had no idea on which side each one fought. Which was kind of a problem, since it was usually best to go with the heart when confronted with situations like these…now if I could only figure out what it was that my heart wanted? I realised that I had bowed my head slightly, so I quickly rectified that before Kurt got the wrong idea. It was as I did this that I saw a figure standing far behind the one sitting in front of me. This familiar figure was tall and skinny, with small freckles on his face and thick brown eyebrows. I met Sebastian's gaze for a second, surprised that he actually stayed in town after the things I had said to him. He met mine too, but there was something about the way he was looking at me that caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. Sebastian gave me a cold smile before turning around slowly and leaving the coffee shop.

"What the hell are you looking at?" Kurt frowned and looked behind him.

"Uh, nothing." I told him, doing my best to give him a reassuring smile. Or was I trying to reassure myself?

"Are you just going to leave me hanging for the rest of the night?" He emitted a little nervous laugh.

"I just don't- I don't really know what to say. You know that I still care about you, I always will. It's just a lot to take in and think about, you know? What you just said was amazing, _you're_ amazing, don't get me wrong and we'd probably be really happy together…"

"Then what's bothering you?"

"My mind's a little…muddled at the moment, and I don't know what I'm thinking half the time. And when I do know, it's almost like another part of me disagrees with my brain and crap, I sound like a babbling idiot." I groaned and slapped my palm against my forehead.

"No, don't worry, I get where you're coming from. You've been through a very traumatic experience, and naturally things would be a little confusing right now. I don't take back what I said, but I do want you to know that you should take as much time as you need to think about this. I'll be right here the whole time. Well, maybe not literally _here,_ since I have to get back to New York, but in spirit, no doubt." Kurt gave me a sweet smile.

I returned the smile, feeling at home in his eyes…or was it comfortable? Was there really a difference? Had Sebastian maybe been right after all? Was I really just too much of a coward to step out of my comfort zone even if it was for something, or someone, that meant a lot to me? I couldn't help but feel saddened by this thought. I really liked to believe that the answer to the aforementioned question was a no, because if it wasn't, that would mean I was a bad person. Something that neither Kurt nor Sebastian was.

 ****…****

I felt oddly tired as I walked through the front door and smiled a greeting at my brother who was sitting on the couch. I knew that my mom wouldn't be here tonight, since she had accompanied my father on his drive back to Pennsylvania. Although I found the increasing amount of time the two spent together strange, I certainly wasn't going to question it.

"Where have you been all night?" Cooper lifted his eyes from the script-looking thing he was busy reading.

"Just at The Lima Bean with Kurt. He wants to get back together." I explained with a sigh.

My brother's eyebrows shot up. "What did you say?"

"I agreed to think about it. Honestly I don't know what I want right now."

"Well good luck with that. Anyway, I'm out of here. If I'm going to make this audition, then I'm going to have to get going immediately." Cooper rose from his seat and stretched.

"You're leaving?" My shoulders slouched.

"Yeah, sorry, kiddo. But I'll be back in a couple of days, I swear. And besides, you've got a visitor waiting up in your bedroom." He glanced toward the staircase before grinning at me and departing from the house. I blinked at the spot where my brother had been standing a few seconds ago before turning around and running up to my room.

"Hey, Blaine." Sebastian smirked at me. He was lying on my bed with his arms behind his head.

"Hi." I breathed, since my shock left me temporarily unable to use my voice.

"You seem surprised to see me," He sat up and arched an eyebrow. "Yet, you saw me only a few hours ago. What, did you think what you were seeing was a ghost? That I had died? Or maybe that was wishful thinking."

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as I took a few steps forward.

"Oh you know, hunting elephants and all that shit. What the hell do you think I'm doing here?" He snapped.

"I don't know, that's why I asked you." I pointed out.

"I kind of assumed it was obvious; I came to see you, duh. You do remember that you were the one who begged me to see you one last time before I leave? Well here I am." He shrugged and rose up from the bed, moving a couple of paces forward until he was standing right in front of me, making a point of towering over me.

"I just meant that I didn't want you to do something stupid," I mumbled feebly before adding, "Like my brother who left me here alone with you."

Sebastian smiled at this, but it wasn't a smile I had ever seen him wear before. It was dark, spiteful and malicious. And his eyes carried the exact same emotions. "What's wrong, Killer? You _afraid_ of me? We've been alone plenty of times before, in this very same house at that."

"Not when you've been like this."

"Like what? What am I being like?" He moved even closer to me and forced me to meet his gaze.

"You seem…angry." I whispered.

He laughed, the sound of it made me cringe inside. "Now what possible reason could I have for being angry? It's not like my life is screwed up and I'm a waste-of-space piece of crap…oh wait. It is and I am. Anything else?" Sebastian's eyes narrowed and his nose flared. It wasn't just the anger I saw in his eyes that bothered me, but the darkness too. And worst of all, it was directed at me. I knew that it wasn't undeserved, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

"Please stop." I pleaded, my voice still barely audible.

This comment made everything worse and he began to literally shake. "Stop what exactly? Breathing? Living? Being me? Being here? What the hell do you want from me, Blaine? Because nothing I do ever seems to be enough for you!"

I flinched as he yelled to my face. I closed my eyes and didn't want to open them again; I didn't want to see Sebastian's face contorted with so much fury. "Look at me!" He yelled again, and just like last time, I flinched. I still didn't dare to look at him.

My entire body went rigid when I felt his hands on my shoulders. I tensed up and expected something, anything, to happen. But it didn't. "Open your damn eyes and look at me. Now. Before I do something we'll both regret." He whispered, his face so close to mine that I could feel his breath on my cheeks.

"Do what you want, I don't want to see you like this." I replied, adamant.

"I wouldn't either if I were you. The guilt would be killing me at this point, knowing, of course, that it's my fault. You do know that, don't you? That you're to blame for me being like this?" Sebastian wondered.

"No, I'm not. You just blame me because you're too scared to blame your father." I shot back and finally dared to re-open my eyes.

I saw the change in his features, shifting from anger to defensiveness. He used his hands on my shoulders as leverage to shove me away from him, yelling, "Stop calling me a coward!"

"Then stop being one!" I couldn't help but exclaim back at him.

"I hate you!" Sebastian's hands were balled into fists and he was breathing heavily.

"You don't mean that." I went back to whispering.

"Oh, you have no idea how _much_ I mean it. You're just a pathetic little asshole who's too much of a baby to live his life. You say things you don't mean, you make promises you never intend to keep, you do things to help yourself even at the expense of other people, you make stupid excuses to justify your behaviour, and then the whole cycle starts over again. You use people like it was their sole purpose in life and never apologise, you make up stories and lies to cover your ass, you pretend to care for no other reason than your sick amusement, you mess with people's lives and end up ruining them. You've ruined everything for me, Blaine, and I _hate_ you for it." As Sebastian spoke, he once again closed the distance between us until he was cornering me into a wall.

"I never meant to do any of that, I promise, it just-"

"Your 'promises' mean absolutely nothing to me." He snapped again.

"Then why are you here? What was your intention in coming here? To scare me and yell at me? Because mission accomplished, you can go now." I did everything in my power to stop them, but the tears flooded into my eyes anyway.

"That would be convenient, wouldn't it? I leave now and you never see me again, your life will go back to normal and you could just pretend that none of this ever happened. You could just pretend that _I_ never happened. I'm not going to make it that easy, no way. If I have to suffer, then I'll make sure that you do too." He scowled.

"How could I have made you suffer? All I did was hurt you, but we both know that I'm not the only person who's ever done that, so why put all the blame on me?" I asked, staring into the pools of green that were his eyes.

"Because you were the one person who was supposed to stick around! You were the one person who was supposed to actually love me! You were supposed to be the first person to actually care. But you won't, you don't, and you aren't." Sebastian said sadly as he focused on nothing in particular.

"I never claimed to be perfect, and I'm not. We all make mistakes, but I can't change what I feel." I explained, hoping he would believe the false words.

"This isn't about that, it's about everything that you stole from me. Things that I could now never get back."

"What are you talking about?" I frowned.

"You really don't get it, do you?" Sebastian shook his head as he backed away from me, staring at me in what seemed to be disgust. "Blaine, everything I said in the hospital, every single word of it was true. When I said that you were my salvation, I meant it."

"Then explain it to me. I don't understand how I could have hurt you so badly." I said honestly.

"Of course you don't, you have everything. You've always had everything, but I haven't. Being rich meant absolutely nothing to me, I couldn't give a damn about the fancy toys or the expensive clothes; none of it ever mattered to me. What did matter to me was finding someone who was actually interested in hearing what I had to say, someone who would look at me and see some kind of potential, someone who would actually go to the trouble of really getting to know me. Do you have any idea what it feels like for a boy to grow up wishing for things like that? Things that normal people take for granted." I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he expected an answer.

"No," I admitted quietly, "I don't know."

"Of course you don't, because you had it all. And this isn't me trying to make you feel guilty for it, I would never do that; I'm just trying to make you understand." It was Sebastian's turn to sigh.

"I know." I assured him with a nod. He accepted this as encouragement to continue. Sebastian turned around and went back to sitting on my bed. I decided to keep my distance…at least for now.

"Did you also know that that was how Gregory managed to rape me? Because he was smart enough to get me to trust him first; he used to specifically ignore Elliot and Olivia just so that he could listen to me, he used to point out things that he thought I was good at, he would ask me questions about myself that people didn't usually ask me. Then one weekend my parents took a trip to New York and they asked Greg to house-sit. When I found out, I instantly begged my dad to let me stay in California, where we lived at the time. He actually seemed happy that I would be staying at home. But one thing I do remember is the expression on my mom's face when she heard me ask my father; she went slightly pale and she got this expression on her face which very much resembled fear. I guess she knew Greg better than she wanted to. Anyway, so I stayed home and I was really excited about it too. That is, until the first night Greg and I were alone in the house. My excitement quickly vanished, oddly enough." Sebastian was staring down at the floor.

"What happened?" The words were out before I had the chance to stop them, but as soon as they were, I instantly wished that I could have taken it back. Especially after seeing the way Sebastian looked at me.

"Do you really want to know the details, Blaine? Huh, is that what you want? Which part appeals most to you? Where he did it? _How_ he did it? How much he enjoyed doing it? What, you get some kind of twisted satisfaction from things like that? How much detail are we looking at here?" His eyes were narrowed and he was all but snarling at me.

I stood there staring at him for literally minutes. I could honestly not believe he had just said that. I understood that what I had said had been insensitive, but did he seriously think that I would _enjoy_ hearing about things like that? "Please tell me that you don't actually believe a single word you just said?" I shook my head.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I offend you? Well I sincerely apologise that my childhood upsets you."

"Would you shut up? Are you even listening to a single word you're saying right now?" I asked with a frown.

Sebastian's only response to this was a menacing glare. I heaved another sigh before taking a few steps toward him. "You were busy explaining how I ruined your life, remember?"

"Oh that. Well, for pretty much the remainder of my childhood, I was miserable and depressed in every sense of the word. I lost myself time and time again. There were days where I would cut myself just to make sure that I was still capable of feeling something. And I had the self-confidence of a piece of charcoal and the self-esteem of a slug, so naturally I preferred to stay cooped up in my room by myself. I did this for years. But during this time, something else happened; I started to feel…worthless and un-wanted. Un-needed. Like there was absolutely nothing I could do right, and there was absolutely nothing I could do that would benefit another human being. Then I turned 16 and met Steven. I'm pretty sure he was like the first guy I was ever attracted to, and boy were the feelings mutual…if you get my drift," Sebastian raised his eyebrows suggestively, "Only then did I realise that maybe I was wanted. Maybe I was actually good at something. It made me feel sick on the inside, but at the same time, I couldn't get enough of it." He explained.

Now it was me who felt sick. I was ashamed to admit that I had never given much thought to the method behind hid madness. "How do I fit into all this?"

Sebastian smiled at me, and for the first time that night, it didn't contain malice. It seemed honest. "When I met you for the first time that day at Dalton, something inside of me kept saying 'go for it, you know you need to'. And it was the weirdest thing. It's like I just knew you were meant to become a part of my life, which was slightly confusing, since you kept rejecting all of my advances. So eventually it occurred to me that maybe you weren't meant for _me_ , maybe you were just meant to be around me. Or me around you. But soon enough you just seemed like more trouble than you were worth and so I kinda just gave up. But the universe certainly wasn't going to allow that to happen, were they? No, because the next thing I knew, you had insisted that I stay at your house. You made someone who lost all faith in himself feel like he was actually worth an act of kindness.

Everything was so easy around you, the way you talked to me, the way you _listened_ to me. The way I could make you smile without even really trying, the way you cared about whether or not I ate, the way you told me to sleep in your bedroom instead of the spare room, the way you didn't seem to want something from me, and especially the way you accepted me, just the way I was. Don't you realise what that meant to me? What _you_ meant to me? Blaine, because of you I no longer felt the need to sleep with guys just to make myself feel worth something, I no longer spent long sleepless nights contemplating the repercussions of committing suicide, I no longer felt sick to my stomach when I looked into a mirror, I no longer wasted time and energy reminding myself how much I hated everything about me. You gave me so much hope." Sebastian explained, tears swimming in his eyes as he looked up at me.

"I didn't believe that there existed such a thing as real love; in my mind it just couldn't exist. Or, at least, I didn't want it to. That would mean there was something wrong with me, there would have to be. I remember wondering as a kid why everyone around me seemed to have at least one person who cared about them, really cared about them, but I didn't. So, to me, the logical explanation was that none of it was real, it was all fake. I carried on believing this until I was 17 years old. But then, Blaine, you did the unimaginable, the unforgivable…you made me love you. I didn't realise it at first, it was a foreign concept, but when it eventually made sense to me, I was scared crap-less. I swore to myself that I needed to keep my heart off-limits if I were ever going to survive. Then you came into the picture and you literally changed my whole life. Around you, I could laugh for real, I could smile without being scared, I could tell you things without the fear of losing you, I got you to trust me, I could be completely and utterly honest with you, and in my mind, you did all this because I was actually worth a damn. I truly believed you were my friend because you cared about me half as much as I did about you. I thought that with you by my side, like you promised you would always be, I could do anything. I could become someone and finally escape the clutches of my past. I believed that despite everything I said and everything I did, that there would finally be someone who knew me well enough and cared enough to say 'screw it, I know he didn't mean it'. Someone who would trust me enough to let me be the best me I could be and that that would be enough.

Blaine, I was happy. For literally the first time I could remember, I was actually happy. And it was all because of you; you made me happy. And I was so in love with you that I didn't see anything else, nothing else mattered. Making sure of your happiness was the most important thing to me, and that's why I left. Because I knew how sad it made you that your friends turned their backs on you because of me. And deep inside I knew that you would never love me back." Sebastian brushed at his cheeks, which was now wet because of his tears slowly making their way down his face. It took everything inside of me to not put my arms around and tell him the truth, but I remained where I was standing, ignoring the salty water in my own eyes as I listened to his voice as he continued.

"All this being said, I now get to the point. When you got angry at me for punching Kurt, I realised that something wasn't quite right. What the hell am I talking about? I noticed before that, when it came to my attention that you had never told him about me. You were too ashamed. And I knew this, but I didn't care because I was too damn in love with you. But then in the hospital, I realised that you didn't trust me. Like, at all. This hurt, especially knowing I would literally die for you. But then you made that comment about not meaning any of the promises you made that night in your kitchen, and another part of my reality came crashing down. Lastly, you made it clear that you didn't love me at all. It made me feel like all my hope and happiness had all been one big lie. And that, just like everyone else I love, you had used me for your own selfish gain, as if I was nothing more than a material possession with no real value and no real feelings. Don't you understand that everything that had once been my comfort and solace now just made me want to cry? You had taken the last pure part of myself and used it against me. You made me feel like an absolute fool. But worst of all, you made me loathe myself; a hatred more intense than I have ever felt, and it was directed at me. Do you have any freaking clue how much I wanted, _needed,_ to hurt myself? Oh for goodness sake, don't give me that look as if you care, I didn't actually do it, I just wanted to.

Look, what I'm basically saying is that you need to be careful what you say to people. At first I thought you were some kind of angel, that you were here to save me, to fix me. And you did, both of them. I felt everything that had been absent throughout my life. But then just like that you took it all away from me when I realised that you'd only said all that stuff because you felt sorry for me. And you know better than anyone how much I abhor pity. I don't know what to do anymore, Blaine, I don't know where the hell I'm supposed to go or how to get there. I feel like the cliché naïve teenage girl who fell for the bad boy older guy, even though all the signs were telling her that he was just going to break her heart in the end. I'm so pathetic." Sebastian sniffed as he rubbed some tears out of his eyes.

I moved slowly as I walked forward and went to sit down next to the taller boy. As soon as I was beside him, he lifted up his head and looked at me. The expression on his face broke my heart a million times over. He looked so damn young and innocent and perfect, all I wanted to do was take him in my arms and never let him go, protecting him from the world for the rest of his life. But then I remembered it wasn't the world he needed protection from…it was me. "Seb." I whispered as I raised my hand and gently stroked his cheek.

"Don't look at me like that. Please," He pleaded as he took hold of my hand and leaned into my touch, closing his eyes. "I'm not telling you all this because I wanted you to feel sorry for me, I'm telling you so that you could understand how words, simple words, can hurt someone so badly that they're currently struggling to find a way to tell you how-how bad everything feels right now. When I came here tonight, I was furious, absolutely furious. I wanted to hit you and scream at you, I wanted vengeance. But now look at me, I'm crying yet again and I accomplished nothing more than you taking _pity_ on me, also yet again. I hate this." Sebastian said with a sigh.

"I'm the one you hate, remember?" I moved closer to him and brought his hand that was still holding mine down to my lap and used my free hand to enclose it in my fingers.

"You know as well as I do that I didn't mean that. Hell, I don't even hate my dad. I guess I'm just one of those people who can't love and hate someone at the same time. It would definitely have made my life easier if I were, but I guess my life was never intended to be easy." He shrugged.

"I know that this may not be what you want to hear, but you are the strongest person I know, Sebastian. And if anyone has the potential to go out and create something for themselves, to live the kind of life that normal people like me can only dream about. , it's you. You're an extraordinary person and I happen to know that you are going to do extraordinary things. And you want to know something else? There is no universe, realm or dimension where I could even come close to deserving you. You are better than I will ever be, and that's the truth. So please, _please_ don't waste another tear over me, because I'm not worth it, I'm not worth _you_ and I could never be. Forget about everything I've ever told you, every single thing, and just listen to what I'm telling you right here, right now. You inspire me, you always have; your bravery, your intelligence, your strength, your loyalty and your honesty. You might think that no one loves you, but I can guarantee you that you couldn't be more wrong-"

"Then why can't you? Why won't _you_ love me?" Sebastian asked sadly.

It was on the tip of my tongue, I was just about to say 'I do', but I stopped myself in time. I couldn't afford to confuse him any more than I already had. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he thought that the only reason I had told him that I didn't, was to hurt him. Because that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. "It's not that simple, Seb. But please just listen to me? You are not worthless, you are not useless, you are not a waste of space, and you're not a screw-up…you're just you, and that's perfect. Despite what you may believe now, I do accept you for who you are. I always have. I never wanted to change you, I only wanted to get to know you. And man, has it been a privilege. You have been one of the most amazing friends I've ever had and there isn't a single moment with you that I would want to change or take back. I don't regret any of it-yes, I know that's not what I said to you in the hospital, but ignore everything I said to you that night, I was only saying those things to push you away, I didn't mean it. Before you say anything, please just let me finish.

I know there are a lot of things that people have neglected to tell you growing up, and I can't begin to imagine how much that must have hurt. But I need you to take my word for it, and yes, I do know that doesn't mean much to you, so just try to humour me. To me you're kind of like a rose; it's so beautiful and graceful, but if anyone should try and pick it with their bare hands, they'll only end up getting pricked. And if anyone were to clip it, it would wither and die. The best thing to do is just to leave it be, exactly the way it is. I suppose one could cut off the thorns to make it 'prettier' or whatever, but then it's no longer the way it should be. And that's not right. People might say that you're a rose among the thorns, but I would argue that point and say you're all of the above. Beautiful and sharp.

And like I said earlier, everything about you is remarkable. From the way you smile, to the way you speak; from the way your eyes light up, to the way you persevere; from the way you're not afraid to be completely honest, to the way you always seem to put others before yourself; from the way you can make someone feel so special, to the way you never take anything for granted; from the way you're always willing to help people, to the way you feel guilty for accepting any help yourself; from the way you're so excruciatingly loyal, to the way you're so excruciatingly pure. But the one thing that makes you too damn amazing for words is how much you can love, even when there's never been anyone to really return the favor.

Everything about you inspires me, Sebastian. And you are not a coward, not at all. I am. But you're brave and courageous and fearless, and I know that one of these days the world will give you everything it never did, and you won't even remember my name. All you're going to remember is someone who had faith in you and believed in every bit of your vast potential. And yeah, I know I sound like some badly taught motivational speaker moron, but I mean everything I've said. Tonight, anyway; I mean everything I've said _tonight._ "

Sebastian studied my face in what appeared to be confusion. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm just being honest with you…something I should have been more of. Seb, the things I said in the hospital, I didn't-" But Sebastian's lips on mine prevented me from finishing the sentence. My eyes opened wide and an involuntary sound came from my throat. He pretended not to notice anything and just kept on kissing me, eventually placing a hand behind my neck. I gasped and wove my fingers in his hair, bringing him closer to me.

"Blaine," Sebastian whispered as he removed his lips from mine and started trailing kisses down my jaw, then my ear, and eventually, my neck.

It literally took every ounce of resolve I had inside of me to do what I did next: I pushed him away. I then saw something that unnerved me more than I would have cared to admit…Sebastian was smiling again. And not the friendly kind either. The best word to describe it would have been 'spiteful'.

"Why did you do that?" I asked him abruptly.

"Why do I do anything I do?" He shrugged, "I'm damaged goods, remember?"

"You're a real asshole." I snapped angrily and rose from my seat to get some distance between us. Also so that he wouldn't see the tears of hurt in my eyes.

"Aww, did I hurt your feelings? Because I thought I was 'remarkable' and 'extraordinary', so I couldn't possibly have done that on purpose." Sebastian arched an eyebrow and walked over to me.

I stared up at him in disbelief. This time I didn't bother to hide the pain that would have been evident in my wet eyes. "Is this your way of getting back at me? Does doing this make you feel better? Huh, does it? Because if it does, then by all means, give it your best shot. Get it all off your chest."

For a second, just a brief second, I saw something flash across his face. Guilt. Remorse. Empathy. Then, just like that, it was gone again. "What's wrong? Did you realise that being used for cruel selfish purposes wasn't as much fun as it sounded?"

"I wasn't using you, and you'd know that if you hadn't-you know what? Never mind. I probably deserve it anyway. Say what you want to say and just go." A tear broke free as I realised that Sebastian hadn't been listening to a word that I'd been saying. He'd been too busy plotting revenge to comprehend that I hadn't actually done the thing he was plotting his vengeance for.

Something in his demeanour suddenly shifted and he was angry again. "Why do you keep assuming that I'm going to leave? Because if that's really what you want, then fine, I'll go. Wouldn't wanna inconvenience you or anything."

"I never said that I wanted you to leave, Seb, I just assumed that's what you would do." I told him.

"You never said that you wanted me to stay either."

"You can't make decisions based on me or what I say. You need to decide for yourself what it is you want in life. It is your life after all." I suddenly felt overwhelmingly tired.

"But I told you, Blaine, I told you that I didn't know. That I had no clue where to go from here." He admitted.

"Surely you must have some sort of idea? Haven't you ever thought about your future?" I asked.

"Not until recently…and I certainly didn't think I would be alone," Sebastian heaved a sigh, "This was stupid. I should never have come." He turned around and I could tell he had the intention of leaving. I suddenly panicked.

"Wait!" I grabbed hold of his wrist. His movements were excruciatingly slow as he tilted his head to look at me. "I-what did this mean?" I asked, dreading the thought of him actually leaving.

"What did what mean, Blaine?" Sebastian frowned.

"This tonight, you and me, everything. What did it all mean?"

"I don't think I understand the question." He shrugged.

I paused for a moment, thinking. "20 years in the future, when we think back to this moment, and all the ones preceding it, what will be going through our minds? Will it be regret, sorrow, guilt? Or will we smile and just be grateful that we had the opportunity to get to know each other and make a difference in each other's lives?"

For the first time that night, it seemed like Sebastian was looking at me and actually seeing me. Not masked by anger or hurt, he saw me for exactly the way I was at that moment. "I think I'll feel remorse for being so close, but letting you slip through my fingers at the last second." This answer surprised me.

"Is this it? Is this really the end of us?"

Upon my words he took a step forward until he was right in front of me again. "There never was an 'us'."

"Of course there was. Please don't forget everything we've been through together; the stuff with your father, my parents' divorce, the time when my friends refused to speak to me, that day I found out you were sick, when we had that fight and I told you about Jordan, and when we helped Jeff with his Church stuff…the night I found out about your heart disease." I whispered the last one.

"Trust me, I'll never forget that night."

"Because you think I lied to you?"

"No. Because it was the first night I didn't go to bed wishing that my life had turned out differently. I would never forget the time I got to spend with you." He replied.

"What if someone had told you that I would hurt you like I did? Would you still have kept things the same?" I wondered.

Sebastian studied my eyes for a few seconds before his lips curved into a melancholy smile. "Definitely." He bent forward slightly and kissed the top of my head, resting his forehead against mine.

"You're not just leaving my _house_ , are you?" I asked him as a lump formed at the back of my throat.

"I won't be coming back this time." He admitted.

"I was afraid you'd say that." I shut my eyes tightly and memorised every single part of right now. The way he smelled, the feel of his breath on my cheeks, the warmth of his body so close to mine. I knew I was going to need something to hold on to.

"Then it shouldn't surprise you…I love you, Blaine Anderson. Forever and always." Sebastian murmured.

Without opening my eyes, I used my hands to cup the sides of his face and lower it down to my height. I then pressed my lips against his as a tear made its way down my cheek. The kiss was soft and quick, but it was the most intimate one we'd ever shared. "I love you too, whether you believe me or not." I whispered after he pulled away.

Sebastian stared at me again, once again looking confused. He then turned around abruptly and walked until he had reached my doorway before looking back. "I hope you and Kurt are happy together. Have a nice life." With that, he was gone.

"Bye." I whispered as I sunk to my knees and stared blankly at the floor.

My heart was beating so fast I could hear it and this sudden feeling of regret came over me. I couldn't help but feel that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life.

…

 **A/N: For those who haven't read this before, this is the final chapter of the story. Crappy end, I know. But it paves way for the sequel entitled** _ **Crossroads**_ **which should already be available.**

 **Thank you to each and every reader, past and present, who read right through to the end. You guys are why I love to write.**


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